An update on "Who am I?"

DW was shocked to find one of my grade school report cards. On the back there were all sorts of conduct related items with a box for each quarter in which the teacher put a check mark if there were problems. My report card was a blizzard of checks. Many boxes had 3 red checks in them. I had fun in school in those pre-Ritalin days. With proper meds, who knows, maybe I would be at Goldman Sacks.
 
A disclaimer and reassurance

These questions and observations I come up with are not causing great anguish to me and are not precursors of dangerous behavior.

They bubble up and I find them interesting to discuss as I try to figure out who I am or could be.
 
Khan said:
These questions and observations I come up with are not causing great anguish to me and are not precursors of dangerous behavior
Click to expand...

I wouldn't think so...

In an earlier thread, you said you became a bit more outgoing, and happier. Would a little travel do some good?

By the way, I had very few friends in school and was a loner in college. And this is the first and only forum I frequent, leave alone post.
 
My sons Kindergarten teacher told me with all seriousness as I was sitting in a tiny chair that I should be concerned because My son could not skip . I had all I could do to not laugh out loud .
 
NW-Bound said:
I wouldn't think so...

In an earlier thread, you said you became a bit more outgoing, and happier. Would a little travel do some good?
Click to expand...

I can't do extended travel, as long as the cat is around. A few weeks ago I did take a trip to Cincinnati (~60 miles) for an social gathering.

By the way, I had very few friends in school and was a loner in college. And this is the first and only forum I frequent, leave alone post.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure what the definition of 'friend' is or if I have ever had any. High school was miserable (class nerd), college was much better.

Throughout my life I have felt like an outsider (an alien anthropologist*) observing my behavior (and others').

Even now, with these changes, I feel like an observer.

*Amazon.com: An Anthropologist On Mars: Seven Paradoxical Tales: Oliver Sacks: Books
 
Being a long-time forum member, don't you have some fellow members you call friends? I guess there are different levels of friendship.

I no longer have any close friend I can share my feelings. But then I already have my wife of 28 years, and even so, I do not feel the need to share every of my feelings. We are not teenagers anymore.
 
NW-Bound said:
Being a long-time forum member, don't you have some fellow members you call friends? I guess there are different levels of friendship.
Click to expand...

As I said, it depends on definitions. In some ways I do consider various internet acquaintances to be friends (and have actually met a few)

I no longer have any close friend I can share my feelings. But then I already have my wife of 28 years, and even so, I do not feel the need to share every of my feelings. We are not teenagers anymore.
Click to expand...

Not sure where I would be without the internet in my ability to interact/communicate.
 
a friend is someone in whom you trust to confide even while knowing they can betray you.

"a friend is someone who knows your faults but likes you anyway."~~saying

"one loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."~~euripides

"friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together"~~woodrow wilson

"the only way to have a friend is to be one"~~ralph waldo emerson

"the bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship."~~william blake

"no man is useless while he has a friend."~~robert luis stevnson

"a true friend stabs you in the front"~~oscar wilde

"with every friend i love who has taken into the brown bosom of the earth, a part of me has been buried there; but their contribution to my being of happiness, strength and understanding remains to sustain me in an altered world."~~helen keller

"what is a friend? a single soul in two bodies"~~aristotle

"the most i can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. i have no wealth to bestow on him. if he knows that i am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. is not friendship divine in this?"~~henry david thoreau

"in the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."~~martin luther king jr.

"friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world."~~eleanor roosevelt

 
Khan-

A couple questions, if I may:

1- Do you ever feel that you are living in a slightly different time frame than everyone else?

2- Is there a feeling that other people's reality is not quite real?

3- Is it possible that your low degree of personal intimacy is due to a fear of being disappointed?

4-Why do you suppose, given your low degree of socializing/friendships, that your internet posting is rather prolific?
 
noworkethic said:
Khan-

A couple questions, if I may:

1- Do you ever feel that you are living in a slightly different time frame than everyone else?
Click to expand...

Not sure what you mean.

2- Is there a feeling that other people's reality is not quite real?
Click to expand...

Real to them, not real to me.

3- Is it possible that your low degree of personal intimacy is due to a fear of being disappointed?
Click to expand...

Have been disappointed, betrayed, and (figuratively) smacked down. I have no ego left and now take things at face value.

4-Why do you suppose, given your low degree of socializing/friendships, that your internet posting is rather prolific?
Click to expand...

I don't speak or interact very well, on line I can backup edit and research as necessary.

On line mostly takes the place of actual.

In 'real life' I have been having more personal social contacts; I can take them at my own pace and choice. Personal interactions aren't a problem if I choose them.
 
I have one very best friend who has been my friend since college days. I tend towards introversion and she is very extroverted. It makes for a good friendship match. I wonder how well it would work for two introverts to be good friends.
 
I go from being extroverted to introverted.....found out I am a HSP (highly sensitive person) which explains a lot about me. I went through life only having one friend....until drinking took over my life and the entire bar was my friend!
Today, things are different....I have a few friends, but I prefer to be alone at home learning and posting on forums. Most of the people I know don't like being alone and delving into the nooks and cranies of their self.
It seems to me that you are really sitting down with yourself and getting in touch with the intangible rather than the tangible aspects of so called "reality".
 
Khan said:
I can't do extended travel, as long as the cat is around. A few weeks ago I did take a trip to Cincinnati (~60 miles) for an social gathering.

...

Even now, with these changes, I feel like an observer.

*Amazon.com: An Anthropologist On Mars: Seven Paradoxical Tales: Oliver Sacks: Books
Click to expand...

I have never read a book on psychology or anthropology. I should start reading this genre, to expand my geeky horizon. Being introspective, I have always tried to understand myself. About outward looking, I thought I am empathic, but am I really, still trying to understand myself.

I would put the cat in animal care for a short time, and go see Venice (before it sinks), or Pompeii so see how such an advanced society (running water, sidewalks, bakeries and butcher shops at street corners when the rest of Europe was mostly barbaric) could get wiped out by a Black Swan.

I have been trying to enjoy life more, and not getting too uptight about stuff like politics. Life's too short. I don't know about doing good deeds to society, but I have always tried my best to avoid causing harm.

Khan said:
Not sure where I would be without the internet in my ability to interact/communicate.
Click to expand...

Even hermits need to converse with another hermit, eh? I always thought of myself as one, but am not sure anymore. Now, Nords referred to his wife and himself as hermits! That's surprising... I guess, same as friendships, there are different levels of, er, hermitness...
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khan
Not sure where I would be without the internet in my ability to interact/communicate.

Even hermits need to converse with another hermit, eh? I always thought of myself as one, but am not sure anymore. Now, Nords referred to his wife and himself as hermits! That's surprising... I guess, same as friendships, there are different levels of, er, hermitness...
Click to expand...

I retired as of 31 Dec 2004, and started posting on E-R.org in Aug 2006; more than a year and a half of 'destressing' and 'dehermiting' and noticing the changes in myself.

From the weight loss thread ( It's Wednesday weigh ins! ) :
http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/showpost.php?p=732932&postcount=1066
 
Oh my! From 215# to 135#!

I am sure the weightloss companies would want more examples as yourself to advertise their products, whether you used theirs or not :)

Congratulations! By the way, I needed to shed a few pounds but it was tough. Had to prep for a colonoscopy and lost 3-4 pounds in two days. Have been able to keep those off and then some. BMI from 25.4 down to 24. Been skinny all my life, but still, blood pressure improves with this little weight loss, just like my doctor said.

Or is it because I am more relaxed now, "knowing" the market is near the bottom already? This happened in the last bear market too. We took our 1st European trip in Feb 2003, when our portfolio was decimated, and I did not have a job. Came back refreshed. Life has been good, and I am grateful...
 
NW-Bound said:
Oh my! From 215# to 135#!
Click to expand...

I have been at 135 for about a year now.

Congratulations! By the way, I needed to shred a few pounds but it was tough. Had to prep for a colonoscopy and lost 3-4 pounds in two days. Have been able to keep those off and then some. BMI from 25.4 down to 24. Been skinny all my life, but still, blood pressure improves with this little weight loss, just like my doctor said.
Click to expand...

My BP went from 176/96 to 120/70.
 
Khan,

Your weight loss story is inspirational! I'm on a similar road myself, albeit at the very beginning. I like to hear stories of those who have succeeded before me (a lot of the appeal of this forum in general, as it turns out).

I'm not as far down the experiential road as many of the posters here, but I think that our 'am-ness' is a fluid construct that develops (and sheds) layers over time. I read some diary entries from when I was in junior high -- good grief, why had I held onto such drivel? Because, I realize, that awkward girl was still me, though a layer of me I've tried to shed (with middling success).

Our physical bodies are also a huge part of our am-ness (as I suspect anyone who's had an alteration in their body would testify -- paraplegics and amputees come to mind, but chronic illness also changes that perception). Khan, you've just become a smaller person. Might that also affect your feeling of who you are?

Nords, I had to laugh about the "reading other books during reading class." Mine was "reads books during all classes." I even tried during shop and art. My teachers finally just let it go as long as I kept getting good grades.
 
Urchina said:
Khan,

Your weight loss story is inspirational! I'm on a similar road myself, albeit at the very beginning. I like to hear stories of those who have succeeded before me (a lot of the appeal of this forum in general, as it turns out).

I'm not as far down the experiential road as many of the posters here, but I think that our 'am-ness' is a fluid construct that develops (and sheds) layers over time. I read some diary entries from when I was in junior high -- good grief, why had I held onto such drivel? Because, I realize, that awkward girl was still me, though a layer of me I've tried to shed (with middling success).

Our physical bodies are also a huge part of our am-ness (as I suspect anyone who's had an alteration in their body would testify -- paraplegics and amputees come to mind, but chronic illness also changes that perception). Khan, you've just become a smaller person. Might that also affect your feeling of who you are?
Click to expand...

Definitely. As was mentioned: that fat was a barrier. I have let down that barrier and several others (mostly mental).

I am still getting to know this body; several months ago, I realized I could cross my legs.

Nords, I had to laugh about the "reading other books during reading class." Mine was "reads books during all classes." I even tried during shop and art. My teachers finally just let it go as long as I kept getting good grades.
Click to expand...

I was the same, especially during art and music class (I have absolutely no talent in either field). I figured that as long as I was quiet and could pass the tests, I should be allowed to read (a lot of science fiction); some teachers had a problem with this, others didn't.
 
Khan said:
I have been at 135 for about a year now.
My BP went from 176/96 to 120/70.
Click to expand...
now that is a phenomenal change. congratulations! i'll bet you feel better physically in your feet, back, joints etc. and that lowered blood pressure is definitely worth some bragging rights. wooohooooooo! :D
 
 
Okay, Khan, I think your improvements are wonderful---but less gray hair (per the last link from 2007)? How is that possible? Isn't gray hair mostly due to genetics and not really stress? And once it starts, doesn't it increase or at least remain the same, rather than reverse?
 
tangomonster said:
Okay, Khan, I think your improvements are wonderful---but less gray hair (per the last link from 2007)? How is that possible? Isn't gray hair mostly due to genetics and not really stress? And once it starts, doesn't it increase or at least remain the same, rather than reverse?
Click to expand...

I have no idea. It was merely my subjective observation.
 
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