Are you cheap?

[Nords]

Originally Posted by BunsOfVeal

I had an ex-friend

Exactly the right response. *Being cheap can get expensive.

I think houseguests are obligated to pick up the tab for just about every meal eaten out. *Doing dishes is appreciated, too.

I've spent the last couple days catching up on all our vacation charge slips, and I noticed that the vast majority of our family meals were under $40. *The exception to that was our visit to the restaurant where we were married 20 years ago-- $120 for French cuisine that was yummy but not all that exceptional. *

The meal didn't have that much value, but I'm glad that we didn't go somewhere else for cheaper food. *We got to show our kid exactly where the reverend did the dirty deed, to relive the ceremony & guests for a couple leisurely hours, and to smooch in front of her until she couldn't stand the embarrassment anymore-- priceless.

[Toejam]

Originally Posted by Nords

People can assess an expense to an object or an experience and fixate on it to the point where they can't enjoy it anymore if it doesn't stay at that price.* We all know of an elderly relative who's fixated on what they used to pay and can't enjoy something anymore because now they have to pay "real money" for it.* Yet if they were doing it for the first time and had never paid that "new" price before, they'd be happy with the experience instead of bickering over the pricing.* It's all in your expectations...

Nords: What's this got to do with my dinner bill situation? I have no problem paying for inflated property taxes, inflated groceries, inflated price of a chocolate bar. I do have a little problem paying for other people's inflated drinking/eating habits on an on-going basis.

Originally Posted by Toejam

Nords: What's this got to do with my dinner bill situation? I have no problem paying for inflated property taxes, inflated groceries, inflated price of a chocolate bar. I do have a little problem paying for other people's inflated drinking/eating habits on an on-going basis.

Why do you hang out with such rude inconsiderate people?

[Nords]

Originally Posted by Toejam

Nords:* What's this got to do with my dinner bill situation?* **
I do have a little problem paying for other people's inflated drinking/eating habits on an on-going basis.* *

IMO your frustration at the costs of the event is starting to become more important to you than the reason that you guys are having the event in the first place.

You see this as paying for your friends' drinks and expensive tidbits instead of the cost of the socializing that ensues. *You're paying more for "your" share of a meal with them than you would if you were eating by yourself. *Yet if this event is about camaraderie and shared entertainment, then perhaps it's not inappropriate to pay more for the benefits. *Hopefully your dinner companions are better company than BOV's unwanted "houseguest".

I'm not claiming that anyone is right or wrong over the way the dinner bill is paid. *I'm saying that your price of a shared meal with these people is higher than the price of dining alone. *If you have a problem with that then you need to figure out another way to dine or another way to spend enjoyable time with these people...

[haha]

Originally Posted by Toejam

Ha:* I don't think I need a shrink . . . yet.* But I will keep it in mind if and when the time comes that I feel I really need one!* *

LOL!

Toejam, this was not really directed at you. It was more reflecting the way I would think. I was making a joke.*

Ha

[HFWR]

A few bucks one way or the other wouldn't make much difference to me, but if my so-called friends regularly tried to shortchange me, I would probably find some other friends...

[Scrooge]

Originally Posted by Toejam

And please don't label me a Scrooge.

That would never do!*

[Mwsinron]

"I think houseguests are obligated to pick up the tab for just about every meal eaten out. Doing dishes is appreciated, too."

Guess that would depends with me. If they just dropped a couple grand in tickets to come see me I dont expect them to spend another dime on food or drink. However doing the dishes is great

[Texas Proud]

I responded a long time ago.. but have read a bunch more reponses... so, here is another of my opinions...

Yes, being the frugal one on a let's share it dinner was a lot tougher when I was younger... I remember a dinner when I was in the UK where they ordered a LOT of appitizers and wine... and ordered MORE wine... and MORE wine... I was getting a bit miffed as I am not a drinker.. but, I threw in my 'share'..

BUT, I mentioned it to someone a few days later... and he said "what, you didn't drink?".... a lot of these people are unaware of what you are doing.... I am not talking about the ones who are cheap and just want you to subsidize them... but the ones who do not care if the bill is $100 and will throw it down... to them it is just dinner and they want to have a great time.. they are NOT keeping track of who bought what.. and they would buy the same thing even if it was only the two of you and you were paying your own bill...

As another example.. there were a number of employees who would take the Concord from London to New York... the company did not want to pay this high fee... they said you should not do something you would not do with your own money... well, these guys made a boatload of money and DID fly the Concord on their own dime!!

So, do not assume that they are trying to get a more costly meal on you..

[mountaintosea]

Hmm... cheap or frugal a matter of degree. I've been considered cheap by some and frugal by others. It depends on your take.

[kcowan]

I have a friend who is very generous and a self-made mulitmillionaire. He is always trying to pick up the tab. Finally I said that we had to pay equally or I would start to resent his generosity. We take turns on the tab. He used to outdrink me and outeat me substantailly. Now he has moderated his intake and it works out equally.

I have said that I really appreciate being able to borrow his special tools when I need them and this seems to satisfy his urge to "do more because he has more".

But I agree with prior posts that many people are oblivious to costs. We have another rich friend who always pays her bill without even looking at the detail. She will round the tip up to the next even 10 so the addition in easy. We split the bills on credit cards for the points that we both collect. If I ask her how much her meal was in total (because of her generous tipping) after we leave, she has no idea.

[larry]

Originally Posted by boont

We all wanted to ride together and he had the biggest car. He drove us but was burned because he had to pay $3.00 to park. He got a free $35.00 lunch but he had to pay $3.00.

I think all those who didn't split the parking were cheap.

[free4now]

When someone uses the derogatory label "cheap", it can mean lots of different things:

1. I'm oblivious to costs because I don't control my spending, and your spending awareness makes me painfully aware of my overspending, so please make it stop.

2. I'm trying to manipulate other people to pay my share, and calling them cheap helps me get what I want.

3. Your failing to pay your share shows a lack concern for others, and I don't like to be with people who don't take other's needs into account.

I think the first two are misuses of the term cheap, but I think cheap is a good word for the third case.

I tend to be annoyed by people who complain about how much they pay, because it shows a lack of integrity.* If they didn't want to take the expense on, they shouldn't have entered the spending situation.* They overreached their means, and blame it on others.* *

I look very favorably upon people who are upfront about their spending limitations and honestly say "That restaurant seems a bit pricey for me",* "I'd love to join you but I can't afford to go there", or "Would you mind separate checks since I'm just going to have a snack". *

If someone is building up resentments against their friends because they can't comfortably continue subsidizing them, then asking to split the bill equally is a show that maintaining good relations with the friends is important.

Here's how I'd break the labels down:

• A cheap person only considers themselves.
• A frugal person considers both their own needs and those of their friends equally, and may even puts their friends first at times.
• An extravagant spender puts their friends needs first all the time because of a low sense of self worth.

[Toejam]

Originally Posted by Cut-Throat

Why do you hang out with such rude inconsiderate people?

'Cuz they're my friends, and I still like them. And I really don't think of them as rude or inconsiderate on the whole. Just because I have a difference of opinion as to how a bill should be split does not mean I can't get along with them or have a good time. People have disagreements all the time. If you are in a good friendship (or good marriage for that matter), you find a way to resolve a conflict to the satisfaction of all concerned. And afterwards, you don't hold a grudge either.

Also, as Texas Proud pointed out, maybe my friends are not even aware of the discrepancy or don't care how high the bill is. I won't assume they are deliberately trying to take advantage. Always better to give the benefit of the doubt.

[Toejam]

Originally Posted by Nords

I'm not claiming that anyone is right or wrong over the way the dinner bill is paid. *I'm saying that your price of a shared meal with these people is higher than the price of dining alone. *If you have a problem with that then you need to figure out another way to dine or another way to spend enjoyable time with these people...

Nords: I have no problem with the price of a shared meal with friends being higher than the price of dinner alone (especially since it only costs about $5 when I dine alone ). Therefore, there is no need to change restaurant dinner plans with my friends. I don't look at this as a "one way or the other" situation.

My solution: I pay for my $50 dinner (without drinks, appetizers, sides, desserts) with separate check. My friends pay $90 each for their dinner (with drinks, etc.). I will be happy because my conservative diet keeps my figure slim and my self-imposed dining budget under control. And my friends should be happy because they can feel free to order as many drinks and other dishes as they want without feeling restricted or guilty in any way. We can all still dine together at a fancy restaurant and enjoy each other's company. A win-win situation for everyone!

Now, if my friends have a "problem" with this, then maybe I am hanging out with the wrong bunch of people. But I know in my heart this will not be the case.

[Toejam]

Originally Posted by HaHa

LOL!

Toejam, this was not really directed at you. It was more reflecting the way I would think. I was making a joke.*

Ha

Thanks, Ha. I know. You've always been one of my favorite posters. Dry humor and all!

Toejam

[VoyT]

Originally Posted by 73ss454

When the check came he took out his wallet and was searching through it and finally came out with a crisp $100 bill.
When he handed it to me I opened it and made like I was reading something that was written on it.* I said "What's this?Happy Graduation, Mom and Dad.* I guess you had to be there but we all had a good laugh.

I thought it was funny.
My cousin tells the story of going on vacation with her brother and his wife. Every morning they ate breakfast at this little diner, and bro would pull out a $100 to pay, which the diner wouldn't take, so my cousin would have to foot the bill. *After 2 days, she had him figured out. On day 3, bro pulled out the $100, with, 'Oh, this is the smallest bill I have." *She pulled out 5 $20s and said, 'Well, here, let me make change for you so you can pay your bill." *

[Toejam]

Originally Posted by Scrooge

That would never do!*

Hi Scrooge: I had to giggle when I saw this. The thought had occurred to me, when I wrote the above post, that I hoped you wouldn't take offense to this. I'm still laughing . . .

[Scrooge]

Originally Posted by Toejam

Hi Scrooge:* I had to giggle when I saw this.* The thought had occurred to me, when I wrote the above post, that I hoped you wouldn't take offense to this. I'm still laughing . . .*

After almost twenty years of contract work, I am not easily disturbed, much less offended. Ah, the stories I could tell -- like that time when I was literally snuck upon by a four star general* Good times, good times!*