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Advice for getting DW/DH to join the fun?
Old 07-10-2014, 03:44 PM   #1
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Advice for getting DW/DH to join the fun?

I'm planning on retiring at the end of the year when I'm 60. DW is 6 years younger and planning on working till 62. We married late in life (4 years ago) so each has their own nest/retirement egg. Mine is big enough for me by myself to retire, hers is not enough for her alone (hence the wish for additional working years).

When we combine what we have right now we could both retire together in a style better than how we live right now (we, as most in this forum live frugally right now).

Retirement would be so much nicer if we could do it together. A lot of long trips and just goofing off in general is kind of hard to do by yourself, especially when you have to watch/stay away from the working spouse so they can concentrate on work.

Have any of you had a similar experience? Were you able to convince the spouse to join the fun early, and if so what was the reasoning/argument?

Thanks all in this forum. It's not a bad life if this is what I have to worry about.
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:03 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by tuffshed View Post
I'm planning on retiring at the end of the year when I'm 60. DW is 6 years younger and planning on working till 62. We married late in life (4 years ago) so each has their own nest/retirement egg. Mine is big enough for me by myself to retire, hers is not enough for her alone (hence the wish for additional working years).

When we combine what we have right now we could both retire together in a style better than how we live right now (we, as most in this forum live frugally right now).

Retirement would be so much nicer if we could do it together. A lot of long trips and just goofing off in general is kind of hard to do by yourself, especially when you have to watch/stay away from the working spouse so they can concentrate on work.

Have any of you had a similar experience? Were you able to convince the spouse to join the fun early, and if so what was the reasoning/argument?

Thanks all in this forum. It's not a bad life if this is what I have to worry about.
A very effective and factually accurate method might be to admit that "your money" and "her money" don't really exist. You said you were married. Unless there is some separate property in there, it as all a single pot, shared by the both of you. It's the Smith's money. If you have any doubts, talk to any divorce attorney.

I'm pretty sure that a very effective way to alienate more than one married woman is for her husband to talk to her about taking "his money" and retiring while she continues to work for 8 years longer.

"Hiya honey, having a ball in Cabo. Miss you mucho, wish you had the money to join me."

As a wise woman said to me years ago when my cheapness was surfacing, "Oh, be a sport honey!" What she meant was "be a sport, dummy, or I am outta here."

Ha
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:28 PM   #3
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I don't have the problem of my spouse not wanting to retire, but I will give my two cents nonetheless

We also got married later in life, 7 years ago. We have our own play money and our own checking accounts, but our retirement money is 'ours'. We have never thought of that as his and her money.

So perhaps if you share that thought with your spouse she might be more agreeable to retirement. And as noted in many states (such as here in Washington) it is a community property state and indeed half of hers is yours and half of your is hers.

good luck! I agree it is much more fun if your spouse retires when you do!
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:30 PM   #4
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HaHa,

You are very right. Part of this mine/hers problem is that we did get married late in life, and when we did it we had a prenup since both of us are getting along in years and had previous divorces and didn't want to repeat that again. This was especially true since both of us are frugal to a fault.

Now we (I think we, for sure I) am pretty confident it's going for the long run. We have been merging our funds, sort of, with joint bank account and credit card for joint expenses but the size of each of our retirement funds and the fact that they were started in different companies before we were married makes it difficult/impossible to merge together.

I run the numbers, she has run the numbers separately and even though we know better we both still have "stage fright". What was your strategies to help another with their uncertainties?
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Old 07-10-2014, 04:41 PM   #5
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I think she may be in a difficult position. You have a prenup so your money is yours and her money is hers. She apparently is doing the right thing, making sure she will be ok going forward. Maybe the only way she will be comfortable is if you void the prenups and you both own everything, technically half each. Instead of asking you to merge your funds (would be a bad discussion for her to bring up, since you have more) she is growing her stash. You would need to bring it up. She sounds like a cool lady.

Of course, as you can see, there are risks to you in this case. Risks that both of you have experience with, so maybe other approaches can be taken. Maybe offer to pay for vacations out of your pocket, etc....
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Old 07-10-2014, 05:01 PM   #6
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... She sounds like a cool lady.
Absolutely, that's why I married her. I'm guessing that more merging and cancelling of some/all of the prenup is in order to ease her money concerns. After all, if I expect her to be in the same boat we should both have access to the life jackets.
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Old 07-10-2014, 05:10 PM   #7
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HaHa,

You are very right. Part of this mine/hers problem is that we did get married late in life, and when we did it we had a prenup since both of us are getting along in years and had previous divorces and didn't want to repeat that again. This was especially true since both of us are frugal to a fault.

Now we (I think we, for sure I) am pretty confident it's going for the long run. We have been merging our funds, sort of, with joint bank account and credit card for joint expenses but the size of each of our retirement funds and the fact that they were started in different companies before we were married makes it difficult/impossible to merge together.

I run the numbers, she has run the numbers separately and even though we know better we both still have "stage fright". What was your strategies to help another with their uncertainties?
This is beyond my pay grade; and I see that you two do indeed have separate money. If you were to promise to support her during retirement, it might void the pre-nup. Hard question, it balances hard-a$$ money thinking against love and companionship. I am not longer married, so my money is mine. Nevertheless, I do have a lady friend and she is working so she not quite free to play. Unless I want to take on her care and upkeep, I just have to face what my options are. I am sure that you can imagine them, and see the difficulties involved.

One idea may be to consult your attorney who drew up the agreement. Perhaps it would be possible to transfer a lump sum to her and leave the rest of the agreement in place.

I just saw Finder's answer. His idea to just pay for the vacations might be best of all, but that still leaves her possibly affecting her career without a life jacket on.

Ha
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Old 07-10-2014, 05:45 PM   #8
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Can you revise the prenup such that you both "pool" maximum equal amount to one retirement account? That is, all her money + your match (equal amount to "all her money") = retirement stash. Would the stash be enough?
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Old 07-10-2014, 05:50 PM   #9
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Hmmm....4 married years isn't that long of a time. How about if DW works an extra year or two and you pay all expenses so she can save her entire after tax income. That way she'll have an extra pile of money, you'll still have your pre nups in place and you'll be able to retire, plan for the future and then have her share an extra siz years compared to her retiring at age 62......good luck.....you have 4 years in and many, many more years to go......be careful so you're not sorry.
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Old 07-10-2014, 06:00 PM   #10
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She is being smart. If it was me I would only retire now if you did something like buy an annuity for me, changed the pre-nups or something along those lines to know that even if we got divorced I would be financially secure.
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Old 07-10-2014, 06:01 PM   #11
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Wow lots of good ideas... and lots of things to think about/discuss with DW. I had expected response like, tell her you only live once..., life is short... or something along that line, but the real answer lies in what you all have pointed out, we both want that guaranteed big enough nest egg. No reason for her to quit until she has what I already have. Makes sense to me and I'm sure that is what she is thinking.

I like the idea of a modified prenup pool of equal parts, although it still leave me in a better situation. I also like paying more now so she can save more.

Any more experiences/suggestions?
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