Marriage

[Chuckanut]

Ben Franklin has a few thoughts on this matter:

“frugality is an enriching virtue,” ..... “a virtue I could never acquire in myself.” ......... “I was lucky enough to find it in a wife, who thereby became a fortune to me.”

 

[JustCurious]

There are two schools of thought on marriage from a financial perspective.

One school of thought says that from a financial perspective marriage is too risky, that the benefits of marriage are simply not worth the risk that you may lose half your savings in a messy divorce, so it's better to stay single, or co-habitate.

The other school of thought acknowledges the financial risks of marriage, but thinks that the benefits of marriage outweigh the financial risks, and the financial risks can be mitigated by carefully selecting a partner who shares your financial outlook and goals, and by using a prenup.

There is nothing wrong with either view... we are all entitled to our opinions, and to live our lives the way we think is best. I happen to agree with the second school of thought, and I am reminded of the words to the Whitney Houston song "Run to you"....


Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me

Oh what's the sense
Of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?

WHITNEY HOUSTON - RUN TO YOU LYRICS.

 

[haha]

Oh what's the sense
Of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?

It is certainly a narrow view that only a wife or husband can be someone to share with.

Ha

 

[bmcgonig]

My wife and I are 59, married 40 years. She was pretty "traditional" and didn't have a full "career", but rather (from HER perspective) worked "to help out" or to buy "extras". She was absolutely the frugal one when we started. As I grew to appreciate the LBYM lifestyle and became more frugal myself, we have done well. Not necessarily done WITHOUT, just different. Low impact living. When we started out, ANY expenditure (groceries included) above about $5 needed to be cleared with the other. That is how poor we were. I worked full time at odd jobs putting myself thru college (CPA, MBA). We simply continued that "respect" for one another. Now we feel that cash is getting low if the checking dips below several thousand dollars. She wanted a BMW Z-4. I was MORE THEN WILLING to go brand spanking new. She found one coming off lease, 3 yrs old, 16,000 miles (IIRC) for half price. That is the kind of gal she is. She DOES take an inordinate amount of time to dress, from my perspective. And seems to care more about her shoes than I can ever understand, but hey... without HER, I would be nowhere near where I am today. And I tell her so.

I love that...big smile

 

[bmcgonig]

Allow me to rant and be politically incorrect for a minute. Im 31 and never been married, never even been close. I just dont think its going to happen for me, and the reason for that is my risk-adverse nature.

Fortunately...or unfortunately...nah Im going to go with fortunately... I decided that money and wealth creation was a goal of mine from a relatively early age. (And it really is amazing how few of us there really are) Money was my first love. Its always been there for me, it follows a specific set of rules, and I understand it. Women on the other hand.... yeah.

Those of you who are happily married (or who have a SO who contributes proportionally, and is on board) are lucky. Those of you who were fortunate enough to find a life partner back when you were broke should be extremely thankful. I had my opportunities in high school and college, but I missed them. Kick myself everyday reading ex-girlfriends facebook posts about how enjoyable their married life is today. Cant change the past, but it really is one of my biggest regrets, and now Im jaded as heck.

Now I have a quarter million dollar net worth (which required some serious LBYM) and live in one of the poorest parts of the country. Finding someone with even a fraction of a mindset for personal finance is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Even if I do find her, she will likely have suitors from every angle, as men (even men in relationships) have a tendency to try to "upgrade" if you will. I hate that. But it is what it is. There is way too much competition from people who shouldnt even be involved.

That being said, for whatever reason I still look at marriage as a business partnership. It would be extremely gut-wrenching for me to marry a woman with a net-worth that is half of mine no matter how much I love her. (and of course I say this having never been in love) Not to mention a waitress with no earnings potential, with kids and student loans who still wont give me a chance to take her out on a date because shes playing the "Im pretty" card and waiting for a more handsome man to come sweep her off her feet.

Whatever.

Call me bitter if you want and I wont argue. But young single folks who havent found their love after accumulating a nice pile of assets, are putting themselves into quite a predicament when they eventually do find someone (who doesnt post on the ER boards) who wants marriage, kids, a white picket fence, and half of your assets if you are one of the unlucky 50%.

Its quite a conundrum. Love or money. Ive always chosen money, but Ive never been in love.

I dont know what I would do if I lost half of my assets in a divorce to a woman who decided she didnt love me anymore or whatever. But the fact that its a possibility makes me promise that its not going to happen to me.

Blessing or curse?

I havent decided.

I think the very important quote from the above is |

Its quite a conundrum. Love or money. Ive always chosen money, but Ive never been in love.

If it does happen to you, and I hope it does, you will not recognize yourself, in my very humble opinion. The rational mind is no match for a mind in love

 

[imoldernu]

Married 55 years. General observation - Marriage is a good deal.

Four Children @ $389,670 each birth to age 18 = $1,558,680.00 ... and that doesn't include college. Good deal?... Maybe not so much.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cost_of_raising_a_child

... and thus the signature

 

[Original Wally]

In a nutshell, the marriage penalty is like almost every other program the government has. It is based on the ability to pay.

CJ - It actually was to PROMOTE marriage (the assumption, of course, back in the day was that the wife did not work outside the home). It was designed to reduce the tax burden for a man who assumed the duty of providing for a wife and family. (If there were two men, one married the other single, same income, the married guy paid less)

Of course, society has changed and now it is producing unintended results.

 

[ER Eddie]

Allow me to rant and be politically incorrect for a minute. ...

Now that I've accumulated a pile of money and am looking towards at ER, I'm pretty wary of marriage. Unfortunately, a pre-nup would be necessary.

However, having a close, intimate relationship with another person does not mean you have to be married to them. For some people, the closeness comes easier without marriage (I think I'm one of those people). Our culture holds up marriage as an ideal, but that doesn't mean you have to go along with the program. Personally I like the idea of a girlfriend who lives in a separate house much better than a live-in wife.

 

[W2R]

Now that I've accumulated a pile of money and am looking towards at ER, I'm pretty wary of marriage. Unfortunately, a pre-nup would be necessary.

However, having a close, intimate relationship with another person does not mean you have to be married to them. For some people, the closeness comes easier without marriage (I think I'm one of those people). Our culture holds up marriage as an ideal, but that doesn't mean you have to go along with the program. Personally I like the idea of a girlfriend who lives in a separate house much better than a live-in wife.

Frank and I have that sort of arrangement. It is not for everybody, but for us it has been working beautifully for the past 13+ years.

 

[CoolChange]

....
Personally I like the idea of a girlfriend who lives in a separate house much better than a live-in wife.

I am also of this mind.

Some would say this is doubling of expenses; but, in my current situation, that would definitely not be the case. My place could easily be a very small apartment, rarely run A/C, no cable TV, simpler foods, etc. I have lived like this and really enjoyed the experience. For me, few things beat having my own place.