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Old 01-01-2008, 05:15 PM   #41
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I would keep it separate......as my (married) mom did when she had an inheritance. She subsequently passed the fruits of that inheritance to me, in trust.

I have a good friend who married a very nice guy who has bipolar disorder. In his manic phases, he spends wildly. That could really destroy a shared inheritance!

Reading the posts so far, the drivers behind stated preferences appear to be:
  • a view of an inheritance as a generational responsibility
  • trust in one's partner (which in turn appears to be related to marriage and experience)
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Old 01-01-2008, 05:17 PM   #42
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AT this point I believe that would apply to the house as well - maybe a trust so the new spouse could live in it until death. I would expect the same from a new spouse if she had money.
If you got married and died... in most states (all?), your wife would have a life estate in your home.. she could live there rent free until she either moved out or died... if you left it to your children they could not force her out... and if SHE did not want to pay the property tax she would not have to...
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Old 01-01-2008, 05:48 PM   #43
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Here in Canada, assets aquired after marriage are joint property in case of relationship breakdown death/divorce/split up. After 2 years of cohabitation you are (for legal purposes) married. That being said, DW (of 30 years) and I always keep our finances separate. If any of DW's assets, and therefore income could be assigned to me by the tax boys we would have a lot less in total.

OT Anecdote
We had friends. She had LOTS of family money, he came from a modest background. They took a European vacation, mostly on her money. She flew 1st class, he in the back. Why? She was willing to pay his ticket but he wasn't willing to pay that much for a few hours of comfort. LYBM.
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Old 01-01-2008, 05:55 PM   #44
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We are in a commonlaw relationship. We had our lawyer draw up a joint venture agreement that enabled us to combine our funds in proportion to how we contributed. The principal remains intact as contributed as well as all subsequent earnings from those contributions. This agreement has served us well during my share of my Dad's inheritance, and will also handle her Mom's pending inheritance sometime in 2008.

The funds go into a trust if either of us dies for the benefit of the survivor for their lives, and then the trust is distributed according to our individual desires for our heirs in proportion to our cumulative contributions. It is really very easy to do this and seems to survive the passage of time and circumstances.
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Old 01-01-2008, 06:03 PM   #45
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We are domestic partners with a child.

My DP inherited significant assets about 8 years ago. She shared it all and its now in a joint, family trust.

I've invested those assets, returning about 8% annually on the inheritance, with a pretty conservative allocation. She doesn't have the interest or time to invest.

we're both very happy with that original decision.

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Old 01-01-2008, 06:36 PM   #46
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I will most likely inherit both money and real estate from my parents. Without hesitation, I will share the money with my wife. The real estate, however, will remain in my name only because the properties have been in my family for generations and I don't want to take any chance with them. They have to remain in the family no matter what. As we don't have any kids, upon my death the properties will go to my sister's kids and not to my wife.
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Old 01-02-2008, 06:16 AM   #47
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My wife and I have been married for 40 years, and have always shared everything, financial and otherwise. I couldn't fathom any other way. When the family farm and home passed to me, my wife's name went right on the deed beside mine. It's been in my family for almost 200 years, but I know my wife, so no worries. It all goes to our daughters, anyway....
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Old 01-02-2008, 09:31 AM   #48
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reading the posts, I do notice a trend to keep large amounts inherited as a 'legacy" to keep said inheritance as legacy.

when dh and i married, his school debt was paid off immediately b/c I can't stand debt, and i realized when i marry the person, i get everything along with the person.

i don't view an inheritance coming down the pike similarly though. if dh were to inherit a substantial amount, and there is no suspician that he will, i would not consider any part of it mine.

my parents have/are set on leaving large amounts for my sibs and I. These are people who still save leftover clean napkins from eating out in their retirement. Alot could happen between now and if that should ever happen, but I plan on keeping monies separate for ds/any future kids.
Part of the problem is dh is very very nice, and good looking to boot. So even if there was no inheritance, if I were to kick the can, there would already be plenty of gold diggers around.
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Old 01-02-2008, 03:39 PM   #49
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reading the posts, I do notice a trend to keep large amounts inherited as a 'legacy" to keep said inheritance as legacy.

when dh and i married, his school debt was paid off immediately b/c I can't stand debt, and i realized when i marry the person, i get everything along with the person.

i don't view an inheritance coming down the pike similarly though. if dh were to inherit a substantial amount, and there is no suspician that he will, i would not consider any part of it mine.

my parents have/are set on leaving large amounts for my sibs and I. These are people who still save leftover clean napkins from eating out in their retirement. Alot could happen between now and if that should ever happen, but I plan on keeping monies separate for ds/any future kids.
Part of the problem is dh is very very nice, and good looking to boot. So even if there was no inheritance, if I were to kick the can, there would already be plenty of gold diggers around.

I would think this is for the 'new' kind of family with multiple marriages, divorces and half brothers etc....

OR, no kids....

If not, would you not want to leave everything to your kids?

Now, of course there is the 'bimbo' factor.... where the wife dies and the old husband goes out and finds a 'bimbo' to marry and leaves everything to HER and not the kids...
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Old 01-02-2008, 07:40 PM   #50
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no doubt about it - share with DW. Been together 33 years and shared everything from day 1
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Old 01-03-2008, 09:53 AM   #51
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So all the married people will share . How about some of our single posters ? What would you do ?

-----
Hi Moemg - I'm single (divorced), and I'd probably say it depends.

My aunt and uncle are not married, mosty because of financial considerations, but have been together for 20 years, and will be together until the end. They keep their money separate - he has children from his first marriage, she wants her money to go to her nieces (my sister and I). But, they both have trusts set up so that if one dies, the other will be taken care of before the money flows to my generation. I would probably do something like this.

I lost a lot in my divorce. I was the big bread winner and am likely to be in most relationships (based on experience in dating the last few years). Although I am generous in paying for things for the people in my life because of this (including vacations and things), I do have a certain need for control over my financial life.

My other new life issue is that my sister and her husband just adopted two daughters. I have no children of my own, and at 38, am unlikely to. I would want to leave something for them. So, any inheritance I get from my parents/aunt, I would probably want whatever I didn't use to go to my nieces. As with my aunt, however, I would certainly make sure my husband was set financially first, if I was to die first.

It's not that I wouldn't share - he (the hypothetical husband) would definitely benefit because the money would allow us to retire earlier or go on more trips or whatever we decided to do with it. I guess, sharing it and having it just in my name are two different things. Having it in my name would be logistically easier, but I wouldn't not share it for things we wanted to do together.
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Old 01-03-2008, 10:09 AM   #52
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I would think this is for the 'new' kind of family with multiple marriages, divorces and half brothers etc....

OR, no kids....

If not, would you not want to leave everything to your kids?

Now, of course there is the 'bimbo' factor.... where the wife dies and the old husband goes out and finds a 'bimbo' to marry and leaves everything to HER and not the kids...
I do want ds to get the bulk of it, which is why I would prefer to set it aside.

This is all based on our current situation. Of course if dh needed the money and it was needed to maintain the standard of living we live, then absolutely it would go into a joint account. But as it is, an inheritance would be extra and just go into "the pot." If someone should walz in, someone who I nor my parents never knew, met, or possibly would never have cared for, I would prefer that they have no access or control over this money.

I think part of it is an understanding of what this inheritance or money means to my particular family. As a pp stated, this is hard worked money that was diligently saved and passed on with the intention of doing something noble. If you are in dire straights and need the money to live, that would qualify. If you invented something and felt strongly to develop it, this might be a justifiable expense.

Living it up, first class plane tickets, exotic vacations are not acceptable ways to spend it. My parents have never stated such. It's just my opinion that they traded their life energy and time for this legacy, and it would be insulting of me to fritter it away.

BTW, I have developed this opnion from seeing what can happen to the legacy intentions of a dead person when their spouse later remarries.
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Old 01-03-2008, 12:03 PM   #53
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BTW, I have developed this opnion from seeing what can happen to the legacy intentions of a dead person when their spouse later remarries.
True enough! Your picture comes off the wall, your ashes get taken off the shelf, and your money goes to make the new spouse comfy.

Thank you Madam, but I will respectfully decline.

Ha
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Old 01-03-2008, 05:14 PM   #54
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My wife and I have been married for 40 years, and have always shared everything, financial and otherwise. I couldn't fathom any other way. When the family farm and home passed to me, my wife's name went right on the deed beside mine. It's been in my family for almost 200 years, but I know my wife, so no worries. It all goes to our daughters, anyway....

Wife and I share everything. We don't keep score. Two become one. Can't see what a marrage would be otherwise. Been married 25 years.
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:58 PM   #55
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I read some of the responses but not all. We have been married for over 16 years with 1 child, and divorce is not an option (not that we're headed that way either). Our set up is that we have our own individual accounts and a joint account. We both make about the same income, so we put the same amount into the account every month, and the rest goes to our individual accounts (to buy whatever we want) - it's all auto deposit. The joint account pays all the home related bills, groceries, and our joint credit card (restaurants, Home Depot, stuff for DD, presents for family members, even though they are all his , etc.). This has worked extremely well for us. We never argue about money, but we're not sticklers either, like "I'm not paying for your shaving cream" type of thing. Sometimes we will pay for household stuff out of our own account (carried the wrong credit card, etc.).

Some of you may remember that I recently inherited money (it totals about $1 million). All of it right now is kept separately from our joint stuff, and I don't comingle the funds. I want control over how the money is used, like I'll be buying a new car (finally after 21 years, more than 1/2 my lifetime!) or go on a spending spree or spa vacation with my friends. If I die, all of it will go to him. I won't care by then. We will be using the money for home remodel at some point, but for the most part, it's going towards our retirement, so he will benefit from it. If we don't use it all, DD will benefit from it.

If nothing changes, when his parents pass away, he will be inherited at least $3 million. I would not expect him to add my name to any of that. I would expect him to buy me something nice though.

I think it depends on the couple too. This arrangement wouldn't work for so many couples. For the longest time, my SIL couldn't figure out the whole joint and individual account thing; finally, she's hearing more about other people keeping their money separate.
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Old 01-30-2008, 03:11 PM   #56
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I would share it and I know DH would, too. In fact, we both inherited small amounts when we were young and both of us shared with the other. We don't separate any of our income or savings. We share everything and consult with one another when we want to buy something. We also share the task of investing, however, I tend to listen to his logic on that one. He's better at it than I am.
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Old 01-30-2008, 03:34 PM   #57
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There would be no need to share with my DH since what's mine is his and what's his is mine. We have joint accounts and share everything equally. He is a fine man who I can trust wholeheartedly.
This sums up my feelings about my wife. There wouldn't even be a question about sharing (all our accounts are joint anyway).

I find the "legacy" discussion interesting. Neither of us stands to inherit much (if anything) from our families, but hypothetically speaking, I don't think I'd view a large inheritance much differently than hitting the lottery or winning the World Series of Poker. Perhaps I'd feel differently if the proceeds came from a family business/family farm, etc. ...? :confused:
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Old 01-30-2008, 03:48 PM   #58
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[quote=retiringby50;609094] Our set up is that we have our own individual accounts and a joint account. We both make about the same income, so we put the same amount into the account every month, and the rest goes to our individual accounts (to buy whatever we want) - it's all auto deposit. The joint account pays all the home related bills, groceries, and our joint credit card (restaurants, Home Depot, stuff for DD, presents for family members, even though they are all his , etc.). This has worked extremely well for us. We never argue about money, but we're not sticklers either, like "I'm not paying for your shaving cream" type of thing. Sometimes we will pay for household stuff out of our own account (carried the wrong credit card, etc.).

/quote]


My late husband and I worked our accounts this way . We also never argued about money but I think we lacked a certain financial intimacy that comes from throwing your money together .
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Old 01-30-2008, 04:11 PM   #59
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I would share with my spouse. If I didn't want to share, I would get a divorce....
I think you've got it right, LOL! that's what marriage is.
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Old 01-30-2008, 07:35 PM   #60
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My DW and I have always pooled our money and it has worked for us. I would definitely share.
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