Need to learn to keep my mouth shut?

[Brat]

You will be moving to a different culture, most of your peers have no frame of reference. Yes, many (most?) NY financial professionals make lots of $ (some much more than justifiable) but they also work in an environment where they can trust no one. Odds are your new workplace will be much more collegial and the salary structure significantly lower. Your new colleagues will be curious about your experiences, to fit in you probably need to frame your financial decisions with some ambiguity.

Comments like "Not selling the house in NJ before buying one here was a stretch financially but my wife and I felt it was important get the family settled as soon as possible." "With small children new cars make no sense, we want wheels where we don't obsess over muddy shoes." Frame what are actually LBYM decisions as choices made to accommodate kids and you have a winning position.

[MichaelB]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah in SC My boss sometimes asks, wistfully and rhetorically, when he'll get to put "the sticker" on his car, like the one I got from Dave Ramsey when I paid off our house. He's proud of our progress toward financial goals and happy to have played a goodly part in them. He is one of the rare people with whom I can share milestones and good financial reports from our personal life.

One thing about having objectives such as financial independence: when you reach them, you soon learn who your friends are. They are the ones that are happy for your achievement. The others are envious and even somewhat bitter.

[donheff]

I think most people are OK with talking about the rates they got on mortgages or car loans or even talking about paying cash when you can afford it. I suspect your sister may have been misled by your 10 YO car and other miserly habits. The "I would just pay cash" comment led to a bit of cognitive dissonance.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelB One thing about having objectives such as financial independence: when you reach them, you soon learn who your friends are. They are the ones that are happy for your achievement. The others are envious and even somewhat bitter.

Well, at the moment my mother is not speaking to me since she found out we are moving, so I am not sure this blanket statement quite works.

[REWahoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 Well, at the moment my mother is not speaking to me since she found out we are moving, so I am not sure this blanket statement quite works.

I'm sure your mom is very happy for your achievement. She just thinks you're a t*rd for moving her grandkids halfway across the country...

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 Meanwhile what she paid is a matter of public record. I assume she did not know that.

Her mother had to look it up online.

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 I am beginning to realize that my problem is that I unintentionally spill the beans over thinsg that are not that big a deal to me, but would be to many peers. Time to vet my casual speech carefully.

In general, for the next decade you're going to be "the new guy".

You might have to deal with a dollop of "that carpetbagger from Noo Yawk City", which to many Americans is indistinguishable from NJ.

Nobody's going to care how you did anything. You're going to have to ask them all how they'd do something if they were in your shoes. You're even going to have to ask where to buy new clothes because you're so happy that you don't have to wear that Wall Street wardrobe anymore.

You'll probably be warned that the snow in Denver is tougher than that wimpy NJ stuff. You're going to have to "let" your coworkers "teach" you how to drive in winter weather...

In all seriousness, two things you (and your family) may need a lot of for the first few months are lip balm and sunscreen. The low humidity really messes me up.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords In general, for the next decade you're going to be "the new guy". You might have to deal with a dollop of "that carpetbagger from Noo Yawk City", which to many Americans is indistinguishable from NJ. Nobody's going to care how you did anything. You're going to have to ask them all how they'd do something if they were in your shoes. You're even going to have to ask where to buy new clothes because you're so happy that you don't have to wear that Wall Street wardrobe anymore. You'll probably be warned that the snow in Denver is tougher than that wimpy NJ stuff. You're going to have to "let" your coworkers "teach" you how to drive in winter weather... In all seriousness, two things you (and your family) may need a lot of for the first few months are lip balm and sunscreen. The low humidity really messes me up.

If I manage to slow down my speech, I actually have a passable midwestern accent rather than NYC, despite growing up in Queens. Mom grew up in Ohio and I speak very similarly to her.

As for the rest, I generally get along with people who are the grunts like me. I am more than happy to pitch in and do my share of the dirty work, so that tends to make friends when people have a lot on their plates.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by REWahoo I'm sure your mom is very happy for your achievement. She just thinks you're a t*rd for moving her grandkids halfway across the country...

You mean the grandkids that she cannot be bothered to travel 45 minutes to see more than every 6 or 8 weeks?

This stirs up some old stuff, as you can imagine.

[Jay_Gatsby]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 You mean the grandkids that she cannot be bothered to travel 45 minutes to see more than every 6 or 8 weeks? This stirs up some old stuff, as you can imagine.

No, I think REWahoo means the one who would have preferred you stay in a job that made you miserable so that the grandkids are more convenient for her to visit (when she apparently bothers to do so).

[REWahoo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay_Gatsby No, I think REWahoo means the one who would have preferred you stay in a job that made you miserable so that the grandkids are more convenient for her to visit (when she apparently bothers to do so).

+1

And she'd be really proud of your accomplishments, too!

[heirloom]

I think she was only trying to help. She probably knows you have some bucks stashed away and wants to increase your deductions so you don't have to pay as much at the end of the year.

[Brat]

It may also be possible that she sees your wife's family as rivals.

[W2R]

Back to the original thread subject,

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 We are relocating from the NYC area to the Denver metro area. We have always lived a ho hum middle class lifestyle (I was thrilled to hear my 8YO station received the mechanic's blessing to come with us), but there are certain things that are coming up that make it obvious we are a lot better off than most of our peers. People seem stunned to hear we can buy a house before we sell the existing one.

I suspect that they are not stunned at all that you CAN, but that you WOULD. Often people prefer to rent for a year until they can get a feel for a new place and for the neighborhoods they might want to live in.

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 Yesterday I was quizzing my sister in law about aspect of CO real estate I know nothing about (she is a residential property manager and analyst) and she told me that the 20 to 30k cost of a new roof could be rolled into some kinds of mortgages. "I would just pay cash," I blurted out without thinking. Stunned silence from the other end of the line.

Stunned at your wealth? Or maybe she just felt you didn't appreciate her brilliant suggestion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 Do I need to develop the money taboo that is so pervasive in US society? I don't run around disclosing our net worth, but I work in the financial industry where compensation is relatively high and people talk about finance/money all the time. I also am a bit blind to the fact that we are way above our age group in net worth because I hang out here with the wealthy and live a lifestyle pretty similar to friends with one tenth (or less) our net worth. Time to become more close-mouthed? I get the feeling the culture in CO is more reserved about this sort of thing and I would prefer not to offend.

Something to consider - - if people outside of family know you have money, they may try to extract it from you one way or another and you could find yourself in some uncomfortable situations.

[arebelspy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R Something to consider - - if people outside of family know you have money, they may try to extract it from you one way or another and you could find yourself in some uncomfortable situations.

Or even people inside your family.

But yes, I generally don't discuss finances with coworkers, acquaintances, etc. for fear they might sue me on some trivial matter to try and "extract it," as you put it. :P

[Dawg52]

Congrats! I know you have been thinking about moving out west for a couple of years. When is the big move?

[packrat44]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 I am beginning to realize that my problem is that I unintentionally spill the beans over things that are not that big a deal to me, but would be to many peers. Time to vet my casual speech carefully.

State what you have to say and if they do not like it, that is their problem. Just because the majority of people put themselves into voluntary slavery by going deep into debt, I do no intend to bite my tongue. That is not to say I would rub it in.

Many, many years ago one of my younger sisters was telling me how lucky and easy DW and I had it because we did not have a mortgage payment and how rough she had it. She failed to address the fact that she and her husband had higher incomes and the fact we did most of the construction on our house in our hours off the clock and that we went without furnishings such as carpet for about 4 years until we could afford to pay cash.

Those of us who LBYM should not have to be be fearful of what we say so as not to offend the grasshoppers.

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dawg52 Congrats! I know you have been thinking about moving out west for a couple of years. When is the big move?

Lte June/early July. Still working out the details.

[Brat]

Quote:

Originally Posted by packrat44 State what you have to say and if they do not like it, that is their problem. Just because the majority of people put themselves into voluntary slavery by going deep into debt, I do no intend to bite my tongue. That is not to say I would rub it in. Many, many years ago one of my younger sisters was telling me how lucky and easy DW and I had it because we did not have a mortgage payment and how rough she had it. She failed to address the fact that she and her husband had higher incomes and the fact we did most of the construction on our house in our hours off the clock and that we went without furnishings such as carpet for about 4 years until we could afford to pay cash. Those of us who LBYM should not have to be be fearful of what we say so as not to offend the grasshoppers.

I agree, particularly when responding to family members. If that comment came my way, and I had my wits about me, I would respond that having a mortgage handing over your head is tough, you and your spouse sacrificed much to pay it off early. It acknowledges her difficulties while letting her know, gently, that this is a lifestyle choice.

[Moemg]

When I first moved to Florida half my neighborhood were from New Jersey & New York . The other half were from the Midwest . The Midwest people tended to be more reserved and secretive about personal matters . The New Yorkers & New Jersey would spill their life's secrets in five minutes just different cultures.

[LOL!]

BTW, it's not just a paid-off mortgage that you cannot mention. When your kids go to college, you must complain about financial aid and loans even if you don't get either.