Changes after retirement

[Khan]

Debated whether to post this here or in 'Health and Early Retirement'.

I started this thread back in Jan, 07:
http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f29/hermit-tendencies-25297.html

Tangomonster mentioned a ways back how she had become less of a hermit after a bit of retirement and found she could comfortably interact with people on a small scale (she also mentioned it was more expensive).

A similar thing has happened to me.

I have actually attended a few low-key events.

It took more than 3 years for the 'people stress' of 1000s in a large building to wear off.

I doubt I shall ever be a 'party doll' or comfortable in large groups.

Interesting to observe how much I have changed since retirement.

As someone else said: "Self, the final frontier."

 

[audreyh1]

I suspect a lot of us who are happily retired are so for the simple reason that we no longer have to participate in "forced" social interaction. We can pick and choose our social interaction and limit it as much as we want.

I think that was perhaps one of the biggest issues for me in working. I was a manager and had to interact with a great number of people in a mostly chaotic environment. My copying skills were excellent, and my social skills pretty good, but I think that was the most stressful aspect of my career.

I suppose the extrovert has the opposite problem when retiring.

Audrey

 

[Moemg]

I've gotten much more caring about people . I have long conversations at the grocery store with older people about whatever and I go out of my way to help people maybe since I retired from Nursing I still have that helping urge and am just acting it out in different ways .

 

[kumquat]

When I was working, one of my dreaded duties was to attend the AGM and 'discuss' things with shareholders. I went to the last one as a shareholder and enjoyed it a lot (watching my successor).

 

[HFWR]

I suspect a lot of us who are happily retired are so for the simple reason that we no longer have to participate in "forced" social interaction. We can pick and choose our social interaction and limit it as much as we want.

Audrey

Not happily retired just yet, but I agree with this analysis.

 

[FurBall]

I'm only partially retired. (work 3 days per week). One reason I continue to work is that I love the social interaction at work. I no longer give a hoot about a "career", so I just skip any forced interaction that doesn't interest me. I'm working to structure volunteer work so that when I do retire I will still have sufficient social contact.

 

[tangomonster]

I agree with you, Audrey---it's all about the control (choosing when and who and in what intensity) to interact with.

So Khan, what is your reaction to this new change? You sound intrigued by it, so I'm assuming you are not entirely uncomfortable or unnerved by it. I am still adjusting to the fact that at this point, I may not score my usual I on a Myers-Brigg test and deciding whether I want to unsubscribe to a Yahoo groups introvert mailing list. Fortunately, I was never completely vested in being an INTJ---and I suppose the world needs ENTJs too.

I suppose that some of this diminishing of introversion may not be due entirely to being FIREd. I'm two years older; possibly aging plays a role in this, but then again, isn't it typically said that people don't change all that much as they age---just become more of what they were? Or maybe I just read enough articles and books about how human connection is beneficial and even necessary for physical/emotional/spiritual health---and took it to heart. But realistically, I know that I would not be in this place right now if I was still working.

What I do see is that this increased interest/comfort/drive to be with people is helpful for others as well, since I have been able to reach out to all kinds of people----so I think it benefits them as well.

And to prove that I've retained a bit of the old introvert, I am quite sure that I would still find Barbra Streisand singing "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world" to be pretty sappy and inane!

 

[Khan]

...

So Khan, what is your reaction to this new change? You sound intrigued by it, so I'm assuming you are not entirely uncomfortable or unnerved by it. I am still adjusting to the fact that at this point, I may not score my usual I on a Myers-Brigg test and deciding whether I want to unsubscribe to a Yahoo groups introvert mailing list. Fortunately, I was never completely vested in being an INTJ---and I suppose the world needs ENTJs too.

I am taking this very slowly. The last event I attended, I told the hostess up front not to feel slighted if I got up and went outside for a while.

I suppose that some of this diminishing of introversion may not be due entirely to being FIREd. I'm two years older; possibly aging plays a role in this, but then again, isn't it typically said that people don't change all that much as they age---just become more of what they were?

I have also read that.

Or maybe I just read enough articles and books about how human connection is beneficial and even necessary for physical/emotional/spiritual health---and took it to heart.

Maybe things have changed and much of this 'needed' human connection can be obtained via the internet.

But realistically, I know that I would not be in this place right now if I was still working.

Heck no; when I was working I wanted only to come home and sit in the dark and silence (after stuffing myself with food).

What I do see is that this increased interest/comfort/drive to be with people is helpful for others as well, since I have been able to reach out to all kinds of people----so I think it benefits them as well.

Something like that, as I find have much greater tolerance for waiting and being delayed.

And to prove that I've retained a bit of the old introvert, I am quite sure that I would still find Barbra Streisand singing "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world" to be pretty sappy and inane!

I still enjoy staying at home and not talking for several days at a time.
(BTW: I saw "Funny Girl" on Broadway back in the '60s, but with Streisand's replacement (Mini Hines)).

 

[LeatherneckPA]

Oh my!!! Heaven help me if I just become "more of what I already am". 'Cause I'm an a**hole. I can only remember my father having one friend when I was growing up. And I can only count two true friends, among a bunch of acquaintances. Generally I adopted Dad's attitude of "This is me. Accept it or don't. I don't care."

What I am hoping to find as time goes on is that I learn to relax a little, not be quite so suspicious of everyone, and drop the wall. I am already pretty good at interaction in a "teaching/coaching" environment. But after watching me a couple of times my DW has observed that's it's almost a Jekyll and Hyde transformation between my teaching self and my LEO self. Now I just need to try to bring that easy personality into the rest of my life.

Who knows, I might even learn to like my SIL. (OK, that one may be reaching a bit.)

 

[BunsGettingFirm]

I agree with you, Audrey---it's all about the control (choosing when and who and in what intensity) to interact with.

So Khan, what is your reaction to this new change? You sound intrigued by it, so I'm assuming you are not entirely uncomfortable or unnerved by it. I am still adjusting to the fact that at this point, I may not score my usual I on a Myers-Brigg test and deciding whether I want to unsubscribe to a Yahoo groups introvert mailing list. Fortunately, I was never completely vested in being an INTJ---and I suppose the world needs ENTJs too.

I suppose that some of this diminishing of introversion may not be due entirely to being FIREd. I'm two years older; possibly aging plays a role in this, but then again, isn't it typically said that people don't change all that much as they age---just become more of what they were? Or maybe I just read enough articles and books about how human connection is beneficial and even necessary for physical/emotional/spiritual health---and took it to heart. But realistically, I know that I would not be in this place right now if I was still working.

What I do see is that this increased interest/comfort/drive to be with people is helpful for others as well, since I have been able to reach out to all kinds of people----so I think it benefits them as well.

And to prove that I've retained a bit of the old introvert, I am quite sure that I would still find Barbra Streisand singing "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world" to be pretty sappy and inane!

I think introversion doesn't mean being shy or being uncomfortable around people. I believe I have heard a career advisor describe introversion as where the person gets his energy -- extroverts get their jollies and energy bouncing ideas off other people while introverts enjoy such activities to a certain extent, but they eventually need to switch off to recharge by themselves.

 

[Walt34]

What I am hoping to find as time goes on is that I learn to relax a little, not be quite so suspicious of everyone, and drop the wall....

Who knows, I might even learn to like my SIL. (OK, that one may be reaching a bit.)

It does come with time, but for me it took several years. Retiring after 29 years in law enforcement, in an environment where rule #1 is Stay Alive, and where once or twice a year someone actually did try to kill me, the adjustment takes a while.

For a long time I'd come home from work and spend most free time building/flying radio control model airplanes because the intense concentration required drove everything else out of mind. When I retired I lost interest in R/C models and sold the stuff.

Duly noted on the SIL. I'm not holding out much hope on that one either.

 

[Goonie]

Oh my!!! Heaven help me if I just become "more of what I already am". 'Cause I'm an a**hole. I can only remember my father having one friend when I was growing up. And I can only count two true friends, among a bunch of acquaintances. Generally I adopted Dad's attitude of "This is me. Accept it or don't. I don't care."

That fits me to a "T". "A**hole" has been my nickname for many years, and I wear it with honor. My Dad only had a couple of 'close' friends, though he did have several friends that he would visit with, he preferred the company of only a couple. And I have zillions of acquaintances, but only a few are truly friends, and only one or two of them would be considered 'close' friends.

And your Dad's attitude matches mine exactly! I'm not concerned one iota whether someone (or anyone) likes me or not. I'm me, and I don't change to please people....."whatcha see is whatcha get". I don't put on 'airs' or walk around with an 'attitude', and I don't act like or pretend to be anything or anybody that I'm not.....and I'm not impressed with people who do. I'm also quite picky in who I hang around with or call a 'friend'. It all works out quite well too, because since I thrive on solitude.....I enjoy lots of it!

I like people like us!

 

[Rambler]

That fits me to a "T". "A**hole" has been my nickname for many years, and I wear it with honor. My Dad only had a couple of 'close' friends, though he did have several friends that he would visit with, he preferred the company of only a couple. And I have zillions of acquaintances, but only a few are truly friends, and only one or two of them would be considered 'close' friends.

And your Dad's attitude matches mine exactly! I'm not concerned one iota whether someone (or anyone) likes me or not. I'm me, and I don't change to please people....."whatcha see is whatcha get". I don't put on 'airs' or walk around with an 'attitude', and I don't act like or pretend to be anything or anybody that I'm not.....and I'm not impressed with people who do. I'm also quite picky in who I hang around with or call a 'friend'. It all works out quite well too, because since I thrive on solitude.....I enjoy lots of it!

I like people like us!

What he said!

R