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Anyone FIRE with 2 Ds under there belt
11-10-2014, 11:35 AM
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#1
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North
Posts: 4,043
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Anyone FIRE with 2 Ds under there belt
Someone I know is going through a 2nd divorce. They were on a very structured path to FI and planning to retire in 5 years until the 2nd divorce hit. They now feel like they won't reach there goals of FI.
I tell them it is still possible. They also fear that there Ex will fight them for real estate and 401k money. I didnt believe a person could go after a 401k...and I believe the real estate might need to be titled with the Ex for any litigation there but I could be wrong.
Any words of encouragement for this person?
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Time > $$$ ~ 100% equities ~ FIRE @2031
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11-10-2014, 11:41 AM
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#2
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New Orleans
Posts: 47,500
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Good luck for him/her is all I can say.
I started over after just one divorce with nothing but a junk car, a sofa, and 5 figure debts to pay off at age 50. Oh, and a temporary "soft money" research job, too. No 401K money for me; it was all in his 401K account and I didn't have one, so he kept all that and the house and contents. This was an uncontested divorce; it was worth it to me to lose everything, in order to get out from under without having to go to court. Anyway, I did OK and still managed to retire by age 61, but planning and doing that was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was very lucky and even with a lot of luck, I don't think most people could have done it. I wouldn't recommend it.
To be honest, if I had been required to pay alimony or child support (not unheard of even for women these days), I think my retirement plans would have been toast.
__________________
Already we are boldly launched upon the deep; but soon we shall be lost in its unshored, harbourless immensities. - - H. Melville, 1851.
Happily retired since 2009, at age 61. Best years of my life by far!
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11-10-2014, 11:43 AM
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#3
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,328
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I did it after one divorce. I just kept my head down and saved like crazy - like 50% of my salary. And yea, depending on their particular situation expect to pay half of real estate and savings, including 401(k) and IRAs.
And get a prenup if one is foolish enough to remarry.
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11-10-2014, 12:09 PM
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#4
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 11,078
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401k, probably the second question an attorney asks. A gal I w*rked with, her man picker was broken, gave 50% of hers away twice.
Now at least in this state it's all your combined assets divided by two, so if the other spouse has 401k they're added together.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app
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11-10-2014, 12:17 PM
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#5
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North
Posts: 4,043
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Man picker is definitely broke. Lol. They are a bit worried about how the child support will shake out. Was going to do uncontested but that lasted less than 24hrs when the EX got hostile and broke out a stolen investment screenshot as "blackmail".
__________________
Time > $$$ ~ 100% equities ~ FIRE @2031
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11-10-2014, 12:26 PM
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#6
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North
Posts: 4,043
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Quote:
Originally Posted by travelover
I did it after one divorce. I just kept my head down and saved like crazy - like 50% of my salary. And yea, depending on their particular situation expect to pay half of real estate and savings, including 401(k) and IRAs.
And get a prenup if one is foolish enough to remarry.
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I asked my wife for a prenup. She said no. I still married her though, what is a boy to do lol
After #2 they have confirmed no more marriage.
Its so obvious to me how the children are the losers in the situation...sad.
__________________
Time > $$$ ~ 100% equities ~ FIRE @2031
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11-10-2014, 12:53 PM
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#7
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Williston, FL
Posts: 3,925
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As someone who has had the same live-in GF for 24 years, I find the subject of marriage and divorce to be interesting. I have seen too many people ruin their lives due to marriage.
Why would anyone get married when 50% of the marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death?
__________________
FIRE no later than 7/5/2016 at 56 (done), securing '16 401K match (done), getting '15 401K match (done), LTI Bonus (done), Perf bonus (done), maxing out 401K (done), picking up 1,000 hours to get another year of pension (done), July 1st benefits (vacation day, healthcare) (done), July 4th holiday. 0 days left. (done) OFFICIALLY RETIRED 7/5/2016!!
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11-10-2014, 01:39 PM
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#8
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Eastern WV Panhandle
Posts: 25,340
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Senator
Why would anyone get married when 50% of the marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death?
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Because 50% succeed? So far it's working for me. This July it'll be 26 years with DW so I think it's gonna stick.
My older sister (also divorced and remarried happily for ~30 years) put it this way: "The ones who get divorced a second time didn't learn anything the first time".
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When I was a kid I wanted to be older. This is not what I expected.
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11-10-2014, 01:43 PM
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#9
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas: No Country for Old Men
Posts: 50,021
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Met a guy on a recent RV trip who claimed to be on his 5th marriage but to only three women - married two of them twice. Sheesh...
Me, I'm working on #47 - years of marriage, not women.
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Numbers is hard
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11-10-2014, 01:53 PM
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#10
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Moderator Emeritus
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 17,774
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I thought this question was rather fresh, asking about double Ds and all (but not below the belt ), but then maybe the above-the-belt DDs were a factor in some of the two D(ivorces)s....
We have a not terribly astute friend who has been divorced three times, and has no share in his own 401(k) anymore.
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“Would you like an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?” J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
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11-10-2014, 01:59 PM
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#11
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Texas: No Country for Old Men
Posts: 50,021
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestwifeever
I thought this question was rather fresh, asking about double Ds and all (but not below the belt ), but then maybe the above-the-belt DDs were a factor in some of the two D(ivorces)s....
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Yep. I was about to post a cosmetic surgery recommendation, thinking the conversation could be uplifting...
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Numbers is hard
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11-10-2014, 02:07 PM
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#12
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 12,657
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A co-worker filed for divorce after catching his wife cheating with her boss. MD being a no-fault state, she got half his TSP - and he was 50. Fortunately, he likes his job....
Amethyst
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If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success – to be able to spend your life in your own way.’ Christopher Morley.
Even a blind clock finds an acorn twice a day.
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11-10-2014, 02:17 PM
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#13
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,985
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Let's see - half of one is 1/2 and half of that is 1/4 - in my humble opinion FI is slipping away. It's tough enough to LBYM and work together, let alone shooting yourself in the foot repeatedly.
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Took SS at 62 and hope I live long enough to regret the decision.
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11-10-2014, 02:31 PM
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#14
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 7,050
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In community property states everything gets split in half.
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11-10-2014, 02:44 PM
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#15
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: South central PA
Posts: 3,486
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Everything earned during the marriage. The ex will not be entitled to 1/2 the 401k, just maybe 1/2 of the 401k contributions and earnings during the marriage. Huge difference. This is also true for all assets. They can't take 1/2 a house your friend owned before the marriage, for example, even in a community property state.
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11-10-2014, 02:52 PM
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#16
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,089
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst
A co-worker filed for divorce after catching his wife cheating with her boss. MD being a no-fault state, she got half his TSP - and he was 50. Fortunately, he likes his job....
Amethyst
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So, she cheated AND got 1/2 of his money?
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11-10-2014, 02:52 PM
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#17
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Williston, FL
Posts: 3,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Walt34
Because 50% succeed? So far it's working for me. This July it'll be 26 years with DW so I think it's gonna stick.
My older sister (also divorced and remarried happily for ~30 years) put it this way: "The ones who get divorced a second time didn't learn anything the first time".
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Actually, the marriages that succeed end in death... I am on 24 years with my DGF. Not to rain on the parade, but after 25 years is statistically a danger period.
__________________
FIRE no later than 7/5/2016 at 56 (done), securing '16 401K match (done), getting '15 401K match (done), LTI Bonus (done), Perf bonus (done), maxing out 401K (done), picking up 1,000 hours to get another year of pension (done), July 1st benefits (vacation day, healthcare) (done), July 4th holiday. 0 days left. (done) OFFICIALLY RETIRED 7/5/2016!!
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11-10-2014, 02:54 PM
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#18
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Williston, FL
Posts: 3,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst
A co-worker filed for divorce after catching his wife cheating with her boss.
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He should have kept her and retired early. Her employment seemed to be secure.
__________________
FIRE no later than 7/5/2016 at 56 (done), securing '16 401K match (done), getting '15 401K match (done), LTI Bonus (done), Perf bonus (done), maxing out 401K (done), picking up 1,000 hours to get another year of pension (done), July 1st benefits (vacation day, healthcare) (done), July 4th holiday. 0 days left. (done) OFFICIALLY RETIRED 7/5/2016!!
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11-10-2014, 03:01 PM
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#19
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Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1,500
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Quote:
Originally Posted by senator
as someone who has had the same live-in gf for 24 years, i find the subject of marriage and divorce to be interesting.
Why would anyone get married when 50% of the marriages end in divorce, and the other 50% end in death?
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The AR Group
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11-10-2014, 03:05 PM
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#20
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Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,983
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kgtest
I tell them it is still possible. They also fear that there Ex will fight them for real estate and 401k money. I didnt believe a person could go after a 401k...and I believe the real estate might need to be titled with the Ex for any litigation there but I could be wrong.
Any words of encouragement for this person?
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You don't say where this is happening, which is very important. However in general, you are wrong on both your points. If it is marital property, it is up for grabs. Maybe 10 years ago Mississippi still used title as a factor or perhaps the main factor in dividing property. I don't know if this has changed, but most states at least ignore title.
I agree with Senator. Unless one is young and planning to start a family, and both partners are willing and able to do this, why get married? It is massively complicated.
Ha
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