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Old 02-23-2014, 08:09 AM   #61
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I'd say that is pretty insulting. She does not go with him most of the time. For all she knows he ties the boat to the pier and goes to the nearest titty bar gentleman's club. At some point, every adult earns the right to do as they please. If they have no minor kids and the spouse is set up financially, exactly why can either of them not take whatever foolish chances they wish to hazard? Sometimes there s personal satisfaction in taking risks, foolish though it may appear to the observer.

The far bigger issue is that they need to agree how to spend the communal money and not resort to arguments and resentment.
I agree my comment is a bit harsh but I still think it's true.

I don't believe as a married adult I am entitled to take "whatever foolish chance I wish to hazard" even if there are no minor children and the finances are in order. I can definitely act more risky with those conditions met but I'm in a partnership and I feel obligated to consider the impact my disability or death would have on the quality of life of my spouse/life partner. I also consider the impact on my family members. My death or disability would be devastating to my mother and my sister and would negatively impact their quality of life.
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Old 02-23-2014, 08:54 AM   #62
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Co2012:

Maybe you can talk him into a motorcycle instead of the boat? At least he won't be in deep, unfriendly water.
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Old 02-23-2014, 11:37 AM   #63
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I agree my comment is a bit harsh but I still think it's true.

I don't believe as a married adult I am entitled to take "whatever foolish chance I wish to hazard" even if there are no minor children and the finances are in order. I can definitely act more risky with those conditions met but I'm in a partnership and I feel obligated to consider the impact my disability or death would have on the quality of life of my spouse/life partner. I also consider the impact on my family members. My death or disability would be devastating to my mother and my sister and would negatively impact their quality of life.
I could not have said it better. I realize the sense of loss my family would feel if something were to happen to me and feel a certain sense of responsible to take care of myself.
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Old 02-23-2014, 12:32 PM   #64
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You guys need to work this out with respect, but first you need to figure out what your complaint really is. Health? Money? Time spent apart? You continuing to work and his feeling you can't afford what you want but what he wants is OK? You both seem to have a boat load of issues with each other. I would not ignore this, and if need be go to someone who can help guide the discussion.

Totally agree !
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Old 02-23-2014, 12:39 PM   #65
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+1
Ditto +1. (for the life insurance)

When I started reading this thread my initial reaction was "Oh..jeezzzz......let him have his boat". The more I read it became clear there are other resentments and fears.

I promise you, if he is as excited as a little boy over this boat, you don't want to squelch that and have his resentment coming your way if he is not able to get it.

Best to have a conversation about how you BOTH get your needs/wants met where spending the money is concerned. The cost of this boat appears to be far cheaper than an addition or even new furniture so I'm not sure the comparison is a fair one financially. Perhaps you negotiate that you get an equal amount of what he spends on the boat, both initially and ongoing.

And ask him to wear a life jacket...even if you know he won't. Hence, triple the life insurance. That way you are covered if something happens to him. Make it part of the "deal".
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Old 02-23-2014, 02:06 PM   #66
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Two happy campers here. I wanted to wait until later to when I had more time to post but I could not wait.

I took your advice. I took hubby on a nice long walk this morning. (Thankfully the sidewalks are not as snow covered as it has been).
I waited until we had both reached a nice mellow mood and the conversation was good. I then brought the subject up. I was surprised how well it went.

I told him my fears, what I had learned on line (I did not tell him where--don't know how he'd feel about that). I explained my safety issues and explained the finances the best I could from what I had read here. I also mentioned what someone said about license requirements. This prompted me to look it up. I found that he does not need a license but some kind of certificate that he has earned from online classes. This he did not like because he does not know much about the computer. I have tried to teach him but he never has time because of you know what. When he does decides to get back to it he's forgotten what he has learned.

So, we have compromised. We are going buy a new and bigger aluminum boat and a gas motor (instead of the electric one he uses). He admits this is really all he needs because of his joy fishing the local ponds. Also, I told him I would try to fish with him at least once a week provided he drives more reasonably. That is the main reason I stopped going. I cannot tolerate high speed anymore. (80-85) It used to not bother me but now that I'm older ...

He is so happy. He has been whistling all morning. I even heard him tell a friend that he had thought it over and decided it made more sense for him buy a new aluminum boat and equipment. I just smiled to myself wondering if I have been played. If so, I don't mind to see him so happy.

Thanks to all who helped me. I'm so happy I came here with this. I feel like a huge boulder has been lifted. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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Old 02-23-2014, 02:26 PM   #67
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That sounds like a great idea, for several different reasons! Congratulations, and enjoy the time on the water with your hubby!
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Old 02-23-2014, 04:32 PM   #68
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Congrats on having the guts to start the talk, and keeping your emotions in check so a quality talk could happen.
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The Happiest Days
Old 02-23-2014, 04:41 PM   #69
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My husband wants to buy a boat. My Brother in Law is going to sell him his used boat for $2000.
$2,000 is not a bad deal on a boat. However, I am reminded of the statement; "The two happiest days in a man's life is when he buys a boat, and when he sells it."
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Old 02-23-2014, 09:43 PM   #70
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Assuming he is buying a new aluminum boat have him take it to a boatyard and have the hull treated/painted. Aluminum oxidizes. Don't assume that because it is an aluminum hull it is good to go.

Watch out for electrolysis from the battery.
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Old 02-24-2014, 12:20 AM   #71
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Assuming he is buying a new aluminum boat have him take it to a boatyard and have the hull treated/painted. Aluminum oxidizes. Don't assume that because it is an aluminum hull it is good to go.

Watch out for electrolysis from the battery.
Thank you Brat. I appreciate the info.
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:51 AM   #72
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Well done! Congrats to you and DH.
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Old 02-24-2014, 03:42 PM   #73
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Give a man a beer and he drinks it, teach him to fish and he drinks beer every day!

Back to the OP, glad you got it worked out. I think doing what you want, in this case fishing, is what retirement is for. So let him be happy, and you continue with your activities when he is fishing. Then when he and you are home do things together, like cooking up those fish he caught!
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Old 02-24-2014, 08:17 PM   #74
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How are we supposed to believe any of this -it's a fishing story!
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Old 02-24-2014, 11:18 PM   #75
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Two suggestions. Most new boats are overpriced and poor values - it would be much better to get a gently used boat and motor.

I've been around boats my whole life. Aluminum boats and outboards are very durable as long as they are not abused so IMO there is no need to buy new - used is a much better value.

Second, if you are only using the aluminum boat in fresh water, IMO there is no need to do anything special to the hull. We painted ours occasionally but that was more for looks than any need to protect the aluminum. In fact, many aluminum boats, particularly smaller ones never see paint in my experience.
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Old 02-25-2014, 10:11 AM   #76
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Two suggestions. Most new boats are overpriced and poor values - it would be much better to get a gently used boat and motor.

I've been around boats my whole life. Aluminum boats and outboards are very durable as long as they are not abused so IMO there is no need to buy new - used is a much better value.

Second, if you are only using the aluminum boat in fresh water, IMO there is no need to do anything special to the hull. We painted ours occasionally but that was more for looks than any need to protect the aluminum. In fact, many aluminum boats, particularly smaller ones never see paint in my experience.
I agree about shopping for a used aluminum boat.

My advice about painting an aluminum hull was based on my experience where many fishermen fish in both fresh and brackish water (think the lower Columbia River). If an aluminum boat is ONLY used in fresh water then there would be little need.
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Old 02-25-2014, 10:22 AM   #77
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The Coast Guard gives classes about boating safety. I would bet there are some in your area. Would that make you feel better? Perhaps you could take the class with him.

Ditto above-- you must talk to him about this.
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Old 02-25-2014, 11:01 AM   #78
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I agree about shopping for a used aluminum boat.

My advice about painting an aluminum hull was based on my experience where many fishermen fish in both fresh and brackish water (think the lower Columbia River). If an aluminum boat is ONLY used in fresh water then there would be little need.
Gotcha. My understanding is that the Great Lakes where the OP indicated the boat would be used are all freshwater lakes. Ditto for other nearby lakes. Hence my response.
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Old 02-25-2014, 12:28 PM   #79
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Gotcha. My understanding is that the Great Lakes where the OP indicated the boat would be used are all freshwater lakes. Ditto for other nearby lakes. Hence my response.
Thanks for clearing that up. Actually my hubby had mentioned that he knew someone who had a used aluminum boat and he was going to check into that. It was my idea to get a new one because every time he buys a used boat from someone, it leaks (and he's back to sealants). At this time we have two leaky boats back there he's not using. We did have three but he was able to sell one to a friend. Even the one he is currently uses leaks.
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Old 02-25-2014, 12:31 PM   #80
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Ah yes, boats definitely, undeniably, infinitely: leak. Regardless of size. If they don't leak from the bottom, they will most assuredly leak from the top!
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