Planning for FIRE and age difference between partners

[henny-penny]

In just one week Im off for summer vacations without mobile and without internet in 3 weeks! YAAAY. It is a great time to think as the days have slow tempo interrupted only by a 5 year old.

We have 20 years difference. I allready told him I consider FIRE because I dont want to retire when he is 90yo. I want to spend some time with him while we get older he is still in good health.

Is there people here who have a big age difference in their relationships? Is there anything I should consider, think about and plan for?

 

[Newventurer]

Assuming you are talking about age difference between you and your SO, it seems that you will possibly have two retirements, one with him and possibly one without him. Don’t use up all your dry powder in the first and neglect the second. It might be easy to justify going on the world cruises because you value the time together and ignore that you may need assets for a long time after he is gone.

 

[NYEXPAT]

My wife and I have a 30 year age difference. It is great you are thinking about it as my wife has no interest in finances. We are currently in NYC on vacation and she did not understand why we would pay $7.50 to take the subway when we could hail a cab for $40.00. So, I told her we are here for two weeks, multiply that difference by 50x and you have enough to buy a little trinket at "Tiffany's". Thank God, she is beautiful and keeps her model figure! Fortunately,
there is a retirement plan for her that I put together years ago.

 

[henny-penny]

Assuming you are talking about age difference between you and your SO, it seems that you will possibly have two retirements, one with him and possibly one without him. Don’t use up all your dry powder in the first and neglect the second. It might be easy to justify going on the world cruises because you value the time together and ignore that you may need assets for a long time after he is gone.

Exactly what Im affraid off, those two retirements.
First I need to have income to live without any jobb or social security but with his income and social security. Then I need income to cover for living alone and very low pension. Not sure how to calculate that,,,,

 

[henny-penny]

My wife and I have a 30 year age difference. It is great you are thinking about it as my wife has no interest in finances. We are currently in NYC on vacation and she did not understand why we would pay $7.50 to take the subway when we could hail a cab for $40.00. So, I told her we are here for two weeks, multiply that difference by 50x and you have enough to buy a little trinket at "Tiffany's". Thank God, she is beautiful and keeps her model figure! Fortunately,
there is a retirement plan for her that I put together years ago.

Im not that kind of model-girlfriend relying on men to support me. I like to be in charge of my life and money.

 

[joeea]

Is there anything I should consider, think about and plan for?

As with any retire early plan, it's all about finances.

How are you set financially for a significantly early retirement?

 

[Newventurer]

Exactly what Im affraid off, those two retirements.
First I need to have income to live without any jobb or social security but with his income and social security. Then I need income to cover for living alone and very low pension. Not sure how to calculate that,,,,

I think you use the firecalc calculator to calculate the period while you are together (allow for some extended illness or LTC) and pick a year that you expect to be on your own and in this scenario you may want to calculate as if you are leaving an inheritance so you have a pot to start with for calculating the second retirement with a whole different set of inputs.

Just a suggestion, others smarter than me will hopefully weigh-in.

 

[henny-penny]

As with any retire early plan, it's all about finances.

How are you set financially for a significantly early retirement?

He is fine, but has some children from previous marriage who will inherit most of it.
I will start my journey to FIRE january 2019 and have 15 years to make it. The only asset I have now is a house in my old country worth 2x my current year income before taxes.

 

[henny-penny]

I think you use the firecalc calculator to calculate the period while you are together (allow for some extended illness or LTC) and pick a year that you expect to be on your own and in this scenario you may want to calculate as if you are leaving an inheritance so you have a pot to start with for calculating the second retirement with a whole different set of inputs.

Just a suggestion, others smarter than me will hopefully weigh-in.

You mean like one calculation. Not 2 separate ones?

 

[Newventurer]

You mean like one calculation. Not 2 separate ones?

I am thinking 2, but you can decide how the inputs work best for you. You will have quite a few variables so I was thinking it would be good to isolate them into separate calculations.

If you find that there will not be sufficient assets to fund your ‘second’ retirement then maybe you consider if life insurance would close the gap, and purchase it now while it is more affordable.

 

[henny-penny]

I am thinking 2, but you can decide how the inputs work best for you. You will have quite a few variables so I was thinking it would be good to isolate them into separate calculations.

Thanks. I will have to experiment with the calc sheets.

 

[NYEXPAT]

Im not that kind of model-girlfriend relying on men to support me. I like to be in charge of my life and money.

Actually, She has been a Wife/Mother for the last 13 years and working for the past 7. As part of the plan, we will move to the USA for 5 years, YW will attend University to set up for her second career and should FIRE around 57.

 

[henny-penny]

Actually, She has been a Wife/Mother for the last 13 years and working for the past 7. As part of the plan, we will move to the USA for 5 years, YW will attend University to set up for her second career and should FIRE around 57.

Sounds great!

 

[kcowan]

Our best friends have a 20 year gap. She was 30 and he was 50 when they married 21 years ago. We were with them last September in Berlin, Paris and Nice. Sadly he died during his second open heart surgery in April. So she is in the process of dealing with her second phase of retirement now. We are going to San Miguel de Allende to spend 2 weeks with her before we both head home to PV.

I expect her to live at least another 35 years. After she deals with all the estate issues, she will likely work again, at least part-time. They had been retired for 6 years.

 

[caninelover]

I would second the life insurance policy on your SO.

 

[ImaCheesehead]

My wife and I have a 30 year age difference. It is great you are thinking about it as my wife has no interest in finances. We are currently in NYC on vacation and she did not understand why we would pay $7.50 to take the subway when we could hail a cab for $40.00. So, I told her we are here for two weeks, multiply that difference by 50x and you have enough to buy a little trinket at "Tiffany's". Thank God, she is beautiful and keeps her model figure! Fortunately,
there is a retirement plan for her that I put together years ago.

Why are you “Thanking God” that your wife is beautiful and keeps her model figure? Does your retirement plan for her revolve around her becoming a Hooker?

 

[athena53]

I was married to a man 15 years older and yes, I planned for "two retirements". I'm a numbers person and I managed the investments so I'd done a lot of thinking about this over the years. He died in November, 2016 at the age of 78 and I'm doing just fine. We avoided the nightmare scenario of him needing a nursing home and me still in the house for years, which would have drained much of our savings. Would you and your husband be able to handle that? Is it likely?

If he dies first you may get Social Security even if you've never worked in the US. I'm not sure of your citizenship status or whether it matters, but I'm getting the same amount my husband was getting before he died. If the 5-year old is his child, a smaller amount of SS is payable to children after a parent dies, up to a maximum age (18?). This is based on my assumption that you're married- you didn't specify. If you're not, then you wouldn't get SS Survivor benefits.

Also- if the 5-year old is his, I assume his will makes some provision to take care of the child?

Your house in your previous country- is there a good reason to keep it, e.g. someone is paying you rent, or you plan to spend your "second retirement" there? Maintaining it could be a major expense in the long run.

It's good that you're thinking about these things now. Hopefully the two of you will be able to develop a good plan together. I think my husband and I had a good balance- we did enjoy a lot of wonderful travel before I retired because I didn't want to postpone it all till I retired at 65 and he was 80. I ended up retiring at 61 but we made many wonderful trips before then while saving for the future, too.

 

[badatmath]

Why are you “Thanking God” that your wife is beautiful and keeps her model figure? Does your retirement plan for her revolve around her becoming a Hooker?

LOL.

 

[Z3Dreamer]

Why are y'all negging on NYEXPAT's beautiful wife? Seems like most men on here would consider some of her characteristics to be a huge positive. Maybe she is also brilliant and has a future as a brain surgeon?

OTOH, in my youth, I could not compete with older men who were more established in their careers, who had traveled extensively.

DW married a younger man (me) because "they last longer".

 

[henny-penny]

Our best friends have a 20 year gap. She was 30 and he was 50 when they married 21 years ago. We were with them last September in Berlin, Paris and Nice. Sadly he died during his second open heart surgery in April. So she is in the process of dealing with her second phase of retirement now. We are going to San Miguel de Allende to spend 2 weeks with her before we both head home to PV.

I expect her to live at least another 35 years. After she deals with all the estate issues, she will likely work again, at least part-time. They had been retired for 6 years.

Im so sorry to hear that! One can do so much planning as one want but life happens and there is no plan for that.

 

[henny-penny]

I was married to a man 15 years older and yes, I planned for "two retirements". I'm a numbers person and I managed the investments so I'd done a lot of thinking about this over the years. He died in November, 2016 at the age of 78 and I'm doing just fine. We avoided the nightmare scenario of him needing a nursing home and me still in the house for years, which would have drained much of our savings. Would you and your husband be able to handle that? Is it likely?

If he dies first you may get Social Security even if you've never worked in the US. I'm not sure of your citizenship status or whether it matters, but I'm getting the same amount my husband was getting before he died. If the 5-year old is his child, a smaller amount of SS is payable to children after a parent dies, up to a maximum age (18?). This is based on my assumption that you're married- you didn't specify. If you're not, then you wouldn't get SS Survivor benefits.

Also- if the 5-year old is his, I assume his will makes some provision to take care of the child?

Your house in your previous country- is there a good reason to keep it, e.g. someone is paying you rent, or you plan to spend your "second retirement" there? Maintaining it could be a major expense in the long run.

It's good that you're thinking about these things now. Hopefully the two of you will be able to develop a good plan together. I think my husband and I had a good balance- we did enjoy a lot of wonderful travel before I retired because I didn't want to postpone it all till I retired at 65 and he was 80. I ended up retiring at 61 but we made many wonderful trips before then while saving for the future, too.

I live in Norway, we dont "inherrit" SS after our late spouses anymore.
The 5yo has a mother so I guess I will have nothing to do with that exept that any inherritance will be divided between the 2 of us. We are not married. If we are not married and dont have a child toghether, by the law I get close to nothing. Unless he writes a testament or has life insurrance.

House back in my old country is where my mother lives. After my dad passed away at the age of 57(!) she didnt want to keep the house. She wanter either my brother or me to take ower while she is still alive. She pays me with upgrades, maintance and by talking care of my 95 yo paternal grandmother. I asume some day she will need a smaller place so I will be selling the house and buying an appartment for her. Appartment should be about 60% price of the house so I will be getting some money out of it too. Eventually.

What you write about your exeperience is my motivation exactly. We started with baggage of previous relationships and his child, so when we retire it will be time just for the to of oss. Kinda opposite to everyone else

 

[220volt]

I'm in a reverse situation. My DW is 53 and I'm 44, and I am planning to retire when she does. 62 at the latest. Because we want to enjoy the retirement together.
The reverse age difference (In most cases a man is the older one) does make planning for SS and other variables very interesting

 

[Seagirt]

I agree that if someone is giving up some financial prospects in order to spend time with family, that's what life insurance is for.

It's also controversial about the children receiving all the assets, instead of the later spouse. What if your partner required a lot of care-giving as he ages? My father's younger wife has been his full-time companion and now caregiver for many decades. He's not the type to discuss his will, but I hope he's not leaving her with nothing just so he can enrich his biological children.

Adding: I would also seriously consider getting married and having a pre-nuptual agreement, if you're giving up work to be with him.

 

[SirCarbsALot]

He is fine, but has some children from previous marriage who will inherit most of it.
I will start my journey to FIRE january 2019 and have 15 years to make it. The only asset I have now is a house in my old country worth 2x my current year income before taxes.

To go from 2x to 25x in 15 years is a challenge for sure. If I were in a relationship with a large differential in both age and savings, my perspective would be... If the older person wants you to quit and spend time together before they get too old - they should adsorb some(all?) of the younger persons cost for doing so. As everyone mentioned the younger will have to plan for 2 retirement periods and while retirement phase 1 may be enjoyable, if they dont have enough for phase 2 (have to go back to work), or wouldn't retire so early on their own without the older spouses age difference - then they are making a big life decision for the older spouses benefit. In my view, I like equal relationships (not same, but equal). Without financial support it does seem a bit like the younger spouse is making significant changes to accommodate the older without any reciprocation/appreciation for that effort.

 

[mistermike40]

Why are you “Thanking God” that your wife is beautiful and keeps her model figure? Does your retirement plan for her revolve around her becoming a Hooker?

LOL!