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Old 04-22-2016, 08:07 AM   #21
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“If you want to guarantee yourself a lifetime of misery, be sure to marry someone with the intent of changing their behavior.”

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The problem is women think he will change, he won't. And men make the mistake of thinking she will never change, she will.

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Old 04-22-2016, 09:09 AM   #22
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Long-term separations between couples are common. Think of military couples - especially joint service members.
Think of consultants who travel the globe for months at a time.

We don't have a military draft and no one is forced to be an international consultant, so those are really the same choice, it's just that people are more comfortable with the rationale when w*rk is involved.
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Old 04-22-2016, 10:05 AM   #23
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And for some of us who has parents with long travel and decided that's not the lifestyle we want for our marriage. My husband and I rarely spent a week apart even for work traveling. And that's only 4 times a year.


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Old 04-22-2016, 10:10 AM   #24
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We have been married almost 25 years (met in college) and spend all of our time together. We are going to be living in a small space (RV) and eventually when we buy a big sailboat to go blue water it will be even smaller (or at least you won't be able to run very far without getting very wet).

My theory is there are perfect matches out there but there are a lot of fairly good matches also which muddy the water. I got lucky.
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Old 04-22-2016, 10:40 AM   #25
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Before we had kids, we lived apart for 9 months due to my work and her finishing college. It was the most miserable time for both of us in our 30 years of marriage. I flew back home every two weeks for a weekend. The time apart was still miserable. From a financial standpoint, it worked very well and really started us down a path of financial independence. Just wish she were still here to enjoy the rewards.
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Old 04-26-2016, 01:29 PM   #26
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Old 04-26-2016, 01:59 PM   #27
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Any arrangement can work if both parties are in favour of it.

I consider myself one of life's luckiest. Excellent heath, great parents (deceased) and great spouse of 40 plus years. Maybe it is because we were opposites in all things. She married outside her faith, opposite views on most social and political issues. Not as much now but we do appreciate the differences and foster rather than stifle them. Most of her naysayer relatives have gone through divorce. They probably wonder why we flourish. So do I sometimes.
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Old 04-26-2016, 02:07 PM   #28
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Opposites work for my marriage too. My family and his were banking on a starter marriage. You never know in life.


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Old 04-26-2016, 02:14 PM   #29
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I do not want to be a manager, sounds like work. Much rather just goof around and have fun together.
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Old 04-26-2016, 05:54 PM   #30
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DW's sister and her hub have essentially lived apart for 5-7 years; he works in San Fran metro (and has had extensive pacific travel at times), while she continued to live in midwestern city until kids finished HS (which recently happened, but she still is there). They videochat most nights and see each other at least every other weekend. Relationship seems strong--subject to the caveat that no outsider ever truly knows!

We were apart a lot in our first 8 years, until I took long hiatus from full-time practice. Particularly for first four years after school, we really saw little of each other between her residency and my weeks long business travel. Worked well for us; kept us in the honeymoon phase for years!

Now, however, we greatly prefer having dinner together every night, even if it is just something quick in the hour before going to bed.
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Old 04-26-2016, 07:43 PM   #31
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I worked long hours and travelled a fair amount. DW managed the home front. Worked for us.

Now we travel together.
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Old 04-27-2016, 10:51 PM   #32
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So if I haven't seen my girlfriends for 15 years, are we still dating ?
DW is pretty interested in knowing now..
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Old 04-28-2016, 02:36 PM   #33
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I had a friend whose parents used to both go to Palm Springs during the winter but after many years the wife no longer wanted to go. So the husband went alone and it worked fine for them. Fortunately my DH and I want the same things in retirement. I can relate staying in a marriage when you know it is over though. I stayed 22 years in one and did not leave until our youngest graduated HS. As adults my kids appreciated it.
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