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A New Social Life after RE?
Old 09-21-2014, 10:54 PM   #21
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A New Social Life after RE?

Not retired yet.

Most of my friends today are outside the work circle. I find it much more interesting to separate social life from work life.

Not really a joiner by nature but have served in a few leadership positions for hobby topic clubs and that has been fun to help me engage and to keep the professional leadership skills sharp.

On retirement we will be moving to a new location (country?) leaving all current friends behind. I am a bit concerned but our plans to be global nomads should allow us to reconnect with friends from the past across the world... And make some new ones.

Our new retirement location will be a university town. Full of poor students so LbYM should be easy to continue. Being a mentor and maybe having a small hobby/business should provide a path or two for social interaction. Not to mention enrolling on a few classes with some younger college co-eds. That should keep even the crankiest old fart kicking !!!

I also expect there are some mid 40's "lifetime students" hanging around a state university ... Maybe can connect with them.

Many of my friends today are 5-10 years older than me and we have a lot in common- hobbies , kids, etc.
Age differences between adults once above 35 seem to be mostly trivial. I have hobby friends in their 60s too and we all get along great.

Finally consider some of the charity oriented organizations - and consider joining. Some are excellent but membership is heavily skewed toward older members and youthful membership (40s) can really make a positive difference. Examples are free masons, elks, or perhaps rotary club. They need the youthful energy but as you have seen most youth that age are grinding out a living to make a house and car payment and have no time for these organizations
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Old 09-22-2014, 01:16 AM   #22
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I joined a social club after RE and I am pleasantly surprised at how many new friendships I have developed. I think the club's regular activities (of which there are many) are very helpful, because I don't have to make individual arrangements for every meeting. For example, if I want company while walking, I join the Wednesday morning walk, and we go for coffee afterwards. If I am getting to know someone on the walk who enjoys theatre, we may arrange a theatre date. Next thing you know, I'm being invited to dinner, where I meet other interesting people. Friendships fan out from these structured activities and deepen over time. I have now taken three vacations with new friends that I have met, directly or indirectly, through this social club.
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Old 09-22-2014, 05:10 AM   #23
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Our social life has changed since retiring. We are now hanging out more with retired people. It seems that we are fully part of their club now that we are retired. And social events are no longer confined to nights and weekends. They can happen anytime.
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Old 09-22-2014, 06:55 AM   #24
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Great - and timely -topic. Like some other guys here, I have been comfortable with the amount of social interaction provided by siblings and in-laws during my three years of retirement. Once or twice monthly get-togethers with them is all I need. But DW has just joined me inretirement, and she subscibes to the view that an active social life and a wide circle of friends and acquaintances are what are needed now to fend off atrophy. Sounds like a lot of work to me, but we're partners, so we'll be looking at opportunities like some have mentioned in this thread. The last couple of weekends we've even toured some active adult communities, but I can't help but look at those as one step on the road to assisted living. I am not that ready to concede to the truth of my getting older.
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Old 09-22-2014, 07:00 AM   #25
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I'm retired and in my 50's. I've not met anyone else in the same situation so Monday through Friday I just do a lot by myself - hiking, biking, visiting museums - I still see my old friends (who are still working) on weekends, or sometimes for dinner after they're done working on weekdays. This works fine for me.
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Old 09-22-2014, 07:10 AM   #26
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Our life hasn't changed much. Our social circle was outside of work and has remained fairly stable after 10 years. DW is the relationship maintainer so I worry that left on my own I could become a recluse. However, I am a member of and volunteer for a community based nonprofit "Village" that helps seniors age in place. It offer lots of activities that I can see myself participating in in a decade or so. The active members tend to be in their 70s and 80s - I am 66.
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Old 09-22-2014, 07:44 AM   #27
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Definitely some interesting ideas and perspectives. I did speak to an older retiree one day who told me that it took him 3 years to finally settle into a routine, but in the initial year he was totally out of sorts. He liked being retired he just did not have a handle on the transition. In my case, I have school age kids and spending uninterrupted time with them after school and on weekends is priceless. I and DW just need to make sure we put some effort into building a good social network so when they leave the nest we are not sitting in the trees all alone. Ha!
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Old 09-22-2014, 09:30 AM   #28
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I am a 58 year old guy who ERed 19 months ago, and this was/is definitely a concern for me going into retirement as I am an introvert like many here. I did not have any local work friends (I was part of a large national consulting org) so no social network possibilities there. However this has been less of an issue than I thought it would be - here is what is working for me.....

First, I continue to maintain a life long sports hobby - specifically I play on an ice hockey team. This gets me out of the house once or twice a week, and being on a sports team allows for lots of locker room joking around, if you know what I mean. Having said that, I know I won't be playing too much longer due to the risk of injury in this sport, and my teammates are probably not people that I will "hang around with" as long term friends after my playing days are over.

Second, I also would like to put a plug in for meetup.com. Soon after ERing, I joined a hiking group locally, and I liked it so much that I started my own group that hikes during the weekday at mid-day, once or twice a week. This has been the most fun thing I've done since ERing! I get a very interesting set of people joining these mid-day hikes: retirees for sure, also people who do shift work (nurses, retail, etc.), SAHMs, SAHDs, etc etc. I have made several new friends through this activity and I almost get more social interaction than I can handle at times! (My last hike on Friday had 23 people attend - at 11AM on a Friday!). Beyond my hiking group, there are so many things I could do through other meetup groups locally that if I wanted to, I could go to something every day. Strongly recommend looking at what's available via meetup in your city.

Third, consider joining or re-joining support groups which might be appropriate for you, or for which you might be eligible, and maybe you didn't have as much time for prior to ER. We all have something in our lives (now or in the past) that is causing us concern or pain or suffering (be it mental or physical or both). It may be something related to us personally, or it may be due to a family member's illness/addiction, etc. In my case I am a member of Alanon Family Groups, which is the sister program of AA that helps people better cope with a family member's alcoholism. The reason I mention this in this thread is that in addition to the invaluable help such support programs can give us for the issue at hand, they are also a tremendous source of social interaction and friendships. And these tend to be very open, fulfilling friendships as you are able to really let your hair down with people dealing with the same issue(s). So my point is, if you have considered joining such groups/orgs in the past, but never had the time, ER provides the opportunity to do so. Just a suggestion if there are perhaps such groups that may be relevant to you.

Larry
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Old 09-22-2014, 10:04 AM   #29
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One thing I look forward to in ER (down the road) is the ability to make those Tuesday morning group rides, or Thursday morning tennis sessions that I can't currently make. While the makeup may be some older folks, at least they will be of similar interests!
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Old 09-22-2014, 10:33 AM   #30
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Several times since I ERd a year ago, I've found out about some local event, stopped by, and asked "do you need some help?". A couple of times (like at a 5K race over the weekend), I've "only" gotten the satisfaction of helping out with a worthy cause. But at other times, I've met some new people resulting in budding friendships and more active involvement with the organization.
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Old 09-22-2014, 10:51 AM   #31
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Not yet retired but planning on soon and this is an interesting discussion as a result. My wife hasn't worked for about 10 years and her social activity during the day currently revolves mainly around walking the dog and the other dog people she meets . So sometimes when I get home she wants to talk...but I've been at work all day and I just want to veg. Will this change...I wonder.

Neither of us are particularly social, though I am probably slightly more than her. I like being out riding my bike alone and go for 2-4 hrs rides that way currently. And often walk the dog alone too. We have few true friends and even with them see then infrequently since everyone has their own life. I think if you are more social this is a bigger deal than if you are less so. There will be opportunities for social interaction if I chose them since it isn't like we live 10 miles from the nearest house (more like 10') so I guess it will be part of the adventure
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Old 09-22-2014, 12:03 PM   #32
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So, .. 50 something retirees have found and have done to build social connections.
Had the exact same problem and question when I retired 2.5 yrs. ago.
What I decided to do is look at what I loved doing the most and getting involved.
Since I love the outdoors and anything to do with exercise I decided to start going to group bicycling rides. Met a lot of great people that I have a lot in common with.
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Old 09-22-2014, 01:25 PM   #33
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This is a little bit of a tangent, but I have been retired for about 2 years. At first, having lunch with my former co-workers was something I looked forward to, but now, not as much. Not trying to be rude, but they seem like zombies They talk about the problems with their jobs, their health, and/or their marriages and rarely smile. After lunch with them, I have many mixed feelings, but it is mostly a downer as I still care about these people.
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Old 09-22-2014, 01:45 PM   #34
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This is a little bit of a tangent, but I have been retired for about 2 years. At first, having lunch with my former co-workers was something I looked forward to, but now, not as much. Not trying to be rude, but they seem like zombies They talk about the problems with their jobs, their health, and/or their marriages and rarely smile. After lunch with them, I have many mixed feelings, but it is mostly a downer as I still care about these people.

So what do you do for a social life now?

I 'm just starting this ER process, so I'm interested in what works more than what doesn't work.


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Old 09-22-2014, 02:02 PM   #35
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Well, as a result of this thread I am going to try and say hello and engage a few people in conversations during my daily rounds about town.

Not a lot of people my age around during the middle of the day but I tend to prefer the company of older folks anyway.
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Old 09-22-2014, 02:14 PM   #36
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Before moving to the west coast, we had a good, local social circle - true friends, family, and I belonged to a great hobby club that met regularly. Not so much anymore. We have no real friends here, no close family either. I joined a meetup group initially, but the relationships that developed were too superficial. I live in a big city, so I get a lot of interaction with random people every time I leave the house. I try to make the most of that to get my social fill (as an introvert, it does not take much). Otherwise, I pretty much keep to myself. Some people might imagine that I am lonely, but that's not the case. I have very loyal friends and a loving family, they just don't live here. We keep in touch regularly by phone and email and visit each other when possible. And those moments are that much more fulfilling.
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Old 09-22-2014, 02:40 PM   #37
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[QUOTE]
Quote:
I might take some classes at the community college this winter (not to make new friends necessarily but to keep my mind active).
I've been retired since June and I am taking two courses at an OLLI program (Osher lifelong Learning institute) at a local university that unlike a community college program the courses are tailored for the mostly retired 50+ age group. The first couple of classes have been engaging and mind stimulating and some members meet after class for lunch or dinner to discuss common interests. Not sure if there is a program near you.
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Old 09-22-2014, 02:43 PM   #38
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I have a few thoughts about this. As a reserved person I do think about this a lot. I am going to FIRE in 6 months though I am not as young as the OP. DH retired late and we moved to a city where I knew not a soul but DH knew a few people, who we see 1-2 times a year. Since he retired first I told him our social life was up to him now!

He became involved in the local neighborhood association, for better or worse, and we now know lots of neighbors and occasionally go to dinner with some of them. We decided the first year to do a New Years Day open house and invite absolutely everyone we had met in the 6-7 months we lived here. Not everyone came of course. The first year there were 30-40 people who stopped by. Last year there were over 80. The invitee list is well over 100. It could have been larger but I have my limits.

I joined 2-3 Meetup groups but w*rking gets in the way - I will rejoin when I retire, especially the social lunch group of politically minded women. There's no one at w*rk with whom I have a social relationship and none will continue after retirement.

Plus there's hobbies. I took up abstract painting and have a particular teacher I like. All the people in the classes are nice and a few have become friends. At least we share something in common.

DH joined a retiree lifelong learning organization under the auspices of the local megauniversity here in Austin. He's now the chair for this year. There are 500 members and a bunch of new ones are in their 50's. Then there's those in their 90's. Many people there have made friends, found tennis, travel, golf, concert-going or dinner partners or just enjoy a lively discussion.

To meet people one either has to go out and socialize (not my thing) or find an activity where one will find those with common interests (been finding friends that way my whole life).


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Old 09-22-2014, 02:44 PM   #39
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[QUOTE=Corporateburnout;1496083]
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I've been retired since June and I am taking two courses at an OLLI program (Osher lifelong Learning institute) at a local university that unlike a community college program the courses are tailored for the mostly retired 50+ age group. The first couple of classes have been engaging and mind stimulating and some members meet after class for lunch or dinner to discuss common interests. Not sure if there is a program near you.

Funny that we should post about an OLLI group at the same time.


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Old 09-22-2014, 03:08 PM   #40
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[QUOTE=iac1003;1496086]
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Originally Posted by Corporateburnout View Post


Funny that we should post about an OLLI group at the same time.


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The OLLI group where I attend classes has over 1100 members and growing.
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