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Old 06-28-2014, 09:23 PM   #41
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Told late FIL. He was concerned DW wouldn't put his/her inheritance to good use. I finally pulled him into the office and showed him my 401k statement. It was more than he said his estate was worth. He couldn't understand how we accumulated so much. He was happy DW learned how to save money.
I have the reverse situation. My in-laws received a pretty big inheritance when DW's grandmother had passed away but they believe they had to earn it by doing all that was asked of them. In turn, they now expect DW to earn the inheritance as well.

Even though we've communicated that they should enjoy their money and we do not expect any inheritance from them, they continually try to dangle that carrot in front of us. I wish we could show them how "financially fine" we are so they could stop trying to coax us.... but naturally we won't.

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Nothing good comes from disclosing your net worth or income.
I once told my mother how much I earn. I've never seen her more content to learn that all her sacrifices to work 7 days, 12 hours a day to send her son to college paid off in terms of leaving her legacy.
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Old 06-28-2014, 10:35 PM   #42
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My parents were proud beyond proud when I decided to go to medical school because they knew that meant financial independence for me. My loan for med school amounted to one year of DS's current college expenses!

But it was my parents' frugal lifestyle and my inheritance that bumped up my FI by ~5 years.

On my side of the family, money is easily discussed in generalities, as two of my dad's sisters married great business owners, and the wealth there borders on ridiculousness. so my cousins and I can discuss investments, etc. rather freely. My phone conversations with my sister now often evolve into our different investing strategies, given that we both inherited a 7 figure amount. The process of executing my father's estate brought a level of trust between sis and I that never existed before. And the relief she experienced financially absolutely stunned her.

I shared my retirement plans with my one poorest aunt. She sent me a lovely congratulatory card. Some forms of wealth are not in money but in sheer kindness...

My husband's side--both brothers are as poor as dirt but we (and I think they) know it's their own fault. One has drugs to blame. Not sure about the other one.

Fortunately this EastWest Gal moved away from any and all potential moochers. And DS is no spendthrift either. So no worries there.

I've enjoyed and benefitted from the stories in this thread. It made me count my blessings. Thank you all.



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Old 06-28-2014, 11:33 PM   #43
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DW, and a little bit to MIL to put her at ease. And a little to my ex-partners at work to suppress the "what are you doing for money" questions after I retired.
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Old 06-29-2014, 01:03 AM   #44
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My two brothers know how much I currently make and approximately how much I expect to have in retirement. They are in a similar financial situation and are money savvy so we like to discuss retirement planning and how to budget and invest money. Also my older brother will handle my finances if I should become incapacitated.

I don't disclose much to my sisters for fear of causing resentment. They will have decent pensions (better than mine) but have not contributed to a 401k or paid down their mortgages. As educators, they don't make as much as the rest of us but do have more vacation time. I put a substantial amount of my salary in savings (401k, Roth, HSA, extra on mortgage) and pay a lot in taxes so don't think my net salary is that much greater than them. But the one or two times that I tried to explain this, it did not go over that well so I now keep quiet.

At work, most don't talk about finances. Our jobs require security clearances so it is best to be discreet. My co-workers are financially conservative engineers but one would not want anything one says to be misconstrued.
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Old 06-29-2014, 10:33 AM   #45
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Nothing good comes from disclosing your net worth or income.

I stick with generalities, like we are doing "OK".
+1 We've always lived below our means and have told no one of our financial success because of it.

Since we've always lived below our means, relatives were surprised to eventually discover that we retired at 58/56. We didn't announce our retirement - just started it. Over time, we've told those that asked - that we retired when the company I worked for went bankrupt back in 2008. No one has asked how we've managed to do it, but a couple of years ago (in separate incidences) both sides of the family accidentally learned that we also spend winters in Florida. Got them all wondering "how can owners of a single low cost car (2013 Kia Forte) and a single family home in a retirement community pull this all off". Some of them now no longer associate with us, and only see them at infrequent family gatherings (if at all.)

Our two daughters don't know our net worth, and our plan is to inform them when we start to deteriorate mentally (assuming that both of us won't deteriorate at the same time), or when one of us passes (assume that I will go first). They also invest where we have our investments - had the foresight to have them both roll their old 401Ks over to Vanguard so they will be familiar with them when the time comes. Accidentally had them both exposed to knowledge of our net worth when they were mistakenly elevated to our Flagship status at Vanguard and they started to receive correspondence from our representative. Found this out when our youngest showed me a congratulations card from him for being with Vanguard for 10 years (I never got one of those). Quickly pulled that status so they won't eventually "connect the dots'. This must have happened when we were assigned to a new Flagship representative, as the previous rep was told not to give them Flagship status (can't thank him enough)......

I've had discussions with the oldest daughter on how to properly take our funds from Vanguard to avoid potential tax disaster when we've both passed. Will do this with the youngest also. When the time comes to inform them of our net worth/their future inheritance - both of them will have to be involved in helping us (or the survivor) manage our finances. Hopefully together they will learn how we were successful and how they may be just as successful taking over management of our life's savings when we're old and of diminished mental capacity .
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Old 06-29-2014, 12:56 PM   #46
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One thing I did noticed since my father was quiet open about money was a few gold diggers came by for my older brother. One lady showed up with her daughter and asked my older brother what he made and some of the families income. He told her his income and the families income. She quickly left the house when she figured out it would be us who were digging the gold. Her family was worth several times what our family was worth.
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Old 06-29-2014, 01:14 PM   #47
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Nobody except DW, nobody. Why does anyone else need to know? With due respect, if you want to tell someone else, it might be to satisfy your own ego?
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Old 06-29-2014, 01:27 PM   #48
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I stick with generalities, but I must admit I am a bit curious about my friends' numbers. While I tend to associate with LBYM folks, some of them seem more financially secure than others. Occasionally I cringe when I hear about bad financial decisions, such as investing in mutual funds with high MERs.
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Old 06-29-2014, 01:43 PM   #49
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Only DH, although DD may have a general idea.
I've hinted to my mom to help ease her mind (I'm her executor) and I believe DH has shared with his parents that we are doing fine to ease their minds (he is their executor). We do not share with sisters or brothers. Two of my sisters have "victim mentalities" and really don't need to know.

I plan to retire on 8/1 this year and DH in 2016 (debtfree) Not much will change in our lifestyle.
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Old 06-29-2014, 01:53 PM   #50
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Nobody except DW, nobody. Why does anyone else need to know? With due respect, if you want to tell someone else, it might be to satisfy your own ego?
My father grew up very poor and hated the idea of being known as poor so he told everyone he was rich. In a since he was compared to his childhood. Rich means different things to different people. Rich in Appalachia and rich in San Francisco are two different things. But both men can call themselves rich if they want.
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Old 06-29-2014, 02:54 PM   #51
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At some point by the time I turn 70 my inheriting son needs to know.
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Old 06-29-2014, 03:40 PM   #52
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I don't see upside in telling anyone that doesn't need to know.


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Old 06-29-2014, 03:49 PM   #53
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I haven't told anyone. It is funny that at w*rk (I'm still working, yuk!) a co-worker makes remarks that moths fly out of my wallet and he makes creecking sounds when I open it. I always keep large denom bills, like 100s or 50s, so when someone asks to break a 5, I make sure they see the 50s, and I say I can't break such small amounts. Kind of a ongoing laugh.

I think they might think I am loaded after I bought my Condo for cash and told a few people. Now I am leaking the retirement news and they have got to be wondering how a 49 yo can retire.

I can't believe it when I see them spending $7 on breakfast and $10+ on lunch. I am saying to myself, what a waste. They just don't get it. And they have to have the latest gadgets and new cars every three years.

The frugal guy will have the last laugh.
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Old 06-29-2014, 03:51 PM   #54
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While I am sure the safest course is to keep ones mouth shut about money. I don't always do safe things.

My mom knows if for no other reason than to keep her from worrying about me and both sisters have a reasonable god idea, and I know there is a a bit of envy. Most of my closest friends know I'm worth "millions", I think I disappointed one of my friends when he found out that no I didn't have a 8 figure net worth not even 1/2..

The one benefit of being somewhat open about money is to tend to get question about money and retirement from friends and even those who aren't really close. I kinda of think we have a moral obligation to spread the wisdom of the board, LYBM, low investment expenses, diversification, 4% rule, and even the holy trinity of the ER board, Vanguard, Costco and PenFed .

Seriously, I'd much rather a person get money advice from virtually any forum regular than their local Amerprise adviser.

A couple of week I got a call from one of my closest friends new wife about retirement. They both had attended retirement seminar put on by their respective employers about pensions. She had questions for me about how do I know when I had enough. It was great opportunity to talk not only about the 4% rule, but also talk about when they should take SS. At almost 60 he is 5 years old and has had much higher income. But even more important was it gave me an opportunity to stress that income is not even 1/2 the equation for successful retirement, knowing your expense is even more important.

We talked about Mint and Quicken, and how important it is to enter retirement debt free (other than a mortgage). Now I don't honestly expect her to start using Mint this year. But she has a real spending problem, and if she can grasp that she can't really retire until she know how much she spends, may eventually motivate her to face realities.

The fact that I accumulated enough assets to retire early and many people know it, I think gives me credibility to speak with some authority.
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Old 06-29-2014, 03:54 PM   #55
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We have some friends who are debt free, and when we paid off our mortgage, we shared that with them, but neither couple knows specifics of the other couples net worth.

Other than this, no friends or family know bupkis about our finances. I fear the kids would have us knocked off if they knew what we are worth.
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Old 06-29-2014, 04:09 PM   #56
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Nobody except DW, nobody. Why does anyone else need to know? With due respect, if you want to tell someone else, it might be to satisfy your own ego?
Not really, I have a need to talk about life choices and being FI (or not) is a factor in that. Also comparing notes on how to manage investments. There is alot of bad information and discussing with smart people helps.

Mother / brother need to know in case I drop dead.
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Old 06-29-2014, 04:42 PM   #57
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.........The one benefit of being somewhat open about money is to tend to get questions about money and retirement from friends and even those who aren't really close...........
I'm impressed. I've never had anyone heed my financial advice - at least no one that I wasn't married to.
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Old 06-29-2014, 05:08 PM   #58
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Also comparing notes on how to manage investments. There is alot of bad information and discussing with smart people .

+1

I mean the whole point of this site is to discuss this stuff because it's either tough for us to find others to discuss this stuff with or we are to scared to open up about it.


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Old 06-29-2014, 06:36 PM   #59
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Not really, I have a need to talk about life choices and being FI (or not) is a factor in that. Also comparing notes on how to manage investments. There is alot of bad information and discussing with smart people helps.

Mother / brother need to know in case I drop dead.
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+1

I mean the whole point of this site is to discuss this stuff because it's either tough for us to find others to discuss this stuff with or we are to scared to open up about it.


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Discussing here is anonymous for most, so you're really not divulging "to anyone." It's not comparable to telling a friend or family member.

Folks do indeed share $ amounts here, though the "answers" mostly come back to a % of spending (after secure income streams) relative to portfolio/assets, adjusted for age/years remaining. IOW, they can get the same quality answer without divulging $ amounts. $40K spending on a $1MM portfolio is essentially the same as $80K spending on a $2MM portfolio. I doubt many here vary their responses to any given member based on specific $ amounts.

People discuss life choices, FI, investment advice, and everything else here without sharing $ amounts FWIW.

Beneficiaries will know exactly what our assets were when the time comes, when we go poof...YMMV
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Old 06-29-2014, 06:47 PM   #60
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Its tough sometimes to not say a single word. Every single time I have opened my mouth to a real person (instead of on anonymous forums), I have almost always regretted it
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