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Switching from spender to saver is possible!
Old 02-22-2013, 08:56 AM   #1
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Switching from spender to saver is possible!

A few minutes ago I told DH that I was running to McDonald's for a breakfast sandwich and asked if he wanted anything.

His response, "No, and you shouldn't either, you're spending our retirement money." (we're not retired yet)

I almost fell over...this coming from the same man that I've moaned about on this forum regarding his excessive spending habits.

So what's changed? I've moved the laptop computer that I use to update our finances/investments to the living room. Every Sunday afternoon while we're watching mindless TV I update Quicken and involve him in a financial discussion (i.e., "look how great we did on budget this week", "let's see what FireCalc says if we take SS at 62 instead of 67 or 70", etc.).

Two weekends ago we determined what our FIRE number is together. I already knew what the target number was, but he hadn't bought into it. So together we worked out our retirement budget (which was an eye opener for him since he had no clue that healthcare would be so expensive) then we figured out what we'd need to fund that retirement (i.e., our FI #)

He wants to retire early so he can play all day (he'll be 51 when we retire). And now that he knows realistically what it will take to fund our playing, he's turning into a saver instead of a spender!
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Old 02-22-2013, 09:08 AM   #2
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Congrats! Having the spouse on-board is key to making sure your ship comes in.
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Old 02-22-2013, 09:11 AM   #3
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Great news, congrats. Having your SO on the same page with FI goal can really move things along. Not having to deal with all the BS slung at you at megacorp these days is flat out priceless.
I was 49 when I freed myself - tell your hubby he's gonna love it!
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Old 02-22-2013, 09:14 AM   #4
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Great news, congrats. Having your SO on the same page with FI goal can really move thing along. Not having to deal with all the BS slung at you at megacorp these days is flat out priceless.
I was 49 when I frre myself - tell your hubby he's gonna love it!
Thanks Donzo and Tree Dweller and no kidding on the BS. It's been one of those weeks where if we would have been close to our FI #, I would have resigned...the BS bucket was full to overflowing.

What was funny is when DH got home that day and I told him about the drama he told me to be sure to call him if I ever did really resign cause he'd do the same immediately. So we're definitely on the same page!
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Old 02-22-2013, 09:22 AM   #5
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Congrats. I'm fortunate in that DW and I have always been on the same page regarding our finances. But a very close friend of mine is in the same situation as you used to be, and he is very frustrated by it. Congrats again.
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Old 02-22-2013, 09:26 AM   #6
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Congrats, that's a great step (seriously).

It's never easy, but IMO wives are better able to "train" husbands, than vice versa. DW has been trying to train me for 33 years, and me her, both with little to no success - but we'll NEVER stop trying, it's too much fun. [/tongueincheekmaybe]
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Old 02-22-2013, 09:54 AM   #7
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You are in trouble now! You have created a Frankenstein's Monster. Once you are retired you will end up with a parsimonious, tightfisted, stingy husband who won't spend a dime to enjoy life.

Just kidding. :-)
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Old 02-22-2013, 10:00 AM   #8
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Lisa, can you train my wife? (kidding, of course (but PM me))
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Old 02-22-2013, 10:09 AM   #9
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That is awesome! I have turned DH onto looking for treasures while he is on his walk! He calls me now with the address if there is something worthwhile on the curb
I am also training him by using natural cleaners, home made body wash, and will be trying out the home made detergent. LOL! It's good to have a partner who is willing to be a good sport and be part of a team
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Old 02-22-2013, 10:11 AM   #10
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Sometimes the most difficult thing is starting.
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Old 02-22-2013, 10:34 AM   #11
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This almost made me cry. Congratulations to you. This gives me some hope that I can get DH interested. What I don't understand, is how can you NOT be interested in this stuff? I can't imagine handing this over to him, and never being involved again - it just makes sense for both of you to be up on things. If I go to the great Early Retirement Grounds in the sky first, he is hosed.
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Old 02-22-2013, 11:03 AM   #12
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A big Congrats Lisa99.! I've been working on my DH for years. Haven't talked about it on these boards. Difference in how we view money and the path to wealth/FI. I've gone the slow, save, invest, let it compound, create a cash cow route while he would rather try to get rich quick...which as most here can surmise is not without it's downers. Also, his view is "you can't take it with you" while mine is "to plan for what is needed". Hence another reason our finances are totally separate. He will likely have to work well past 65 if he doesn't invest it more conservatively since he is within the 10 year retirement window already. Good thing he has his own CPA practice and CAN work. Meaning he is not subject to the whim of other employers.
I can attest that it is far better for both to be on he same page.
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Old 02-22-2013, 11:13 AM   #13
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wow - congratulations !!!! I got hubby on board two years ago and suggested that we both have the same monthly "allowance" that we could spend however we wanted without question. If you want something, you save for it - just like we did when we were kids and a young married couple. Its worked wonders. Its especially gratifying when he says "I'd rather you retired then us buying xyz" !

You should be VERY proud of yourself -- AND HIM !
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Old 02-22-2013, 12:58 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by SumDay View Post
This almost made me cry. Congratulations to you. This gives me some hope that I can get DH interested. What I don't understand, is how can you NOT be interested in this stuff? I can't imagine handing this over to him, and never being involved again - it just makes sense for both of you to be up on things. If I go to the great Early Retirement Grounds in the sky first, he is hosed.
He's still not interested in 'finances'. He knows where all our money and investments are parked but has no interest in managing any of it...and that's ok! It just means I need to build a comprehensive binder in case I go before he does.

What he is interested in is how to reach FI as quickly as possible, which for him has tripped a switch in his brain that it is better to cut the frivolous spending so we can retire sooner.

I've thought more about what I posted this morning and realize that I've made retirement real for him. He's a live in the moment kind of person, so my constant talk about threads on E-R, looking at houses for sale in the town that we want to move to, and knowing which clubs we'll join once we get moved has made it all real for him. I've also sent him a series of 'meeting notices' in Outlook that are counting down by quarter to our planned retirement date. As of Jan 1, we had 12 quarters to go, so in April he'll see "11 quarters to go" pop up.

So without realizing what I was doing I made a live in the moment kind of guy live vicariously through the wonderful people on this board and now he wants to be able to go out and play too.
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Old 02-22-2013, 01:29 PM   #15
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Wow I've been considering posing a question on how to get my wife see saving as important. Here you've actually accomplished it. My plan right now is just to show her that Saving money doesn't mean you can't spend any! Congrats!!!
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Old 02-22-2013, 01:33 PM   #16
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I've also sent him a series of 'meeting notices' in Outlook that are counting down by quarter to our planned retirement date. As of Jan 1, we had 12 quarters to go, so in April he'll see "11 quarters to go" pop up.
Thats a GREAT idea ! You've made it so real he can actually feel it TODAY ! nice work
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Old 02-22-2013, 01:52 PM   #17
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He's still not interested in 'finances'. He knows where all our money and investments are parked but has no interest in managing any of it...and that's ok! It just means I need to build a comprehensive binder in case I go before he does.

What he is interested in is how to reach FI as quickly as possible, which for him has tripped a switch in his brain that it is better to cut the frivolous spending so we can retire sooner.
That is what is important - having your spouse working toward and focused on the same end goal as you. Even if they don't want to constantly deal with the minutia.
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Old 02-22-2013, 03:28 PM   #18
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Good thing he has you. Would not turn out too good for him if he was on his own.
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Old 02-22-2013, 03:38 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Lisa99 View Post
I've thought more about what I posted this morning and realize that I've made retirement real for him. He's a live in the moment kind of person, so my constant talk about threads on E-R, looking at houses for sale in the town that we want to move to, and knowing which clubs we'll join once we get moved has made it all real for him. I've also sent him a series of 'meeting notices' in Outlook that are counting down by quarter to our planned retirement date. As of Jan 1, we had 12 quarters to go, so in April he'll see "11 quarters to go" pop up.

So without realizing what I was doing I made a live in the moment kind of guy live vicariously through the wonderful people on this board and now he wants to be able to go out and play too.
Very sophisticated behavior modification. Good job! To enable someone to actively want to do some difficult thing that previously they did not want to do is quite a feat.

Ha
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