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Couples retiring years apart(at least above 10 years)
Old 06-04-2012, 10:29 PM   #1
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Couples retiring years apart(at least above 10 years)

Would like to hear what it is like for anyone out there whereby you ER but your spouse or partner intends to work for much longer - like at least more than 10 years. DH is not inclined to ER and most probably will work for as long as he can. I think he is happy with all the recent talk about pushing retirement age further. That means that I will have at least 15 years on ER before he retires. I've been on ER for 1.5 years and it feels great with my own activities/friends/travels and also I like being a homemaker for once in my lifetime (been working since I graduated). I like preparing meals for both of us and taking care of the home and I really don't mind spending time alone at home. We spend more or less the same amount of time with each other as compared with the time when both were working. We have holidays and weekends together. I think he is happy with how things worked out for my ER as I fill up my time independently with the added plus of fitting well as a homemaker. Will this lifestyle sustain me for the next 15 years or so until he truly retires? I think it sounds ok to me (of course things may change if one of us gets seriously ill). Are there any issues I have overlooked since I've only ER for less than 2 years. Will I look at this differently when I have passed 5 years of ER? I certainly hope I will not think differently and so if there's others out there who are in similar situation, sure would appreciate your sharing.
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Old 06-04-2012, 11:41 PM   #2
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I'm 4.5 years into retirement with DW still working at least another year. Not sure I'm really looking forward to that now. I can watch all sorts of Netflix movies she doesn't like. She'll probably want to go places when she has the time. I'm a little lower energy now. So we have the usual dual-retirement adjustments to make when she finally retires.
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Old 06-05-2012, 06:18 AM   #3
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This will be our plan, but with DH going out long before me. I guess it is the kind of thing that will work for you until it doesn't, and maybe he will decide he wants out earlier than he now thinks he does. I'd let time take care of it and keep doing what's working for y'all.
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Old 06-05-2012, 07:06 AM   #4
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I ER'd in April of last year, and love my "free time" while DH still works. I get all the housework and errands done during the week, so both of us can play over the weekends. He says he wants to retire "soon", and is fed up with work, but he can't seem to shake the need for that paycheck. We'll see how long he lasts. He'll be 60 this year.

OTOH, I spent some time with my brother last weekend. He is 55, and says he can't imagine ever wanting to retire. He is a software engineer and loves, loves, loves his job. He was on vacation and said he missed work when he was on vac. He loves solving problems and finding solutions to things, and gets a rush from it. Different strokes!
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Old 06-05-2012, 07:33 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Moscyn View Post
I've been on ER for 1.5 years and it feels great with my own activities/friends/travels and also I like being a homemaker for once in my lifetime (been working since I graduated). I like preparing meals for both of us and taking care of the home and I really don't mind spending time alone at home... I think it sounds ok to me (of course things may change if one of us gets seriously ill). Are there any issues I have overlooked since I've only ER for less than 2 years.
Going into before you know it will work might be worrisome but it sounds like you have experimented and find that it works for you. Your husband likes his work and you like being ERd. As long as neither of you tries to force the other into your mold you should be fine. The biggest danger I would watch for is hidden resentments about failure to carry a fair portion of the load but you seem to have that covered with cooking, etc. I was ERd a few years before DW and did all the cooking (always did anyway) and chauffeured her to work quite a bit. We never had any problems with the arrangement.
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Old 06-05-2012, 09:20 AM   #6
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My DH is retired, I'm currently taking a break from work for a year and like OP I am really enjoying the homemaker role, as before I was out the door before 6am every day for w*rk. I am definitely not looking forward to having to go back, I am so enjoying the early retirement lifestyle we now both embrace. I'm five years younger and thus have to work five years longer to get a pension.
The real test will be when I return to full time employment. I might ask him to have supper ready when I return from w*rk, which would be quite a role reversal compared to the last 25 years. Alas I am thinking it might come under the "Can't teach an old dog new tricks" category.
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Old 06-05-2012, 09:51 AM   #7
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My wife ER at 45 to take care of a kid and become a domestic goddess.
She actually did a lot, and my success at work will not be possible without her help and support. She is in charge for our financial matters and took care of our household.

I am 62 and about to retire. I believe it is right for her to get off the same drudgery of home life and for us to do more things together, travel and do what we want to do.

If I don't quit working, she will be doing the same thing and it is putting a great deal of strain to her emotionally and physically. She has become negative, passive, moody and constantly complain of aches and pains.

Once I retire, we hope this will be a great new chapter in our life. We're
excited!
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Old 06-05-2012, 10:30 AM   #8
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Been in a relationship almost 6 years. My SO has at least 15 more years before she can retire. I have been retired for 2 years. We do not live together either. I went into this knowing Im responsible for my free time, not her. So our routine hasn't really changed. I do go on solo trips every so often. Since she has few vacation days, she cant go on many of my trips. The only "problem" I have is I would love to move out west. She cant do to her job. She would love to be retired, but doesn't have the assets yet too, and my income is great for one, but would be tight for two at this point. We will just continue the status quo until we get closer to 60 I guess. She does get a little jealous of my freedom and traveling, but she knew this going in when we started dating so it was expected. All in all, I cant complain. I would rather stay here with her, than leave out on my own where I would like to live.
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Old 06-05-2012, 10:48 AM   #9
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I'll have been retired for 25 years (this October) and both ex-young wife (15 years till retirement) and current Young Wife (40 years till retirement) have been mostly OK with it. I have always had a maid/nanny, now maid/cook to take care of the household stuff, so there are no problems in that area. My 7 year old & Young Wife both leave the house (school & work) respectively, before I wake up. I have my days free till 5pm when I pick up my son from after school activities and then we have a light dinner as a family when Young Wife gets home about 7:30 pm. I would like to travel more as a family, but it is a hassle coordinating my young wife's 4 weeks vacation with my sons school schedule and the seasons in the northern/southern hemisphere. I am a loner by nature and enjoy puttering around the city and experiencing everything it has to offer.
If we ever moved back stateside, I can not imagine our family dynamic bieng understood and I am sure her "new girlfriends" will tell her that is not the way it works in the USA!
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Old 06-05-2012, 10:49 AM   #10
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Really?; you can't have a "separate/joint life experience" as related to work, even if it is a 10+ year gap?

BTW, DW/me had a 5+ year gap (sorry, not an answer to your direct question) but we had no problem with the situation. In fact, it worked out extremely well (be it 5 or 15+ years), but I won't go into the details, since they are not germane to your question.

IMHO, it's much easier for "one to go, one to follow" in any scenerio and the early retiree to reflect upon what they have actually "lived through".

As it turns out, in our case, it was much easier for DW to enter into the "retirement dream" based upon the path (which in some cases she followed, and in other cases took another road) that I had trod, many years ago.

Just my answer, based upon a slightly different time/gap situation...
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Old 06-05-2012, 11:48 AM   #11
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As it turns out, in our case, it was much easier for DW to enter into the "retirement dream" based upon the path (which in some cases she followed, and in other cases took another road) that I had trod, many years ago.
Same here although only a few years, not many. DW was a little bit leery of the what will you do all day issue but she watched me thrive and became more sanguine about it. After she cut back to part time she started wanting total freedom and is now happily ERd.
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Old 06-05-2012, 08:00 PM   #12
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The issue of age difference can be a real concern if your partner is very much involved at work and you are free and wants to roam around a lot.

The other issue is what are you going to do the whole day together.

In our case, we are planning in advance how we are going to have a structure thru the days.
There may be a part that we can go to the gym together, and then in the afternoon, I will do my own thing, mainly taking care of financial matters, reading, and roaming in the libraries. I am very much an introvert and can exist this way. All my hobbies are alo solitary in nature, (photography, hiking, biking, shooting pistols) and DW wants to stay at home or I can drive her to the mall, groceries etc. But the most exciting thing is to travel together.
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Old 06-05-2012, 09:40 PM   #13
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DH travels a lot and I've always travelled with friends and family while I was working. I find that I cope pretty well with his absence after ER by continuing to travel with friends and family. Also, I find that I am now not only homemaker and other roles, but officially the holiday planner for our holidays too. Some roles just naturally fall on me since I now have more time and I don't mind it at all (at least, for now!).
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Old 06-06-2012, 07:33 AM   #14
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I've been retired for 5+ years and DW won't retire for 4 more years. So far, I'd say that it has worked out pretty well. I've relieved her of most household chores - cooking, cleaning, shopping and yard work and she appreciates it. We still do things together on the weekends and all summer (she teaches). So, it seems like there is a compromise between both working or both retired that can work.
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together or separate
Old 06-06-2012, 12:03 PM   #15
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together or separate

We're asking ourselves this question right now. I'll ER in 6-10 years, but DW would like to work forever.

When I was growing up, my family moved every 2-4 years, and so now I'm looking forward to moving south to warmer weather. DW, on the other hand, never wants to move.

We're actually talking about me living down south during winters after I ER, and coming back to live with her when it's hot down south.

We don't know if that's how it'll turn out...but we're seriously thinking and talking about it.
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Old 06-06-2012, 03:38 PM   #16
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We may be facing this soon. My DH is 10 years older than me, but it will be me ERing before him. The recession hit his field hard - so he was Super-Dad for a while and I covered the bills. He's getting more opportunities for "power" jobs - that would involve travel and greater hours... It would only work if I was home to cover the kids/home-front.

He's excited about the opportunities and it will solve our health insurance worries. We've got enough assets to both ER if we could somehow keep health insurance at my employee discounted price...

He also knows that I came to the marriage with more savings...

If he doesn't take the power job - we'll both keep working a few more years. But I'd really like to ER when he turns 62 in less than 2 years.

My plan to ER may happen sooner since my megacorp was swallowed by a bigger megacorp 2 weeks ago and the "layoff" word is being bandied about (again.)
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Old 06-07-2012, 12:09 AM   #17
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We're asking ourselves this question right now. I'll ER in 6-10 years, but DW would like to work forever. ......
We don't know if that's how it'll turn out...but we're seriously thinking and talking about it.
All the best to you, Trapperjohn. Good that you are planning well ahead. Good to allow room for changes and adjustments in every best laid plan.
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Old 06-07-2012, 10:02 PM   #18
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I've been retired for a few years. Guess its notmuchlonger anymore. She still works due to enjoying her work. Which full time is 36 hrs a week with 7 weeks vacation a year. When both people are doing what they want there is nothing to worry about.
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Old 06-08-2012, 11:09 AM   #19
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Hmm, DW "retired" few years ago, at the tender age of 37. FIRECALC is telling me that I have slim chances to retire before 49-50.
She takes care of little sailors, while I continue to browse ER forum work.
No envy from me. She might "unretire" when the kids are older, but we don't have firm plans about it yet.
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Old 06-21-2012, 10:10 PM   #20
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DW ER'ed 4 years ago when kids starting to going to school. Most likely I will stick around with the current co for another 11 years, till my youngest going to college. I don't think we are free on our own, before kids graduate high school.
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