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Old 04-28-2008, 11:05 AM   #21
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It's just hard for me to feel sorry for "lifestyle trapped" people. They chose their priorities!

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Old 04-28-2008, 12:59 PM   #22
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It's just hard for me to feel sorry for "lifestyle trapped" people. They chose their priorities!

Audrey
Agreed. I do feel bad for the responsible family members. They LBYM and then when their irresponsible family members need help, they are looked at to help out. Or they are cast into a 'they have all the luck' bucket because they handled their finances responsibly.

My situation is that my older brother and sister wouldn't be able to get by without our Mother's help. The unfortunate part is that she would like to retire, but she can't afford to. Of course, since I'm the responsible one (on track to FI by mid/late 40's), I'm listed as executor of her estate. Some day there's going to be an unpleasant conversation with my siblings. But my approach is to lay out all assets, split it three ways, and move on. No prolonged discussions. Hopefully it works out and if not, well, that'll be a bummer.
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Old 04-28-2008, 01:12 PM   #23
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There won't be much of an estate to divide when Dad passes, and I hope he spends and enjoys every last dime!

On the brighter side, one of my brothers and my sister will keep SS going for many more years...
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Old 04-28-2008, 02:18 PM   #24
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One of my sisters must be in money problems since I got a check out of the blue from my parents. They always send out money equally.
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Old 04-28-2008, 02:33 PM   #25
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One of my sisters must be in money problems since I got a check out of the blue from my parents. They always send out money equally.
Interesting. Thats the same way my in laws are. What they spend on one daughter they do the same for the other.
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Old 04-28-2008, 02:39 PM   #26
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One of my sisters must be in money problems since I got a check out of the blue from my parents. They always send out money equally.
Ugh, DW's mother does this. We don't share the exact details of our finances with her, but she knows that we are generally well-off, especially compared to DW's two sisters. Yet every so often she feels guilty about helping DW's sisters and sends us a check. I really do not want to accept the money, but DW tells me she would be very offended if we turned her down.

My parents have no such compulsion. By and large they have helped each of us when we needed it, and not felt the need to spread it around haphazardly.
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Old 04-28-2008, 04:02 PM   #27
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It's seems like we are constantly hearing messages telling us MORE! It could be ads, lifestyles we see on tv and movies, or the neighbor up the street with the new car.

I can see how it's easy to fall into that trap. I've done it myself a couple of times. My brother and sister both got in a little deep, but were smart enough to pull back and are doing better. I've got co w*rkers who I have to restrain from saying 'I hope you love your job because you'll have to work till you die'.

It's easy to look at someone and think they must be rich because of all the stuff they have. Then you have to wonder if they they own the stuff or does it own them. I've come to learn that true wealth is really freedom to do what you enjoy without worrying 'how am I going to pay for this'.
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Old 04-28-2008, 05:26 PM   #28
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She bought nice cars, nice townhome, designer clothes and jewelry.
I used to know plenty of people in the navy who spent their entire paycheques on a combination of booze, cars, clothes and expensive stereos.
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Old 04-28-2008, 05:49 PM   #29
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I used to know plenty of people in the navy who spent their entire paycheques on a combination of booze, cars, clothes and expensive stereos.
You forgot women and song.
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Old 04-28-2008, 07:45 PM   #30
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It's easy to look at someone and think they must be rich because of all the stuff they have. Then you have to wonder if they they own the stuff or does it own them.
One of my favorite TV commercials (haven't seen it for a while) was for some debt-reduction organization. It showed a guy in front of a large house, pillars holding up the roof over the front porch, he's sitting on his lawn tractor on the expansive lawn, new 'Benz, SUV & boat on a trailer in the background. "How do I do it? I'm up to my eyeballs in debt!"
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Old 04-28-2008, 08:05 PM   #31
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I have to admit one of my biggest fears is the want/need/expectation of my children for money after they are adults. I figure that would be the largest detriment to FIRE, unless the stock market tanks too.
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Old 04-28-2008, 08:07 PM   #32
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I intend to spend 90% of my money on booze and broads. The other 10% I'll spend foolishly...

With acknowledgement to Ben on Raddr's board
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Old 04-28-2008, 08:12 PM   #33
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FD, I feel your pain.

DW's family has a lot of "issues" and since blood is thicker than water (whatever than means!) we have done a lot to support certain members of the family that got in some serious financial trouble with no way out. One is disabled, divorced, no alimony, no savings and is living with her sister's family. (Thank God we don't live close by!). We gave her DW's old car, paid her medical bills, paid off her debt so the creditors would not take her to court and I got her on Calif. assistence and Soc. Sec. Disability. We even had her on our cell phone service for a year until she lost the phone we gave her.

At some point you have to say...NO! We are at that point. If she were to do more for herself we might be more willing to help.

My mother is self-sufficient and should be so until she dies. The product of LBYM and staying out of debt. She is not all that well off in total assets but she will not out live her cash flow...and that is all any of us can really ask for.
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Old 04-28-2008, 08:21 PM   #34
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I have to admit one of my biggest fears is the want/need/expectation of my children for money after they are adults. I figure that would be the largest detriment to FIRE, unless the stock market tanks too.
I put my two kids through college but part of the deal was for them to work part time to help. They both did and I supported them for the agreed to amount of time. They are both done now and I am off the hook. They are better for the experience and I have no doubts they will do well in their financial life. We talked about debt and finances many times so the seed was planted early (despite their mother's actions.).

If my spending goes as planned, they should still inherit a nice chunk of change unless DW exceedes her insurance life time maximum.

It is hard to say No to family. I know if my mother, kids or brother needed help I would do what I could to help them out. They would do the same for me. If I had to go back to w*rk to help them out I would do it. Sometimes you just have to do what is in your heart.
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Old 04-28-2008, 08:45 PM   #35
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It is hard to say No to family. I know if my mother, kids or brother needed help I would do what I could to help them out. They would do the same for me. If I had to go back to w*rk to help them out I would do it. Sometimes you just have to do what is in your heart.
Absolutely. I've helped my dad a few times since my mom died in '95, and was happy to do it. Over the years I've loaned money to my siblings when they've hit hard times after lay-offs and the like, and been happy to do so - they always paid me back once they were back on their feet.
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Old 04-28-2008, 08:49 PM   #36
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In debt up to my eyeballs...

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Old 04-28-2008, 08:53 PM   #37
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is hard to say No to family. I know if my mother, kids or brother needed help I would do what I could to help them out. They would do the same for me. If I had to go back to w*rk to help them out I would do it. Sometimes you just have to do what is in your heart.

I help my Mother out . She always lived frugally but my parents never made a lot and my Dad died when my Mom was only sixty three. She appreciates everything I do and I am glad to do it .
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Old 04-29-2008, 07:50 AM   #38
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It is hard to say No to family. I know if my mother, kids or brother needed help I would do what I could to help them out. They would do the same for me. If I had to go back to w*rk to help them out I would do it. Sometimes you just have to do what is in your heart.
As I have told DW, I would willingly bail out any of our siblings or parents, if necessary. But there would be a limit.
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Old 04-29-2008, 07:59 AM   #39
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Ugh, DW's mother does this. We don't share the exact details of our finances with her, but she knows that we are generally well-off, especially compared to DW's two sisters. Yet every so often she feels guilty about helping DW's sisters and sends us a check. I really do not want to accept the money, but DW tells me she would be very offended if we turned her down.
I would be glad to give you my mailing address if you would like to forward the check to me. I'll put the money to good use.
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Old 04-29-2008, 06:57 PM   #40
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I used to know plenty of people in the navy who spent their entire paycheques on a combination of booze, cars, clothes and expensive stereos.
And I'll bet they just wasted the rest!

Okay, a bit of an old joke.
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