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Old 12-23-2012, 12:03 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by Khan View Post
Marriage of Convenience?
Have you ever considered such?
To allow someone to care for you?
To allow money to pass on easily?
While I've always appreciated these thoughtful and tactful queries-- no matter how many times I get them, my spouse has always objected to them.

But seriously, consider the issue of caregiver burnout. If a hired helper burns out then you can hire another one. Not so simple when you're married to the caregiver... who would probably recommend that you hire a helper. And if you're looking for 24/7 response then you might be able to work out living quarters for the caregiver as part of the fees.

Another option for in-home care is the tech offered by companies like Ho'okele Health Innovations. (iHealthHome - Home) It's designed to let you live as independently as you can while making it easier for caregivers to visit as you desire and to keep up the records with minimal inconvenience (doctor's office visits) to you.

I think that anyone who truly cares for you would prefer that you spend all of your money on yourself instead of trying to simplify the probate process.


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Old 12-23-2012, 05:08 PM   #62
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As I have mentioned: the sort of sort of stage.
Not something I shall decide early or easily.

"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
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Old 12-23-2012, 06:04 PM   #63
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DH and I married 1 month from the day we met. He was in the military and he received an increase in payment if he was married and we needed the money. We have been married 40 yrs. I would never want to go through that first year again. We were trying to get to know each other and did not care all that much for the other. We were both stubborn and too poor to get a divorce. I was 19 yrs old and in good health and he was 20 and also in good health. I can't imagine having to go through that first year again at my age, 59 now, and especially if I was in declining health. My focus would be on my health and how I could possibly improve it. It would also be on enjoying the rest of my life as stress-free as I could possibly make it.

I have to say that I am definitely with the nays here. Live together or figure out something else, but I would not marry. Good luck.
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Old 12-24-2012, 02:14 PM   #64
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Dad's second wife kicked him to the curb the second she found out he had lung cancer. This left him essentially homeless and it was a terrible situation, especially since she had the health insurance through her federal employer. This was the woman who "loved his kids, loved his grandchildren" and couldn't do enough for him and his family until she realized he was sick.

So, in addition to battling a terminal illness, he had to do so while being unbelievably depressed that she would do this him when he needed her most.

One more story and then I'll stop - my great-uncle and his wife had no children. He died, and she was afraid to stay by herself. She signed her home over to a couple she'd known forever, if they would stay there and take care of her until she died. First chance they got (after mistreating her we suspected), they threw her in a Medicaid nursing home and lived happily ever after in her home.

Run as fast as you can from this situation and don't look back in case he is gaining on you would be my advice. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
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Old 12-24-2012, 06:47 PM   #65
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As I said: sort of sort of considering.
"Knowin' no one nowhere's gonna miss us when we're gone..."
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Old 12-24-2012, 08:37 PM   #66
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I have no opinion. You know your needs, your mind, and your heart. I trust you will follow them to the best of your ability.

All I do is wish you well.
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Old 12-30-2012, 06:28 PM   #67
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I vaguely remember someone writing in this thread that he has been married, but his relationship ended (spouse died?). And now he prefers to stay single, because it's so much easier than having your life heavily influenced by someone else's wants and desires.

Does anyone remember this? Today someone asked me why I don't want a relationship anymore. I can't find this comment anymore. And that's a pity, because this forum user said it much better than I could ever have said if myself. I should have saved this comment. If somebody has, please PM it to me. I feel I'm going to need it to often!
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Old 12-30-2012, 08:24 PM   #68
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If, heaven forbid, DW dies, I will be a single man the rest of my life. It has little to do with not liking marriage, but much to do with thinking that I would have had the experience of a long marriage and it would be unneccesary to do that again to prove some kind of point or whatnot.......
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Old 02-12-2013, 08:14 PM   #69
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Be careful with common law relationships too!

B.C. widow, 86, ordered to pay 'trophy husband' $157K in support | CTV News
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Old 02-12-2013, 08:35 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by Meadbh View Post
Considering her considerable wealth, and the age difference, she got away very lightly.I think the only safe thing is to treat a lover like Cinderella (or her male equivalent!) and be sure she is in her coach before midnight.


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