re-post "Money, an evil and forbidden subject?"

[Enuff2Eat]

re-title my early post


i always get "shot" down the minute i mentioned the word "finance" at work or to my friends.

"oh, you're money hungry, oh you're shallow, oh you work too hard, oh money is the root of all evils, oh you're obsess, oh you're nuts,... bla bla bla..." is the general respone that i got. so i learned to keep my mouth shut around here, yet there are thousands and thousands of people in this forum and on others finance forum thinks, talks, reads, study, discuss about finance on a daily basis and more important, appreciate the value of planning for your future.

is "finance" something that you don't talk about "face to face"? is it an evil and forbidden subject? i can chat with my buddies for hours about Tiger woods, celebrity, baseball, football, kids soccer game but NO finance period. everything that we do, every decision that we make including going to the movies, eat out dinner, car we drive, the house we live in is all base on finance. why don't anyone want to talk about it??

thank god for forum like this one and i personally would like to meet some of you fine folks in the local state for a sandwich and chat... what do u say??


enuff

 

[LOL!]

Yes, it is vulgar to talk about money face-to-face.

My siblings and I discuss investments, retirement, the lottery, but not salaries nor net worth. We all have an idea of where we stand -- from the physicians to the stay-at-home-moms -- but we don't really care to compare ourselves.

At work, I have gained a reputation by the questions I ask at the company-wide 401(k) or health plan meetings. Based on that, some folks have asked me advice on finances and I have answered. One person even had me help them with their tax return which was a little weird.

So we need forums like this to help bounce ideas around.

 

[FlowGirl]

re-title my early post


"oh, you're money hungry, oh you're shallow, oh you work too hard, oh money is the root of all evils, oh you're obsess, oh you're nuts,... bla bla bla..." is the general respone that i got. so i learned to keep my mouth shut around here,

My take on that attitude is: its precisely because we engage in long-term financial planning and take care of our money that we don't have to obsess about it.  Example: last week we treated a few of our friends to a big sushi dinner and didn't even have to question whether the money was in our account or whether we could afford it.  It was simply a non-issue. Same if the car breaks down, need an emergency plane ticket, or get a suprise opportunity to travel.  The time I spend on this forum, balancing Quicken, and otherwise planning our finances is what gives me the freedom to not think about money   the other 99% of the time.

The people who have the attitude you describe are usually the ones most often worried about money: how much money is in their checking account, how they will pay for an emergency, or whether they can afford to retire.  They are the ones who are most often obsessed - in an unhealthy way.

BTW, I've found that talking about how well you are doing financially is socially uncceptable, but complaining about how little money you have or how much stuff costs seems perfectly fine (and even common). When people start talking griping about their mortgage/car payment/credit cards/etc. I find I have nothing to add to their conversations.

I have one friend who I talk openly about money with, but that's only because he asked for some pretty detailed and specific advice.  He even took some of it to heart.

 

[shorttimer]

My team leader has to have a weekly meeting with us. We are a very diverse group of a dozen, I am one of the oldest and we have entry level people who are in their twenties.

When it comes around to group enrollment time, he reminds everyone of health care choices and talks about it. Any time we get raises etc. he always reminds people to look at their situation and if they are not at the max of 401K he encourages people to up it. He reminds them that pensions are going away or freezing everywhere, health care costs are rising and anyone that is not taking care of themselves will be working until they are 80. Sometimes he will bring an article in about retirement savings for everyone. It has prompted a few people to think about it, although a few still think they don't have enough money to save at all.
He does taxes on the side and if anyone has any question about retirement saving he will gladly help them by explaining roth or 401 advantages. I think it has opened up a lot of discussion on taking care of yourself and future planning.

I also walk with a group of three other women at work. We frequently discuss our goals such as paying off our houses, bring our lunch every day and provide support as we wear the same clothes over and over instead of running to the mall or going out to eat lunch like the other women do in the office.

I think there are people out there that you can talk to, they are out there. My sibs tend to be jealous so I talk about it as little as possible.

 

[rs0460a]

Seems like most folks (at work) know about what the current season's sports teams are doing, including inane statistics of indivudial players.

These are the same folks who have no idea what their cash flow (e.g. budget) is, nor any idea of what will support their "lifestyle" after they retire (typical answer is SS or "I'll just keep working")

Are they wrong - am I right? It really dosen't matter.

It's like when they talk about their children/grandchildren. I can't relate to that either, since DW/me have one "child" (an adult) who is disabled. We will never know or understand the feelings of a parent that has "normal" children, nor will we ever experience such thinks as "taking our grandchildren to Disney".

(please - no "sorry about that" comments; it's just part of life)...

Again, just to show you that everbody is different; everybody has different needs, concerns, and views on life.

At the end, we'll all be equal (naw - I'm going with my current/prior dogs to wherever they go - for me, that's "heaven" )....

- Ron

 

[astromeria]

But sometimes talking about finances with family is a good thing. I've gotten my younger brother, a small business owner, to realize that he needs to save more for retirement and handle his personal finances in general more carefully.

When we started talking about money, he was in his late 40s and had saved $350k, and assumed thatwas great since our folks retired in the early 90s on $400k and did fine. I convinced him to contribute the SEP-IRA max every year (which forced him to pay attention to spending patterns), and after that to invest more in taxable accounts. So now he's 53, has $600k in his portfolio, and is looking forward to retiring by age 58 or so on ~$1.25M (he's single, no kids).

I also persuaded him to stop leasing an expensive new car every 3 years and buy his last car, which he loves (Acura MDX), at the end of its lease. And I convinced him to refinance his house and look toward paying it off, whcih he did. He thanks me by taking me out to lunch regularly

My current financial effort with him is trying to get him to stop investing in random stuff he hears about through investing newsletters and move toward slicing & dicing. This is by far the hardest!

Anyhow, he loves talking personal finance w/me as he can do it with nobody else--his friends either have too little money to think about it, or they pay someone to do their investing, or they're counting on a govt/teacher's pension.

 

[maddythebeagle]

hmm, I think folks talk about stuff a fair amount at work. I just think most people dont want to listen to someone that is obsessive about it (that is what online message boards are for).

 

[Enuff2Eat]

i agree with you all.

one, i need new friends that talk openly and freely about finance

two, stay away from those tends to "shoot" me down when i talk about finance, just sticks with sports and movies..

three, spend more time on this forum and even more time learning about finance every chance i get

i noticed that when i talked to people that are doing well financially (like my brother, and one old friend), we click right away and the conversation flows very very nicely.  only the one that are "worse-off" are so mean and nasty.

 

[kz]

My three sisters and I talk about finances all the time. Just yesterday we were all together (from all over the state) for a family health crisis. We, as usual, discussed our financial situations over lunch. We bounce ideas off each other and learn from each other all the time. I have to admit, though, that we're all financially sound so this probably makes it easier than if one of us wasn't.

The only time I hear about money from ex-coworkers is when they are complaining about lack of it. And the complaining usually goes along with talk of the newest, greatest toy they just bought.

Hubby and I have just learned to sit back and smile.