Reek of a scam

[Bamaman]

How about a Certified Financial Planner? Even if it costs you $500 in hourly fees for them to look at it, see if your wife would accept their recommendation on it before sitting her down in front of a CFP for your 2 sessions. Would be much cheaper than the investment.

There you go. Let a professional be the bad guy. And in your DW vs. DH--you'll be the winner. And they can also point you into a better course to making more money.

 

[skipro33]

This situation has nothing to do with investing, Chinese, MLM or anything else. It has everything to do with your wife trying to get your attention because she's feeling that she doesn't have it unless she fires you up with off-the-wall money schemes.

You really need a marriage counselor and listen to them. Otherwise, the only hope is that you put a whole lot more time into your wife. And that doesn't mean buying a too-big house, new cars, etc.And it doesn't mean you having toys you don't have time for, like a kayak. It means spending more time with her and making her more important than your money. Buy HER a kayak and do that together for example. Spend time with her doing things you each love to do.

That is what she's trying to do you know; pit herself against your money. It's obvious you consider the money yours or you wouldn't care if she spent it on bingo or Chinese schemes. She is really feeling 2nd fiddle to money in your list of priories.

I'm not saying she's right, I'm saying that's how she's feeling right about now; Money is more important to you than she is or you would put as much effort in her as you do your investments. She's also displaying signs of being bored with her life with you, if she's ready to listen to these other people rather than to your advice.

If you love her, then love her! Let her have no doubt that she comes first, before anything and anyone. That you would rather be dead broke, living under a bridge than in that big house without her. A wife should expect her husband to go as far as even die for her, worrying about money to the point you describe with arguments and such is the wrong signal to send to the flesh of your flesh.

When she becomes the center of your life, then you will become the center of hers. Not some job, some bank account, house, car and ABSOLUTELY not some social media friends, or ANY friends for that matter. Those are all distant second-place finishers or your marriage is in serious trouble.

 

[Texas Proud]

This situation has nothing to do with investing, Chinese, MLM or anything else. It has everything to do with your wife trying to get your attention because she's feeling that she doesn't have it unless she fires you up with off-the-wall money schemes.

You really need a marriage counselor and listen to them. Otherwise, the only hope is that you put a whole lot more time into your wife. And that doesn't mean buying a too-big house, new cars, etc.And it doesn't mean you having toys you don't have time for, like a kayak. It means spending more time with her and making her more important than your money. Buy HER a kayak and do that together for example. Spend time with her doing things you each love to do.

That is what she's trying to do you know; pit herself against your money. It's obvious you consider the money yours or you wouldn't care if she spent it on bingo or Chinese schemes. She is really feeling 2nd fiddle to money in your list of priories.

I'm not saying she's right, I'm saying that's how she's feeling right about now; Money is more important to you than she is or you would put as much effort in her as you do your investments. She's also displaying signs of being bored with her life with you, if she's ready to listen to these other people rather than to your advice.

If you love her, then love her! Let her have no doubt that she comes first, before anything and anyone. That you would rather be dead broke, living under a bridge than in that big house without her. A wife should expect her husband to go as far as even die for her, worrying about money to the point you describe with arguments and such is the wrong signal to send to the flesh of your flesh.

When she becomes the center of your life, then you will become the center of hers. Not some job, some bank account, house, car and ABSOLUTELY not some social media friends, or ANY friends for that matter. Those are all distant second-place finishers or your marriage is in serious trouble.

Wow... this came out of left field...

I do not see this as an answer... heck, I do not see this as the problem...

I also think you are wrong in your view of a marriage... there is no way I would want to live with DW under a bridge so she can spend money willi-nillie on some stupid things... that to me shows that SHE has a problem that needs to be fixed....


Let's change the input... say instead of 'investing' she was gambling... that she gambled away all of their money... would you still say the same thing as above (well, maybe you would).... What if it were drugs

Nope, I would not stay married to someone who would want to put the future of a marriage at so much risk by not being responsible with money...

 

[skipro33]

Wow... this came out of left field...

I do not see this as an answer... heck, I do not see this as the problem...

I also think you are wrong in your view of a marriage... there is no way I would want to live with DW under a bridge so she can spend money willi-nillie on some stupid things... that to me shows that SHE has a problem that needs to be fixed....


Let's change the input... say instead of 'investing' she was gambling... that she gambled away all of their money... would you still say the same thing as above (well, maybe you would).... What if it were drugs

Nope, I would not stay married to someone who would want to put the future of a marriage at so much risk by not being responsible with money...

If my wife had a gambling problem, a drug problem or any other problem, I would not kick her to the curb.

She's described by the OP as having been reasonably prudent with finances in the past. Something's changed and from what I read, it's his attitude of putting money before his wife and she is acting out to get his attention back. Just the action of listening to on-line 'friends' over her spouse's advice is more than enough to spell that out. I would seek a Doctor's advice if she's changed as it could be a medical issue, and I'd seek a councilors advice as well before taking your advice of divorce.

Too many people today don't see marriage as a life time commitment. For better or worse. In sickness and in health. For richer or poorer. Those mean things. At least they do to us. We've been though some rough times and I'm so glad I didn't consider divorce an option. 40 years this year married to the same girl I still consider the prom queen. I will always have her back, no matter what. OP's wife seems to be thinking something else about her husband's opinion of what she means to him based on her actions.

****EDIT****
I've made my case as best I can. Sorry if my opinion is misconstrued, however, I don't think I will be needing to reply back to further differences of opinion. We all have one and I'll stand with mine, such as it is.

Cheers!!

 

[Philliefan33]

My opinion, based only on what the OP has disclosed.

This isn't about the wife wanting to spend money. She wants some control, or at least some input into the financial part of the marriage. She's got a job that makes me believe she is an intelligent person, yet the impression I get from the OP is that he believes that he has to be the one in charge of the investments. Didn't one of his posts relate how the wife had money in her 401K that hadn't grown much, until he took over? The OP thinks that's a good thing, but did the wife ask him to take over? Did she willingly give up control of *her* retirement account, or was she pressured to do so?

It sounds to me like the OP controls the financial decisions. And maybe that's a good thing, if the wife would seriously consider the Chinese scam. But I know it wouldn't work for me. I want and deserve input, and can't understand why someone wouldn't want to have a voice.

Wouldn't it be better to "let" (it rankles me to phrase it so) her try a MLM ? The OP sees MLM as nothing but a money loser, but the wife probably sees it as a chance to make some independent decisions about money, be involved with friends, and make some money. Yes, I know, she probably won't make much money. But she probably won't lose too much either, unless she's very thick-headed she will soon learn to stop throwing good money after bad. And just maybe, she's the kind of "people person" who thrives in the MLM world and ends up being the big shot who drives the pink Cadillac.

 

[travelover]

.............
When she becomes the center of your life, then you will become the center of hers. Not some job, some bank account, house, car and ABSOLUTELY not some social media friends, or ANY friends for that matter. Those are all distant second-place finishers or your marriage is in serious trouble.

While there may some truth in this, I reject the idea that when a wife acts crazy, it is somehow the husband's fault for not making her happy enough. Marriage is a partnership between two equal adults, with equal responsibilities.

 

[harley]

While there may some truth in this, I reject the idea that when a wife acts crazy, it is somehow the husband's fault for not making her happy enough. Marriage is a partnership between two equal adults, with equal responsibilities.

Obviously you didn't take marital philosophy 101.

If a man says something in a forest and there is no one there to hear him, is he still wrong?

 

[haha]

While there may some truth in this, I reject the idea that when a wife acts crazy, it is somehow the husband's fault for not making her happy enough. Marriage is a partnership between two equal adults, with equal responsibilities.

Naughty person! You need to study Rules For Men.

Ha

 

[travelover]

Obviously you didn't take marital philosophy 101.

Naughty person! You need to study Rules For Men.
Ha

Guilty as charged.

 

[bingybear]

Wow... this came out of left field...

I do not see this as an answer... heck, I do not see this as the problem...

I also think you are wrong in your view of a marriage... there is no way I would want to live with DW under a bridge so she can spend money willi-nillie on some stupid things... that to me shows that SHE has a problem that needs to be fixed....


Let's change the input... say instead of 'investing' she was gambling... that she gambled away all of their money... would you still say the same thing as above (well, maybe you would).... What if it were drugs

Nope, I would not stay married to someone who would want to put the future of a marriage at so much risk by not being responsible with money...

read the other posts in the thread... many including mine though this was a marriage issue, not financial. Finding a solution is much more important than finding who to blame. We've only heard one side.

 

[AnIntentionalRoad]

Lots of Dr. Phils around these parts.

Sent from my SM-T237P using Early Retirement Forum mobile app

 

[Texas Proud]

read the other posts in the thread... many including mine though this was a marriage issue, not financial. Finding a solution is much more important than finding who to blame. We've only heard one side.

I do not disagree that there could be some marriage issues involved in the problem... but then again I have seen someone who had these compulsions to 'get rich quick' and would dive into any new thing that came across...

One was a good friend of one of my sisters... he was always 'starting something new'... his wife (as far as I know) did not object... he never did make it in any of these things... if she did not work they would have had nothing... heck, they DID have nothing as for a short time they lived with my sis for a few months.... I think it was a personality flaw of his and had nothing to do with the marriage...

But as you said, we have heard very little from the OP and not much follow up...

 

[jollystomper]

While there may some truth in this, I reject the idea that when a wife acts crazy, it is somehow the husband's fault for not making her happy enough. Marriage is a partnership between two equal adults, with equal responsibilities.

I would differ with this definition a bit. The part that is missing is the concept of shared sacrifice. Each one willing to sacrifice for the other to make the overall marriage better. The vows ¨ïn sickness and in health, for richer or poorer..." are examples of that.

WIthout that, you essentially have a business partnership that one feels justified in pulling out of, or exercising more control within when one feels the original ẗerms¨ have been violated.

I agree with those who suggest better communication and/or counseling. That is usually the issue, folks would rather talk through ¨ẗhings¨ (actions, possessions, etc.) than directly. Something I had to learn myself.

 

[Bestwifeever]

DH and I got into and out of the granddaddy of them all MLMs, Sc**w*y, in the mid 90s. Lost some friends along the way, as well as $$. ....
Since FI in ~2013, and RE this year, I have zero interest in even buying a lottery ticket. Would have been FI sooner if it weren't for Sc****y.

OP stand your ground, be careful, and I wish you success in this.

I believe you are a very very bright woman--thank you so much for posting this. I call your post out only to make my point: the MLM people are very very good at building the pyramids and their logic and marketing can easily sway the most intelligent lambs to their slaughter. DH is also very smart but he would have had us in a couple of things like this had I not slapped him around about them (just kidding, but you know what I mean I hope ), and even today, decades later, he might still wonder how incredibly rich we would be today had I not put the kibosh on them.

In terms of his DW's interest in these schemes, I don't think the OP needs to dig too deep to find the problems that cause her to want to invest in them--he needs to find something concrete to counter her beliefs in the people who are making money off her. There may or may not be problems in the marriage (it's a marriage, it probably had had a problem or two), but even the happiest marriage can have one or both spouses who think these schemes are splendid investments.

EastWest Gal also mentioned: "We wrote our up line a detailed letter, joined and eventually ran a a Yahoo group for several years, and probably saved others from our fate. We also ended up on a national TV show speaking against the scheme." IMO this is the kind of information OP needs to find to present to his spouse.

I wouldn't "let" her invest a penny into them, never mind a few thousand of "her" dollars, if I could at all prevent it. It will just feed the problem.

 

[yakers]

Briefly I will entertain an anti-PC contra factual. If some virus came along and left men unmolested but killed 10% of adult women, who here thinks that there would still be lots of going Dutch? Men would be lined up with gifts and offers, trying to get at least some of what women have available.

Ha

Neither contra or in line, maybe more askew, IMHO while there can be valid statistical observations, male-female relations are not statistical. For a long term relationship you only need one successful connection.

And successful dating is not statistical. I remember in college among the group I hung out with I probably came in second in an active social life but I worked on it constantly. The top guy did nothing and he had gals knocking on his door all the time. And there were a lot more guys at my college.

Now my successful connection with DW for 22 years now came from finding Adventure Girl. I ask if she wants to drive across arctic Canada & Alaska, climb Ankor Wat, visit Bhutan experience the Mela in India and she is out the door before me. Lucky me, she got up at 5 this morning to go morning clubbing starts at 6:30AM ( https://daybreakerla.splashthat.com )
Life is good.

 

[haha]

Neither contra or in line, maybe more askew, IMHO while there can be valid statistical observations, male-female relations are not statistical. For a long term relationship you only need one successful connection.

And successful dating is not statistical. I remember in college among the group I hung out with I probably came in second in an active social life but I worked on it constantly. The top guy did nothing and he had gals knocking on his door all the time. And there were a lot more guys at my college.

Now my successful connection with DW for 22 years now came from finding Adventure Girl. I ask if she wants to drive across arctic Canada & Alaska, climb Ankor Wat, visit Bhutan experience the Mela in India and she is out the door before me. Lucky me, she got up at 5 this morning to go morning clubbing starts at 6:30AM ( https://daybreakerla.splashthat.com )
Life is good.

All very interesting, but there is a great deal of sociology and social psychology research that show that very small pluralities of one sex over the other in a metro strongly affect dating behavior. Supply and demand rule, no matter what the topic. Of course as you wisely point out, this is group behavior, not every individual.

Ha

 

[PhrugalPhan]

One of the things I've learned on this board is to diversify. So perhaps you and your wife might want to get totally drunk one afternoon and then consider joining three or four Chinese guru investment groups just in case your main Chinese guru relocates to Venezuela.

Anyhow, this is just a thought and I imagine many others may disagree. (But, what do they know? While I'm not a financial advisor, maybe they aren't either--and I bet very few of them retired at age 71 as I did).

Unfortunately, I don't have any worthwhile advice regarding your marital situation.

When I read "diversify" my mind went to polygamy. At least with multiple wives they probably wouldn't all go crazy on you. And then you went with four gurus - I was sooooo disappointed.

 

[redduck]

Now that I have introduced myself in the “Hi I am…” forum, here is my money problem....

When I read "diversify" my mind went to polygamy. At least with multiple wives they probably wouldn't all go crazy on you. And then you went with four gurus - I was sooooo disappointed.

Sorry to let you down. Seems like that's a theme in my life (so glad you reminded me of it). But, in this case, the OP was talking about a money problem, and if nothing else, over-the-years I've trained myself to stick to the crux of the presenting problem. (And, I've also learned to over-punctuate in that time). Where was I? Oh, yeah, I don't allow myself to get side-tracked. (Do you think the Bruce Jenner thread got shut down too early)?

Returning to your point:

I decided to stick with the financial angle--mainly because I couldn't spell "polygamy".

You think four gurus would be enough? Maybe two from China one from India and one from Iowa City?