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Anyone FIRE with 2 Ds under there belt
Old 11-10-2014, 12:35 PM   #1
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Anyone FIRE with 2 Ds under there belt

Someone I know is going through a 2nd divorce. They were on a very structured path to FI and planning to retire in 5 years until the 2nd divorce hit. They now feel like they won't reach there goals of FI.

I tell them it is still possible. They also fear that there Ex will fight them for real estate and 401k money. I didnt believe a person could go after a 401k...and I believe the real estate might need to be titled with the Ex for any litigation there but I could be wrong.

Any words of encouragement for this person?
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FIRE in 2031 @ 50yrs old (+/- 2yrs) w/ a hypothetical $2.5mil portfolio, 3 appreciated homes worth $1.0mil and rental income to fund my gap years until RMD. Assets will go to an inherited IRA where I plan on watching the investments grow until I die or the trust gets executed.
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Old 11-10-2014, 12:41 PM   #2
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Good luck for him/her is all I can say.

I started over after just one divorce with nothing but a junk car, a sofa, and 5 figure debts to pay off at age 50. Oh, and a temporary "soft money" research job, too. No 401K money for me; it was all in his 401K account and I didn't have one, so he kept all that and the house and contents. This was an uncontested divorce; it was worth it to me to lose everything, in order to get out from under without having to go to court. Anyway, I did OK and still managed to retire by age 61, but planning and doing that was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was very lucky and even with a lot of luck, I don't think most people could have done it. I wouldn't recommend it.

To be honest, if I had been required to pay alimony or child support (not unheard of even for women these days), I think my retirement plans would have been toast.
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Old 11-10-2014, 12:43 PM   #3
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I did it after one divorce. I just kept my head down and saved like crazy - like 50% of my salary. And yea, depending on their particular situation expect to pay half of real estate and savings, including 401(k) and IRAs.

And get a prenup if one is foolish enough to remarry.
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Old 11-10-2014, 01:09 PM   #4
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401k, probably the second question an attorney asks. A gal I w*rked with, her man picker was broken, gave 50% of hers away twice.

Now at least in this state it's all your combined assets divided by two, so if the other spouse has 401k they're added together.

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Old 11-10-2014, 01:17 PM   #5
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Man picker is definitely broke. Lol. They are a bit worried about how the child support will shake out. Was going to do uncontested but that lasted less than 24hrs when the EX got hostile and broke out a stolen investment screenshot as "blackmail".
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FIRE in 2031 @ 50yrs old (+/- 2yrs) w/ a hypothetical $2.5mil portfolio, 3 appreciated homes worth $1.0mil and rental income to fund my gap years until RMD. Assets will go to an inherited IRA where I plan on watching the investments grow until I die or the trust gets executed.
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Old 11-10-2014, 01:26 PM   #6
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I did it after one divorce. I just kept my head down and saved like crazy - like 50% of my salary. And yea, depending on their particular situation expect to pay half of real estate and savings, including 401(k) and IRAs.

And get a prenup if one is foolish enough to remarry.
I asked my wife for a prenup. She said no. I still married her though, what is a boy to do lol

After #2 they have confirmed no more marriage.

Its so obvious to me how the children are the losers in the situation...sad.
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FIRE in 2031 @ 50yrs old (+/- 2yrs) w/ a hypothetical $2.5mil portfolio, 3 appreciated homes worth $1.0mil and rental income to fund my gap years until RMD. Assets will go to an inherited IRA where I plan on watching the investments grow until I die or the trust gets executed.
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Old 11-10-2014, 01:53 PM   #7
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As someone who has had the same live-in GF for 24 years, I find the subject of marriage and divorce to be interesting. I have seen too many people ruin their lives due to marriage.

Why would anyone get married when 50% of the marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death?
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Old 11-10-2014, 02:39 PM   #8
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Why would anyone get married when 50% of the marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death?
Because 50% succeed? So far it's working for me. This July it'll be 26 years with DW so I think it's gonna stick.

My older sister (also divorced and remarried happily for ~30 years) put it this way: "The ones who get divorced a second time didn't learn anything the first time".
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Old 11-10-2014, 02:43 PM   #9
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Met a guy on a recent RV trip who claimed to be on his 5th marriage but to only three women - married two of them twice. Sheesh...

Me, I'm working on #47 - years of marriage, not women.
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Old 11-10-2014, 02:53 PM   #10
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I thought this question was rather fresh, asking about double Ds and all (but not below the belt ), but then maybe the above-the-belt DDs were a factor in some of the two D(ivorces)s....

We have a not terribly astute friend who has been divorced three times, and has no share in his own 401(k) anymore.
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Old 11-10-2014, 02:59 PM   #11
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I thought this question was rather fresh, asking about double Ds and all (but not below the belt ), but then maybe the above-the-belt DDs were a factor in some of the two D(ivorces)s....
Yep. I was about to post a cosmetic surgery recommendation, thinking the conversation could be uplifting...
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Old 11-10-2014, 03:07 PM   #12
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A co-worker filed for divorce after catching his wife cheating with her boss. MD being a no-fault state, she got half his TSP - and he was 50. Fortunately, he likes his job....

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Old 11-10-2014, 03:17 PM   #13
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Let's see - half of one is 1/2 and half of that is 1/4 - in my humble opinion FI is slipping away. It's tough enough to LBYM and work together, let alone shooting yourself in the foot repeatedly.
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Old 11-10-2014, 03:31 PM   #14
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In community property states everything gets split in half.
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Old 11-10-2014, 03:44 PM   #15
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Everything earned during the marriage. The ex will not be entitled to 1/2 the 401k, just maybe 1/2 of the 401k contributions and earnings during the marriage. Huge difference. This is also true for all assets. They can't take 1/2 a house your friend owned before the marriage, for example, even in a community property state.
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Old 11-10-2014, 03:52 PM   #16
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A co-worker filed for divorce after catching his wife cheating with her boss. MD being a no-fault state, she got half his TSP - and he was 50. Fortunately, he likes his job....

Amethyst
So, she cheated AND got 1/2 of his money?
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Old 11-10-2014, 03:52 PM   #17
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Because 50% succeed? So far it's working for me. This July it'll be 26 years with DW so I think it's gonna stick.

My older sister (also divorced and remarried happily for ~30 years) put it this way: "The ones who get divorced a second time didn't learn anything the first time".
Actually, the marriages that succeed end in death... I am on 24 years with my DGF. Not to rain on the parade, but after 25 years is statistically a danger period.
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Old 11-10-2014, 03:54 PM   #18
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A co-worker filed for divorce after catching his wife cheating with her boss.
He should have kept her and retired early. Her employment seemed to be secure.
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Old 11-10-2014, 04:01 PM   #19
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as someone who has had the same live-in gf for 24 years, i find the subject of marriage and divorce to be interesting.

Why would anyone get married when 50% of the marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death?

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Old 11-10-2014, 04:05 PM   #20
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I tell them it is still possible. They also fear that there Ex will fight them for real estate and 401k money. I didnt believe a person could go after a 401k...and I believe the real estate might need to be titled with the Ex for any litigation there but I could be wrong.

Any words of encouragement for this person?
You don't say where this is happening, which is very important. However in general, you are wrong on both your points. If it is marital property, it is up for grabs. Maybe 10 years ago Mississippi still used title as a factor or perhaps the main factor in dividing property. I don't know if this has changed, but most states at least ignore title.

I agree with Senator. Unless one is young and planning to start a family, and both partners are willing and able to do this, why get married? It is massively complicated.

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