Need to learn to keep my mouth shut?

[Nords]

Meanwhile what she paid is a matter of public record. I assume she did not know that.

Her mother had to look it up online.

I am beginning to realize that my problem is that I unintentionally spill the beans over thinsg that are not that big a deal to me, but would be to many peers. Time to vet my casual speech carefully.

In general, for the next decade you're going to be "the new guy".

You might have to deal with a dollop of "that carpetbagger from Noo Yawk City", which to many Americans is indistinguishable from NJ.

Nobody's going to care how you did anything. You're going to have to ask them all how they'd do something if they were in your shoes. You're even going to have to ask where to buy new clothes because you're so happy that you don't have to wear that Wall Street wardrobe anymore.

You'll probably be warned that the snow in Denver is tougher than that wimpy NJ stuff. You're going to have to "let" your coworkers "teach" you how to drive in winter weather...

In all seriousness, two things you (and your family) may need a lot of for the first few months are lip balm and sunscreen. The low humidity really messes me up.

 

[brewer12345]

In general, for the next decade you're going to be "the new guy".

You might have to deal with a dollop of "that carpetbagger from Noo Yawk City", which to many Americans is indistinguishable from NJ.

Nobody's going to care how you did anything. You're going to have to ask them all how they'd do something if they were in your shoes. You're even going to have to ask where to buy new clothes because you're so happy that you don't have to wear that Wall Street wardrobe anymore.

You'll probably be warned that the snow in Denver is tougher than that wimpy NJ stuff. You're going to have to "let" your coworkers "teach" you how to drive in winter weather...

In all seriousness, two things you (and your family) may need a lot of for the first few months are lip balm and sunscreen. The low humidity really messes me up.

If I manage to slow down my speech, I actually have a passable midwestern accent rather than NYC, despite growing up in Queens. Mom grew up in Ohio and I speak very similarly to her.

As for the rest, I generally get along with people who are the grunts like me. I am more than happy to pitch in and do my share of the dirty work, so that tends to make friends when people have a lot on their plates.

 

[brewer12345]

I'm sure your mom is very happy for your achievement. She just thinks you're a t*rd for moving her grandkids halfway across the country...

You mean the grandkids that she cannot be bothered to travel 45 minutes to see more than every 6 or 8 weeks?

This stirs up some old stuff, as you can imagine.

 

[Jay_Gatsby]

You mean the grandkids that she cannot be bothered to travel 45 minutes to see more than every 6 or 8 weeks?

This stirs up some old stuff, as you can imagine.

No, I think REWahoo means the one who would have preferred you stay in a job that made you miserable so that the grandkids are more convenient for her to visit (when she apparently bothers to do so).

 

[REWahoo]

No, I think REWahoo means the one who would have preferred you stay in a job that made you miserable so that the grandkids are more convenient for her to visit (when she apparently bothers to do so).

+1

And she'd be really proud of your accomplishments, too!

 

[heirloom]

I think she was only trying to help. She probably knows you have some bucks stashed away and wants to increase your deductions so you don't have to pay as much at the end of the year.

 

[Brat]

It may also be possible that she sees your wife's family as rivals.

 

[W2R]

Back to the original thread subject,

We are relocating from the NYC area to the Denver metro area. We have always lived a ho hum middle class lifestyle (I was thrilled to hear my 8YO station received the mechanic's blessing to come with us), but there are certain things that are coming up that make it obvious we are a lot better off than most of our peers. People seem stunned to hear we can buy a house before we sell the existing one.

I suspect that they are not stunned at all that you CAN, but that you WOULD. Often people prefer to rent for a year until they can get a feel for a new place and for the neighborhoods they might want to live in.

Yesterday I was quizzing my sister in law about aspect of CO real estate I know nothing about (she is a residential property manager and analyst) and she told me that the 20 to 30k cost of a new roof could be rolled into some kinds of mortgages. "I would just pay cash," I blurted out without thinking. Stunned silence from the other end of the line.

Stunned at your wealth? Or maybe she just felt you didn't appreciate her brilliant suggestion.

Do I need to develop the money taboo that is so pervasive in US society? I don't run around disclosing our net worth, but I work in the financial industry where compensation is relatively high and people talk about finance/money all the time. I also am a bit blind to the fact that we are way above our age group in net worth because I hang out here with the wealthy and live a lifestyle pretty similar to friends with one tenth (or less) our net worth. Time to become more close-mouthed? I get the feeling the culture in CO is more reserved about this sort of thing and I would prefer not to offend.

Something to consider - - if people outside of family know you have money, they may try to extract it from you one way or another and you could find yourself in some uncomfortable situations.

 

[arebelspy]

Something to consider - - if people outside of family know you have money, they may try to extract it from you one way or another and you could find yourself in some uncomfortable situations.

Or even people inside your family.

But yes, I generally don't discuss finances with coworkers, acquaintances, etc. for fear they might sue me on some trivial matter to try and "extract it," as you put it.

 

[Dawg52]

Congrats! I know you have been thinking about moving out west for a couple of years. When is the big move?

 

[packrat44]

I am beginning to realize that my problem is that I unintentionally spill the beans over things that are not that big a deal to me, but would be to many peers. Time to vet my casual speech carefully.

State what you have to say and if they do not like it, that is their problem. Just because the majority of people put themselves into voluntary slavery by going deep into debt, I do no intend to bite my tongue. That is not to say I would rub it in.

Many, many years ago one of my younger sisters was telling me how lucky and easy DW and I had it because we did not have a mortgage payment and how rough she had it. She failed to address the fact that she and her husband had higher incomes and the fact we did most of the construction on our house in our hours off the clock and that we went without furnishings such as carpet for about 4 years until we could afford to pay cash.

Those of us who LBYM should not have to be be fearful of what we say so as not to offend the grasshoppers.

 

[brewer12345]

Congrats! I know you have been thinking about moving out west for a couple of years. When is the big move?

Lte June/early July. Still working out the details.

 

[Brat]

State what you have to say and if they do not like it, that is their problem. Just because the majority of people put themselves into voluntary slavery by going deep into debt, I do no intend to bite my tongue. That is not to say I would rub it in.

Many, many years ago one of my younger sisters was telling me how lucky and easy DW and I had it because we did not have a mortgage payment and how rough she had it. She failed to address the fact that she and her husband had higher incomes and the fact we did most of the construction on our house in our hours off the clock and that we went without furnishings such as carpet for about 4 years until we could afford to pay cash.

Those of us who LBYM should not have to be be fearful of what we say so as not to offend the grasshoppers.

I agree, particularly when responding to family members. If that comment came my way, and I had my wits about me, I would respond that having a mortgage handing over your head is tough, you and your spouse sacrificed much to pay it off early. It acknowledges her difficulties while letting her know, gently, that this is a lifestyle choice.

 

[Moemg]

When I first moved to Florida half my neighborhood were from New Jersey & New York . The other half were from the Midwest . The Midwest people tended to be more reserved and secretive about personal matters . The New Yorkers & New Jersey would spill their life's secrets in five minutes just different cultures.

 

[LOL!]

BTW, it's not just a paid-off mortgage that you cannot mention. When your kids go to college, you must complain about financial aid and loans even if you don't get either.

 

[lemming]

If you were talking to your SIL as a relative perhaps you might have been more cautious least they see you as the bank of brewer.
If it was in her professional capacity the info might be helpful in finding you the right property. ie one that isn't selling because of the roof expense.
I'm not telling my shirttail relatives nuthin. Let them worry I'll ask them for help if they get too close.

 

[JOHNNIE36]

Meanwhile what she paid is a matter of public record. I assume she did not know that.

I am beginning to realize that my problem is that I unintentionally spill the beans over thinsg that are not that big a deal to me, but would be to many peers. Time to vet my casual speech carefully.

That one always gets me. It's a matter of public record. My neighbor once
asked me what I paid for our house. I told him "I would rather not say". He says, "well it's a matter of public record". I said "really? Then go look it up."

We bought here a year ago and paid cash for the house as well as about $75000 in upgrades (remodeling). In talking to my realtor (neighbor), the situation of paying cash for the house came up. She told me that everyone on our street probably paid cash. Our community is celebrating it's 50th anniversary and there was a big writeup in the newspaper. This is a retirement community and it mentioned that most people in the community paid cash for their houses.

 

[ChadR]

That one always gets me. It's a matter of public record. My neighbor once
asked me what I paid for our house. I told him "I would rather not say". He says, "well it's a matter of public record". I said "really? Then go look it up."

Which is now easily done for most houses by a few mouseclicks and key strokes...

 

[kumquat]

I doubt you could do that with mine.

 

[Meadbh]

Which is now easily done for most houses by a few mouseclicks and key strokes...

The transaction I was referring to was long ago and far away and the mother was not an internet user.

 

[obgyn65]

Same for me.

When it comes to financial matters, I keep my mouth shut.

 

[ItDontMeanAThing]

Those of us who LBYM should not have to be be fearful of what we say so as not to offend the grasshoppers.

Key word is should. I'm a grasshopper in a world full of ants, some of whom are friends. I'm not worried about offending them. But I do take care how I talk about money because I don't want them to think I think I'm better than them. So I don't give advice, criticize, or comment on their financial situation and keep mine to myself unless someone asks for investment advice.

 

[Packman]

Welcome to Denver, Brewer. No worries - the thin air out here affects our brains, and everyone thinks they have tons of money. That is what John Denver meant when he sang about the Rocky Mountain High.

 

[chinaco]

I am pretty careful if the topic of money comes up.

I have coached my wife... and she understands and is usually careful. But she blurts things out sometimes.


I make it a point to remind her after the fact (gently).

 

[rescueme]

State what you have to say and if they do not like it, that is their problem.

Exactly. "What you think of me is none of my business..."