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Old 10-06-2013, 09:17 AM   #21
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Remember, since no one knows about it, including the VA, you will be told that you don't qualify. My mom was, but we kept going.

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Old 10-09-2013, 04:52 PM   #22
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That is awesome that you are doing this for your Dad. I would look into getting respite care for yourself...even if it is a couple of hours a week, you will need that time to recharge

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Old 10-09-2013, 11:19 PM   #23
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I missed the original post as we were traveling at the time.

Kudos to you for doing all of this for your parents. There are special places in heaven for people like you!

I definitely concur with citrine that respite care of some kind is a good idea. Also if you are in a decent sized city, there may be programs that one or both of your parents could participate in. Locally there is a "Senior Day Out" program twice a month and a volunteer organization provides rides for those who don't drive. Or you could drive them and drop them off and have a few hours to yourself.

My parents lived with my sister for over a month in very difficult circumstances (my father was being treated for lymphoma that was discovered when they were away from their home). What I learned from that was to figure out ways for the parents to retain dignity and as much independence as possible. It's not easy but it makes it a better situation for all.

Best wishes for a smooth transition.
"One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute." William Feather
ER'd Oct. 2010 at 53. Life is good.
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Old 10-10-2013, 03:25 AM   #24
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Citrine and MBAustin, thank you for the suggestion of respite care! That is a big part of our reason for making this move. Mom has been the primary (sole) caregiver for Dad for more than ten years at this point. His health has deteriorated enough this past year that she becomes anxious about leaving him alone while she goes grocery shopping or runs errands. That stress has slowly built over the years and is beginning to have negative effects on her own health. My hope (and DH's hope as well) is that by living with us, Mom will feel more comfortable getting out of the house and become active in the community again. She complains that she has no friends in this town (they moved there a few years ago to be closer to my siblings) but she also never leaves the house to meet anyone or make friends. I plan to get her involved in some crafting classes with me that can be scheduled while DH is home with Dad.

I think we've gone about this in the right manner so far. Mom is excited about moving and has taken considerable interest in helping DH get things done around the house this past week. She's picked out paint colors, selected a new vanity for the master bath, helped DH clean out some of the garbage the sellers left in the house and shed, and overall has had a much more positive outlook than she's had in a while. Hopefully we can keep some of this going for her and take some of the burden from her shoulders. Maybe I can convince her to take the anti-depression meds her doctor prescribed as I know she would feel much better and be able to look at life more positively if she did. She had side effects with the first prescription and just didn't want to spend the time trying out others. If we're around to free her up for extra doctor's appointments, maybe she'll see some benefit.

I keep pinching myself because it's hard to believe this is all happening.

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