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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-29-2006, 05:05 PM   #61
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Barney Fife, may he rest in peace, always said, "Nip IT, Just Nip it in the bud."

NIP IT, NIP IT, NIP IT!!!
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-29-2006, 05:06 PM   #62
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

OAP, lest you feel all alone out there in your generosity, family guilt, and what-have-you, when my parents' stocks tanked in 2000-2001...partly due to investing in MY startup <eek! thank goodness it wasn't at my suggestion>, I made up for thier loss so they wouldn't have to liquidate stocks that were down (gave them 6 months of expenses). But at least they were bleeding money due to the market, not due to overspending. And yeah--we were at our peak earning years in Sillygone Valley when I did it.
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-29-2006, 05:22 PM   #63
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

As I look over our comments all agree that giving Sis money won't help her long term, giving her money will only postpone the enviable.* I still think you should tell your Mom that if Sis has a need she should call you, but you need a script for what you will tell your sister and that script should only be an offer to help her attain knowledge about how SHE can get her financial life in order.* As has been said by others, you don't cure hunger by giving a person a fish, you cure hunger by teaching them how to catch their own.

Mom is problem because she has played the role of hero, maybe even facilitated dependency, but is no longer able to carry that role.* *I would tell Mom that I will help my sister in my own way - that I love you both and I want to leave a legacy of self sufficiency.
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-29-2006, 05:25 PM   #64
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Tell them when you got off the plane in SF, you met some nice people selling books. After hearing about their terrific religion you moved in to their compound and gave up all of your worldly goods to them.

Your name is now "Shaaaaa".

Let us now meditate.
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-29-2006, 08:06 PM   #65
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Quote:
Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner
astromeria and others who have called me nice or generous, I did not feel generous at all. I gave only because I was asked and had the money. It was during my working career and I was making good money and saving a bit.
Take the compliment OAP. If I was asked, I probably wouldn't give a 10th of what you have already given. I have denied myself a lot of simple luxuries to build a nest egg and I am not about to give it away so easily to improve someone's quality of life due to their lack of responsibility or lack of desire to live on a lot less.
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 12:22 AM   #66
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

I think you need to own up to your responsibilities and help your family.

I guess I don't really believe your story. That is your side of things.

b.
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 03:09 AM   #67
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

So much great advice and creative ways to remove the leeches.. I can't add anything there.* Salt?

Here's what I'd do: one thing is, try to separate the past from the present. Your family screwed up big time, and will probably screw up again, but you are rightly concerned about the future, esp. that of your mom. You have a big stash, and you feel bad that the past "help" hasn't (helped).

There were some great ideas about counseling (credit or otherwise). You might take a look at your current situation and say, I can still live well without x amount.. Put that x amount into a trust for your mom. Explain that she will get y amount per month from it, and no more, since you are retired and the days of the endless gravy train are over. Provide for a money manager to give her counseling as needed, but in no way allow her to get more than a small stipend every month. Think of it like a parole officer that she has to check in with.* Then wash your hands of the matter. Refer all questions and requests to the MM. Give them his phone #, not yours. They won't starve, nor will they be able to continue to live high off the hog.

Instead of going crisis to crisis, you can shut off a lot of the "guilt" vibes by having bought them off with a decent sum that you have defined.. like a divorce settlement from your family. Put any one of the basic financial self-help books in their hands as a going-away present. "These ideas helped me be able to take care of myself and have something left over to give you. Now I have nothing else I can offer other than this advice and all my best wishes for your future. I've done my part; now it's time for you to do yours. Love and goodbye, OAP."

Best of luck!
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 03:32 AM   #68
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Quote:
Instead of going crisis to crisis, you can shut off a lot of the "guilt" vibes by having bought them off with a decent sum that you have defined.. like a divorce settlement from your family.
You've got to be kidding!* Give anyone who can't manage money a major windfall like this and you've just raised the bar for their expectations.* After their much needed trip to Europe and that new car they deserve, they'll be back in 6 months again.* This time it will be with the last amount given as their "expectation."* The only way deadbeat relatives will be happy is if you are as broke as they are.

I agree with whoever suggested you call your mom up and tell her you've had some* "problems" and ask if she can help you with some money.* I suggest you ask for the same amount you helped your sister out last time.* I doubt you'll get anything but; if your mother did find some cash, you've broken even on the last disaster.
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 03:41 AM   #69
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

OAP,

Will she loan you money if/when you need it? OAP has to take care of OAP.

Personally, I would say no.

If I did agree to help out, I would pay the bank/debtor directly. At least that way you know where the money actually went.

Lance

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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 05:03 AM   #70
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Whether you were grumpy or not, you still did it, they didn't apprecate it end of story. Time to take care of OAP and enjoy what you've worked so hard for.

And yes I'm up early too, actually already at work
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 05:27 AM   #71
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

You'll find nakie babes all over one of these too

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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 07:26 AM   #72
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

You'll find naked babes in one of these suckers too:

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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 07:35 AM   #73
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

I would be very disappointed if it didn't OAP!
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 07:43 AM   #74
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Quote:
Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner
justin,
my threads always seem to veer (no, careen) off topic but this one takes the cake.
Yeah, that tends to be what happens.

But I think you have a number of good pieces of advice in this thread to consider.

Let me know if you want Justin's Financial Collection Agency, Inc. to call your sisters and mother inquiring about your whereabouts and your ability to pay the $850,000 you owe to Dewey Cheatham Options Brokerage, Inc. I may even be willing to put on a suit and make a house call to them
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 07:50 AM   #75
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

OAP

The general consensus here is to NOT give cash directly to your Mom (she gives it away) or any other family member.

You've tried to help your Mom before, and she has given the money to your sister...or another family member. Which implies that Mom doesn't really need it. Or is less concerned with her welfare than she is with other family members.

Hope you can figure how to help by paying the bills directly (not sister, only Mom).
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 08:01 AM   #76
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Quote:
Originally Posted by OldAgePensioner
justin,
my threads always seem to veer (no, careen) off topic but this one takes the cake.*
OAP, I sometimes look at the tail end of threads I have lost interest in/never had interest in to see where it has gone. It is amazing to see what pops up 3 or 4 pages into a thread.
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 12:38 PM   #77
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Dear OAP,

I have been following this and have hesitated to add my 2 cents, but I read this Dear Abby column today ( http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/ ) and thought it might hit home.

I think you are a very good person and a very good son who cares a lot about his Mom. However, rewarding bad behavior will only result in its being repeated. I wish you strength in dealing with this difficult and painful situation. Keep tight with your "good" brother and that's about all you can do sometimes.

Hoping it all works out -

Jane
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-30-2006, 06:46 PM   #78
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Re: Mod Please Move to OTher ? Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane_Doe
Dear OAP,

I have been following this and have hesitated to add my 2 cents, but I read this Dear Abby column today ( http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/ ) and thought it might hit home.*

Jane
Good link Jane. I would never put myself forward as a poster boy for contentment or achievement, but compared to my 3 sibs I'm "Da Champ." What was the difference? I got the hell out of Dodge, and stayed out. After my first son was born I welcomed them back into my life, but on my terms.

Sometimes it's the rejects that do better than the favorites. It smarts a little when some sibs call me "Mean Mikey", but I'll survive.

Ha
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Re: Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-31-2006, 04:31 AM   #79
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Re: Major Vulture Attack in Progress

Here's an idea!!!* Tell your sister you have solved all of her problems.* Offer to purchase the home and take over payments.*

-Then rent it to your sister adding on a small amount of rent for all the money she owes you and have her sign a lease agreement offering her a buy back after a certain amount of time say 2 years if she honors the contract.

-When she doesn't keep up the payments you can write it off as a loss.

-Then, after she continues to not make her payments you can tell her she's in breach of contract.* 8)

-start eviction proceedings.

-evict her!!!

-Sell the house and move away!!!

This takes care of all of your "family issues", gets your sister out of a house she can't afford,* gets you payback for all the money taken from you in the past, and allows you to make enough profit to move away from this abusive situation and live off the proceeds.*

Hey, "whats good for the goose..."!!!!* *

I bet I know what you're going to call me already!!!
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Re: Major Vulture Attack in Progress
Old 03-31-2006, 05:36 AM   #80
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Re: Major Vulture Attack in Progress

OldAgePensioner, I see the answer in your post ... sorry that sis is in this situation again. Glad to help her change her situation, and transition to something she can sustain ... but not willing to just send money. Help her with some financial planning, help her with selling her house ... but cash won't fix the problem.

Probably too logical. Best of luck ... our family was a challenge as well, and I think families like that are more common than what we saw on "Leave It to Beaver".
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