The 'help somehow if college isn't the right choice" part is something that we haven't had to face thus far with DS, who decided not to go to college (compared to DD, who did and for whom we paid the cost).
I'm torn as to whether we should be more lenient in helping DS once he gets out on his own (he lives at home now but hopefully will soon be leaving the nest). I suspect that we will help out but it will be in little, more subtle ways. DS has never play the card "DD went to college and I didn't so I am due something" and I don't think he would, but I sometimes wonder what my response would be. I just don't want to step out onto a slippery slope of continually trying to keep things "even" for our adult children.
In my mind, any evenness is that they both had an opportunity for an parent paid college education and if one decided not to take advantage of the opportunity, they are not due anything other than the opportunity should they later decide to take advantage of it.
Curious as to whether others have faced this and how you have handled it but I am cognizant that the question might hijack the thread.