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Old 12-01-2017, 06:30 PM   #161
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RetireSoon,

Reading this thread makes me feel uneasy about your situation. You have way too many things that are causing stress for you and probably your DW also. Why not take some time off and get away with your DW and really think about what's important to both of you?

Maybe even go to a counselor for a session on stress reduction and just some good old fashioned advice from a professional?

As we age, we all have priorities that we can't fill like we did in an earlier life. We have to figure out what will take their place and live on. There is no such thing as the perfect situation or home (unless you are lucky like W2R is ).
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Old 12-01-2017, 06:39 PM   #162
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Originally Posted by Music Lover View Post
Why do you want to build so badly? No one I know that has built a house (I know several who have) has built anything so special that they couldn't have found something similar on the market with modest effort.

It's just a house...they all have kitchens, bedrooms, bathrooms. Find one with the privacy you want in the neighborhood you want that has a decent floor plan and make a few minor adjustments. End of story.
Ah..if only it were that easy! And it probably is..for most people.

We have numerous things we like in this house that are a "must" in the next house. They're not huge things (like a garden window in our kitchen or in-wall audio throughout the whole house), but things we have grown to really like. We also do not want to spend the $$s for things we don't want/need - like: a 4th bedroom (definitely do not want), a dining room (ditto), a living room (ditto). And it "must" have a big kitchen as I cook constantly - and a first floor master bedroom as we plan to die in the house and when we're old coots, we will probably not be able to deal with stairs.

Finding that, on a lot with privacy and quiet..is like finding a two-headed purple unicorn. IF I could find it, I'd buy it. I'm sure it exists - just nowhere near where DW wants to live. Maybe N. Carolina or upper MI - but that's all out as she needs to be close to the big family.
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Old 12-01-2017, 06:44 PM   #163
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RetireSoon,

Reading this thread makes me feel uneasy about your situation. You have way too many things that are causing stress for you and probably your DW also. Why not take some time off and get away with your DW and really think about what's important to both of you?

Maybe even go to a counselor for a session on stress reduction and just some good old fashioned advice from a professional?

As we age, we all have priorities that we can't fill like we did in an earlier life. We have to figure out what will take their place and live on. There is no such thing as the perfect situation or home (unless you are lucky like W2R is ).
Good advice..I would love to take some time off. Unfortunately that means quitting as I am in one of those jobs where I get "unlimited" vacation (right) but the demands of the job are such that you cannot even take a half day off. My last vacation was....ummm....

I looked into the EAP but the problem is that I can't get time to go.

Seriously AM thinking about quitting in Feb or Mar after my next round of (not large) RSUs vest. We have serious issues at the big Silicon Valley company I work at (remotely) but won't bore you all with the details. But suffice it to say the word "insanity" is not even within the same zip code.

Neither DW or I unfortunately have a pension to fall back on like many of you seem to. So, it's "rob the piggy bank" for the next 10+ years until I can get to Medicare.

Hopefully this explains why it's all so very complicated.

Funny thing is..I could probably RE tomorrow..but H/C and RE living location are such huge unknowns that it shoots a cannonball through my very well thought out plan.
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Old 12-01-2017, 06:44 PM   #164
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I didn't say the 140+ posts were not helpful as they definitely were. I was saying the snarky response was not helpful.

The high cost of building is a legitimate issue in trying to RE - unless you are far more wealthy than I am. Not sure what your point is.

It is not simple trying to figure any of this out. If you have a magic silver bullet answer, I'm all ears.

And here I thought the entire purpose of the forum was to discuss issues around RE and what it means to all of us.

I appreciate the help of the "140+" replies but am going to dial back - the tone of this forum at times is so overly sensitive and hypercritical that I quite frankly cannot deal with it. I posted asking for honest feedback - and for the most part, got it. One or two people seem over focused on nit picking my questions. Can't fathom why, except at times that just seems to be how things are.

And, to net it out - there are a whole lot of very legitimate "yeah, but" facets to this decision. That's just the way it is unfortunately. Wish it was easier but it is not easy deciding where to spend most of the rest of your life with a spouse who had a near fatal, near death experience.

Sorry to bother any of you with my silly questions. I'll take my decisions elsewhere.
Where did anyone say your questions were silly?In fact it's anything but silly. It's also a decision between you and spouse ,our comments are all noise.If you move and don't custom build you won't have to stay there for most of the rest of your life. The pressure seems to be on finding the perfect place..maybe that's too much to ask for.

My comment about the custom building cost thread was simply pointing out that a lot of the stuff in that thread is the same thing being discussed here.. and sometimes you seem to be on both sides of the fence with some issues. In fact my souse had an episode much like yours did and I wouldn't have made any major decisions for several years after that happened, it takes a long time to process an event like that. Perhaps when it comes right down to it, being that far away from emergency medical care is a deal-breaker.
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Old 12-01-2017, 06:50 PM   #165
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In your shoes, I would let the properties go. You do not want to be too far away from medical care and you do not need the stress of building. Let them go, and focus on removing yourself from the work environment.

ETA: If you really can retire tomorrow, give some thought to doing exactly that. The house will sort itself out. Buy the most comprehensive health plan you can find, and go live your life.
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Old 12-01-2017, 07:07 PM   #166
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Ah..if only it were that easy! And it probably is..for most people.

We have numerous things we like in this house that are a "must" in the next house. They're not huge things (like a garden window in our kitchen or in-wall audio throughout the whole house), but things we have grown to really like. We also do not want to spend the $$s for things we don't want/need - like: a 4th bedroom (definitely do not want), a dining room (ditto), a living room (ditto). And it "must" have a big kitchen as I cook constantly - and a first floor master bedroom as we plan to die in the house and when we're old coots, we will probably not be able to deal with stairs.

Finding that, on a lot with privacy and quiet..is like finding a two-headed purple unicorn. IF I could find it, I'd buy it. I'm sure it exists - just nowhere near where DW wants to live. Maybe N. Carolina or upper MI - but that's all out as she needs to be close to the big family.
Note if looking for a house consider looking for straight up and down stairs so that it is easier to put a chair lift. My parents installed on on the stairs to a lower level and my mother used it for a number of years. One other issue is where are the washer and drier? You don't really want them in the basement , first floor or bedroom floor are ok. Of course wider doors that let folks in power chairs thru and at least 1 no step entrance/exit.
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Old 12-01-2017, 07:09 PM   #167
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In your shoes, I would let the properties go. You do not want to be too far away from medical care and you do not need the stress of building. Let them go, and focus on removing yourself from the work environment.

ETA: If you really can retire tomorrow, give some thought to doing exactly that. The house will sort itself out. Buy the most comprehensive health plan you can find, and go live your life.
Assuming you are talking about a 911 class emergency it might be better to look near a fire station. I suspect a lot of the first hour tasks the EMT's in conjunction with the physician on the phone can handle including while riding in the ambulance.
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Old 12-01-2017, 07:27 PM   #168
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It is not simple trying to figure any of this out. If you have a magic silver bullet answer, I'm all ears.
There is none. I've posted a few times in this thread. Someone commented that I had moved before and we plan to move again. And, we do. But, I have come to realize that there is no perfect place.

DH and I were driving home from somewhere the other day (hour and a half drive) and we spent the entire drive trying to grapple with what is most important to us. Now our issue isn't your privacy issue ours is making sure that we (1) can have the number of cats we want to have and (2) that we are closer to amenities. Getting the exact match of those is very difficult. Places that don't restrict pet number tend to be more rural and farther away from stuff. Places that are close to amenities tend to be within city limits with pet restrictions.

And, yes, we have lots of things we love about our current house that we want to have in another house. We considered building -- bought land twice to do it and sold it both times.

And, for much the same reason - high cost of building. I also was worried about construction problems which I've seen way too much of. I will say that the way I've mostly decided to resolve the house issue:

I will buy a house that is no more than 20 years old. If I can find a new one or recent one that has everything I want (with minor differences such as switching out flooring or paint) then great. But, if I don't I will buy a house that is a little older (but not more than 20 years old) and will look at it with the plan to remodel it into what I want. I will look for a house, for example, where opening up the kitchen is easy. That kind of thing. I will price based upon doing the remodeling. Will it be as perfect as building my own house? No.

You can have 2 of these 3 things, but you can't have all 3 (yeah, OK, someone might have an exception but that needle/haystick thing):

1. Preferred Location
2. Great House with the exact layout/finishes you want
3. Reasonable Cost

Pick whichever two of them you want. (We are going with 1 and 3).
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Old 12-02-2017, 03:34 AM   #169
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I live within 5 minutes of 1 hospital, 10 minutes from another and 40 minutes from about 20. I was just informed yesterday that a neighbors 38 yo son, who was visiting from Montana, was found dead in driveway about midnight after he came home from visiting friends. None of those hospitals could save him.


I can't recall if I read it earlier or not. If you like your present location, it it possible to just buy out your neighbor and tear down the house?
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Old 12-04-2017, 06:03 PM   #170
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In reading through this thread one thought occurred to me which might not be taken with the intent I wish (as a suggestion if you choose to build again.) I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

Your issue now is that you have a large lot and sited your home close to a property line - and a neighbor built on their lot - close to your house. What this says to me is that you did not consider where a neighbor might build when you picked the home site on your lot. You chose your home site close to a property boundary. Unfortunately, so did your neighbor. I presume this was done to maximize some common amenity like a better view, better road access, or some other feature that made it preferred to place your house where you did.

If you decide to move and build again - strongly consider placing your home in the CENTER of your lot. That way even if your neighbor chooses a site close to a property border with you, you'll have more than 20 feet between you and the neighbor.
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Old 12-04-2017, 06:34 PM   #171
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If you decide to move and build again - strongly consider placing your home in the CENTER of your lot. That way even if your neighbor chooses a site close to a property border with you, you'll have more than 20 feet between you and the neighbor.
A garage also makes a great buffer. I bought an existing house that had no garage and built one to block the neighbor's house. The house has a side door so the deck is in between the house and garage.
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Old 12-08-2017, 01:32 PM   #172
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I agree with the poster who said RetireSoon should give up the idea of moving at this time, the decision-making process is too stressful.

I would concentrate my efforts on building a privacy fence or wall so I wouldn't have to see or feel seen by my neighbours. Even in the midst of a busy city, one can have a small, private, courtyard-style garden, which can be seen from all the windows, with a little fountain or pond, some nice plants and seating, and enjoy the peace and tranquility of the countryside.
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Old 12-08-2017, 02:41 PM   #173
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Sell the properties, retire and then see if once you are relaxed if the neighbors are bothering you so much anymore. Your perspective may just change.
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Old 12-09-2017, 08:19 AM   #174
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Ah..if only it were that easy! And it probably is..for most people.

We have numerous things we like in this house that are a "must" in the next house. They're not huge things (like a garden window in our kitchen or in-wall audio throughout the whole house), but things we have grown to really like. We also do not want to spend the $$s for things we don't want/need - like: a 4th bedroom (definitely do not want), a dining room (ditto), a living room (ditto). And it "must" have a big kitchen as I cook constantly - and a first floor master bedroom as we plan to die in the house and when we're old coots, we will probably not be able to deal with stairs.

Finding that, on a lot with privacy and quiet..is like finding a two-headed purple unicorn. IF I could find it, I'd buy it. I'm sure it exists - just nowhere near where DW wants to live. Maybe N. Carolina or upper MI - but that's all out as she needs to be close to the big family.
I don't understand you being critical in some of your posts to others on this site. Everyone is trying to be helpful even with your curve balls you keep pitching. This is a great site and it is managed very well to keep the drama and politics to a minimum.
I think it's time to "suck it up buttercup", make a decision and get off the fence. Good luck and hopefully you make the right decision.
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re: country living
Old 12-14-2017, 06:40 PM   #175
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re: country living

OP/RetireSoon

it sounds like you need to establish “boundary conditions” when trying to solve your computation

first: you’ve established that 20 minutes is your timeframe from amenities that you want closeness to— so we would extrapolate to that being within 15 miles (max)

second: you’ve NOW established that, with wife not wanting to move far due to family, you will NOT be moving from the area. therefore, you need to establish what parameters are part of the “must haves “ — clearly (1) family, (2) hospital with good ER and cardiology facility, and (3) larger lots to establish more privacy. using her family location, draw circle 15 miles around; determine what medical facilities meet your criteria and draw another 15 mile radius from those: are there any overlaps? if there are, are there any communities within that area? if the results do yield any overlaps, the result of your computation is the null set : there is no areas that meet your expectations/requirements.

third: if you found that there were properties that were within the area above, then you need to establish that any would meet your requirements. if there’s any, what did they sell for? too much? if so, that clearly indicates that you have unrealistic expectations. if none meet your properties, could any NEARLY meet? what would be the cost for updating to your requirements? is that too much? if so, then again, unrealistic expectations. if you can find some that would meet, either with or without additional work, then you can focus on those. perhaps an inquiry to the current owners would be in order to see if they might sell?

as for us, we established ideas of what we wanted before looking- - but we had fewer restrictions re: location/ family. we spent over four years establishing where to live, with a number of visits at different times of the year to narrow down the location, then started looking for specific properties.
We are out of any established town, but about 1 mile from the firehouse/EMT and under 15 miles from both a reasonable hospital and regional airport , with a house that meets most of our requirements (single level ranch with great views, etc). unlike you, we had to travel great distances to view prospects and many were gone before we could even book a flight; but if there are any prospective properties, you should be more aware and alert to put offers in. we had to purchase before retirement, as the availability was limited and multiple offers were common, so you may need to consider locking up a property before retirement. ( I’ve seen you already note that you were stressed from work and family situation, so i’d agree with others that building your own is likely not for you, as it also wasn’t for us due to distance and ability to find and supervise any crews during the work)
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Old 12-15-2017, 02:31 AM   #176
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OP/RetireSoon

it sounds like you need to establish “boundary conditions” when trying to solve your computation

first: you’ve established that 20 minutes is your timeframe from amenities that you want closeness to— so we would extrapolate to that being within 15 miles (max)
Two things. First, I am not sure he has said 20 minutes. I thought the whole point of this thread was that 20 minutes was not OK. I'm not sure it is established what is acceptable to him.

Second thing. I do think your method of analysis may be useful for me. DH and I, after talking about it this week, have decided to go ahead and sell our house and move a couple of hundred miles away. So we do have 3 main location related criteria.

1. We have family/friends in the area we want to move to. However, it is a large area geographically. We can't be close to everyone. But I do think it would be useful to draw a circle around the most important ones and see what kind of overlap I get.

2. We want amenities within a certain distance. Must have grocery store within 10 minutes, hospital within 20 minutes, etc. So that would be helpful.

3. Must have pet friendly area. In this case it means we prefer areas that are unincorporated so there are no ordinances. (Of course, we will have to check HOA - we either want non-HOA or an HOA without numerical pet limits). So doing 1 and 2 and then excluding everywhere that is within a town would be useful.
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