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Switching from spender to saver is possible!
02-22-2013, 07:56 AM
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#1
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,440
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Switching from spender to saver is possible!
A few minutes ago I told DH that I was running to McDonald's for a breakfast sandwich and asked if he wanted anything.
His response, "No, and you shouldn't either, you're spending our retirement money." (we're not retired yet)
I almost fell over...this coming from the same man that I've moaned about on this forum regarding his excessive spending habits.
So what's changed? I've moved the laptop computer that I use to update our finances/investments to the living room. Every Sunday afternoon while we're watching mindless TV I update Quicken and involve him in a financial discussion (i.e., "look how great we did on budget this week", "let's see what FireCalc says if we take SS at 62 instead of 67 or 70", etc.).
Two weekends ago we determined what our FIRE number is together. I already knew what the target number was, but he hadn't bought into it. So together we worked out our retirement budget (which was an eye opener for him since he had no clue that healthcare would be so expensive) then we figured out what we'd need to fund that retirement (i.e., our FI #)
He wants to retire early so he can play all day (he'll be 51 when we retire). And now that he knows realistically what it will take to fund our playing, he's turning into a saver instead of a spender!
__________________
Learning how to be still, to really be still and let life happen - that stillness becomes a radiance -
Morgan Freeman
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02-22-2013, 08:08 AM
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#2
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 402
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Congrats! Having the spouse on-board is key to making sure your ship comes in. 
__________________
"The future's uncertain, and the end is always near. Let it roll, baby, roll." - The Doors
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02-22-2013, 08:11 AM
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#3
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 944
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Great news, congrats. Having your SO on the same page with FI goal can really move things along. Not having to deal with all the BS slung at you at megacorp these days is flat out priceless.
I was 49 when I freed myself - tell your hubby he's gonna love it! 
__________________
Freed at 49. You only live once - live it
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02-22-2013, 08:14 AM
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#4
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,440
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 Quote:
Originally Posted by Donzo
Great news, congrats. Having your SO on the same page with FI goal can really move thing along. Not having to deal with all the BS slung at you at megacorp these days is flat out priceless.
I was 49 when I frre myself - tell your hubby he's gonna love it! |
Thanks Donzo and Tree Dweller and no kidding on the BS. It's been one of those weeks where if we would have been close to our FI #, I would have resigned...the BS bucket was full to overflowing.
What was funny is when DH got home that day and I told him about the drama he told me to be sure to call him if I ever did really resign cause he'd do the same immediately. So we're definitely on the same page!
__________________
Learning how to be still, to really be still and let life happen - that stillness becomes a radiance -
Morgan Freeman
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02-22-2013, 08:22 AM
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#5
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Fair Lawn
Posts: 2,963
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Congrats. I'm fortunate in that DW and I have always been on the same page regarding our finances. But a very close friend of mine is in the same situation as you used to be, and he is very frustrated by it. Congrats again.
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02-22-2013, 08:26 AM
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#6
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: NC
Posts: 21,304
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Congrats, that's a great step (seriously).
It's never easy, but IMO wives are better able to "train" husbands, than vice versa. DW has been trying to train me for 33 years, and me her, both with little to no success - but we'll NEVER stop trying, it's too much fun. [/tongueincheekmaybe]
__________________
No one agrees with other people's opinions; they merely agree with their own opinions -- expressed by somebody else. Sydney Tremayne
Retired Jun 2011 at age 57
Target AA: 50% equity funds / 45% bonds / 5% cash
Target WR: Approx 1.5% Approx 20% SI (secure income, SS only)
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02-22-2013, 08:54 AM
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#7
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Recycles dryer sheets
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 194
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You are in trouble now! You have created a Frankenstein's Monster. Once you are retired you will end up with a parsimonious, tightfisted, stingy husband who won't spend a dime to enjoy life. 
Just kidding. :-)
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02-22-2013, 09:00 AM
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#8
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Conroe, Texas
Posts: 18,731
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Lisa, can you train my wife? (kidding, of course (but PM me))
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*********Go Yankees!*********
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02-22-2013, 09:09 AM
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#9
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Full time employment: Posting here.
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 984
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That is awesome! I have turned DH onto looking for treasures while he is on his walk! He calls me now with the address if there is something worthwhile on the curb 
I am also training him by using natural cleaners, home made body wash, and will be trying out the home made detergent. LOL! It's good to have a partner who is willing to be a good sport and be part of a team
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02-22-2013, 09:11 AM
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#10
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 13,150
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Sometimes the most difficult thing is starting.
__________________
Have you ever seen a headstone with these words
"If only I had spent more time at work" ... from "Busy Man" sung by Billy Ray Cyrus
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02-22-2013, 09:34 AM
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#11
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,862
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This almost made me cry. Congratulations to you. This gives me some hope that I can get DH interested. What I don't understand, is how can you NOT be interested in this stuff? I can't imagine handing this over to him, and never being involved again - it just makes sense for both of you to be up on things. If I go to the great Early Retirement Grounds in the sky first, he is hosed.
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02-22-2013, 10:03 AM
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#12
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,994
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A big Congrats Lisa99.! I've been working on my DH for years. Haven't talked about it on these boards. Difference in how we view money and the path to wealth/FI. I've gone the slow, save, invest, let it compound, create a cash cow route while he would rather try to get rich quick...which as most here can surmise is not without it's downers. Also, his view is "you can't take it with you" while mine is "to plan for what is needed". Hence another reason our finances are totally separate. He will likely have to work well past 65 if he doesn't invest it more conservatively since he is within the 10 year retirement window already. Good thing he has his own CPA practice and CAN work. Meaning he is not subject to the whim of other employers.
I can attest that it is far better for both to be on he same page.
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02-22-2013, 10:13 AM
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#13
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Tampa Bay Area
Posts: 1,866
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wow - congratulations !!!! I got hubby on board two years ago and suggested that we both have the same monthly "allowance" that we could spend however we wanted without question. If you want something, you save for it - just like we did when we were kids and a young married couple. Its worked wonders. Its especially gratifying when he says "I'd rather you retired then us buying xyz" !
You should be VERY proud of yourself -- AND HIM !
__________________
"For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." ~
Hebrews 12:11
ER'd in June 2015 at age 52. Initial WR 3%. 50/40/10 (Equity/Bond/Short Term) AA.
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02-22-2013, 11:58 AM
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#14
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,440
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SumDay
This almost made me cry. Congratulations to you. This gives me some hope that I can get DH interested. What I don't understand, is how can you NOT be interested in this stuff? I can't imagine handing this over to him, and never being involved again - it just makes sense for both of you to be up on things. If I go to the great Early Retirement Grounds in the sky first, he is hosed.
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He's still not interested in 'finances'. He knows where all our money and investments are parked but has no interest in managing any of it...and that's ok! It just means I need to build a comprehensive binder in case I go before he does.
What he is interested in is how to reach FI as quickly as possible, which for him has tripped a switch in his brain that it is better to cut the frivolous spending so we can retire sooner.
I've thought more about what I posted this morning and realize that I've made retirement real for him. He's a live in the moment kind of person, so my constant talk about threads on E-R, looking at houses for sale in the town that we want to move to, and knowing which clubs we'll join once we get moved has made it all real for him. I've also sent him a series of 'meeting notices' in Outlook that are counting down by quarter to our planned retirement date. As of Jan 1, we had 12 quarters to go, so in April he'll see "11 quarters to go" pop up.
So without realizing what I was doing I made a live in the moment kind of guy live vicariously through the wonderful people on this board and now he wants to be able to go out and play too.
__________________
Learning how to be still, to really be still and let life happen - that stillness becomes a radiance -
Morgan Freeman
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02-22-2013, 12:29 PM
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#15
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Dryer sheet wannabe
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 13
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Wow I've been considering posing a question on how to get my wife see saving as important. Here you've actually accomplished it. My plan right now is just to show her that Saving money doesn't mean you can't spend any! Congrats!!!
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02-22-2013, 12:33 PM
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#16
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Tampa Bay Area
Posts: 1,866
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa99
I've also sent him a series of 'meeting notices' in Outlook that are counting down by quarter to our planned retirement date. As of Jan 1, we had 12 quarters to go, so in April he'll see "11 quarters to go" pop up.
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Thats a GREAT idea ! You've made it so real he can actually feel it TODAY ! nice work
__________________
"For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." ~
Hebrews 12:11
ER'd in June 2015 at age 52. Initial WR 3%. 50/40/10 (Equity/Bond/Short Term) AA.
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02-22-2013, 12:52 PM
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#17
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 7,746
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa99
He's still not interested in 'finances'. He knows where all our money and investments are parked but has no interest in managing any of it...and that's ok! It just means I need to build a comprehensive binder in case I go before he does.
What he is interested in is how to reach FI as quickly as possible, which for him has tripped a switch in his brain that it is better to cut the frivolous spending so we can retire sooner.
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That is what is important - having your spouse working toward and focused on the same end goal as you. Even if they don't want to constantly deal with the minutia.
__________________
Retired in 2013 at age 33. Keeping busy reading, blogging, relaxing, gaming, and enjoying the outdoors with my wife and 3 kids (8, 13, and 15).
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02-22-2013, 02:28 PM
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#18
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,038
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Good thing he has you. Would not turn out too good for him if he was on his own.
__________________
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
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02-22-2013, 02:38 PM
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#19
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa99
I've thought more about what I posted this morning and realize that I've made retirement real for him. He's a live in the moment kind of person, so my constant talk about threads on E-R, looking at houses for sale in the town that we want to move to, and knowing which clubs we'll join once we get moved has made it all real for him. I've also sent him a series of 'meeting notices' in Outlook that are counting down by quarter to our planned retirement date. As of Jan 1, we had 12 quarters to go, so in April he'll see "11 quarters to go" pop up.
So without realizing what I was doing I made a live in the moment kind of guy live vicariously through the wonderful people on this board and now he wants to be able to go out and play too.
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Very sophisticated behavior modification. Good job! To enable someone to actively want to do some difficult thing that previously they did not want to do is quite a feat.
Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
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