All my friends are old..er..older?

[hakuna matata]

An interesting by product of early retirement it seems is that the vast majority of people we seem to hang with these days are alll older than us by a good 10 years! Has anyone else who retired early found this to be the case as well? Tomorrow afternoon we are going to one of their houses to watch the Packers play and then go to dinner with them, and the are both 12 years older than us. Not that it makes any difference at all as they are both awesome but in the past I have been mainly friends with people near my own age and I just found this sort of fascinating.

Now I am not officially retired until the end of the year but since I basically work from home, for all intents and purposes I live the life. In our neighborhood are a fair amount of retired folks and we have become really good friends with several of them. Yesterday I took a internal assessment and realized that we hang out with a fair amount of people (all retired) who are easily 10 years older than us (55). We still have many friends our age but I did admit I did a bit of a double take when I realized how many of them were so much older than us.

Is this common in your experience as an early retiree? It seems it would be now in hindsight, as people your age are still working and would not necessarily have the free time or energy one would have when you are retired.

 

[braumeister]

Maybe it depends to some degree on your interests.
I find that the vast majority of people I associate with are from ten to thirty years younger. Just a matter of those most active in these activities are in that age range, while I feel right about hanging with them simply because I never grew up.

 

[gcgang]

An interesting by product of early retirement it seems is that the vast majority of people we seem to hang with these days are alll older than us by a good 10 years! Has anyone else who retired early found this to be the case as well? .

No, in my first year of FIRE, moving to a new location and resulting in a new social circle at the age of 59, I have not.

 

[Amethyst]

I get along well with people of all ages, as long as they have some compatible interests and attitudes. Once I take to someone, I pretty much stop noticing their age. People grow as they mature, and of course lose some abilities and interests as they age, but on the whole, people do not really change that much, unless there has been a terrible health event.

My observation is that people who were tedious when they were young, become boring old people, unable to discuss anything except the few topics that relate directly to THEM. Whereas kind, imaginative, curious people pretty much stay that way throughout life.

I would caution, though, that people in their 50's become "invisible" to people in their 20's unless there is a strong reason otherwise, such as needing to work together. I can see this at the gym, where my smile is returned by virtually anybody age 30 and up, while those under 30 stare vacantly at me and walk by. I'm simply too old to be on their radar.

Amethyst

 

[Donzo]

Yup, I'm with you. My friends on a daily basis are 3 to 20+ years older than I am. I joined the American Legion Riders (motorcycle group). What a great bunch of fun loving men and woman! I feel like a kid and am inspired at how well, and how much fun these folks are having
Our road Capt is 76 and looks behaves more like a 55 yo......

 

[shortstop14]

I've noticed the same - my circle of acquaintances is skewing a bit older since retiring at 56. Great people, and I don't usually notice the age difference all that much. We visiting friends at a retirement community in Surprise, Arizona when I was in Phoenix playing in a baseball tournament, and I did notice it a bit more then. The conversations tend to be a lot more health related, with a surprising number dealing with heart disease and cancer issues. Guess that might be a down side to being the 'young' ones.

 

[W2R]

I am 65 and most of my friends at the gym are 10-20 years older than me.

I really LIKE knowing a lot of people who are older than me, for a change. It helps to hear what problems of aging they are encountering, and how they are dealing with these problems. Right now I am done retirement planning, since I am successfully retired. I can refine my retirement plans, but that's about it. Mostly I have been trying to figure out what problems are likely to confront me when I am in my 70's and 80's and planning for that stage in life. Knowing some intelligent older people gives me great feedback and input in the planning process.

 

[Onward]

Since FIRE I've spent a lot more time with people 10+ yrs older than I am.

The surprise is that they act younger than people my age (50ish), who are still w*rking and tend to be crushed and numbed under the pressures of corporate and family life.

 

[imoldernu]

Moved into our Florida retirement community at age 53, in 1990... DW and I were the youngest members out of about 300 persons who were mostly newly retired at ages averaging perhaps 62.
A completely delightful and exhilarating experience. People with just enough experience to know how to have fun and enjoy life, while still healthy and able to last through the 7PM to 2AM parties, and the 8 hour days at Daytona. Something to do every minute of the day in a 7 day week!
More of a workingman's park, so everyone knew how to have fun without spending tons of money. An average of two parties a week in the clubhouse, including adult beverages, food and a local band for $6 to$8 a couple.
Not too many CEO's, Doctors or Lawyers, but some very smart folks who had worked and saved to retire without having a fortune in the bank.
We NEVER talked about money, or religion, but there were always great discussions going on about what's best for the country, and a lot of personal philosophies about life in general. A learning experience the goes beyond the workaday cares.
One of the most fun things about being somewhat younger, was that the leaders picked up on youth and willingness to serve, and drafted us into organizing, running and planning activities association events. For those of us who had been in leadership capacities in our previous lives, this was a great transition, and helped us blend in with the happiest active groups.
You hear a lot about people being bored or unwanted in retirement... Whoa! Just the opposite... Ego stroking at its finest!
So now, after 24 years... no longer the youngest... and no longer feeling the need to be head honcho. Turnover in the community has been great, and if anything, the average age is lower than it was when we joined. The young folks fit in... take charge, and are now much more sophistcated than we were back then (the community opened in 1987).
We never thought there could ever be happier days, but that's what the "young folks" tell us they're experiencing now.
So more people into facebook, and some tweet... and there are even a few tattoos here and there, but as far as missing the "younger people"... Ha!... Let'em try to keep up with the line dancing, the Zumba... and just watch'em stumble through the ballroom dancing. And how about this... February 10 day cruise to Europe, and the sign up sheet shows 90 association members. The family that cruises together... and all that.

I cannot think of a better way of entring into retirement... even for people who don't consider themselves to be very "social". About half of the men who retire there absolutely swear... that they'll never EVER go out on the dance floor, end up being the ones who Western dance twice a week and never miss a set during the soirees... And the ones that don't like the dancing so much... do the convertible trips (our park's monthy event for the 10 ragtops), or the Bike Rallys.

So we DO have the pool and hot tub specialists, who compare operation scars, and dispepsia medicines, but it's all in good fun.

Planning to relocate? Take plenty of time to pick out where you'll live. For every 10 people who left our community for happier surroundings, 9 have returned. Remember... It's not the house... it's the people.

 

[hakuna matata]

Since FIRE I've spent a lot more time with people 10+ yrs older than I am.

The surprise is that they act younger than people my age (50ish), who are still w*rking and tend to be crushed and numbed under the pressures of corporate and family life.

EXACTLY!! The four couples I am thinking of all act younger than many of the couples our age. I am sure a lot of that is not working! And a natural personality towards life helps I think. There are a couple of other couples in the neighborhood the same age as these folks but they act 'old' for lack of a better descriptor. I think having a young attitude is the right solution for a long and happy life.

 

[hakuna matata]

I would caution, though, that people in their 50's become "invisible" to people in their 20's unless there is a strong reason otherwise, such as needing to work together. I can see this at the gym, where my smile is returned by virtually anybody age 30 and up, while those under 30 stare vacantly at me and walk by. I'm simply too old to be on their radar.

Amethyst

True statement! There is a local pub that my wife and I go to on our Friday night date, and we usually are there around 6:30 or 7. Awhile back we went there later than usual, and the crowd was very different. Lots of young people in their late 20's/early 30's. Man we were totally invisible, I am suprised someone didn't sit in our laps since they probably thought the chairs were empty!

 

[Meadbh]

I've noticed this too. My career as an academic pediatrician ensured that I was constantly involved in the lives of younger people, whether they were my patients or my students. I have a whole new circle of friends now, adults who are for the most part retired and many ER. I'm at the lower age range of this circle, but they are mostly awesome people and I feel very comfortable. I get my "youth fix" from connecting on social media with family and friends and their offspring around the world.

 

[Amethyst]

It really is amazing! The men and women 40-70, clearly "see" me, since they notice and comment on new outfits, a change in routine, etc. The ones in their 30's smile shyly and say nothing. The 20-somethings step on me as they're walking along texting, and my stretching mat is in their way. And they're not too apologetic, either. I guess one doesn't need to apologize to vulture bait when it says "ouch."

Amethsty

I am suprised someone didn't sit in our laps since they probably thought the chairs were empty!

 

[Dawg52]

True statement! There is a local pub that my wife and I go to on our Friday night date, and we usually are there around 6:30 or 7. Awhile back we went there later than usual, and the crowd was very different. Lots of young people in their late 20's/early 30's. Man we were totally invisible, I am suprised someone didn't sit in our laps since they probably thought the chairs were empty!

That is funny.

I found a big age difference on the golf course when I retired at 52. Most people I played with were 60 on up as that is the more normal age for retirees. But at other gatherings like going to the local pub, several of my same age friends are there. Plus very few under 35 go there so it is a comfortable environment for me.

 

[CaliforniaMan]

Very interesting thread. I have found the same, people in their 20's are simply too self absorbed to notice other people.

I remember my high school reunions. Our first 10 year one, we were 28, everyone was still sizing themselves up against their peers. It was all about me v.s. them. At the 20 year reunion, 38 yrs or so, we all just had a good time, and talked to a range of people, interested in each other, their lives, etc. The 30 year reunion, 48 yrs or so, there was no competition, just having fun remembering our lives, and talking about our kids, life, etc. We all seemed to age like a fine wine I guess.

The 20 somethings, they are just not ready yet, just as we were not ready to see beyond ourselves at that age.

 

[martyp]

I am involved with Osher Lifelong Learning classes and other members of the classes are typically 10-20 years older than me. This age gap definitely shows up in a difference in the comfort level with computer technology. The classes are in the daytime so I expect that others my age (almost 58, ER'd at 55) are typically w*rking.

During non-w*rking hours whom you meet will depend on your interests. I do a lot of salsa dancing in the evening and, as you would expect, I meet a lot of young people.

 

[traineeinvestor]

Mostly younger. My established social friends were more or less my age group but more recently, my new found MFA colleagues are mostly much younger than me. I'm finding it invigorating.

 

[CoolChange]

I get along well with people of all ages, as long as they have some compatible interests and attitudes. Once I take to someone, I pretty much stop noticing their age. People grow as they mature, and of course lose some abilities and interests as they age, but on the whole, people do not really change that much, unless there has been a terrible health event.

My observation is that people who were tedious when they were young, become boring old people, unable to discuss anything except the few topics that relate directly to THEM. Whereas kind, imaginative, curious people pretty much stay that way throughout life.

I would caution, though, that people in their 50's become "invisible" to people in their 20's unless there is a strong reason otherwise, such as needing to work together. I can see this at the gym, where my smile is returned by virtually anybody age 30 and up, while those under 30 stare vacantly at me and walk by. I'm simply too old to be on their radar.

Amethyst

I am not retired yet; but, I also have friends with wide ranging ages, from recent grads in their mid 20's to long retired in their early 80's. And, I do not see this changing after my own ER.

While I am not quite 50 yet, I am close. And, I have found the exact opposite of being invisible to the 20 something crowd, at least when I am the only old guy around. Staying in youth hostels is one example of this. While I am ignored by many of all ages, I am amazed at the number of younger folks who make an effort to speak with me and get some back story about a middle aged guy traveling as if on gap year. Playing sports with a younger crowd is another place where I experience this personally.

 

[Amethyst]

No 'fense, but you're only 43 per your profile. So, both old and young people can still see you

I

While I am not quite 50 yet, I am close. And, I have found the exact opposite of being invisible to the 20 something crowd,

 

[CoolChange]

No 'fense, but you're only 43 per your profile. So, both old and young people can still see you

No 'fense taken. But, you still haven't convinced me that age outliers are not interesting, and therefor not invisible: Older folks in really cheap youth hostels, really young 'uns at quilting bees, etc.

Hopefully no one will be offended that my profile is not 100% accurate: Age is close but not exact, location is intentionally vague, etc. Basically, I am try to provide enough information to be useful without making it trivial for someone to actually identify me. (I likely will not be nearly as concerned about this once I actually do ER; but, no guarantees.)

 

[freebird5825]

Because of my involvement in volunteering for veterans' organizations, most of the people I see on a weekly basis are male and older than I am at 55. I always w*rked and hung out with guys, so no big change there. I brighten many a day by not treating them like invisible people and/or harmlessly flirting with the over 70 crowd.

The actual fundraising events tend to be more age diversified, with immediate and extended families attending.

I do not tend to run into people I used to w*rk with because I am a daytime mover and groover, versus nighttime outings. I w*rked in a windowless building for far too long, and absolutely love to see the daylight, all day long.