Coping with excessive solitude

[Sojourner]

Quote:

Originally Posted by robnplunder Don't you have significant other? Partner in crime? Soulmate? Seems like the obvious remedy but that may be just me.

Nope, don't have one of those currently, although I'm trying. For whatever reason, I've had pretty awful luck in the romance department my whole life, but I'm doing my best to keep my chin up and continue the search!

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh Church would be an exceedingly difficult way for me to "find quality friends", because (a) I no longer believe the tenets of the church I was raised in and (b) I thrive on having diversity among my friends.

I'm not at all religious, but easily made friends at a Unitarian church. You can basically believe anything there and no one gives you any hassle.

[Meadbh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover I'm not at all religious, but easily made friends at a Unitarian church. You can basically believe anything there and no one gives you any hassle.

Thank you for the suggestion. But I'm just not comfortable with organized religion.

[easysurfer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh Thank you for the suggestion. But I'm just not comfortable with organized religion.

I think there is a big difference between being religious and spiritual. One can be very spirtual but stay away from religion or very religious but not spirtual. I also know of some who are atheist, in a fanatical way. A lot of variations, I guess.

I know, sort of drifted off the original thread of solitude .

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh Thank you for the suggestion. But I'm just not comfortable with organized religion.

Oh, they are very disorganized.

[Meadbh]

Quote:

Originally Posted by travelover Oh, they are very disorganized.

[Major Tom]

I think nearly all people (and probably everyone in this forum) need some social contact - no matter how introverted, shy or grumpy we are We just differ in the amount.

Although I did have same-sex friends when I was younger, that has dwindled as I have aged (I'm now 51) and now my only close friend is my SO. She's not my girlfriend, and we drive each other nuts if we spend too much time together but for where I'm at in my life, it seems to work reasonably well. I do have one or two other people I can talk to about problems and personal issues, but she is my main buddy and companion. We speak on the phone every day, and see each other once or twice a week. That is enough for me.

I've heard people say that having very few friends is a risky business, as if you lose the few relationships you have, you have little left. That's true, but the people who say things like that are usually extroverts (or reasonably sociable introverts), for whom socializing and making friends comes more easily, and is something they naturally want to do. Having more than a very, very small close social circle would put my circuits into overload, and probably trigger off some combination of social anxiety and old-retired-man-grumpiness I'm just way happier with one close friend, and a fair amount of casual social interaction. Any more is too much for me. I'd rather risk losing the very few friends I have and have to go through a period of loneliness than suffer the excruciating tedium of having to cultivate more friends than I want or need. I am not by any means a misanthrope - I think people are fine. I'd just prefer, for the most part, to observe them from a distance.

I get to talk to lots of locals when I sit outside and feed the neighborhood cat every day. I enjoy talking to my neighbors, and people in the places I shop at. I had a lovely chat and a laugh with the X-ray technician who X-rayed my back this afternoon. Yesterday, a great chat with the proprietor of my local bicycle store. When I'm done with my errands though, I like to go home, maybe talk to my SO on the phone, make dinner, and hang out with the cats. To some it might be dull, but this life is wonderful for me.

Sojourner - sorry I don't have any tips for you, but I think others have already contributed in that regard. You'll find your own level, I'm sure. Just give it time.

[redduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by razztazz HA! You sound like the type who settles quicker than a castor oil addict takes a dump.

razztazz: You might have accidently hit upon a solution to your never-ending quest for a social outlet: join a castor oil addiction group. As I understand it, CO groups have become quite popular. Apparently, they meet in the morning, afternoons and evenings (for those who work). There are even groups for the Adult Children of Castor Oil Addicts. So, if that's you, you're gonna' fit right in.

[Bestwifeever]

If castor oil comes from castor beans, what does baby oil come from?

[NW-Bound]

I consider myself an introvert, and have only two real friends I still keep in contact. One is a childhood friend, and the other a friend from work for more than 30 years. And being in contact is we exchange emails maybe twice a year, and meet in person once every 2 or 3 years as they are out-of-town.

However, I have my wife, offsprings and relatives in town. I do need some human contact, and it does not have to be with friends. If I were by myself, I might find a way to make friends in real life instead of just on this forum.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Major Tom I think nearly all people (and probably everyone in this forum) need some social contact - no matter how introverted, shy or grumpy we are We just differ in the amount.

When I first got into RV'ing, I searched for RV'er blogs to learn about this mode of travel. Then, I found several bloggers who are RV full-timers, many single men or women who spend much time in solitude in the boondocks. But when looking for a space to camp, the first thing they do is making sure that they have a good cell signal to get Internet access, because that is the link to their friends, mostly other RV'ers. They do meet occasionally a couple of times a year.

So, nobody becomes a Robinson Crusoe by choice.

[Texas Proud]

Wow... this one came to life quickly.....


I go to the gym, but most of the people I see are pretty young... not interested in getting to know them... also, I am still way out of shape compared to them...

Would go for basketball since I used to play when I was young (just pickup games, but not bad).... but now my wrist is sooooo tight I cannot get any backspin on the ball and I throw up bricks...


I am also wanting to look around.... but it is a chore to get out and about at times....

[razztazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by redduck razztazz: You might have accidently hit upon a solution to your never-ending quest for a social outlet:

See, this is why I opt to engage so seldom. The above is an example of made up stuff that seems to be designed to make the writer feel clever or good about him or herself. Or something. Tee hee. A response to something that was never posted. I don't know why people do this.

I am not nor have I ever been on a "never-ending quest" for a social outlet. That would be something for busy-bodies, salesman, and certain criminal elements. The never ending quest has been to have a few social encumbrances as practical. Mission accomplished.

Quote:

There are even groups for the Adult Children of Castor Oil Addicts. So, if that's you, you're gonna' fit right in.

And wtf does this mean anyway? My mother wears army shoes? Have a nice day Pee wee herman

[Mo Money]

I listen to a lot of music (e.g., Pandora) when my SO leaves for the off*ce.

I've met a lot of neighbors because I've been working in my front yard so much.

I also joined a weekly art class in a studio. The students from other classes sometimes make up their missed classes during my time slot. And the "terms" for each art course last only 8 weeks. So there is turnover, and a lot of people I've met that way. The art studio owner has picnics and such too, which has widened my social circle a bit. I anticipate adding another type of art course at another studio on top of the current one. That will fill up the calendar.

We are also aiming to entertain more now that I "have time" (ha!) to help prepare for dinner parties and such.

As to the gym, I've only met the trainer -- everyone else wears earbuds and is listening to music! I don't consider it a terribly social place.

I've been free about 8 months, but I ain't lonely. I don't miss the off*ce at all. Not a bit.

[MichaelB]

Come on now, let's not sidetrack the thread.

Just a reminder that the ignore button is a better option than trading insults or crossing swords.

[Grigori]

I am an INFP, retired for nearly 11 months.


I'm enjoying most of the time alone. Catching up on the reading I always wanted to do.


However, there are some times when I just feel strange and out of sorts to be home alone on a weekday afternoon. Some of it is about unwanted solitude. Some of it is finally having time all to myself that the j*b never allowed, and getting comfortable with that without having to have a friend or social contact distract me.


I had lunch with two former co-workers this year. The talk revolved around gossip about the office. I realized how much I DON'T miss that kind of conversation and social contact.


On the other hand I've been out exploring various options. I'm not sure what fits me best yet. Yoga class, calling a friend up for a walk, meeting a friend for coffee, self-help groups, bible studies. The opportunities are endless, and I'm "socializing" a lot more than I did when I worked. However, it is the quality that counts for me. I find meaningless socializing very draining, and try to listen to my energy levels as people have suggest.

[nun]

When work stops it can be challenging to replace the its intellectual and social aspects, particularly if you live alone. I'm a bit of a misanthrope, but I also have some close friends that I see regularly for beers and to watch English soccer. I enjoy being on my own just reading, or seeing a movie and I do a lot of bicycle riding. The hardest thing for me has been not working. I have some technical skills and they are not being used.

[Mulligan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big_Hitter There are several guys at my club who are in their 40s and don't work (trust funders) - they play golf and then cards all day.

Throw in a little gambling and that sounds like a good day! Like OP, my core friends and even GF work, so access is limited. But thanks to this forum, I was very prepared for alone stretches. I actually have decided I like it way more than I thought I would. I have went from half the town knowing who I was to a nobody and love it.
Golf is a great way to get social involvement though. After years of prodding from my 86 year old neighbor I started participating in retiree group golf outings twice a week. It is 4 man scramble type. The pairings change each time but the end result is usually the same. Me (age 51) and 3 partners in their 70s and 80s. Its a total riot!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[HFWR]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichaelB Come on now, let's not sidetrack the thread. Just a reminder that the ignore button is a better option than trading insults or crossing swords.

Though not nearly as much fun...

I enjoy hanging with my few friends, and going to the occasional concert or sporting event. But I've also noticed that I have about a two-hour window, after which I get fidgety to return to the nest.

Being relatively non-consumerist, non-religious, and non-political in a red state, well-to-do suburb in the Bible Belt makes finding like-minded friends somewhat challenging...

[frayne]

Quote:

Originally Posted by HFWR Being relatively non-consumerist, non-religious, and non-political in a red state, well-to-do suburb in the Bible Belt makes finding like-minded friends somewhat challenging...

I can relate living in the actual buckle of the bible belt. One of the first questions usually asked is what church do you go to ? There is literally a church on every corner and it is a big part of many people's social circle and life.

[Sasset]

I am ans ISTP. I like my alone time, but can get bored. I have some of the same concerns when I retire in just over 100 days. Friends and family ask what will you do? You can't quit work, but I am bored at work now.

I would rather be traveling and learning when I want to than be chained to a job I just go through the motions on. I think FIRE will be a journey that I will just have to jump into