Cohousing approach worth emulating?

[Fermion]

I mean I did have some fun times in the dorm in college but that was college....quite awhile ago. Back then I would not get so annoyed as now when someone decided to play wall ball at 2am in the hall.

[growing_older]

I know two families who live in co-housing (2 different projects) and love it. They've done it for many years. But they self selected to try it. I'm sure I would not like it at all.

[brucethebroker]

Many co-family arrangements sprouted during the great depression I am told. Sometimes only one adult had a secure job (post office, nurse, teacher, etc.) and the other adults supported the family by taking odd jobs, farming, or raising a small garden. Most likely it worked because it HAD TO. I'm guessing people moved on when they could afford to.

[audreyh1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Finally: For those who say they would hate it, is not this, after all basically the way Assisted Living is structured? You get a little room, where you can't even cook, and if you don't want to die from claustrophobia you have to go to the common areas.

Right, exactly, this is what most assisted living is. At that age, when mobility is impaired and someone is no longer driving, isolation and loneliness can become a big problem, so living in a closer community can be a big advantage.

[Amethyst]

Cooking facilities aside...how did she like living in co-housing with a bunch of elderly strangers?

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R My mother's assisted living (in the CCRC) had a small kitchen along one wall, just as many studio apartments might have. It had a refrigerator, microwave, oven, sink, and so on, with cabinets above and below. She used the refrigerator but not much else. (I have no idea whether or not the stove was even plugged in, but it does sound wiser to omit the stove.) They had really great meals with a big fruit and salad buffet, and a menu to order from as well. Between meals, they could go to the kitchen and swipe some fruit or ice cream for a snack. My mother would take leftovers from dinner and put them in her refrigerator for later.

[Amethyst]

But one is still the same person inside, so how does one not hate it?

Resignation, I suppose...God, I dread the day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by audreyh1 Right, exactly, this is what most assisted living is. At that age, when mobility is impaired and someone is no longer driving, isolation and loneliness can become a big problem, so living in a closer community can be a big advantage.

[pb4uski]

I am having trouble accessing the article, but DW's relatives in Italy who we visited owned a house... our generation lived on the main floor, their mother lived on the top floor as did their son... each had separate apartments and we stayed in the guest room in the basement (~3/4 below grade). It seemed to work fine for them... they were all in close proximity to each other but had some privacy.

DW's mom and sister lived in the same building in her mom's waning days... they added a MIL apartment on the opposite side of the building and it worked out great for both... her sister probably could not have afforded the quality of housing that she had and her mom had someone around to check in on her. We are currently looking for something similar for my mom and single sister.

[Nemo2]

Y'ever think that the Danes, et al, being constantly cited as examples of ostensible 'happiness', feel obliged to lie through their teeth in order to perpetuate myths?

[Totoro]

Cohousing is a good solution for alot of people, including some I know (one is a family, the other a singly lady).

Thinking about it myself to combat my own isolation tendencies. Basically what attracts me is a low threshold way of getting some social interaction. What stops me is that most people doing this right now are from a very very different background and life philosophy than I am.

The trick is to have an option of privacy at all times. So some facilities shared, not all. A common courtyard, recreation area or kitchen area could already be enough.

[Nightcap]

L'enfer, c'est les autres.

[Amethyst]

If it's a conspiracy, it's bigger than the Danes, though. My friend who spent 4 years in Norway is convinced Norway (not Disney World) really is the happiest place on earth. Just a bunch of blond, healthy people skipping around in sweaters with reindeer on them. They have a whole TV channel devoted to knitting.

What strikes me is that the Danish-happiness thing seems to be a recent development. Remember how miserable Hamlet was? And then there are movies from the 1980's, e.g. "Babette's Feast," that show Danes as being almost wedded to physical and emotional grimness. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babette%27s_Feast

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 Y'ever think that the Danes, et al, being constantly cited as examples of ostensible 'happiness', feel obliged to lie through their teeth in order to perpetuate myths?

[Eagle43]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 Y'ever think that the Danes, et al, being constantly cited as examples of ostensible 'happiness', feel obliged to lie through their teeth in order to perpetuate myths?

Bingo. I'm happy you said this!

[razztazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 Y'ever think that the Danes, et al, being constantly cited as examples of ostensible 'happiness', feel obliged to lie through their teeth in order to perpetuate myths?

Yes. It's a conspiracy. They all got together....

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst show Danes as being almost wedded to physical and emotional grimness.

And then there are the Swedes.....(depressing movies/novels.....among the most uplifting of which are Mankell's Wallander books that make Leonard Cohen's outpourings pollyannaish in the extreme ).......always portrayed elsewhere as happily manic cinematic von Trapps.

[Koolau]

In the Islands, we call this style of living "Ohana" which means family. My understanding is that it is born of two intersecting sets of values - culture and economic necessity. The Hawaiian and Oriental cultures stress family values above most other things (certainly beyond the "American" value of independence.) So in the Islands, two and three or even four generations may live together. Sometimes this is a fluid situation with generations moving in and moving out, depending upon circumstances. It's not typically structured the way the article/video indicates. More often, it just "happens" due to the needs of the family(s).

In some cases, there is a "compound" with an Ohana house in back of the main house, but often it's just a growing house that accommodates the needs of the growing family. I've seen it work for several families, but it wouldn't be my first choice. Oh, and in most cases there is just one kitchen and kitchen duties may fall to one or more sets of people - seems to work itself out (just like most families work things out.)

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by razztazz Yes. It's a conspiracy. They all got together....

Perhaps more similar to collective obsessional behavior than collusion?

[Amethyst]

What we need, you and I, is a cohousing cohort that is tailored to our likes, dislikes, and quirks.

Gee, it's hard enough to find ONE partner that fits the bill, let alone a household!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Totoro What stops me is that most people doing this right now are from a very very different background and life philosophy than I am. .

[W2R]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Cooking facilities aside...how did she like living in co-housing with a bunch of elderly strangers?

She loved it - - she was an extreme extrovert and soon many of those elderly strangers were her friends and not strangers any more. She spent lots of time in the common areas, for example at the little gym, library, store, hairdresser, garden, and so on, that they had at her CCRC. She always went to the movies that were arranged one night a week in the big gathering (living room) type common area. At meals in the common dining room, who sat with who was a Big Deal.

I don't know why, but I turned out the opposite, an introvert.

[jollystomper]

We have two sets of friends, the husbands are siblings, who have built something similar. It is more like 4 separate houses connected together. One can travel form one end to another without going outside. Two main houses are connected, and off each is a smaller young adult/in-law suite. They say it has worked well. Everyone has their privacy since each house has a separate entrance. Currently one of the wives parents live in one in-law suite, and 2 of the young adults who just graduated from college and have started working are sharing the other. The biggest "issue" is scheduling the home theater room to accommodate different viewing tastes. The families are close so it seems to work.

[pb4uski]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R She loved it - - she was an extreme extrovert and soon many of those elderly strangers were her friends and not strangers any more. She spent lots of time in the common areas, for example at the little gym, library, store, hairdresser, garden, and so on, that they had at her CCRC. She always went to the movies that were arranged one night a week in the big gathering (living room) type common area. At meals in the common dining room, who sat with who was a Big Deal. I don't know why, but I turned out the opposite, an introvert.

Aunt and uncle had a similar thing in a CCRC... a small one-bedroom apartment with a kitchenette for quick and easy snacks and meals... but they took most of their meals in the community dining room.... my uncle has a set of buds who he had lunch with every day.

I'm not there yet but the idea of having 3 meals a day prepared for me is appealing... sign me up!