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Old 05-10-2013, 10:07 AM   #121
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Just explain that money is fungible.
I did. She understands that. But it's still her special pile.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:03 AM   #122
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It can definitely get messy if the person married more than once.

Grandma A divorced the father of her two children (Grandpa A), and a few years later married Grandpa B.

Grandpa B adopted my dad and his sister and raised them as his own. He did not have any biological children of his own... but legally, my dad and sister were his through adoption. As I was growing up I knew him as my grandpa... (and knew there was another grandpa on that side, as well.) My dad called him dad.

Grandma A died after my dad and his sister were well into adulthood and had children of their own. (I was about 7). Grandma A and Grandpa B were married for 30 years when she died. We continued to have a relationship with Grandpa B because he was dad/grandpa.

Grandpa B married Grandma B. Grandma B didn't really like us. Not sure why. Grandpa B tried to maintain the relationship with us.

Grandma B had adult children. No minor children. They were married 30 years when she died.

Grandpa B married Grandpa C. Prenup involved. Divorce followed less than 5 years later. Divorce settlement clearly stated divorce ended all claims on future estate. Grandma C was not included in the trust/estate.

Grandpa B was long lived - lived to 92. He also invested well, and amassed a decent amount.

At the funeral it was interesting. There was very little mention of Grandma A (dad's mom)... to the point of ridiculousness. (He was married to her for 30 years). On a memory board there were literally pictures with her cropped out. (Picture board put together by Grandma B's kids/grandkids). No mention of my aunt or dad during the eulogy. My sister and I were the elephants in the room. It was pretty darn chilly for us. Only Grandma C and some of the Grandpa B's younger siblings acknowledged us... Grandpa B was the oldest of a large family - his youngest brother was the executor. He was getting button holed by all of Grandma B's children and grandchildren. They seemed upset that my sister and I were there. They must have been very upset that the trust included bequests to my aunt and my dad (and therefore my sister and I since my dad had already passed.) My dad's share was small because Grandpa B knew my dad had done well for himself and didn't need the money. My aunt's share was bigger because she didn't doesn't have a lot of assets... he wanted to provide for her.

I've never seen so much maneuvering/lobbying etc over an inheritance. I wasn't close to Grandma B - but had met her often enough through the years... But her kids/grandkids... oye - what a bunch of money grubbers.


Yep, those split families are sometimes tough... more so if there is a true split from one to another... I had a friend who's dad died.... they had nothing to do with him for 15 or more years... found out he had remarried and had some more kids...

The second family was not happy when they found out about the first... which from what I can guess from taking to my friend they were never told he had a prior family...


In your example, it does seem a bit strange as nobody was his blood relative when it comes to kids/grandkids... however, it should be his wishes that are followed.... that is if he had a will (or trust).... which it seems he did....
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:31 AM   #123
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I do not plan on it, but I'll admit I am curious.

My parents are frugal and did well. But they are very tight lipped on finances, so me and the siblings are clueless. One brother thinks we will one day need to write checks to help (which is fine, but I think unlikely).

Since I learned from them, am on my father's first career path, and personal finance is an interest of mine, I am curious in part to learn more about them.

Ultimately none of my business, I don't need it and don't count on it.
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Old 05-10-2013, 01:11 PM   #124
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Grandpa B married Grandpa C. Prenup involved. Divorce followed less than 5 years later.
Ok. I admit I needed a flow chart to correctly follow all these family relationships in your detailed example.

But I did find this particular relationship......interesting. Such is the modern family
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Old 05-10-2013, 02:29 PM   #125
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Ok. I admit I needed a flow chart to correctly follow all these family relationships in your detailed example.

But I did find this particular relationship......interesting. Such is the modern family

I took it as a typo.... maybe I was wrong...
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Old 05-12-2013, 10:31 AM   #126
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Grandpa B married Grandpa C. Prenup involved...
I thought this thread was going to take a turn only to discover that it was a typo...

(Imagine how these discussions will evolve in the future!)
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Old 05-12-2013, 07:20 PM   #127
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When my parents pass, I'm sure there will be no inheritance for me. My sister, will likely get it all. She is very manipulative and I have no relationship with my mother. That makes me really sad, because WE don't need the money, but my 4 kids could probably use the help for college. We'll do our best to help them, but it will be a major challenge. I really wish, my parents would just plan to leave their money to the grandkids, but I don't have the guts to suggest that idea to them.
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Old 05-13-2013, 12:46 PM   #128
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I really wish, my parents would just plan to leave their money to the grandkids, but I don't have the guts to suggest that idea to them.
What is your downside from having the discussion?
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Old 05-13-2013, 01:02 PM   #129
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Not expecting much in the way of an inheritance, which is okay by me. Won't be large enough to be material to FIRE anyway, and I'd rather my dad enjoy the fruits of his 38 years of factory work...
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Old 05-13-2013, 04:25 PM   #130
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I really wish, my parents would just plan to leave their money to the grandkids, but I don't have the guts to suggest that idea to them.
What is your downside from having the discussion? __________________

My parents don't talk money. Who knows if they even have any? But I know if I suggested they should leave it to the grandkids, it wouldn't go over well. I already have a strained relationship with my not-so-dear-mom, so I don't think it's worth it.
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:35 AM   #131
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OK thanks. It just seems odd that you can discuss it here but not there. Why not discuss the difference in relationship between you and your sister? Try to rebuild the relationship before it is too late?

(I know you may think it is a lost cause but you might be surprised?)
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Old 05-16-2013, 11:40 AM   #132
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Believe me, I've tried to rebuild the relationship. It's very toxic and I don't want to expose my kids to that kind of negativity. But you may have a point, about discussing it with my Dad. I'll take it into consideration. Thanks!
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Old 05-16-2013, 06:33 PM   #133
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I thought this thread was going to take a turn only to discover that it was a typo...

(Imagine how these discussions will evolve in the future!)
LOL - yes - that was a typo... Grandpa B married Grandma C.

Not quite as modern as it sounded.

LOL
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