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Old 10-17-2010, 06:13 AM   #21
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I am glad I posted this question, although it is embarrassing to look at.
I am, also. This is the type of thread that makes this the "best forum on the Internet." I had, when reading the OP, hoped for a better solution but I am very impressed with the diversity of the advice given as well as the quality of it. Thanks for posting.
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Old 10-17-2010, 08:00 AM   #22
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IMO, there are two strong possibilities....


The DH does NOT want the wife to know everything and is secretive about their finances to her.... but she has looked and sees a large amount of money going out the door that does not support her or her family.... putting your nose in here is not a great idea...

The DH is not secretive, but has put his foot down and said this is the way it is... I am going to support my mother, I am going to do X.... etc. etc.. and she does not like it and is looking to get your help to try and change his mind.... again, not a great idea to interfere....


A smaller possibility is the DH really does not know much about finances... this is where you can talk to him and give a hint on some possible ideas on finance.... if you are interested.... if he shows interest.... great... if he say thanks but no thanks.... going any farther is a disaster in the making...



Sure, she might not be in a great place... one of my wife's friends is getting a divorce and she is in her mid 50s and does not work... they were not married for many years, so she is not going to get much... she did not know anything about their finances.... but found out that he had lots of money with part ownership of a family farm and other investments.... that he claims are separate etc. etc. She has no way to prove anything as she never did look at the finances...
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Old 10-17-2010, 08:41 AM   #23
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Don't be embarrassed - this is the equivalent of counting to 10 before taking an action you are not sure of.
Wow.....what a great response Alan. Thank you.
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Old 10-17-2010, 08:59 AM   #24
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Boy, same here! Humility is a good strategy when it comes to other people's personal stuff.

Then again, you are with this lady for hours and hours at a time, so there is no way you can avoid talking about finance since it's one of your favorite topics. So she will have to learn something, if only by osmosis

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I am still very aware of all the dumb moves I have made, and of how easy it is to continue making new, as yet untried dumb moves.

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Old 10-17-2010, 10:35 AM   #25
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Then again, you are with this lady for hours and hours at a time, so there is no way you can avoid talking about finance since it's one of your favorite topics.
This is true. We don't talk about anything other than technique during the dance time, but we almost always have coffee and cheese or something after. She and DH too knew how money-stressed I was back in winter '08/'09, and were a support for me to decompress a little.

Ha
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Old 10-19-2010, 05:42 PM   #26
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Update

I saw my dance partner and her DH this morning. She told me that they had talked, and that he planned to talk to his brother about strategies to stop the negative cash flow. Then when he showed up he told me a little more. It is possible that he doesn't tell her much because she is so dense about it.

I am so glad I got help here at the forum, because I am completely clear of any responsibility, and perhaps as important, I am not so exposed to additional boundary problems that can surface in these socially complex relationships. Not just their boundaries, but mine too.

Then we had a couple hours of nice dancing and I headed home to lunch.

Ha
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Old 10-19-2010, 06:43 PM   #27
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I'm pleased to hear that the situation is resolving itself amicably.
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Old 10-19-2010, 09:45 PM   #28
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I would say you handled it well and dodged a bullet!



This forum is a way beter place to ask a question or make a mistake than real life!
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