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Old 04-26-2015, 12:45 PM   #21
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Try re-direction. As she is a social animal perhaps she could join an investment club where the club invests only in listed stocks. Introduction to Investment Clubs
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Old 04-26-2015, 01:08 PM   #22
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Have her google 'Ponzi schemes' or 'affinity fraud'

Then ask her if she understands the very direct relationship between risk and reward.

Sounds like a con. Why not just buy Iraqi dinars from a relative.....just like DW's cousin did. It is just as safe and you get a pile of notes to look at.


She clearly has hold of the wrong fortune cookie.
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Old 04-26-2015, 01:16 PM   #23
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Ha - wow. I was playing along the joke someone said re younger women. My son is graduating from college this year. DW's son still has two years to go. We are both done with CS. (She paid CS). We're both on our 2nd marriage. It is complicated. I play the cards I have, divorce is extremely damaging. Money matter is not enough for me to go there. I'd go broke 1st, unless the other side pulls a deal breaker. Here is what I think, we had 10 years together, she earned a large reserve of goodwill in my heart. If we are still dating, I'd throw in the towel.
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Old 04-26-2015, 01:20 PM   #24
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I agree that divorce seems the most likely outcome as described if you value your sanity and a chance at a decent retirement.

What I would do, and have done, is tell her I understand her desire to do these things, and tell her I don't want to get in her way. However, she would have to do it without me, and outside of the marriage. Her choice. No hard feelings, but if participating in MLMs is more important than our marriage, then we don't have a marriage worth keeping. I'll help you pack, I'll be sure to send along anything you left behind, and as long as you're reasonable with a divorce, we can work together with a lawyer to work out a divorce agreement to benefit both of us. I said this very calmly, very seriously. I never once let any anger show, she needed to know this wasn't off the cuff, but something I thought long and hard over.

With that said you need to have the ***s to accept she may take you up on the offer, and be ready to go forward. If its as bad as you have made it out, you'll be happy in the long run, much happier. The above is almost word for word how I played this out. After the divorce, she tried twice to get back into my life. I had to stay firm and tell her I was her friend, but I was not going to be a spouse or S.O. with her any more. After the second time she finally accepted she went too far over the years.

The first few years were tough, but I am soooooo much happier now. I always thought I could fix the marriage. Then one day she said something very innocent to me, but that day I realized it could never be fixed. Then my question was what do I do now? Have you hit that point yet? Only you can decide.
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Old 04-26-2015, 01:22 PM   #25
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Two thoughts

1. Have her watch a few episodes of American Greed (CNBC).

2. Ask her if she knows what a Ponzi Scheme is.

Good luck!
American Greed is a great show. Do they have episodes on their Web site? You may be able to find one with a similar scam.

Someone had suggested that she invest a small amount (something you could afford to lose), but a typical pattern is that someone invests $10,000 or so, they keep getting statements showing the increasing balance in their account (or they may even get checks) and after a few months of steady returns they're s darn happy they invest their entire savings. If she makes a small initial investment it may appear to do very well and then she'll want to invest more. Better not to start.
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Old 04-26-2015, 01:37 PM   #26
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American Greed is a great show. Do they have episodes on their Web site? You may be able to find one with a similar scam.

Someone had suggested that she invest a small amount (something you could afford to lose), but a typical pattern is that someone invests $10,000 or so, they keep getting statements showing the increasing balance in their account (or they may even get checks) and after a few months of steady returns they're s darn happy they invest their entire savings. If she makes a small initial investment it may appear to do very well and then she'll want to invest more. Better not to start.
We watch on (yuk!) cable, but it is watchable on Hulu and CNBC's site:

CNBC - Watch Full Episodes | CNBC | American Greed
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Old 04-26-2015, 01:38 PM   #27
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. I always thought I could fix the marriage. Then one day she said something very innocent to me, but that day I realized it could never be fixed. Then my question was what do I do now? Have you hit that point yet? Only you can decide.
Sounds very familiar. I was so sad, and trying so hard to make things better. It was not her, it was the two of us at that point in our lives. I read a book by some divorced guy, I can't remember its name. He said it's a big world, don't struggle with pushing rocks you don't have to push. Keep your mouth shut and your ears open, don't give out alarm signals but don't be a Chamberlain.

Ha
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Old 04-26-2015, 02:00 PM   #28
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You mention that your wife is generally financial responsible, and it seems that she ha an interest in financial stuff, although it's going in a bad direction.

Would she be interested in spending some time working on joint financial goals with you? Establishing an amount to be invested in retirement plans and talking with a financial advisor on how to invest those amounts. Then, if there is extra and she wants to try some MLM, encourage her and see how it works out. Have some portion of your funds dedicated to more discretionary investment.

But it also sounds like some of your differences are personality driven, and maybe there are things you can encourage her to do together that will help satisfy some of her social needs in a more positive outlet (a hiking group, art classes, local not for profits etc,)

Obviously I don't know you or her, so I'm just throwing out some ideas for you to consider.
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Old 04-26-2015, 02:04 PM   #29
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Unfortunately, you may already be headed for divorce. I find many of the women that want to get into MLMs are because they are unhappy with their home life (ie. either my husband is too controlling and I want some of my own money..or if I can become self sufficient.. I can leave him)... I hear the latter on social media ALL the time.

Question: Do you control all the money? Do you involve her in any of the investment decisions? Does she have her own money to spend as she wishes? ie reading your question I'm guessing maybe not ie so she may feel like you have all the control and maybe don't trust her or don't think her capable. something that may have started as just her not being interested could over time have become a bigger problem.

As for the MLMs, seriously, every job you've ever had is a Ponzi scheme in some way.. ie you work for a manager, who works for a manager, who eventually works for the owner.. There are plenty of MLMs that only cost $50 to join... and the person above them doesn't get that much of your profit.. moreover there are many that you can rank above the person that brought you in which are better ones to be in. You get together with your friends, you meet new people, and if you make $500 extra bucks to go shopping with .. great. Also many MLMs are smart and cater to the things their husbands won't buy them..
1) a nice vacation to Hawaii or tropics
2) jewelry
3) a new car (usually leased for them for a year..lexus, Mercedes, etc)

So she can either earn it or you can buy it for her...

Obviously the Chinese thing is very scary and depending on what type of money your talking about you may have to say no...but I'd suggest you come up with other suggestions of where she can go with it.. ie honey if you want to invest.. maybe you can go to these classes, join an investment club locally.. we can talk to the advisor.. etc.
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Old 04-26-2015, 02:24 PM   #30
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As I recall rule one of being in deep hole is stop digging. While OP cited cost of divorce as a deterrent, my initial reaction was still divorce with with a question mark. Reading through again I would just change the question mark to an exclamation mark.
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Old 04-26-2015, 02:30 PM   #31
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I learned much from the female voices in the thread. Very interesting. Gfs/wives are good at making up their mind about the relationship without your input. :-)
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Old 04-26-2015, 02:35 PM   #32
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I learned much from the female voices in the thread. Very interesting. Gfs/wives are good at making up their mind about the relationship without your input. :-)
Yes, it's important to monitor social media as that's where all the dirt comes out!
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Old 04-26-2015, 02:44 PM   #33
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Yes, it's important to monitor social media as that's where all the dirt comes out!
Speaking from experience?
Her MLM friends are probably cleaning my clock there.
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Old 04-26-2015, 03:09 PM   #34
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Speaking from experience?
Her MLM friends are probably cleaning my clock there.
No, from Post #29!
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Old 04-26-2015, 03:10 PM   #35
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I learned much from the female voices in the thread. Very interesting. Gfs/wives are good at making up their mind about the relationship without your input. :-)
They have all the input they want, and them some. She thinks, "do I want to believe him, or my lying eyes?". We men are famously clueless at how our crap is going down.

I am always amazed at the tight control that some wives are said to put up with. All women get hit on, so it may be easy for her to believe that some other man will understand and value her more, and not be a live in cop or comptroller.

Get smart now, or get sorry later!

Ha
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Old 04-26-2015, 03:16 PM   #36
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Some lessons are expensive. A divorce cost more.
Short term, maybe.
Long term, probably not.
But please don't rely on random internet advice. Go to a professional.
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Old 04-26-2015, 03:49 PM   #37
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Perhaps use this as an opportunity to go visit China on vacation and check it out.
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Old 04-26-2015, 04:15 PM   #38
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Wow, tough crowd. If my husband was trying to spend "our" hard earned money on MLM schemes, one after the other, I would be doing everything I could to shut him down. Some people chase rainbows and are always just "the next deal away" from success, which rarely comes.

Sounds like you two might be too different in your financial views - which may make for constant battles.

Also, it sounds like you have given in to her wishes on some fronts, i.e. the new car, larger home than needed, the pool, etc., so hopefully this is not a case of your being too "one way".

The China thing scares me. Wondering if she does participate and there is a loss, would she learn from that? Or just look for the next great "opportunity"?


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Old 04-26-2015, 04:54 PM   #39
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Note to self: stop reading how many husbands think divorcing is easier than figuring out how to make their wives feel included in financial decisions. Just wow.

Super happy I never let my hub take it all over like he wanted. Second marriage, I insisted on my own investments and accounts. 11 years later we combined everything and do it all jointly.

Sounds like your wife is bored since you say she is financially responsible normally.
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Old 04-26-2015, 05:18 PM   #40
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Wow, tough situation.

A suggestion: tell her you are willing to be open-minded if you can run the investment by an attorney who has a background in this stuff. Yes, the attorney may be expensive, but if they are telling her to RUN AWAY, it will save you $$$$ and you don't have to be the bad guy.
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