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Old 05-11-2011, 03:55 PM   #41
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If you were talking to your SIL as a relative perhaps you might have been more cautious least they see you as the bank of brewer.
If it was in her professional capacity the info might be helpful in finding you the right property. ie one that isn't selling because of the roof expense.
I'm not telling my shirttail relatives nuthin. Let them worry I'll ask them for help if they get too close.
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Old 05-11-2011, 03:57 PM   #42
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Meanwhile what she paid is a matter of public record. I assume she did not know that.

I am beginning to realize that my problem is that I unintentionally spill the beans over thinsg that are not that big a deal to me, but would be to many peers. Time to vet my casual speech carefully.
That one always gets me. It's a matter of public record. My neighbor once
asked me what I paid for our house. I told him "I would rather not say". He says, "well it's a matter of public record". I said "really? Then go look it up."

We bought here a year ago and paid cash for the house as well as about $75000 in upgrades (remodeling). In talking to my realtor (neighbor), the situation of paying cash for the house came up. She told me that everyone on our street probably paid cash. Our community is celebrating it's 50th anniversary and there was a big writeup in the newspaper. This is a retirement community and it mentioned that most people in the community paid cash for their houses.
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Old 05-11-2011, 04:35 PM   #43
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That one always gets me. It's a matter of public record. My neighbor once
asked me what I paid for our house. I told him "I would rather not say". He says, "well it's a matter of public record". I said "really? Then go look it up."
Which is now easily done for most houses by a few mouseclicks and key strokes...
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:02 PM   #44
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I doubt you could do that with mine.
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:14 PM   #45
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Which is now easily done for most houses by a few mouseclicks and key strokes...
The transaction I was referring to was long ago and far away and the mother was not an internet user.
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Old 05-11-2011, 07:15 PM   #46
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Same for me.
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When it comes to financial matters, I keep my mouth shut.
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Old 05-11-2011, 10:25 PM   #47
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Those of us who LBYM should not have to be be fearful of what we say so as not to offend the grasshoppers.
Key word is should. I'm a grasshopper in a world full of ants, some of whom are friends. I'm not worried about offending them. But I do take care how I talk about money because I don't want them to think I think I'm better than them. So I don't give advice, criticize, or comment on their financial situation and keep mine to myself unless someone asks for investment advice.
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Old 05-11-2011, 10:46 PM   #48
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Welcome to Denver, Brewer. No worries - the thin air out here affects our brains, and everyone thinks they have tons of money. That is what John Denver meant when he sang about the Rocky Mountain High.
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Old 05-12-2011, 05:22 AM   #49
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I am pretty careful if the topic of money comes up.

I have coached my wife... and she understands and is usually careful. But she blurts things out sometimes.


I make it a point to remind her after the fact (gently).
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Old 05-12-2011, 06:09 AM   #50
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State what you have to say and if they do not like it, that is their problem.
Exactly. "What you think of me is none of my business..."
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Old 05-12-2011, 06:15 AM   #51
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Which is now easily done for most houses by a few mouseclicks and key strokes...
Sometimes, sometimes not.

We purchased our property (raw land) before we built our retirement home, 17 years ago. The current county RE records only show our original land purchase price, not the total build price of the home, together with the land. That would only work in previous built homes.

Of course, you can use Zillo but that only shows a current "guesstimate" based upon local market conditions - not necessarily what you actually paid.

BTW, snow in NJ is different than snow in Denver, where the air is drier. You can get soaked in the east with the snow moisture content; not so much in the west.
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Old 05-12-2011, 06:22 AM   #52
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On my street many of us have lived here since the houses were built about 25 years ago. Several neighbors, empty nesters in late 50's and early 60's , are moving. One into a condo to cut costs and one into a much larger, new house. This weekend the big discussion in the yards was mortgages. I came inside very thankful for my not perfect but paid for house, which I didn't mention.

School loans are a big taboo to talk about too. My nieces will graduate with useless degrees and big school loans from private schools with no job prospects. They could not possibly go to state schools. Too good for that.

I keep my mouth shut and spend my days working in my garden, riding my bike, reading my books and pursuing my hobbies while they all rush out each morning to work not realizing there is a choice.
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:15 AM   #53
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My SIL/BIL live in NJ as he works in NYC in financial services. They live in an affluent neighbourhood. I am always amazed by how much they know about their neighbours' financial affairs. It is apparently quite acceptable to disclose incomes and mortgages to relative stangers. This is generally not the case in Canada and people view such discussion as impolite or worse. I suspect i might be a NYC thing?
I try to keep as quiet as possible about financials but sometimes our lifestyle will give it away. THat's part of the reason I participate on these forums. You get to disclose things and get feed back in an anonymous way.
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:34 AM   #54
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My SIL/BIL live in NJ as he works in NYC in financial services. They live in an affluent neighbourhood. I am always amazed by how much they know about their neighbours' financial affairs. It is apparently quite acceptable to disclose incomes and mortgages to relative stangers. This is generally not the case in Canada and people view such discussion as impolite or worse. I suspect i might be a NYC thing?
I try to keep as quiet as possible about financials but sometimes our lifestyle will give it away. THat's part of the reason I participate on these forums. You get to disclose things and get feed back in an anonymous way.
Maybe things are different in wealthier 'hoods. In my mixed middle class cul-de-sac we have everything from cops to (extremely wealthy) investment bankers to retirees to construction workers and lots in between. I would not say I disclose stuff to perfect strangers, but I routinely chat about investment opportunities with coworkers and friends and I have been asked to look at a few friends finances/portfolios. So I suspect there is some cultural difference, but its not like we walk around with out personal balance sheets tattooed on our foreheads.
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Old 05-12-2011, 07:47 AM   #55
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...its not like we walk around with out personal balance sheets tattooed on our foreheads.
So, what kind of "tats" do you have on your foreheads? ...
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Old 05-12-2011, 08:04 AM   #56
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So, what kind of "tats" do you have on your foreheads? ...
false eyes, scares away the predators.
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Old 05-12-2011, 09:18 AM   #57
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Key word is should. I'm a grasshopper in a world full of ants, some of whom are friends. I'm not worried about offending them. But I do take care how I talk about money because I don't want them to think I think I'm better than them. So I don't give advice, criticize, or comment on their financial situation and keep mine to myself unless someone asks for investment advice.
If you are here, it's more likely you are the ant than the grasshopper.
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Old 05-12-2011, 09:41 AM   #58
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I think my husband's family would have been surprised that we have been paying cash for everything since we moved close to them after retiring. But they are not. I explained to them that I always save the money for purchases I know will occur. (This is true.) I told them that we squeeze our lifestyle if necessary to do this. (Also true.)

So they don't view us as "rich" but view us as people who saved for that new car, rewiring, extra insulation, new furniture, etc. They know nothing about the rest of our finances. It was obvious to them that prepaying in a piggy bank for these things was no different than borrowing for these things and saved the aggravation and interest on the purchases.
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Old 05-12-2011, 09:47 AM   #59
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My ex-employer changed insurance carriers recently and I had to go downtown to get some things straightened out down at the admin tower. Talking with a staffer in the benefits office I was getting weird vibes from her about my choice of plans. She tried to steer me away from the high-deductible plan and into the low-deductible plan with double the premium cost. Her repeated comment about my choice was, "that's for people who don't get sick."

When I told her that I had used their online tools and my own math to determine that I would actually save money using the high-deductible plan she seemed stunned. Then she asked if I could afford to pay for care before the deductible kicked in. Not thinking, I made the offhand remark, "Oh yeah, no problem."

It was only after I left her office that I understood that, "this plan is for people who don't get sick", was the way they were pushing people away from a plan that required some financial discipline and planning. For too many people, including her, it made more sense to pay thousands more each year in premiums via payroll deductions because they couldn't handle budgeting to have the money on hand to pay for out of pocket costs.
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Old 05-12-2011, 10:17 AM   #60
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It was only after I left her office that I understood that, "this plan is for people who don't get sick", was the way they were pushing people away from a plan that required some financial discipline and planning. For too many people, including her, it made more sense to pay thousands more each year in premiums via payroll deductions because they couldn't handle budgeting to have the money on hand to pay for out of pocket costs.
Everybody wants to save on their premiums, but then nobody saves the premium.
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