You're so lucky - How do you respond?

[brewer12345]

Go luck yourself...

Ah, yes, Dick! Cheney.

I think the luck thing salves people's egos. You are a successful er, let them save face.

 

[slowsaver]

Well if you want them to leave you alone (and avoid you forever), you could tell them, "Oh no it isn't luck! I pray every day, thank my Higher Power, and go to daily Spenders Anonymous meetings! Would you like to join me?" Then give them a copy of this: Spenders Anonymous - The Twelve Steps

 

[winger]

I know.

 

[Which Roger]

I've managed to avoid having that sort of conversation with people who are not as "lucky" as I am. In those cases, when they ask if I'm really retired, I say something like "for now" or "I'm too young to retire, but not too young to take a break". Then they won't assume that my financial situation is as good as it is and they'll believe I'm going back to w*ork at some point.

It's a different story with my other ER friends who I know are also well off. We don't share specifics of our financial situations, but nor do we feel compelled to hide the fact that we're doing very well, because there won't be any backlash

 

[gomo]

When most people say "you got lucky" they are just focusing on the end result. They do not realize the hard work that went into the accomplishment that you achieved.

 

[mystang52]

Like other responders, here, I take the high road when "luck" is mentioned. I just smile and say, "Yes, I've been fortunate." That usually ends that particular topic.

 

[frayne]

I respond by telling people that I was fortunate and never subscribed to the fallacy of buying stuff I didn’t need, with money I didn’t have to impress people I didn’t like.

 

[truenorth418]

My new SIL keeps bringing up my early retirement in front of others. She does it in a kind of snotty way. It is very awkward and annoying. She also openly attributes it to the fact that I haven't had children, as if that's the only reason I became financially independent in my 40s. While that's certainly a factor, it ignores all of my hard work, choices, planning, and many personal sacrifices. Also I know there are plenty of parents in this forum.

 

[Gumby]

If you want to have any friends, the best way and (likely the only) way to answer is "Wow, you got that right!" Rubbing people's noses in their failures relative to your success is never a good plan.

Ha

100% agreed. I usually just say "Yes, I am." If they have children, I sometimes follow up with the comment -- "Not having any kids to pay for has made a big difference."

 

[MichaelB]

I also just smile, agree, and acknowledge our good fortune.

 

[clifp]

I do feel like Warren Buffett that did win the genetically lottery and was lucky in many respect. I was born in the US , in California and in the last half of the 20 th century, where analytical skills were more valuable than strength or coordination. I had two parents that loved me, never got divorce, a grandfather that was a great mentor to foster my interest in science and math despite himself not graduating from high school. I found a major which was both interesting computers and electrical engineer, but was also highly in demand. My 3rd Silicon Valley company was a monster success. Now I did all the normal forum things LBYM, learned about investing, and avoid doing stupid things with my money. I'd like to thing I'd still be on track to retire at 55 even if never made a $ off stock options (My IRA are pretty good size) but who knows.

But still I think I am pretty bloody lucky.

 

[behappy]

I have no standard answer. My response depends on the tone and direction of the conversation. If I sense the other person is envious and defensive, I might respond with "oh I don't know this might actually be a problem and I could go back to work someday". No point making him/her greener with envy. On the other hand, if I feel the other person is sincerely receptive to knowing how I was able to do it, I sometimes open up and speak about my planning, LBYM, investing, making time work for you, etc. As a general rule though, I try to avoid conversations about my early retirement and financial independence with friends, family or friends of friends, especially since many of them are still working. There will always be a tinge of envy and sour grape no matter what, just human nature I guess.

That's why I like this forum. I can anonymously open up and share thoughts with people who are on the same boat.

 

[sheehs1]

We usually don't talk about money much with people offline outside our immediate family, so they have no reason to believe we are either lucky or unlucky.

Same. Others may make assumptions but it's not something I openly discuss.

 

[WestLake]

On "Black Friday" each year I feel the need to post on Facebook: "buy stocks, not stuff ".

 

[Walt34]

We don't run into it much. Family knows we don't spend much on travel, hotels, restaurant meals, vacations, new cars, clothes, or many other luxuries. They also think we're a little weird.

But that's okay. I'd rather be weird than living paycheck-to-paycheck as a slave to the credit industry.

 

[teejayevans]

There is a difference between
"you're just lucky" and "you're lucky"
and my response would be different as well

 

[Andre1969]

I don't mind if someone says "You're so lucky" because I equate lucky with fortunate. And, in some ways I have been lucky. Had family help me out during rough times. Had some investments shoot up in value much higher than I ever thought they would (what, Apple at $200 per share?! Never in my lifetime!!) Good health, etc.

But the slight variation that gets under my skin is "You have no idea how lucky you are!" or "You don't know how lucky you are!" etc. That one, I don't know how to respond to. Politely at least...

 

[jollystomper]

I simply smile and say something along the lines of "I just try as best as I can."

 

[panacea]

I make my own luck.

 

[scrabbler1]

A lot depends on how well I know the person and how well that person knows me. To those who know me reasonably well, I reply, "No kids, no debts, and a big blob of company stock I cashed out before it dropped in late 2008." To those I do not know well, I include only the company stock cash-out part and that ends the conversation.

As I see it, being able to ER 5 years ago when I was 45 was the combination of some good life choices, LBYM, and some luck. Being an outlier my whole life gave me the mental ability to withstand peer pressure to make decisions which went against the grain, especially being childfree. I know the company stock thing was a big "luck" factor in my being able to ER, but then again I had many coworkers who had a lot, often much more, in company stock than I did but could not ER because they had made different lifestyle choices which made them keep working. And some coworkers (and others) who could ER chose not to because they simply liked working. Without the company stock, I would still have been able to ER but probably not when I did and it would have been tougher and costlier.

 

[2B]

The people who win the big lottery are lucky. Why is it that almost all of them are broke within a couple of years?

Most people that call you (us?) lucky are mostly jealous. They want what you have (finacial stability) but they aren't willing to do what is needed to make it happen for them. They "need" the new cars, latest gadget, big house. They fact that you don't have all those is irrelevant. You have enough assets to not have to run in the treadmill they find themselves in. That's not "fair."

There's no way you can get them to change their minds. I would suggest you just smile and agree.

 

[Amethyst]

Just let it pass, unless they're being openly nasty or snarky, and then address the nasty/snarkiness, not the "luck" part. I've learned that most people simply don't know what to say to others, so they say the first thing that comes into their heads. It's like when people call someone "lucky" for staying slim - it's just a remark; not an invitation to announce that you, far from being "lucky," are careful about diet and diligent about exercise.

I make an exception in the case of truenorth's horrible-sounding SIL. It is unforgiveable to comment on someone's not having had children. No one has any idea if another person may have struggled for years with fertility issues. I would not engage with such piggy comments; just laugh dismissively and change the subject.

P.S. Would your sib stand up for you if you told him/her that SIL's comments are hurtful? Just a thought.

Amethyst

My new SIL keeps bringing up my early retirement in front of others. She does it in a kind of snotty way. It is very awkward and annoying. She also openly attributes it to the fact that I haven't had children, as if that's the only reason I became financially independent in my 40s. QUOTE]

 

[jayc]

"The harder I work the luckier I get/got." I don't give out advice much anymore other than the generic save and LBYM. When you get that done in 1-2 years stop by and we can go from there.

No one has stopped by yet.

 

[imoldernu]

"You're so lucky"

"Yes, and I'm very thankful for that"

 

[brett]

Same here. I also tell them that it is not enough to work hard. You have to work smart.

We never tell anyone what we have. Not their business, nor would they believe us. They keep wondering though how we can be retired, travel extensively, etc.