Am I Over Reacting? Advice Needed

[Co2012]

My husband wants to buy a boat. My Brother in Law is going to sell him his used boat for $2000. I understand it's a very nice fishing boat that holds five people that you can take somewhere like Lake Erie. Thing is my husband knows nothing about operating a real boat. He has an aluminum 6 footer that he uses a little electric motor on. He thinks because he can navigate this little boat that he does not need any training with this new boat.

Not only am I afraid he's going to run into something but I'm concerned about the cost of owning a boat like this. He fish practically every single day summer and winter, spending $15 a day for gas and bait, so that is $300 a month. Now he wants to add an additional expense just for his personal enjoyment.

I really don't want to "rock the boat" around here but I am seething about this. He keeps asking me what's wrong but right now I'm too upset to talk about it rationally. Really, we can afford the $300 a month for his fishing but I am not willing to pay more than this. He really has his heart set on this and keeps bragging to is friends about his boat and I'm afraid to say that I'm am not on board with this. Maybe I'm wrong about the expense and even if not, should I just go along with this to keep the peace and try to fit any additional expenses into our budget? Right or wrong, I think I'm upset because I spend very little money on myself and he does not mind going hog wild.

Does any retirees here own a boat and what are the expenses? I would appreciate any input.

 

[aja8888]

Men need boats. How the heck else are they going to fish in big lakes?

 

[robnplunder]

I don't give out advice (at least, try not to). I will just tell you what my DW would do. She would say, go ahead and knock yourself out. And we don't keep track of who spends on what, who spends more, .... If we can afford it, we spend it. As we built up our asset to FI level, we stop worrying about modest purchases.

 

[dontworry]

Am I correct in understanding that the boat is only $2000? That's a pretty inexpensive boat! As long as you can afford it, let him have his boat IMHO. Do you like to fish? Maybe you could learn to like it and go with him sometimes! I love fishing...it is so relaxing! But I am a total outdoorswoman. It's probably a great thing that your hubby has a hobby he enjoys AND it can put some delish food on the table. It seems like almost every hobby costs money. Golf isn't cheap as far as I know!

 

[34rlsa]

If I understand you correctly... your DH has no clue as to what is bothering you.

He keeps asking me what's wrong but right now I'm too upset to talk about it rationally.

I'm upset because I spend very little money on myself and he does not mind going hog wild.

You may have bigger problems than a boat.

 

[Bestwifeever]

My husband wants to buy a boat. My Brother in Law is going to sell him his used boat for $2000. I understand it's a very nice fishing boat that holds five people that you can take somewhere like Lake Erie. Thing is my husband knows nothing about operating a real boat. He has an aluminum 6 footer that he uses a little electric motor on. He thinks because he can navigate this little boat that he does not need any training with this new boat.
....

Budget for more life insurance on your DH, too, if he "knows nothing about operating a real boat."

 

[comicbookgujy]

$2K That's cheap.

 

[foxfirev5]

How in the heck has the guy put up with a 6' boat? He needs a bigger one and the expense doesn't appear too great. However with the size of the boat the unplanned expenses rise exponentially. You both need to be on the same page. If it's a problem before he buys it then it will only get worse.

 

[gcgang]

My husband wants to buy a boat...just for his personal enjoyment...I am seething about this... He really has his heart set on this...I'm upset because I spend very little money on myself.

If FIRE is not about using your money for personal enjoyment, then what?

What would give you personal enjoyment that you could afford?

 

[Act2]

It's obvious that fishing is his passion. The boat and other expenses sound very reasonable. As hobbies for husbands go, fishing/boating is a very good one.

My dad had the same passion, owned a couple of boats. There is not really much 'training' needed, perhaps a water safety class if he's truly a reckless sort.

Dad is no longer able to get out on his boat. Mom is happy she was supportive of his boating and fishing through the years, though she didn't fish and wasn't one to go on anything but short boating outings. He'd go for hours at a time, as often as he could.

Is there some other problem? Do you resent being left alone while he goes fishing? If it's truly the money that bugs you, it sounds like he is being reasonable. Find yourself a hobby and spend a little on yourself. I hope you can find a hobby you are as passionate about as he is with fishing/boating.

 

[InParadise]

My husband wants to buy a boat. My Brother in Law is going to sell him his used boat for $2000. I understand it's a very nice fishing boat that holds five people that you can take somewhere like Lake Erie. Thing is my husband knows nothing about operating a real boat. He has an aluminum 6 footer that he uses a little electric motor on. He thinks because he can navigate this little boat that he does not need any training with this new boat.

Not only am I afraid he's going to run into something but I'm concerned about the cost of owning a boat like this. He fish practically every single day summer and winter, spending $15 a day for gas and bait, so that is $300 a month. Now he wants to add an additional expense just for his personal enjoyment.

I really don't want to "rock the boat" around here but I am seething about this. He keeps asking me what's wrong but right now I'm too upset to talk about it rationally. Really, we can afford the $300 a month for his fishing but I am not willing to pay more than this. He really has his heart set on this and keeps bragging to is friends about his boat and I'm afraid to say that I'm am not on board with this. Maybe I'm wrong about the expense and even if not, should I just go along with this to keep the peace and try to fit any additional expenses into our budget? Right or wrong, I think I'm upset because I spend very little money on myself and he does not mind going hog wild.

Does any retirees here own a boat and what are the expenses? I would appreciate any input.

If the initial investment in the boat is only $2,000 then if it does wind up being very expensive he should be able to resell without losing too much on it. Since expenses seem to be where you are focusing your angst, have him keep a spreadsheet of his expenses. This way either you will become more comfortable with his new toy, or he will realize it is really costing too much. Obviously, I don't know what your budget is. If you are concerned this will impact the budget, ask him where he sees the extra to pay for it. You need to talk to him, but try to keep it fact based and not emotional.

On the other hand, a bigger boat could be safer than what he now uses. And since it is probably more "luxurious" than his current tin can, you might want to go along, bring a book and keep him silent company. I used to go with DH and read in my chair while he fished. Now we have a tandem kayak and I paddle while he fishes, or we take our solo kayaks out, paddle upstream together, and he fishes on the way back while I power down the rapids. This lets us combine our passions. I don't feel as though we need to be joined at the hip, but hanging out in parallel works well for us, allowing us to share without imposing our preferences on the other.

Talk to him. Nothing will get resolved any other way.

 

[Walt34]

While I have a 10-foot boat, it is fine for a river but I wouldn't be comfortable taking that out very far on Lake Erie or Chesapeake Bay. It cost nothing to own since I keep it at home and fuel/license costs are minimal. I don't use it anywhere near every day though. $2k for a boat that can go out on Lake Erie safely is cheap and I spent almost that much on mine. A 6-foot boat really isn't big enough to safely venture far from shore on Lake Erie in all but the most benign of weather.

As InParadise wrote that $2k should be easy to recoup if the expenses of keeping it become burdensome.

That said, like the others I suspect something else is going on. Are you concerned about the increased fuel costs of a larger engine? Perhaps resentful of the time and/or money spent on an interest that you don't share?

DW and I have several interests not shared by the other and that is normal. But we talk about the expenses of each. You really need to sit down and talk with him about why this makes you seethe.

 

[obgyn65]

To the OP: talk to your DH. Based only on the info you are sharing with us, I agree you might be overreacting for $2k only.

 

[donheff]

If I understand you correctly... your DH has no clue as to what is bothering you.



You may have bigger problems than a boat.

Yes, it sounds like something is wrong if you are this angry and DH doesn't have a clue. You two need to talk. As to solutions, if you are really worried about affording the expenses how about talking to DH about making a deal to take steps to cut back some of the distance he goes or days he fishes to keep the cost within $300 per month.

 

[Meadbh]

OP, we don't know your NW or what your ER budget looks like. For most people who are FI, a one time expenditure of $2000 on an activity that brings enjoyment in ER would be considered very reasonable. The tone of your post suggests that there is more to this disagreement than meets the eye. As others have suggested, you two need to communicate and reach a common understanding about how money and time are spent and how decisions are made.

 

[MikeWillRetire]

Look at it this way. You will be getting free fish everyday.

 

[Badger]

It sounds like he REALLY likes to fish since he is out there almost year round. Some spouses would think this is a bad thing if the other leaves them alone that much. On the other hand his hobby is relatively inexpensive at those costs and it would be a reasonable assumption that you always know where he is and what he is doing. +1

The old adage, "If the wife is happy then everyone is happy." also works the other way around. What a great opportunity to make him happy. Make a deal that he has to make the boat comfortable so you can go with him occasionally. You can take some music and a book and pack a picnic lunch with a bottle of wine. If you are interested maybe you can try fishing too. Just be sure he understands that he has to clean all the fish that are caught.

Have you given much thought with developing your interests and what do you like to do with your time and your hobbies?

Cheers!

 

[Silver]

It sounds to me like the OP is fearful for her husband's safety in addition to the expenses, and these concerns aren't being acknowledged by her husband. This may be because you haven't clearly expressed them.

I don't think you're over reacting at all. Fear of loss does create anger. But he can't read your mind so you need to tell him what you're feeling. You may feel better once you know that you've been heard.

 

[Sarah in SC]

Let the man have his (comparatively cheap) boat. Life is short and you can afford it, from the sound of things. My God, if I could give that kind of happiness to my DH for such a cheap sum, I'd sign up immediately.

 

[HFWR]

$2K That's cheap.

If this boat is actually big enough to take on big water, the expenses will not be cheap. Plus, at two grand, I wonder what will have to be repaired before use.

Be that as it may, best talk this one out with DH...

 

[MRG]

Boats are not cheap to own, but if your DH is an avid fisherman might not be a bad idea. Certainly there are worse things he could be doing. You should express your concerns to him.

If possible have it checked out by a impartial mechanic. As far as his ability to operate it, most states offer safe boating classes through the conservation department. It is important to know the laws, boater safety, and proper etiquette.

You might ask if there are other upgrades he'll need, fish detectors, trolling motor, new gear and tackle.

When my DF retired he became a fishing guide. DM had no desire to go fishing with him, so she was never a fan. I guess when they were dating in the late '30s he accidentally hooked her. That was the end of her fishing.

DF's boats provided many hours of pleasure to him, he was an avid fishermen well into his 80's.
Best wishes,
MRG

 

[howdidigetthisold]

BOAT means "bust out another thousand."

 

[Co2012]

I don't give out advice (at least, try not to). I will just tell you what my DW would do. She would say, go ahead and knock yourself out. And we don't keep track of who spends on what, who spends more, .... If we can afford it, we spend it. As we built up our asset to FI level, we stop worrying about modest purchases.

I really don't keep up with what spends but this time I think it is different. I wanted to buy new living room furniture; myself a new car; put an addition to the back of the house. In each case he had objections even though we can afford it. And now when it comes to him--no problem. Now suddenly his motto is "What are we saving it for? I've been trying to tell him that all the time.

 

[Co2012]

Am I correct in understanding that the boat is only $2000? That's a pretty inexpensive boat! As long as you can afford it, let him have his boat IMHO. Do you like to fish? Maybe you could learn to like it and go with him sometimes! I love fishing...it is so relaxing! But I am a total outdoorswoman. It's probably a great thing that your hubby has a hobby he enjoys AND it can put some delish food on the table. It seems like almost every hobby costs money. Golf isn't cheap as far as I know!

I'm not upset over the cost of the boat. I do realize that the boat itself is cheap and am not worried about the initial $2000. I'm concerned about the maintenance.

I love to fish but I don't go with him as much as I use to. Mainly because I can't get him to go home. I think he's glad I don't go much because he can stay as long as he wants.

I love fresh fish too.

 

[aja8888]

I'm not upset over the cost of the boat. I do realize that the boat itself is cheap and am not worried about the initial $2000. I'm concerned about the maintenance.

I fished the Great Lakes years ago and had a boat. Around 18' with an outboard motor and small trolling motor is about all you would need to fish the areas close to shore. If you were to venture out into deeper waters and a long way from shore, I would not advise an under-equipped boat as the water can get nasty if a storm comes up. Then you would need a bigger boat with an inboard engine and ship to shore communications, etc.

If all he is going to do is stay around 16 -18' with an outboard, then he should not try to go where the big guys go. We used to troll for Coho salmon and cast for browns and steelheads in the bays.

Maintenance on a smaller boat/trailer is not that expensive if he is going that route, unless, of course, the $2000 is for a fixer upper.

As others mentioned, you really need to have a heart to heart talk with him about your wants and his wants and how you can come to an agreement on those items.