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Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 10:16 AM   #1
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Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

From time to time a discussion about retirement to central Texas or Austin urges me to report the 'truth' about living in this area. The following appeared in todays' Austin American Statesman. Although it is a humorist's column, much truth is said in jest.

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$95 margarita? Forget Mexico: Put the National Guard along the New Mexican border to keep out the Californicators.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

So the Four Seasons Hotel in downtown Austin is selling a $95 margarita, huh? That proves President Bush is putting the 6,000 National Guard troops along the wrong border.

Instead of stationing soldiers along the Mexican border to keep out the illegal immigrants, Bush should deploy the military along the Texas-New Mexico border to keep you high-rollin' Californians from driving into the Lone Star State.

Your typical La La Land dude unloads his 1,500-square-foot home back in California for $1.5 mil. Then he moves to Austin and buys some dump in 78704 for half the price. And pretty soon, only people who would spring for a $95 'rita can afford to live here. Stop this before I scream again.

"I've been here about six months, and I'm like, 'OK, don't any more Californians come here, because I want to buy a house,' " said Kerri Holden, director of public relations for the Four Seasons. Holden moved here from you got it California. Even she figures we have enough of her kind around here. She said she was not speaking for the Four Seasons.

And while we're at it, Bush should station the 1st Cavalry Division out at the airport for when the planes land from San Jose.

They really do have a $95 margarita at the Lobby Lounge in the Four Seasons Hotel. Holden says they sold six over the weekend.

I have not tried one. I'm not paying that kind of money for one drink. And neither is this newspaper, I'm told.

Anyway, this drink includes a shot and a half of Herradura Seleccion Suprema tequila, at $300 to $400 a bottle, and a shot and a half of Grand Marnier Cuvee du Centenaire, which runs more than $100 a bottle. Cuvee is the French word meaning "This is a holdup."

We're building a wall to keep out Mexicans? Folks, we're building the wall to keep out the wrong bunch. Never mind the whites of their eyes. Don't shoot until you see their ponytails.

The only clown who would spring for that sort of cash for a bottle of worm-drowner is some brie-belchin', pesto-packin', hot-tubbin' techie from Marin County.

By the way, a 15 percent tip on this drink would run you $14.25. Hey, you can buy a case of 24 Lone Star cans at H-E-B for $11.99, or $2.06 less than the tip.

So, do you at least get to keep the glass? "No, you don't," Holden said. For that kind of money, you should be able to take home a piece of furniture.

By the way, the Four Seasons is run by a bunch of Canadians. Swell. Then we need to string the Marines from British Columbia to New Brunswick.

The trouble with a $95 margarita? If you spilled it, you'd have to kill yourself.

"Does this drink come with a woman?" my friend Scott Wilson asked. "Yes," I said, "but the problem is, she wants one, too."

And I'll bet the margarita doesn't taste as good as the best margaritas in the world: the Mexican ones.

"It used to be you'd go to the Cadillac Bar in Nuevo Laredo; the whole damn bar wasn't worth $95," Wilson said.

Oh, I dunno. I'll bet you could sell it to a Californian for a quarter of a million.

John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or jkelso@statesman.com.


EDIT: Link to column http://www.statesman.com/news/conten...5/23kelso.html




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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 11:42 AM   #2
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Austin is not an expensive place to live. Plenty of "down home" flavor still left even though it has it's cosmopolitan side.

Four Seasons is not representative of Austin. It's by far the most expensive hotel in town, and the high-falutin' types go there. Austin, overall, is just not that hoity-toity.

However, I lived in Austin during my professional career. It was a great place to work. But after retiring I couldn't wait to leave town. IMO there is just about nothing as boring to live in as a suburb of a major metropolitan area when you are retired with no kids. You get a lot of bad (major road traffic, boring neighborhood with work traffic, urban sprawl, neighbors lawnmowers on weekends, kids in the streets at night) with the main upsides being access to great restaurants, good grocery stores (Whole Foods!!!), and lots of entertainment options.

We left Austin. When we are not running around the country in our RV, we cool our heels in Kerrville Texas. Not the urban benefits, but a much prettier part of the hill country and closer to far more natural areas. Small towns and rural areas in the hill country are much nicer than Austin or San Antonio IMO. Kerrville, Fredericksburg, Boerne - all offer a lot to a retiree.

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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 11:43 AM   #3
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Well besides the pot-shots at Californians and the often weird Yuppie trends that some of them aspire to...

I just see the national inflation trends starting to creep in. Since California real estate is such a poor value it is not un-expected that real-estate demand is spilling over into other areas driving up prices. If you want someone to blame, probably the best person is Greenspan and his low interest rate policies.

This article just shows how inflation in one part of the country naturally spills over into other areas.

I remember similar comments after the prevoius real-estate boom about California equity bandits and other such stuff.
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 11:55 AM   #4
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by audreyh1
Austin is not an expensive place to live. Plenty of "down home" flavor still left even though it has it's cosmopolitan side.
Get with Ol' Rancher's program, Audrey-- you forgot to mention the scorpions, tarantulas, rattlesnakes, & dust storms on every street corner...
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 11:58 AM   #5
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by audreyh1
When we are not running around the country in our RV, we cool our heels in Kerrville Texas. Not the urban benefits, but a much prettier part of the hill country and closer to far more natural areas. Small towns and rural areas in the hill country are much nicer than Austin or San Antonio IMO. Kerrville, Fredericksburg, Boerne - all offer a lot to a retiree.
Better listen to Nords...

Everyone reading Audrey's post needs to understand she (?) is just an anonymous person on the internet who may not know what she's talking about be attempting to lure unsuspecting RE's to a location they know nothing about. I've heard all sorts of horror stories about those locations, including budget-killing property taxes, blistering temperatures, and hazardous critters...including the indigenous population.

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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 12:28 PM   #6
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

And the humidity is brutal, right REW?

Isn't Austin the one place where Election day isn't the Republican primary?
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 12:32 PM   #7
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by REWahoo!
I've heard all sorts of horror stories about those locations, including budget-killing property taxes, blistering temperatures, and hazardous critters...including the indigenous population.
You forget outrageous land/housing prices, construction costs that make you think the framing crew uses gold nails, and more and more austinites, houstonians, dallasites and san antonians fleeing the big city.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurence
And the humidity is brutal, right REW?

Isn't Austin the one place where Election day isn't the Republican primary?
Yeah, it's not called the People's Republic of Austin for nothing.
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 12:36 PM   #8
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurence
And the humidity is brutal, right REW?
Yep. Laurence, you're pretty sharp considerin' you're one a them "brie-belchin', pesto-packin', hot-tubbin' techie" types from California.


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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 12:40 PM   #9
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

I prefer Smoked Gouda, but the rest is accurate!
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 12:43 PM   #10
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurence
And the humidity is brutal, right REW?
I had to run the AC last month.

In college, we'd try to avoid turning on the air until June 1st. After a few miserable days and nights, we'd always give up and the cold air would reign.
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 05-23-2006, 01:22 PM   #11
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Don't forget the FIRE ants too.

Those things seem to be everywhere and have quite an attitude.
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 06-01-2006, 11:52 AM   #12
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MasterBlaster
Well besides the pot-shots at Californians and the often weird Yuppie trends that some of them aspire to...
\
seems like an appropriate time to repeat the old joke (apologize for those who have heard it).

A Californian, a Texan, and a Washingtonian are sharing a drink in a Seattle bar. The Californian orders an expensive bottle of Californian wine, pours himself a glass and tosses the bottle in the air. He deftly pulls out a revolver and shoots the bottle in mid-air.

"why did you waste that good wine?" everyone asks. "In California we have lots of good wine" he replies.

not to be outdone, the Texan orders an expensive bottle of tequilla, pours a shot, and similarly tosses and shoots the bottle. "in Texas we have plenty of great tequilla" he responds.

The Washingtonian is fed up. He orders a bottle of Red Hook and pours it into his glass. Then he throws up the bottle, shoots the Californian, and catches the bottle on the way down.

"why did you shoot that man?" the crowd exclaims.

"In Washington, we've got lots of Californians. But WE recycle!"
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 06-01-2006, 12:08 PM   #13
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurence
I prefer Smoked Gouda, but the rest is accurate!
Must be tough to keep it lit.
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?
Old 06-01-2006, 12:12 PM   #14
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Re: Austin Texas - Retire Here ?

Ah, but the buzz is worth it.
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