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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-04-2004, 04:11 PM   #21
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

Quote:
If she likes to decorate in creative (read: inexpensive) ways, then you may have a real winner situation for all parties.
I'm really lucky that my wife likes to decorate like this. It makes it more of a "challenge" for her and she likes the hunt for the right fabric at a good price. She then uses this fabric to make her own pillows or curtains rather than just buying them.

Quote:
Design On a Dime is a good show for getting the juices flowing on the right approach: *on HGTV if you aren't already familiar with it.
That's a good one for ideas. I also like the shows by Debbie Travis and Candace Olsen. Sometimes the latter one can be a bit on the pricy side of design but often some good ideas.
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-08-2004, 09:44 PM   #22
 
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

"Yet, although I listen as intently as possible, many times I have no idea what the hell she
is trying to tell me.'

John, I'd be interested in an example of this. I may have been there also.

b.
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-09-2004, 03:40 AM   #23
 
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

Hello boont! Not sure I can give you an example as
the approaches (to financial issues) are so different as to render us unable to communicate our thoughts.
Quite frustrating. However, like many women, she is
deep into decorating our "nest". She does it very
inexpensively and with her money, so I have no complaint usually. Yesterday, she spent half the day
shopping and came home with about 5 large bags of stuff. Happens all the time. She was positively giddy.
My idea of a successful day shopping is coming home with all of the money you had when you left

JG
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-09-2004, 07:26 AM   #24
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

Re financial discussions with wife:

Maybe the problem is not with the recipient of the communication but with the source. When I was planning to retire by age 55 I tried to show my wife all of the spreadsheets and other calculations I had done. I could not convince her that we would be OK financially. I finally realized that she couldn't accept this information from me. Fortunately we played tennis with a CFP who she liked. I asked if she would like Art to look over our situation and got her to agree that if Art said we were OK to retire at 55 then she would stop objecting on financial grounds. After Art reviewed our situation he told her that , not only would we be able to retire comfortably at 55, but that she could convert to half-time teaching at that point (age 52) without significantly affecting our prospects.

The following school year she converted to half-time and now we are both fully retired and thoroughly enjoying it.
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-10-2004, 08:46 AM   #25
 
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

And to continue on this hijacked thread:

As a woman, I find this thread fascinating. To be honest, my now new husband and I are very much in tune with regard to finances and retiring early and I can't imagine being married to someone who didn't have a similar alignment. Money is one of the main friction points of a marriage/relationship and usually because of control issues. I would hazard that most of the people posting here have retiring early or at least financial security as a prime value or goal in their life---

For relationship incompatibility compensation, is your $ex life that good? :-)

Bridget aka Deserat
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-10-2004, 01:15 PM   #26
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

When my husband starts talking financial matters, I have this urge to turn on HGTV.

The spouse and I do talk about financial matters, but not a lot. Most of the investing decisions are left to him. He has the time and inclination for the research and until lately I have been working too much.

Now that I have a bit more time, I am becoming more interested in how he invests our money. I began participating in this board to become more educated in the financial planning part of retirement. Yet I really don't want to tread too much on what has been my spouse's turf. And my eyes still tend to glaze over when he talks commodities, hedge funds, etc. He also has very strong opinions about index funds, which are mostly contrary to this board.

If it was me alone, I am sure I would make different decisions. However, the ones he has made have worked out well for us, so I have nothing to complain about.

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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-10-2004, 04:31 PM   #27
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

Quote:
And to continue on this hijacked thread:

As a woman, I find this thread fascinating. *To be honest, my now new husband and I are very much in tune with regard to finances and retiring early and I can't imagine being married to someone who didn't have a similar alignment. *Money is one of the main friction points of a marriage/relationship and usually because of control issues. *I would hazard that most of the people posting here have retiring early or at least financial security as a prime value or goal in their life---

For relationship incompatibility compensation, is your $ex life that good? :-)

Bridget aka Deserat
Bridget: My wife and I are not compatable in a number of areas of our lives, but once a year,
Oops, got to go, my wife just walked by and rubbed my shoulders, tonights the night
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-10-2004, 06:09 PM   #28
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

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For relationship incompatibility compensation, is your $ex life that good? :-)Bridget aka Deserat
No; but I once thought it was.

Mikey
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-11-2004, 05:41 AM   #29
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

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*Yet, although I listen as intently as possible, many times I have no idea what the hell she
is trying to tell me. *JG
Get the testosterone out of your ears guys. :

I do the money stuff in this family. He'd rather watch OutdoorLife Network or whatever it's called.

I do love my HGTV! (Remember when *I want my MTV* was the cool catch phrase)

Judy
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-11-2004, 07:18 AM   #30
 
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

Hi Judy! Always interesting to find a couple where the
female handles the finances. Whatever works is cool with me. I could never let go of the purse strings even if
I thought my DW had any talent in that area
(she doesn't), but that's just me. I suspect the total incomprehensibility of our economic discourse must
be a Mars/Venus thing.

JG
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-11-2004, 08:23 AM   #31
 
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

Interesting discussion.

In our family, my wife handles the short-term finances, and I'm responsible for the long term finances.

This seems to work out fairly well.

We both have a goal for semi-early retirement, and so far it looks like we might make it.

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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-11-2004, 02:30 PM   #32
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

In our home, Lyn has a checking account to pay all the
regular monthly bills. I take care of the big stuff like
insurance, taxes, etc. and I handle all the investments.
I have a monthly amount sufficient to cover average
monthly bills transferred to a MM account from my IRA.

She then transfers funds to her checking account as needed. This works pretty good for us. At first I transferred enough monthly to cover the big stuff but soon learned that she is more comfortable not having to worry about "saving" for the big expenses. She
manages the routine expenses very well and I almost never look over her shoulder. However, I have noticed
that the amount in the MM fund hovers near zero
most of the time. From time to time we "negotiate"
the monthly transfer amount. Saves a lot of stress on
both of us.

Cheers,

Charlie




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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-11-2004, 04:09 PM   #33
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

Chalk up another one for wife handling the finances.

Out of necessity my husband and I have a very 1950's arrangement - right now he brings home most of the money (it wasn't always that way) and I manage it. *I doubt he knows how much we have in our checking account and he probably only has a ballpark idea of our networth. *He's very interested in financial stuff but goes months without internet access and just doesn't have time to keep up. *I brief him every few months and he likes doing the taxes, so that helps to keep him on top of things.

It works out very well, he's an extremely generous and laid back person and doesn't care how I spend money as long as the bills are paid and we max out our retirement accounts. *It helps that he knows I'm extremely frugal, hate shopping, and have almost no interest in buying "stuff". *We love to travel and aside from that my only splurge are quality groceries since cooking is my main hobby. *My husband has yet to complain about that *
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-11-2004, 05:42 PM   #34
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

I'll jump on this bandwagon as well. My husband is a financial analyst and was the one who forced me to pay off my credit cards when we first married (we were both 24). He was also dead set against carrying a monthly balance, which was totally opposite of how my parents handled their money. However, I then took the ball and ran with it, finding that I actually love to read Money magazine, the Wall Street Journal and books like The Millionaire Next Door.

Now I handle all of our finances, including deciding how much to save for retirement and how to invest it. I prepare a quarterly net worth statement for him to look at. I draft our annual budget. He then reviews and makes suggestions, which is a good check on my tendency to think that we can invest more than is really realistic given the lifestyle (fairly frugal given our income) that we'd actually like to lead. I also prepare our taxes, which have gotten more complicated since I've become self-employed.

He would like to retire by 52, but has never run the numbers to see whether it is possible. I am the one who worries about balancing the costs of two young kids (ages 2 and 4), saving for college and managing to retire at an early age, hopefully before we get to 52. He just takes it on faith that it will happen. It will, but only because I've forced us to save a significant percentage of our income.

I have another lawyer friend about 10 years older than me who also handles her family's taxes and finances, which are even more complicated than mine since her husband is a partner in a large law firm. We often get together to talk about whether to invest in I-bonds or TIPS, the best way to save for college, etc. The male lawyers that we've worked with, whose wives don't work and spend most of their time shopping or decorating, think we are crazy.

It works for us and our families, though.

Lawgirl
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-12-2004, 03:32 AM   #35
 
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

Hello Lawgirl! Interesting story. I wish my wife took more of am interest, but I couldn't turn this stuff over
to her even if she was financially oriented. She is not
a saver and never has been unless she had a very
specific relatively short term goal. Otherwise, it was
"just use the credit cards and worry about it later".
I can't be too critical as there was a time when I followed
a similar path (also it was easier when all that interest was deductible), and........ it's her money. When we got married her finances were a mess. Worked for over a year cleaning it up and getting her debt free.
I guess if she really wants to work forever and just
continue as we are, I would just accept it. It's not quite what we talked about before we got married, but
things seldom turn out like you expect.

Man plans and God smiles........................

JG
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-12-2004, 06:30 PM   #36
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

My wife is the micro-manager - all our bills, domestic matters, holidays, clothes, etc, etc. and she generates all the savings surplus through being very frugal.
Me - all the macro stuff - allocating the savings and investments, retirement funds, education funds, mortgages, re-mortgages, other houses and the jointly owned sideline business.

I never question what she spends from the household accounts, because I know and trust she manages it well. She never asks about any of the investment positions or strategies, although I update her once a quarter (her eyes usually glaze over after about 5 minutes).


This seems to suit our interests and abilities and has worked very well for us.
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-14-2004, 06:57 AM   #37
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

My wife doesn't know and doesn't care.

I'm the one who does the reading and planning.

We deposit both paychecks into one checking account and I pay all the bills, including a check to the mutual fund. That way, whatever is left, is spendable. I just try to raise the mutual fund amount without telling her.

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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-15-2004, 08:05 PM   #38
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

My husband and I split the financial duties according to interest, pretty much.

First off, we have totally joint finances (and have had since well before we were married). It all goes into one big pool. Neither of us has allowances or anything like that - anything over $20 or so we usually talk about (even if it's just a casual "I think I'll get a new ___") and under that amount we both trust each other not to waste money.

My husband handles keeping track of all our records and expenses in Quicken. That includes balancing the checkbook, reconciling credit card bills, etc. He does a great job, and I would never have the patience to do it. He periodically generates neat little graphs and charts and we look them over together, so we both always know our net worth, monthly spending, typical expenses, and the way those expenses have been trending.

I handle the investments: researching them, knowing what tax-advantaged accounts we can put money into, and deciding on what the investments should be, and deciding where the new money goes. I'm definitely the investment guru - he's interested in knowing the broad outlines and has absorbed the general principles over the last few years (and knows what we have, since he does the record-keeping). So he understands the whole point of asset allocation, diversification, risk, etc. in broad terms, but I'm the one who's actually interested in the nuts and bolts. That means that we have conversations like "Honey, I just put $10,000 in a new fund - an international index fund." "Cool!"

I also take care of doing the taxes (I have more tolerance for filling out stupid forms than he does) and mailing off bills.

It really works very well for us.
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-16-2004, 09:43 AM   #39
 
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

I think all of the different systems couples have devised for dealing with this stuff is pretty interesting.
However, statistically speaking some of those who
didn't care or didn't pay attention will wish they had
at some point. Just a sad fact of life.

JG
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending
Old 12-18-2004, 07:21 AM   #40
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Re: Scott Burns: Stay safe on retirement spending

Holly,
Your husband is a lucky man!

My wife and I have a similar split -- interesting how that works. *Investments and taxes on the one side (that's mine) and monthly bills and spending on the other side, (that's hers).

We don't use quicken, but just put the monthly SWR in the checking account at the bank and if the overdraft-protection slips start coming in the mail, we try to postpone buying stuff the following month. *Perilously close to John Galt's napkin?

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