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Old 02-22-2014, 08:03 AM   #41
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Thank you, thank you. I've gotten some good info and advice. Though it is kind of scary hearing about the maintenance. I'm going to copy a lot of the info and let my hubby read it. I think he may think twice about his because he's just not the maintenance type of person.

Although I still have concerns about the expense but my biggest fear is for his safety. I thought he was just going to fish locally but I heard him tell someone he was going to fish Lake Erie too. We had a couple of life threatening experiences on that lake. The worst was when we had rented a boat. I had gotten out first and my husband was following. I don't know if the motor turned itself back on or if my husband forgot to turn it off. Either or the next thing I know he was hanging on the wall and his feet is holding on to the running boat. Even now I get the chills remembering him hanging onto that wall and thinking he was going to let go and fall. That was the worst fear of my life. I started screaming for help and several guys came. Two men pulled him in while one jumped in the boat and turned it off.

Just recently, he and my brother-in-law had two boating incidents one involving my BIL falling into the deep water an the other involving them tipping the boat over. Thank God it was shallow water as my husband can't swim (but he thinks he can).

I hate to make it appear that my husband is a fool, but when it comes to fishing, I think he is. He's just not careful. Just this summer we were wading and he got so excited when he saw someone catching fish on the other side that he hurried over there, ignoring me calling for him to come back as we really didn't know the lake. The lake is shallow but there may have been some deep spots. He made it to the other side but his boots got stuck in the mud and he could not get out and his friends had to go help him. I could go and on about other incidents.
You sound justified in being apprehensive about his boating skills and decisions. I used to fish Lake Michigan and those big lakes are nothing to fool with, even in a big boat.
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Old 02-22-2014, 08:22 AM   #42
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Thank you, thank you. I've gotten some good info and advice. Though it is kind of scary hearing about the maintenance. I'm going to copy a lot of the info and let my hubby read it. I think he may think twice about his because he's just not the maintenance type of person.

Although I still have concerns about the expense but my biggest fear is for his safety. I thought he was just going to fish locally but I heard him tell someone he was going to fish Lake Erie too. We had a couple of life threatening experiences on that lake. The worst was when we had rented a boat. I had gotten out first and my husband was following. I don't know if the motor turned itself back on or if my husband forgot to turn it off. Either or the next thing I know he was hanging on the wall and his feet is holding on to the running boat. Even now I get the chills remembering him hanging onto that wall and thinking he was going to let go and fall. That was the worst fear of my life. I started screaming for help and several guys came. Two men pulled him in while one jumped in the boat and turned it off.

Just recently, he and my brother-in-law had two boating incidents one involving my BIL falling into the deep water an the other involving them tipping the boat over. Thank God it was shallow water as my husband can't swim (but he thinks he can).

I hate to make it appear that my husband is a fool, but when it comes to fishing, I think he is. He's just not careful. Just this summer we were wading and he got so excited when he saw someone catching fish on the other side that he hurried over there, ignoring me calling for him to come back as we really didn't know the lake. The lake is shallow but there may have been some deep spots. He made it to the other side but his boots got stuck in the mud and he could not get out and his friends had to go help him. I could go and on about other incidents.
Sounds like a guy who needs to wear a flotation device at all times. You'll have to padlock it onto him before he goes fishing!

Sounds like you guys are completely opposite in your approach to life. You think far into the future analyzing what could go wrong and how bad it could be (are you a first born?). He thinks about the next 5 minutes. Must make for an interesting life!
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:00 AM   #43
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Triple his life insurance.
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:25 AM   #44
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I think being able to talk to each other openly about a concern is far more important than whether he gets the boat or not. Stewing on your concern is not a good thing.
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Old 02-22-2014, 10:02 AM   #45
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You sound justified in being apprehensive about his boating skills and decisions. I used to fish Lake Michigan and those big lakes are nothing to fool with, even in a big boat.
Same here, used to fish Lake Ontario at the start of the St Lawrence River. You must be aware of the limits of your equipment. It can be done, DF would let me take a 16' fishing boat out, before I could drive. But you have to respect those lakes, or any lake your on.

More reason for boater safety classes.
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Old 02-22-2014, 10:05 AM   #46
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As a condition of owning a boat make him promise to wear a life jacket at all times. There are lifejackets now that inflate when the user hits the water, easy to wear. Having a lifejacket in the boat isn't good enough.

A canoeist/kayaker fell in toa shallow lake in our area yesterday and drowned. Not wearing a lifejacket.
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Old 02-22-2014, 10:05 AM   #47
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Triple his life insurance.
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Old 02-22-2014, 11:12 AM   #48
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In my misspent youth as a sailor, I learned three important things about the sea. First, she is incredibly alluring and seductive; men are powerfully drawn to her in ways that are often difficult for landlubbers to understand. Second, she is a harsh and unforgiving mistress, prone to fits of anger and violence that try the souls of the strongest of men. And, third, none can stand against her awesome power; she laughs at our pathetic attempts to control her.

We need not fear the sea, but we must always respect her. That respect means being prepared by having the proper equipment and, just as importantly, the knowledge to use it properly. In my opinion, the Great Lakes demand nearly the same level of respect as the sea.
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Old 02-22-2014, 11:37 AM   #49
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In my misspent youth as a sailor, I learned three important things about the sea. First, she is incredibly alluring and seductive; men are powerfully drawn to her in ways that are often difficult for landlubbers to understand. Second, she is a harsh and unforgiving mistress, prone to fits of anger and violence that try the souls of the strongest of men. And, third, none can stand against her awesome power; she laughs at our pathetic attempts to control her.

We need not fear the sea, but we must always respect her. That respect means being prepared by having the proper equipment and, just as importantly, the knowledge to use it properly. In my opinion, the Great Lakes demand nearly the same level of respect as the sea.
Just look up how many commercial vessels went down in Lake Superior.
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Old 02-22-2014, 11:49 AM   #50
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In my misspent youth as a sailor, I learned three important things about the sea. First, she is incredibly alluring and seductive; men are powerfully drawn to her in ways that are often difficult for landlubbers to understand. Second, she is a harsh and unforgiving mistress, prone to fits of anger and violence that try the souls of the strongest of men. And, third, none can stand against her awesome power; she laughs at our pathetic attempts to control her.

We need not fear the sea, but we must always respect her. That respect means being prepared by having the proper equipment and, just as importantly, the knowledge to use it properly. In my opinion, the Great Lakes demand nearly the same level of respect as the sea.

Even the 20-30k acre lakes around here will throw your boat around like a toy when the wind picks up.
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Old 02-22-2014, 12:33 PM   #51
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As a condition of owning a boat make him promise to wear a life jacket at all times. There are lifejackets now that inflate when the user hits the water, easy to wear. Having a lifejacket in the boat isn't good enough.

A canoeist/kayaker fell in toa shallow lake in our area yesterday and drowned. Not wearing a lifejacket.
Unfortunately, it sounds like he can't be trusted to do what needs to be done without supervision and she knows it.

+1 on the life insurance but what if he just ends up staying under water long enough to turn into a vegetable instead of dying? To me, disability due to doing stupid stuff is much more of an issue than death. I'll get over the death in a year or two.

I don't want to be left taking care of DH for 20 years, ruining my life and my finances, because he was too immature or lazy or arrogant to do the right thing. I'll be happy to take care of him if he is disabled due to something out of his control but I'm not sure what I would do if he became disabled because of a stupid choice (like not putting on his safety belt or jaywalking across a 6-lane road, for example).
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Old 02-22-2014, 08:34 PM   #52
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...Does any retirees here own a boat and what are the expenses? I would appreciate any input.
We live on a small lake and I have a 16' pontoon boat. No trailer. I have a guy put it in the lake in the spring and pull it out in the fall. I pay $35 each time. Other expense is registration and maybe $50 in gas a year. Maybe $30 per year in maintenance. So my boat expenses are maybe $200 per year.

In your case, it doesn't sound like the $2k is a lot of money for a boat. But maintenance, storage, fuel, etc can really add up for a bigger boat, especially an older boat. I would ask your DH what the expenses will be for his boat, and discuss from there
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:05 PM   #53
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Unfortunately, it sounds like he can't be trusted to do what needs to be done without supervision and she knows it.
I'd say that is pretty insulting. She does not go with him most of the time. For all she knows he ties the boat to the pier and goes to the nearest titty bar gentleman's club. At some point, every adult earns the right to do as they please. If they have no minor kids and the spouse is set up financially, exactly why can either of them not take whatever foolish chances they wish to hazard? Sometimes there s personal satisfaction in taking risks, foolish though it may appear to the observer.

The far bigger issue is that they need to agree how to spend the communal money and not resort to arguments and resentment.
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:34 PM   #54
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You REALLY wouldn't like me, then. I've owned several boats, that would be classified as "fishing" boats. Actually, bass boats. The last new one I bought cost $23,000, and that was in 1999. I bought a smaller used one about 7 years later, for $6000. After I retire sometime this year, I plan to buy another one, either new or slightly used, and expect to pay around $30,000 - $35,000. My wife is ok with this because she understands my love of fishing and knows it makes me happy. Personally, I'd be nervous about paying ONLY $2000 for any boat I was planning to take out in "big" water where the winds can blow really hard and a storm can come from out of nowhere fast. A used boat in this price range is usually prone to have mechanical issues, either on the boat itself or the motor. It can get very expensive, but my biggest concern would be in the expected reliability. You don't want to be miles from nowhere on the water and have a mechanical failure. Of course, it is entirely possible that a cheap used boat can be found that would run perfectly and need minimal repairs for awhile, but remember that EVERYTHING that is mechanical is going to break down at some point and need fixing. Boat & outboard motor repairs are in no way inexpensive. I'm glad my wife wants me to be safe on the water and to be happy in my hobby of fishing/boating and supports my judgement when it comes to buying my equipment. A boat of questionable reliability can put a person in a dangerous situation easily. If I were going to be fishing off shore of any distance in a lake the size of Erie, you can bet it would be with a boat that I knew would bring me back home safely. Just my 2 cents, and of course more than anybody asked for.
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:49 PM   #55
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You REALLY wouldn't like me, then. I've owned several boats, that would be classified as "fishing" boats. Actually, bass boats. The last new one I bought cost $23,000, and that was in 1999. I bought a smaller used one about 7 years later, for $6000. After I retire sometime this year, I plan to buy another one, either new or slightly used, and expect to pay around $30,000 - $35,000.
This all makes my temptation to spend $400 on a new rifle and $600 on a new shotgun sound damn reasonable.
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Old 02-22-2014, 10:29 PM   #56
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Unfortunately, it sounds like he can't be trusted to do what needs to be done without supervision and she knows it.

+1 on the life insurance but what if he just ends up staying under water long enough to turn into a vegetable instead of dying? To me, disability due to doing stupid stuff is much more of an issue than death. I'll get over the death in a year or two.

I don't want to be left taking care of DH for 20 years, ruining my life and my finances, because he was too immature or lazy or arrogant to do the right thing. I'll be happy to take care of him if he is disabled due to something out of his control but I'm not sure what I would do if he became disabled because of a stupid choice (like not putting on his safety belt or jaywalking across a 6-lane road, for example).
That is my feelings exactly about living recklessly and it is through arrogance on my husband's part. I tell him all the time, if he hurts himself being reckless, he going to find himself in a nursing home because I'm not taking care of him. He just laughs and does not believe me. It's not only fishing but many things. I honestly think he thinks he's still young and is stronger than he is.

My husband does has several life jackets but he very seldom wears it. It scared him after my BIL fell in the water and for a while he did wear his jacket but the fear has worn off and he's back to his old ways.
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Old 02-22-2014, 10:39 PM   #57
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We live on a small lake and I have a 16' pontoon boat. No trailer. I have a guy put it in the lake in the spring and pull it out in the fall. I pay $35 each time. Other expense is registration and maybe $50 in gas a year. Maybe $30 per year in maintenance. So my boat expenses are maybe $200 per year.

In your case, it doesn't sound like the $2k is a lot of money for a boat. But maintenance, storage, fuel, etc can really add up for a bigger boat, especially an older boat. I would ask your DH what the expenses will be for his boat, and discuss from there
Thanks. That is really helpful info.

I did ask him what the expense would be and he said it would be no other expense than what he is paying now. But I don't think he knows and I know for a fact that he has not asked my BIL. I kind of get the feeling it's more than my husband thinks. I asked my sister why not sell it to my brother and she said she knew he could not afford to take care of it. I have already made up my mind to ask her more about it.

But as I said, there is more involved than just the expenses.

Thanks again.
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Old 02-22-2014, 10:43 PM   #58
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I'd say that is pretty insulting. She does not go with him most of the time. For all she knows he ties the boat to the pier and goes to the nearest titty bar gentleman's club. At some point, every adult earns the right to do as they please. If they have no minor kids and the spouse is set up financially, exactly why can either of them not take whatever foolish chances they wish to hazard? Sometimes there s personal satisfaction in taking risks, foolish though it may appear to the observer.

The far bigger issue is that they need to agree how to spend the communal money and not resort to arguments and resentment.
That's kind of how he feels. He says that you got to go some way. He feels that way about himself but when it comes to me, he acts like an over protective father.
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Old 02-22-2014, 10:58 PM   #59
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That's kind of how he feels. He says that you got to go some way. He feels that way about himself but when it comes to me, he acts like an over protective father.
Then figure out a way to connect with him and help him understand that you worry about him and don't want to lose him/have to deal with a vegetable. The trick is that you will have to do so without letting any resentment you may have show through, as that will end any chance for communication.

I mostly hunt alone, sometimes in pretty tame circumstances, but not infrequently at 8,000+ feet elevation in varying weather conditions (snowstorm, 40+ MPH winds, etc.). I know that doing so is inherently risky and I have small children, so I never venture into more challenging circumstances without gear to make it a few days in the woods on my own, I tell my wife where I am going and when I will be back, and I am very conservative when I am out there (a broken ankle keeping you in the woods overnight when it will be 5F is nothing I want to risk). Honestly, if my kids were adults and DW in strong financial circumstances without me, I would take more chances than I do now. Not crazy chances, but I would be more risk tolerant. I am not crazy (most of the time), there is just something about conquering challenges that makes me feel alive. This is likely what you are confronting. Can't help you with how to get the message through, but maybe this will help you understand what your husband may be feeling about this.
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Old 02-23-2014, 06:25 AM   #60
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That is my feelings exactly about living recklessly and it is through arrogance on my husband's part. I tell him all the time, if he hurts himself being reckless, he going to find himself in a nursing home because I'm not taking care of him. He just laughs and does not believe me. It's not only fishing but many things. I honestly think he thinks he's still young and is stronger than he is.

My husband does has several life jackets but he very seldom wears it.
I confess I am torn in so many directions on this thread. On the one hand, your DH's behavior sounds like Dad's in his deteriorating years. As he felt his control disappear over his health, his ability to determine his life, he became more aggressive and more reckless. OMG the driving! The financial decisions!

And I've had to fight with DH, an insulin dependent diabetic since his teens, to let me in on his health. Conditioned by fighting with a nagging controlling mom, he resisted giving me any information, saying it was "his" to deal with, but when I told him it would be mine to deal with too if he had a stroke and became disabled, he recognized the validity of my interest. He handles his diabetes well, but I am the one who buys the food, and as a spouse I have a right to take an interest.

But he is so risk adverse, and drives me nuts with the micro management. One piece of contention is my solo kayaking on our sweet mostly shallow creek with occasional class 1 and rarely 2 rapids. Most of the time this creek is only halfway to my knee, and if I dumped the life jacket I keep at my back would not help much if it were on. There is the possibility that a helmet may come in handy at some point, but that is more possible than probable and an absolute that it would greatly minimize my pleasure. I am not stupid, and I know how to read the creek. If there is any sort of potential danger ahead, if the rapid I am about to run is more than a riffle, I put my jacket on.

I had never heard of those life jackets that inflate upon impact with the water. A quick Google showed this: Amazon.com: Onyx 133200-100-004-12 3205A-24 Vest: Sports & Outdoors Heck, I might even wear that. Birthday present?

You guys need to work this out with respect, but first you need to figure out what your complaint really is. Health? Money? Time spent apart? You continuing to work and his feeling you can't afford what you want but what he wants is OK? You both seem to have a boat load of issues with each other. I would not ignore this, and if need be go to someone who can help guide the discussion.
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