Am I Over Reacting? Advice Needed

[mystang52]

I know nothing about boats. But it seems money is not the issue here and the cost is affordable.
But if I read the original post correctly, this boat is significantly bigger than his current one. And that, to me, raises a concern about safety. Does he know how to handle the larger boat, most especially if the weather turns foul or if there is some sort of mechanical breakdown? Also, any legal issues to consider such as licensing, insurance, etc?

 

[Co2012]

It's obvious that fishing is his passion. The boat and other expenses sound very reasonable. As hobbies for husbands go, fishing/boating is a very good one.

My dad had the same passion, owned a couple of boats. There is not really much 'training' needed, perhaps a water safety class if he's truly a reckless sort.

Dad is no longer able to get out on his boat. Mom is happy she was supportive of his boating and fishing through the years, though she didn't fish and wasn't one to go on anything but short boating outings. He'd go for hours at a time, as often as he could.

Is there some other problem? Do you resent being left alone while he goes fishing? If it's truly the money that bugs you, it sounds like he is being reasonable. Find yourself a hobby and spend a little on yourself. I hope you can find a hobby you are as passionate about as he is with fishing/boating.

You are right. I am resentful to being left alone so much. I don't like to admit it because I know that I have no right to feel resentful. I am juggling my online business and my many many hobbies and clubs that I have very little free time. I actually feel guilty and sorry so many times when he wants to talk, watch a show together or just do something and I don't have time. But this is after he's already been fishing most of the day. Perhaps he's feeling guilty too. I

 

[jerome len]

My husband wants to buy a boat. My Brother in Law is going to sell him his used boat for $2000. I understand it's a very nice fishing boat that holds five people that you can take somewhere like Lake Erie. Thing is my husband knows nothing about operating a real boat. He has an aluminum 6 footer that he uses a little electric motor on. He thinks because he can navigate this little boat that he does not need any training with this new boat.

Not only am I afraid he's going to run into something but I'm concerned about the cost of owning a boat like this. He fish practically every single day summer and winter, spending $15 a day for gas and bait, so that is $300 a month. Now he wants to add an additional expense just for his personal enjoyment.

I really don't want to "rock the boat" around here but I am seething about this. He keeps asking me what's wrong but right now I'm too upset to talk about it rationally. Really, we can afford the $300 a month for his fishing but I am not willing to pay more than this. He really has his heart set on this and keeps bragging to is friends about his boat and I'm afraid to say that I'm am not on board with this. Maybe I'm wrong about the expense and even if not, should I just go along with this to keep the peace and try to fit any additional expenses into our budget? Right or wrong, I think I'm upset because I spend very little money on myself and he does not mind going hog wild.

Does any retirees here own a boat and what are the expenses? I would appreciate any input.

If I, as DH, wanted to spend 2k which we could afford to spend and my DW was seething over that, I might think I didn't need to stay with DW. If I were you I would back off so quick from fighting over an enjoyable affordable DH hobby..... Frankly, I would insist my DW spend a comparable amount (we can afford it) and she would do the same for me. Boy.......this reminds me of what my mother used to say, "I worried about no shoes until I met someone with no feet"......my point is it sounds like you have it fairly good financially......think of all those that don't.....I'm assuming you DH played a role in your financial security......why worry and fight over something he has earned.......something he thinks will make him happy........something you can afford.......something not worth a fight. Sorry I'm sounding off so strongly but it also sounds like you could have a lot to lose if you fight over this and I'm hoping my comments will help keep that from happening. The very best of luck with this......relax and concentrate on having a good time with DH in the future......maybe ask if you can go fishing with him! Build a relationship, not a war.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

You are right. I am resentful to being left alone so much. I don't like to admit it because I know that I have no right to feel resentful. I am juggling my online business and my many many hobbies and clubs that I have very little free time. I actually feel guilty and sorry so many times when he wants to talk, watch a show together or just do something and I don't have time. But this is after he's already been fishing most of the day. Perhaps he's feeling guilty too. I

I don't really understand. You are too busy for him, but do not want him to develop hobbies on his own that leave you alone.

What should he do with his free time?

I have a now divorced friend who had a husband with "hobbies" that were a lot more expensive and less socially acceptable. I think she would have been happy and still be married if her husband had been out fishing!

We have friends who belong to a yacht club, and $2K seems like a bargain compared to what many of their friends pay for their boats ($100K+).

I personally would be happy if my husband wanted to buy a $2K boat (with resale value) and had a healthy, outdoor hobby that brought in fresh fish.

 

[Brat]

In Oregon a boat operator's license, passing a test, is required for basically anything bigger than a row-boat. Determine if that is necessary in your state of residence. That test is big on safety.

$2,000 is a very cheap boat, heck an outboard engine can cost much more than that. Tell DH that you want him to have the engine 'tuned-up' to make sure it is reliable. Do that now, well before the fishing season.

There is no harm in having a boatyard look at the hull. Fiberglass will deteriorate if it isn't maintained. Have the yard give a FIXED price for needed work.

Yes, boating can cost money but it is an activity that many, particularly men, enjoy. Keep track of the cost so that when you want to spend money on something important to you it will be possible to put your expense in prospective.

My son & wife have a boat yard so I have observed the issues their customers have asked them to resolve. One is putting trust in yards/service providers who don't know their stuff, they were sold engines that don't matchup with their boat, for example. Pay a few $ for the highest regarded anal-retentive boat surveyor in your area and ask him/her for recommendations.

 

[Co2012]

Thanks for your kind advice. I am one who always follow advice no matter what. I am going to talk to my husband as we do need to come to an understanding about money. I guess I'm seething because recently he rejected things I wanted to buy or improvement I want to make around the house. I can't get anything professionally done because he insists on doing it himself and he's the worst handyman in the world. We are each going to have to compromise.

Thanks so much.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I guess I'm seething because recently he rejected things I wanted to buy or improvement I want to make around the house.

I agree with you 100% on that front. We have some of those same discussions at our house. DH usually comes around when I point out all the things he spends money or time on that I don't necessarily agree with but don't complain about. And to be fair, sometimes I am the one being petty and he points that out to me.

 

[FIREd]

Thanks for your kind advice. I am one who always follow advice no matter what. I am going to talk to my husband as we do need to come to an understanding about money. I guess I'm seething because recently he rejected things I wanted to buy or improvement I want to make around the house. I can't get anything professionally done because he insists on doing it himself and he's the worst handyman in the world. We are each going to have to compromise.

Thanks so much.

Maybe it's an opportunity to make a deal. DH gets the boat only if you get new living room furniture...

 

[Mulligan]

Maybe it's an opportunity to make a deal. DH gets the boat only if you get new living room furniture...

I guarantee you Fire, if I was married to my GF, that would be the minimum I would have to "pay" to get the boat. Probably a shopping spree or two also. OP- It could be worse, you could be married to my best fried (who is still working) as he is planning on borrowing money to buy a $40,000 boat. I bet that would launch your head from your body.

 

[InParadise]

I am going to talk to my husband as we do need to come to an understanding about money. I guess I'm seething because recently he rejected things I wanted to buy or improvement I want to make around the house.... We are each going to have to compromise.

This is a good thread for you to think through your thoughts before talking to him, get some b!tch'n out here rather than there, and work things through. Put together a cheese plate and bottle of wine for you, wings and a 6 of beer for him, (or whatever you guys like,) and TALK.

Me, I've always liked the Socratic Method of asking questions to get the other person to arrive at conclusions I've already made. They tend to buy into the conclusion more strongly if they arrive there themselves, and it opens things up so that they can convince me of their POV. So you might want to ask something like: "I"m confused. If we can't afford the furniture I've been wanting to get, how can we afford your boat and maintenance?" "So how should we allocate our extra funds so that we both get what we want?" Or "I know you spend a lot of time fishing and a boat is important to you, but do you realize how much time I spend here at home and how much new furniture would please me?"

Mom always said she got what she wanted by making Dad think it was his idea. She wanted to try camping so she would leave articles around the place, comment on them, and next thing I know they are retiring to RV full time for 10 years. Manipulative? Maybe, but they were happy. DH and I tend to be on the same wavelength so it's not much of an issue. I use the Socratic Method on my teen though, and he is a tougher sell!

 

[akck]

Look at it this way. You will be getting free fish everyday.

Let's see, I think we're down to 3 figures per fish or pound (can't remember which we used at the start), and we've had our boat for 25 years.

If he knows how to back a trailer down the boat ramp, then he's half way there. If he can get the boat up to a busy dock without ramming it or other boats, he's almost there. Beyond that, as long as he knows when to quit because of conditions and is willing to take 2 hours to get back when it took only 20 minutes to get out, he should be fine.

Cost is a whole other thing. There is fuel and oil (depending on type of motor), licensing fees (boat and trailer), engine maintenance (depends on age of motors), and upgrades. Upgrades are things like getting a color monitor fishfinder to replace your B/W one and then replacing it with one that has GPS. All of the above can run from the $ hundreds to low $ thousands.

Major costs will be new motors. We went 22 years before we had to replace the main motor, probably 5-7 years past it's useful life. As it stood, I was the only one who knew how to baby it so it would keep running. That was a 5 figure cost, but I split it with a son, who'll likely inherit the boat. If the boat has canvas, figure on replacing it once. Oh, tell your husband to zip it up before driving home. The wind turbulence will do a lot of damage. This can be a low 4 figure cost, depending on how much canvas the boat has.

If he maintains the boat, it will last for decades. We flush the motors and wash the boat/trailer down every time after we go out, but we're in saltwater. I'd still do it for freshwater boating, if only to wash any gunk out of the water pump.

Oh, and any time my wife and I argue about money, She threatens to move the conversation onto the boat. It doesn't work quite as good as it used to.

 

[aja8888]

I don't think this has been stated yet, but the definition of a boat is as follows:

A boat is a hole in the water you throw money in.

 

[retiredatfifty]

My husband wants to buy a boat. My Brother in Law is going to sell him his used boat for $2000. I understand it's a very nice fishing boat that holds five people that you can take somewhere like Lake Erie. Thing is my husband knows nothing about operating a real boat. He has an aluminum 6 footer that he uses a little electric motor on. He thinks because he can navigate this little boat that he does not need any training with this new boat.

Not only am I afraid he's going to run into something but I'm concerned about the cost of owning a boat like this. He fish practically every single day summer and winter, spending $15 a day for gas and bait, so that is $300 a month. Now he wants to add an additional expense just for his personal enjoyment.

I really don't want to "rock the boat" around here but I am seething about this. He keeps asking me what's wrong but right now I'm too upset to talk about it rationally. Really, we can afford the $300 a month for his fishing but I am not willing to pay more than this. He really has his heart set on this and keeps bragging to is friends about his boat and I'm afraid to say that I'm am not on board with this. Maybe I'm wrong about the expense and even if not, should I just go along with this to keep the peace and try to fit any additional expenses into our budget? Right or wrong, I think I'm upset because I spend very little money on myself and he does not mind going hog wild.

Does any retirees here own a boat and what are the expenses? I would appreciate any input.

I've owned a number of boats in my life. There will be a steady stream of maintenance/repair/upkeep costs in addition to operating costs. That stream can be a trickle or a roaring river ---- depends on how much boat you own, what it needs, and whether the owner wants to put it & keep it in tip-top shape with all the bells and whistles or is able to accept not having everything non-safety related perfect all the time.

I try to balance how much money I put into my boats. You will always end-up underwater in the value of your boat .... it's a matter of how much underwater you are willing to go versus how nice you want your boat to be.

Then of course there are operating costs ... not much you can do about that ... it costs a certain amount to maintain the motor & a certain amount to operate it. (Saltwater fishing boats in the 20' to 25' range around here with older 2-stroke motors average about 2 mpg in fuel.)

So ... here's my advice. Set a budget.

1st ---after purchase of the boat, how much money will he need to initially get it into the shape he wants it? (aside from repairs/update items needed, don't forget to include any anchors, ropes, bumpers, life vests, safety equipment, flares, radios, gps, fishfinder, etc etc)

2nd --- how much money it will costs per month or year to keep maintenance up-to-date? (oil changes, tune-ups, spark plugs, winterization, etc etc) As much mechanical/maintenance he can do himself will reduce this figure dramatically. Don't forget to budget some for trailer maintenance every few years if it's to be operated in saltwater. Saltwater is hard on boats.... well, it's hard on everything! Annual registration & insurance is another recurring cost. Also ... will there be storage costs for the boat?

3rd --- how much gas & oil will it cost to actually operate the boat for fishing trips - average per month or year? (considering there may be quite few months it's used very little and some months it's used a lot)

4th --- you may or may not want to also include a separate budget for tackle, gear, bait, beer, restaurants, motels, tow vehicle gas, etc for the fishing trips themselves.

After you have arrived at, are both cognizant of, and in agreement upon these figures, you will be more comfortable and have no more problems with this.

Don't mean to scare you with the above. I've always bought used boats (except one) and managed to keep & use them fairly efficiently ... (more so than some other folks who always have to have the latest greatest gizmos, fix every cosmetic flaw, and always running the boat to the mechanic for every little thing they might could do themselves.) But boats do cost some money to keep & operate, it's just a matter of how much & whether one is okay with that amount ... that said, I love boats!

(Note: A fishing boat will generally get used more & hold value better than a strictly pleasure craft)

 

[foxfirev5]

This is a good thread for you to think through your thoughts before talking to him, get some b!tch'n out here rather than there, and work things through. Put together a cheese plate and bottle of wine for you, wings and a 6 of beer for him, (or whatever you guys like,) and TALK.

Me, I've always liked the Socratic Method of asking questions to get the other person to arrive at conclusions I've already made. They tend to buy into the conclusion more strongly if they arrive there themselves, and it opens things up so that they can convince me of their POV. So you might want to ask something like: "I"m confused. If we can't afford the furniture I've been wanting to get, how can we afford your boat and maintenance?" "So how should we allocate our extra funds so that we both get what we want?" Or "I know you spend a lot of time fishing and a boat is important to you, but do you realize how much time I spend here at home and how much new furniture would please me?"

Wow, a smooth negotiating tactic. I love it. Let me know how it works out.

 

[Co2012]

Thank you, thank you. I've gotten some good info and advice. Though it is kind of scary hearing about the maintenance. I'm going to copy a lot of the info and let my hubby read it. I think he may think twice about his because he's just not the maintenance type of person.

Although I still have concerns about the expense but my biggest fear is for his safety. I thought he was just going to fish locally but I heard him tell someone he was going to fish Lake Erie too. We had a couple of life threatening experiences on that lake. The worst was when we had rented a boat. I had gotten out first and my husband was following. I don't know if the motor turned itself back on or if my husband forgot to turn it off. Either or the next thing I know he was hanging on the wall and his feet is holding on to the running boat. Even now I get the chills remembering him hanging onto that wall and thinking he was going to let go and fall. That was the worst fear of my life. I started screaming for help and several guys came. Two men pulled him in while one jumped in the boat and turned it off.

Just recently, he and my brother-in-law had two boating incidents one involving my BIL falling into the deep water an the other involving them tipping the boat over. Thank God it was shallow water as my husband can't swim (but he thinks he can).

I hate to make it appear that my husband is a fool, but when it comes to fishing, I think he is. He's just not careful. Just this summer we were wading and he got so excited when he saw someone catching fish on the other side that he hurried over there, ignoring me calling for him to come back as we really didn't know the lake. The lake is shallow but there may have been some deep spots. He made it to the other side but his boots got stuck in the mud and he could not get out and his friends had to go help him. I could go and on about other incidents.

 

[aja8888]

Thank you, thank you. I've gotten some good info and advice. Though it is kind of scary hearing about the maintenance. I'm going to copy a lot of the info and let my hubby read it. I think he may think twice about his because he's just not the maintenance type of person.

Although I still have concerns about the expense but my biggest fear is for his safety. I thought he was just going to fish locally but I heard him tell someone he was going to fish Lake Erie too. We had a couple of life threatening experiences on that lake. The worst was when we had rented a boat. I had gotten out first and my husband was following. I don't know if the motor turned itself back on or if my husband forgot to turn it off. Either or the next thing I know he was hanging on the wall and his feet is holding on to the running boat. Even now I get the chills remembering him hanging onto that wall and thinking he was going to let go and fall. That was the worst fear of my life. I started screaming for help and several guys came. Two men pulled him in while one jumped in the boat and turned it off.

Just recently, he and my brother-in-law had two boating incidents one involving my BIL falling into the deep water an the other involving them tipping the boat over. Thank God it was shallow water as my husband can't swim (but he thinks he can).

I hate to make it appear that my husband is a fool, but when it comes to fishing, I think he is. He's just not careful. Just this summer we were wading and he got so excited when he saw someone catching fish on the other side that he hurried over there, ignoring me calling for him to come back as we really didn't know the lake. The lake is shallow but there may have been some deep spots. He made it to the other side but his boots got stuck in the mud and he could not get out and his friends had to go help him. I could go and on about other incidents.

You sound justified in being apprehensive about his boating skills and decisions. I used to fish Lake Michigan and those big lakes are nothing to fool with, even in a big boat.

 

[Buckeye]

Thank you, thank you. I've gotten some good info and advice. Though it is kind of scary hearing about the maintenance. I'm going to copy a lot of the info and let my hubby read it. I think he may think twice about his because he's just not the maintenance type of person.

Although I still have concerns about the expense but my biggest fear is for his safety. I thought he was just going to fish locally but I heard him tell someone he was going to fish Lake Erie too. We had a couple of life threatening experiences on that lake. The worst was when we had rented a boat. I had gotten out first and my husband was following. I don't know if the motor turned itself back on or if my husband forgot to turn it off. Either or the next thing I know he was hanging on the wall and his feet is holding on to the running boat. Even now I get the chills remembering him hanging onto that wall and thinking he was going to let go and fall. That was the worst fear of my life. I started screaming for help and several guys came. Two men pulled him in while one jumped in the boat and turned it off.

Just recently, he and my brother-in-law had two boating incidents one involving my BIL falling into the deep water an the other involving them tipping the boat over. Thank God it was shallow water as my husband can't swim (but he thinks he can).

I hate to make it appear that my husband is a fool, but when it comes to fishing, I think he is. He's just not careful. Just this summer we were wading and he got so excited when he saw someone catching fish on the other side that he hurried over there, ignoring me calling for him to come back as we really didn't know the lake. The lake is shallow but there may have been some deep spots. He made it to the other side but his boots got stuck in the mud and he could not get out and his friends had to go help him. I could go and on about other incidents.

Sounds like a guy who needs to wear a flotation device at all times. You'll have to padlock it onto him before he goes fishing!

Sounds like you guys are completely opposite in your approach to life. You think far into the future analyzing what could go wrong and how bad it could be (are you a first born?). He thinks about the next 5 minutes. Must make for an interesting life!

 

[Bestwifeever]

Triple his life insurance.

 

[eytonxav]

I think being able to talk to each other openly about a concern is far more important than whether he gets the boat or not. Stewing on your concern is not a good thing.

 

[MRG]

You sound justified in being apprehensive about his boating skills and decisions. I used to fish Lake Michigan and those big lakes are nothing to fool with, even in a big boat.

Same here, used to fish Lake Ontario at the start of the St Lawrence River. You must be aware of the limits of your equipment. It can be done, DF would let me take a 16' fishing boat out, before I could drive. But you have to respect those lakes, or any lake your on.

More reason for boater safety classes.
MRG

 

[Brat]

As a condition of owning a boat make him promise to wear a life jacket at all times. There are lifejackets now that inflate when the user hits the water, easy to wear. Having a lifejacket in the boat isn't good enough.

A canoeist/kayaker fell in toa shallow lake in our area yesterday and drowned. Not wearing a lifejacket.

 

[MichaelB]

Triple his life insurance.

+1

 

[Gumby]

In my misspent youth as a sailor, I learned three important things about the sea. First, she is incredibly alluring and seductive; men are powerfully drawn to her in ways that are often difficult for landlubbers to understand. Second, she is a harsh and unforgiving mistress, prone to fits of anger and violence that try the souls of the strongest of men. And, third, none can stand against her awesome power; she laughs at our pathetic attempts to control her.

We need not fear the sea, but we must always respect her. That respect means being prepared by having the proper equipment and, just as importantly, the knowledge to use it properly. In my opinion, the Great Lakes demand nearly the same level of respect as the sea.

 

[aja8888]

In my misspent youth as a sailor, I learned three important things about the sea. First, she is incredibly alluring and seductive; men are powerfully drawn to her in ways that are often difficult for landlubbers to understand. Second, she is a harsh and unforgiving mistress, prone to fits of anger and violence that try the souls of the strongest of men. And, third, none can stand against her awesome power; she laughs at our pathetic attempts to control her.

We need not fear the sea, but we must always respect her. That respect means being prepared by having the proper equipment and, just as importantly, the knowledge to use it properly. In my opinion, the Great Lakes demand nearly the same level of respect as the sea.

Just look up how many commercial vessels went down in Lake Superior.

 

[HFWR]

In my misspent youth as a sailor, I learned three important things about the sea. First, she is incredibly alluring and seductive; men are powerfully drawn to her in ways that are often difficult for landlubbers to understand. Second, she is a harsh and unforgiving mistress, prone to fits of anger and violence that try the souls of the strongest of men. And, third, none can stand against her awesome power; she laughs at our pathetic attempts to control her.

We need not fear the sea, but we must always respect her. That respect means being prepared by having the proper equipment and, just as importantly, the knowledge to use it properly. In my opinion, the Great Lakes demand nearly the same level of respect as the sea.

Even the 20-30k acre lakes around here will throw your boat around like a toy when the wind picks up.