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Old 08-18-2009, 09:25 PM   #41
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Interesting thread. Normally we are piling on folks who we think spend too much and aren't smart, cool LBYMer's like us! Now we're piling on people who pile on us for spending too much?
It just like how we think of the speed at which others drive. Anyone who spends less then me is a tightwad. And those that spend more than me are throwing away their money foolishly.
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Old 08-18-2009, 09:32 PM   #42
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Maybe people should pile on the people who think other people are piling on..
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Old 08-28-2009, 03:32 PM   #43
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I've noticed it a little. I am really frugal in some areas - I color my own hair & go to Supercuts for a basic $16 haircut, instead of blowing $80 or so for a cut & color at a salon, I don't spend much on clothes (buy 'em at Target usually), no manicures, no McMansion.

I think since I'm frugal in the areas that most people spend on (fancy clothes, manicures, spa days, car, big house, etc) people assume I don't make as much as I do...so when I do talk about taking a trip or something, they think I'm spending extravagantly for my means, when really they've underestimated my means because of the areas I choose to be frugal in are the areas that people usually use to judge someone's means, if that makes any sense...

At any rate, I usually just ignore any disapproving looks. I'm confident in my savings and spending plans, so I don't need anyone's approval anyway.
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Old 08-28-2009, 07:52 PM   #44
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At any rate, I usually just ignore any disapproving looks. I'm confident in my savings and spending plans, so I don't need anyone's approval anyway.
That's the spirit--that's what puts the "I" in "FI." The freedom to go "PFFTTTT" at those who would impose their values and insecurities on you.
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Old 08-28-2009, 08:05 PM   #45
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have any of you encountered in increase in the in-your-face tongue-lashings of the LBYMers or the "nouveau cheap" for spending money you can clearly afford to spend if it enhances your life?
As long as my spending patterns aren't being subsidized by others (like creditors via bankruptcy, or taxpayers via social assistance) I think the proper response to anyone's "in-your-face tongue-lashing" is [moderator edit].
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Old 08-29-2009, 12:59 AM   #46
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I don't care what people spend, as long as they don't also whine about lack of money.

Oh goodness, this exactly describes a roommate I had in college. She was easily the dumbest person I've ever lived with (and that 's not her fault, we're not all born with equal gifts), but every day she'd smoke a joint, get high, then eat a 1/2 gallon of ice cream by herself. Then she'd start complaining about how broke she was, and how fat.

I held my tongue every day, but really just wanted to reach out and shake her and say "Listen, dimwit, if you didn't smoke a joint a day and then eat a 1/2 gallon of ice cream, you'd have more money and you wouldn't be fat!"

Ziggy, I agree that criticizing the expenditures of others is poor form. But to protect yourself from this sort of situation, maybe just stop sharing? If someone really wants to know, and their relationship with you is good and their intentions clear, maybe only then?
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Old 08-29-2009, 05:37 PM   #47
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I bought a Lexmark wireless inkjet color printer last month .It faxes ,copies and scans all for under $100 and I absolutely love it . It is much better than my last HP Multipurpose which I paid a lot more for . Of course with the savings I went to JJill and bought pants and two tops . I was frugal because I passed on a dress that I would have bought if they had my size in the deep blue .
Hello!! Glad there's another woman on the same wave length!
I'm frugal because I bought the JJill top ON SALE and I got a new inkjet printer from my dad, who is deceased!! ok. poor taste.

But seriously these intrusive busy bodies who ask questions about my finances can take a hike, hopefully off a cliff with rocky bottom and a hungry mountain lion waiting.
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Old 08-29-2009, 07:13 PM   #48
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But seriously these intrusive busy bodies who ask questions about my finances can take a hike, hopefully off a cliff with rocky bottom and a hungry mountain lion waiting.
Are these friends of yours? And if so, why? The reason why I am asking is that it sounds like they have been really awful to you.

What happens if you just smile and say something like, "I'd rather not talk about my finances or my choices in spending my money, and isn't this beautiful weather we are having today? And what do you think of that health care reform bill, anyway?" (or something like that, to steer the conversation).
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Old 08-30-2009, 03:00 PM   #49
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Are these friends of yours? And if so, why? The reason why I am asking is that it sounds like they have been really awful to you.

What happens if you just smile and say something like, "I'd rather not talk about my finances or my choices in spending my money, and isn't this beautiful weather we are having today? And what do you think of that health care reform bill, anyway?" (or something like that, to steer the conversation).
Not friends! LOL! Acquaintances. One asked how I could have refinanced my home when I didn't have a job. Well, I do have a part time job. But when I explained that I qualified for the refinance based upon my investments, I received a sour expression in return. When I have said I'm semi-retired, one person said "What did YOU retire from?" Implying that because I was a full time homemaker/mother with a part time career, that the term "retirement" was not legitimate for me. I could go on.

The main problem that I've encountered is that one of my "social" groups is also a group of professional women in a certain field. Since I work part-time in that field (like many others in the group) I'm viewed as not as professional and especially because I'm not struggling financially, like some of them, I'm subject to some hostility.

Anyway, I said "Adios" to that group a short while back.
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Old 08-30-2009, 03:19 PM   #50
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Oldbabe, how rude those people were to you! I am glad you said "Adios!" to them a short while back, as you said. Their loss, your gain. I think you dealt with them in the best way possible because it sounds like most of them have a big chip on their shoulders.
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Old 08-30-2009, 03:22 PM   #51
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The main problem that I've encountered is that one of my "social" groups is also a group of professional women in a certain field. Since I work part-time in that field (like many others in the group) I'm viewed as not as professional and especially because I'm not struggling financially, like some of them, I'm subject to some hostility.
Translation: "We're jealous that you are not drowning in a pool of debt so deep that you can afford to cut back on how much w*rk you're forced to do."

But "not as professional" sounds less petty (but more snobbish)...
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Old 08-30-2009, 03:24 PM   #52
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Ziggy, I agree that criticizing the expenditures of others is poor form. But to protect yourself from this sort of situation, maybe just stop sharing? If someone really wants to know, and their relationship with you is good and their intentions clear, maybe only then?
Normally it doesn't come up, but in the context of a discussion there was talk about where the money went for certain things, and I just thought it funny that despite mentioning that we were maxing out my 401K and two Roths, and that we had no debt, someone thought it was terrible money management to spend $200 a month or less on something that enhances our life.
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"Hey, for every ten dollars, that's another hour that I have to be in the work place. That's an hour of my life. And my life is a very finite thing. I have only 'x' number of hours left before I'm dead. So how do I want to use these hours of my life? Do I want to use them just spending it on more crap and more stuff, or do I want to start getting a handle on it and using my life more intelligently?" -- Joe Dominguez (1938 - 1997)

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Old 08-30-2009, 03:39 PM   #53
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Normally it doesn't come up, but in the context of a discussion there was talk about where the money went for certain things, and I just thought it funny that despite mentioning that we were maxing out my 401K and two Roths, and that we had no debt, someone thought it was terrible money management to spend $200 a month or less on something that enhances our life.

There are always going to be people who think the are the saints of the LBYM mentality and it is best to just ignore it . As long as you are doing okay financially what does it matter what you chose to spend your money on ? If it enhances your life I say go for it .
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Old 08-30-2009, 03:51 PM   #54
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There are always going to be people who think the are the saints of the LBYM mentality and it is best to just ignore it . As long as you are doing okay financially what does it matter what you chose to spend your money on ? If it enhances your life I say go for it .

Well said, Moe.
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Old 08-30-2009, 04:07 PM   #55
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Well, I might as well admit it...I am not a frugal person :gasp: and furthermore I don't care who approves or disapproves.
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Old 08-30-2009, 07:43 PM   #56
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Reading through these posts made a lightbulb go off in my head.
When I was widowed, I had to make a high visibility transaction (sold a used 34' sailboat and paid off the loan) and used the proceeds to buy a smaller 18' powerboat for myself. A good business and financial decision.
I also bought my midlife crisis car using my own savings within the same year.
I can just imagine what people were busy wagging their tongues about...

Oh well...to quote my Mom...until they are paying my bills, they can't tell me how to live.
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Old 08-30-2009, 08:38 PM   #57
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Interesting thread. We try to spend as little as possible for unnecessary "wants", however one needs to enjoy life without being wasteful. To each their own. I also tend to agree with Khan. Just don't whine about lack of money.
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Old 09-01-2009, 09:39 AM   #58
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This is pretty funny. I've avoided having any judgement aimed my way, but I've definitely noticed the increase in born-agains. The conversation starts and they're exalting the benefits of no car payment because they just downgraded to something older. Then it's on to the wonders of the new allowance policy they've instituted. Then they talk about what a difference having a budget has made and how putting away savings has really improved their confidence. Then they lean in piously and say "Have you accepted Frugality into your life?"

That's where I start laughing and say "Welcome to the conversation, smart guy!"

Don't worry, once the news stops talking about it, so will the proselytizers.
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Old 09-01-2009, 12:01 PM   #59
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The main problem that I've encountered is that one of my "social" groups is also a group of professional women in a certain field. Since I work part-time in that field (like many others in the group) I'm viewed as not as professional and especially because I'm not struggling financially, like some of them, I'm subject to some hostility.
This may not apply to your situation, but sometimes the mistrust of part-timers comes from a very real fear that they can undercut fees, since they have other income sources, often and most prominantly a good earning spouse. They may have many motivations other than getting a good secure living from their work. Such as feeling useful, getting out of the house, paying for family vacations, creating prestige among friends, creating a bargaining chip with the spouse, topping up the portfolio, etc.

Ha
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Old 09-01-2009, 05:40 PM   #60
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TThen they lean in piously and say "Have you accepted Frugality into your life?"
The easiest response to "have you found someone-not-to-be-named-here Frugality yet" is: "Hell, I didn't know the bugger was lost".
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