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Old 12-06-2008, 02:38 PM   #161
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Originally Posted by barbarus View Post
I find this very interesting Chris.
Could you go into a bit more detail on the opposing view of fairness you have encountered?
Consider this story, where something similar like this has happened to me where you have different views on how to split the pie of new found wealth:Cash found in wall a nightmare | Freep.com | Detroit Free Press.

And there are so many family tales of woe that are simply based on different views of fairness, like whether someone gets a sentimental piece of furniture, tools or equipment upon the loss of a loved one.
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Old 12-06-2008, 04:27 PM   #162
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I was instantly interested in FinePrint, but at $49.95 I figure it would have to save me 1,665 page prints to make financial sense (figuring 3 cents per page). Perhaps there's some free software that does the same thing.
How many pages in a ream? I use up a couple three cases of paper a year. Anyway, FinePrint has some other useful aspects also -- print selected pages, for example.
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Old 12-06-2008, 07:55 PM   #163
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Well, I don't fully agree with Wikipedia on the concept of crabs in the barrel. I think that crabs in the barrel, from my vantage point, suggests motive and intent to harm another or upgrade your own worth at the expense of others. And my understanding of it approximates the thinking here in the first item I found from a google search: Sep 04 SuccEzine-Crabs in the Barrel Part I

I don't get the sense that the OP's friend is intending to harm the OP or is trying to upgrade her worth at the expense of the OP. The OP's friend wants her to spend more on things or perhaps even berates her as being a tightwad -- things that I have affectionately and without ridicule told my tightwad friends -- surely not actions that will result in financial ruin or that are acts of financial irresponsibility in many cases!
That may be your intention and may come across to your friends the way you intend, but it doesn't match how tmm (the OP) describes her friend—tmm says that the friend uses a ridiculing tone and that she finds it irritating. That doesn't sound like affectionate ribbing to me.

Tmm says that she has changed her spending habits because she has financial goals for her later years. If the friend's pointed comments induce tmm to go back to her old spending habits, she may fail to meet her retirement savings goal. I can't begin to guess at the friend's motives, but whatever they are, her actions are just like those of a crab in a bucket. Since I don't know why the friend is doing this, I probably should have used a link that just described the behavior, instead of one that links it to a motive, but the Wikipedia link was the closest thing I could find on short notice.
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Old 12-07-2008, 11:12 AM   #164
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That may be your intention and may come across to your friends the way you intend, but it doesn't match how tmm (the OP) describes her friend—tmm says that the friend uses a ridiculing tone and that she finds it irritating. That doesn't sound like affectionate ribbing to me.

Tmm says that she has changed her spending habits because she has financial goals for her later years. If the friend's pointed comments induce tmm to go back to her old spending habits, she may fail to meet her retirement savings goal. I can't begin to guess at the friend's motives, but whatever they are, her actions are just like those of a crab in a bucket. Since I don't know why the friend is doing this, I probably should have used a link that just described the behavior, instead of one that links it to a motive, but the Wikipedia link was the closest thing I could find on short notice.
I guess we're beating this to death, but I never said Tmm's friend was affectionately ribbing her or implied that was the case; I only said I do that to my "tightwad friends" who, when it comes to money, are tighter than a crab's ass on a cloudy day in Baltimore! And I said in other posts, it might be the tone of Tmm's friend's banter, not the message that's irritating Tmm.

Maybe I misread something, but I didn't get the impression that Tmm was re-changing her plans because of the prodding from her friend to spend more; or that she was being persuaded now to become a spendthrift! It seems to me that her friend is merely asking her to loosen up because she might be too tight with the cash, in her friend's opinion! Again, I don't know the entire parameters of the relationship or the diaglogue here -- but to suggest it's crab mentality or crabs in the barrel, just seems off base to me. Her friend is not trying to bring her down to the bottom of the financial cess-pool by having her spring for more expensive items.

I would grant you that would be the case if her friend persuaded her to live entirely beyond her means, buy moronically expensive items, and accumulate mountains of debt for no good purpose, except to live a life of decadence shared by her friend.
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Old 12-08-2008, 05:32 PM   #165
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I'm pretty lucky. I generally don't give a rats azz what people other than my family and a few very good friends think. I guess after years of being shy and quiet, I've become quite self assured.

I'll tell my family to kiss off too, but will always listen respectfully first. They know not to ask me anything unless they want an honest and blunt answer.
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