Workplace BS

[Notmuchlonger]

"4) During a staff meeting, we got the following the question: "If you have 2 horses that can pull 9000 pounds, how many pounds can 4 horses pull?" Well, we're all scratching our heads, and being engineers and such, figure maybe its 18000 pounds? Nope... "30,000 pounds, because the horses are using synergy"..."

Im inspired now! I think I Can I THINK I CAN!! wHOO WHOOOO

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kumquat Assuming 'that idiot' is buying.

For the right idiot, it would be worth paying for your own ammunition booze.

[Donzo]

We were constantly told to focus like a laser beam - and a focused sales team would double sales because of synergy - that explained the silly sales targets.

The company had something called "spring board" - that was going to make the company more profitable - basically it was to have fewer people that have more responsibilities As a manager - every year I had to fight to keep my whole team and also had to give out 2s( a bad rating)even though there were many years when all in my group deserved 3 or better.....
Man I do not miss all the nonsense!!

[ziggy29]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Donzo As a manager - every year I had to fight to keep my whole team and also had to give out 2s( a bad rating)even though there were many years when all in my group deserved 3 or better.....

This "grading on a curve stuff" is crap and I think it's detrimental to developing a teamwork mindset.

If a team has 80% performing at acceptable or better and 20% not cutting it, after cutting the 20% deadwood -- does that mean the remaining group -- now 100% of a downsized team -- is performing acceptably? Nope -- you can't have 100% performing acceptably, even if no one's productivity dropped below the previously "acceptable" level.

Instead, we have to redefine acceptable performance such that 20% of the people who used to perform acceptably are now unacceptable even though their work didn't deteriorate. It's a load of hooey and damaging to morale. And it can make employees feel like they are competing for each other in terms of their "ranking" instead of helping each other toward a common objective.

[brewer12345]

Heh, try all of this in a large consulting firm. Since we were in the business of telling clients how to completely reorganize their operations, we were constantly doing this to ourselves. This was called "eating your own dogfood" internally. One of the internal databases contained a lenghthy list of "TLAs" - Three Letter Acronyms. Otherwise newcomers would have no idea what the more seasoned people were talking about.

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 One of the internal databases contained a lenghthy list of "TLAs" - Three Letter Acronyms. Otherwise newcomers would have no idea what the more seasoned people were talking about.

In the federal workforce, we learn acronyms by the total immersion method.

[Khan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Want2retire In the federal workforce, we learn acronyms by the total immersion method.

Years ago I was trying to explain to explain my job to my parents (maintenance COBOL programming for USAF inventory systems); I realized I was using Fedspeak, ITspeak, and Bizspeak.

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I knew the future looked bleak when management engaged a contractor to write a mission statement.

[bbbamI]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bikerdude Never worked at MegaCorp eh?

Yeah, imagine putting up with 300,000 Ralphs.

[FinanceDude]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 Heh, try all of this in a large consulting firm. Since we were in the business of telling clients how to completely reorganize their operations, we were constantly doing this to ourselves. This was called "eating your own dogfood" internally. One of the internal databases contained a lenghthy list of "TLAs" - Three Letter Acronyms. Otherwise newcomers would have no idea what the more seasoned people were talking about.

What about snafu and fubar??

[brewer12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by FinanceDude What about snafu and fubar??

Amateur stuff.

[Martha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lazygood4nothinbum i'm aware that many service animals help the blind but i didn't know they can read.

That is why they included a picture of the dog.

[Westernskies]

SORRY, but I Gotta agree with Megacorp on the fonts issue. it gets pretty confusing when everyone is using a diffferent font in correspondance, manuals, press releases, etc.
It's about presenting a consistent corporate image , not stifling CREATIVITY....

[Walt34]

Quote:

Originally Posted by UncleHoney Happy hour is at 5:30 pm. You will be there, and you will be HAPPY.

Along the lines of "The Floggings Will Continue Until Morale Improves"

[Nords]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Walt34 Sounds like government. Every unit had to write a "mission statement". Hey, it's a police department! The mission is to lock up bad guys! Why is that so hard to understand?

You guys feel bad about Total Quality Management, we had to call it Total Quality Leadership. Of course there were a number of other TLAs that were created for it.

I thought we were in the business of killing people and breaking things, but then it dawned on me that we were really projecting power from the sea. And then luckily the CNO gave us a "top five" priority list to memorize, so I felt a lot better... and I could get started on his recommended reading list.

Are there recommended reading lists for civilian careers?

[Westernskies]

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer12345 This was called "eating your own dogfood" internally.

We called it "drinking your own bathwater"

[RunningBum]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nords Are there recommended reading lists for civilian careers?

Oh, you bet. A few years ago "Who Moved My Cheese" copies could be seen on about every manager's bookshelf, because the CEO liked it. Sometime before or after there was talk about whether we were "inside the tornado" or something like that from another book.

There were always two ways to know when the latest all-managers meeting was:

1) a brief period of rampant productivity among the staff

2) followed by a month or so where every manager in every meeting spouted the same buzz phrases

[Cattusbabe]

After reading this thread. Oh boy I'm glad I FIREed..

[CCdaCE]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RunningBum Oh, you bet. A few years ago "Who Moved My Cheese" copies could be seen on about every manager's bookshelf, because the CEO liked it. Sometime before or after there was talk about whether we were "inside the tornado" or something like that from another book. There were always two ways to know when the latest all-managers meeting was: 1) a brief period of rampant productivity among the staff 2) followed by a month or so where every manager in every meeting spouted the same buzz phrases

Time to print off some more "bullshit bingo" cards.

-CC

[Linney]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RunningBum Oh, you bet. A few years ago "Who Moved My Cheese" copies could be seen on about every manager's bookshelf, because the CEO liked it. Sometime before or after there was talk about whether we were "inside the tornado" or something like that from another book.

"Crossing the Chasm" and "Inside the Tornado: Strategies for Developing, Leveraging, and Surviving Hypergrowth Markets" by Geoffrey Moore. They were all the rage at our MegaCorp years ago and have made a surprise reappearance this year with the release of his new work on the 4-Quadrant Model for product development analyzing core versus context and mission critical versus non-mission critical. Please pray for me - I am trying very hard not to sigh every time I hear the buzzwords.

--Linney

[UncleHoney]

A book worth reading to survive the murder and mayhem of corporate life.

Bob Sutton: Orbiting the Giant Hairball: Still the Best Book on Corporate Creativity