Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-14-2017, 12:40 AM   #181
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 934
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
I am about your age (though taken!) so maybe my thoughts have value. First of all, fifty-eight is not that young - many people in my line of work (Federal govt) retire at 55, and not all take second jobs. They tend to be frugal people who have saved, invested, and have nice 401Ks.



Even if you were younger, I wouldn't assume you are any kind of bum, if you live in a nice place and seem not to be in need. I would consider how you support yourself to be entirely your business...it's not like we're getting married. I would, of course, search your name to see if anything evil pops up (would also help to reveal if you have given me a fake name). I'd expect you to search my name, too.



That said, I would be interested in how you occupy your time....are you writing a book? Going on a 2-month trip? Tending a conservatory of gorgeous plants? (all of which would be OK by me).



Finally, I would wait to see how you treat me and other people. That matters more than anything else.



Good luck!



Amethyst


Agree with Amethyst. Well said!
__________________

__________________
Scuba is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 09-14-2017, 12:45 AM   #182
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 934
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Collar Guy View Post
OK new ad, Successful retiree in search of a companion.Me 58 male. You 48-60 non smoker including meth and weed. I want a LOW drama companion, so no married or separated ladies. Social drinker OK, tea totaler even better, you can be the designated driver for us. Pets and children OK, must be able to take a few long vacations per year so we may explore the world together. Recent full length picture a must.


You're pretty good at these ads, BCG!
__________________

__________________
Scuba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 06:08 AM   #183
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,517
Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
If I should become single again, I hope I am no longer interested in sex. It appears that the world has changed in what are to me unattractive directions.
You mean, some older women change and don't need sex anymore, right? Some do...some don't...and we don't wear signs to tell which is which

Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
People talk about companionship. Unclear to me what is being sought here. Some meetups are fine if all one needs is coffee and some chit-chat.

Ha
Oh, they mean somebody to do things with, because shared things are more fun - that's all.

And I think some people feel a loss of social status, as well. Sort of like junior high. You may not have loved that boy or girl you hung around with, and in most cases you were probably not having sex, but everyone else respected you more because you had somebody to hang with.
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 06:37 AM   #184
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,517
I agree - it was my fate to meet the one and only a Silent Generation guy who has very forward-thinking notions about women's equality and so on, but most men in his age group treat me like I'm their slightly dim daughter. I hate it.

EDIT: Fixed so it doesn't accuse an entire generation. Which is very wrong to do, even if it is a popular Internet sport.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bclover View Post
M

Age is not the major factor but it can be an issue, more of a generational gap. lol I went out with one gentlemen who told me this was the first time he went out with a "colored" girl. Ok I understand that you might not know who Jay-Z and Beyonce are but come on dude, we graduated from "Colored" like 40 years ago.
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 06:43 AM   #185
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Nemo2's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Belleville, ONT
Posts: 3,973
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
Silent Generation
I had to check to see who constituted the Silent Generation......."OMG they am me!"

(Pogo, where are you when I need you?)
__________________
"Exit, pursued by a bear."

The Winter's Tale, William Shakespeare
Nemo2 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 07:58 AM   #186
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Senator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Eagan, MN
Posts: 2,730
If I was to start dating again, I would cast a net far and wide. It is ultimately a numbers game. If you think you will get lucky finding a suitable partner in one date or two, you probably buy lottery tickets every week too.

Use online services, meetup.com groups, local dating groups. Look for people your age, and other ages. Create different profiles for your different interests. It makes no sense to advertise for a suitable partner to grow old with in one paragraph, and also look for a wild partner in the next. The more restrictions you place on the partner, the more trouble you will have. Look for travel partners, dance partners, gold digger partners, but not in the same profile. And know the partner's motivation, and adjust for it.

George Soros can do it, so can you. I am sure women that are interested in him are going for his intellectual capability and looks. The same with Keith Richards and Mick Jagger.

Then, lose some weight, get a vision of what you want to look like, and get out there.

PS. You may find that you need more than one partner to be able to accommodate all your interests.
__________________
FIRE no later than 7/5/2016 at 56 (done), securing '16 401K match (done), getting '15 401K match (done), LTI Bonus (done), Perf bonus (done), maxing out 401K (done), picking up 1,000 hours to get another year of pension (done), July 1st benefits (vacation day, healthcare) (done), July 4th holiday. 0 days left. (done) OFFICIALLY RETIRED 7/5/2016!!
Senator is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 08:30 AM   #187
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Chuckanut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: West of the Mississippi
Posts: 6,118
Quote:
Originally Posted by razztazz View Post
Then there aren't "plenty." If there were plenty they'd be readily available
I disagree, but I also think I worded my comment incorrectly.


What I should have said is:

There are plenty of good ones out there, but finding the right one for you takes time, effort and isn't easy.

As somebody pointed out finding the right partner in life is like shopping for a sweater. Except that after you pick the sweater you want, the sweater has to also pick you.
__________________
The worst decisions are usually made in times of anger and impatience.
Chuckanut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 08:32 AM   #188
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Sunset's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Chicago
Posts: 4,084
Quote:
Originally Posted by GravitySucks View Post
I don't think I'm being ageist when I set the limits, but as an experiment I removed the filter. I believe the site is only showing me matches that have my age in their acceptable range. Six local under 43 show up some with multiple children, all looking for marriage soon and most hoping for more children. Since I'm not looking to raise more kids and right now am looking for dating not marriage it's a moot point.
I don't criticize anyone's relationships, not my business. I'd date a much younger woman but doubt I would find one looking for the same thing with common interests and tastes. I don't want to date a much older woman for the same reasons, though none showed up in the search. The last time I used this site no women more than ten years younger ever responded to a message even though my age was in their match range.
A long time ago, I used those dating sites. I noticed for many that men had to pay $$ to communicate but the women got it free. So it's easy to consider that many of the women on the site may be on many sites, and have no $$ incentive to make a real effort vs simply browse for amusement.

There were also at various times allegations of the company using fake women to continually entice the men to re-enlist in the site.

I found all my relationships developed with women I interacted with in real life, the dating sites provided dates that generally didn't last more than a coffee/lunch.
__________________
Sunset is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 08:43 AM   #189
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,517
Honestly I think you are better off without them, I don't even know why it would be important. I'm 5 feet 7.5" and I think a man my height can be very attractive. It's not like we're going to line up for school photos.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GravitySucks View Post
M a large amount of women miss out by filtering out guys under 6 foot.
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 09:04 AM   #190
Full time employment: Posting here.
Sojourner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 665
Quote:
Originally Posted by Senator View Post
If I was to start dating again, I would cast a net far and wide. It is ultimately a numbers game. If you think you will get lucky finding a suitable partner in one date or two, you probably buy lottery tickets every week too.

Use online services, meetup.com groups, local dating groups. Look for people your age, and other ages. Create different profiles for your different interests. It makes no sense to advertise for a suitable partner to grow old with in one paragraph, and also look for a wild partner in the next. The more restrictions you place on the partner, the more trouble you will have. Look for travel partners, dance partners, gold digger partners, but not in the same profile. And know the partner's motivation, and adjust for it.

George Soros can do it, so can you. I am sure women that are interested in him are going for his intellectual capability and looks. The same with Keith Richards and Mick Jagger.

Then, lose some weight, get a vision of what you want to look like, and get out there.
+1

It's definitely a numbers game, and thus you want to go with the least restrictive filters and limits that you can live with when setting up your online profile. If you think you could only ever date and be happy with a woman who's 5'2" or taller, set your filter to 5'0". Same goes for age, weight, ethnicity, and just about every other category. It's been shown that, when meeting in person (i.e. the old fashioned way) people can become attracted to and get involved with those they would never have even met online due to the use of unnecessarily restrictive filters. Unfortunately, this is a lesson that many women (and a fair number of men) on Tinder and Match.com have yet to learn.
__________________
Sojourner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 09:09 AM   #191
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,690
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunset View Post
A long time ago, I used those dating sites. I noticed for many that men had to pay $$ to communicate but the women got it free. So it's easy to consider that many of the women on the site may be on many sites, and have no $$ incentive to make a real effort vs simply browse for amusement.

There were also at various times allegations of the company using fake women to continually entice the men to re-enlist in the site.
I encountered this imbalance by gender a lot over the years. Many of these dating websites and other equivalent systems charged the men while the women paid nothing as an inducement to get more women to participate and try to even out the gender imbalance.

Other systems which treated both genders equally this way had other ways to favor the women. In my local newspaper's personal ad listings, they often ran ads from female advertisers for several weeks while the male advertisers had ads which ran one week. When I asked about that, I was told that the male advertisers generated very little money (responders had to pay through a per-minute phone system) while the female advertisers generated most of it.

Back in the late 1980s when I began using these personal ad systems, ones which required actual letters (gasp!) by the responders which got forwarded to the advertisers, I found out (not to any huge surprise) that the women got dozens and dozens of letters while the men got very few, sometimes none at all. Even a well written letter by a male responder often got lost in the many, many letters the woman received. Furthermore, the few women who replied to male advertisers almost always got calls back from their letters. One woman told me that she was genuinely stunned that male responders rarely got calls back. There are two vastly different worlds out there.
__________________
Retired in late 2008 at age 45. Cashed in company stock, bought a lot of shares in a big bond fund and am living nicely off its dividends. IRA, SS, and a pension await me at age 60 and later. No kids, no debts.

"I want my money working for me instead of me working for my money!"
scrabbler1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 09:41 AM   #192
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 1,156
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
Honestly I think you are better off without them, I don't even know why it would be important. I'm 5 feet 7.5" and I think a man my height can be very attractive. It's not like we're going to line up for school photos.
I was on an online dating site for a while, and yes, plenty of women have height filters. Being 5'7", a lot of them would immediately filter me out. And yet, there are plenty of overweight and very overweight women who complain on their profile that too many men take their weight into account.

Well, you're stuck with your height, but your weight is a largely personal choice, and also a good indicator of health and lifestyle. I don't think it's shallow to want to date active women with a healthy weight and to not want to date a walking heart attack. But, I do find it more shallow to immediately reject people based on their height.
__________________
Music Lover is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 09:44 AM   #193
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,517
In the early 80's I had a male acquaintance who paid some ungodly fee (I think it was $100 per match, which was a lot back then) for computer dating matches, and related his "adventures" to me. One thing I learned was that women under age 30 were only charged a fraction of what men were charged. Naturally - everyone wants them, so why would they even sign up?

Quote:
Originally Posted by scrabbler1 View Post
I encountered this imbalance by gender a lot over the years. Many of these dating websites and other equivalent systems charged the men while the women paid nothing as an inducement to get more women to participate and try to even out the gender imbalance.

Other systems which treated both genders equally this way had other ways to favor the women. In my local newspaper's personal ad listings, they often ran ads from female advertisers for several weeks while the male advertisers had ads which ran one week. When I asked about that, I was told that the male advertisers generated very little money (responders had to pay through a per-minute phone system) while the female advertisers generated most of it.

Back in the late 1980s when I began using these personal ad systems, ones which required actual letters (gasp!) by the responders which got forwarded to the advertisers, I found out (not to any huge surprise) that the women got dozens and dozens of letters while the men got very few, sometimes none at all. Even a well written letter by a male responder often got lost in the many, many letters the woman received. Furthermore, the few women who replied to male advertisers almost always got calls back from their letters. One woman told me that she was genuinely stunned that male responders rarely got calls back. There are two vastly different worlds out there.
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 09:46 AM   #194
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
haha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Hooverville
Posts: 22,309
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
Honestly I think you are better off without them, I don't even know why it would be important. I'm 5 feet 7.5" and I think a man my height can be very attractive. It's not like we're going to line up for school photos.
I remember a young kid at a weekend party in Colombia. He danced with all the women, his head basically nestled on their boobs and a beatific smile on his face. I thought to myself, wish I had grown up here. Then much later here in America I danced with a good looking woman over 6 feet tall, and who loved heels and hot clothes. There I was, experiencing at 60 something similar to what that Lucky Colombiano was getting at 12.

Ha
__________________
"As a general rule, the more dangerous or inappropriate a conversation, the more interesting it is."-Scott Adams
haha is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 12:44 PM   #195
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: New York City
Posts: 2,669
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
In the early 80's I had a male acquaintance who paid some ungodly fee (I think it was $100 per match, which was a lot back then) for computer dating matches, and related his "adventures" to me. One thing I learned was that women under age 30 were only charged a fraction of what men were charged. Naturally - everyone wants them, so why would they even sign up?
I have been known in the past to work at some very popular nightclubs. The ones where the line goes around the block, and you hope you get picked to go in. The men got hammered at the door , sometimes to the point they had to guarantee a 4 figure minimum, they would have to buy x number of bottles of champagne etc.. The ladies got picked to come in, other than the mandatory coat checks in the winter , they came in with no cover charge.

So back to your question, maybe they signed up to see the guys that had the $100 to date them, maybe only brokesters were asking them out ,hahaha
__________________
Retired October 2008, Withdrawal Rate currently zero, Pension 137 % of our spending, Wasted 5 years of my prime working extra for a safe withdrawal rate. I can live like a King for a year, or a Prince for the rest of my life.
Blue Collar Guy is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 01:05 PM   #196
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,850
I have an acquaintance who does programming for dating sites.

A few years ago, he had just returned from a January conference in Florida for those who run online dating sites (big bucks in this industry, btw. I don't recall the exact $ number).

I do recall him telling me that 40% of the men on the online dating sites are married . Such a small percentage (1-2%) of the women in online dating are married, that they don't even keep tabs on that number.

omni
__________________
omni550 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 01:27 PM   #197
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Amethyst's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 5,517
Good thing it wasn't a lady weight lifter, or you would've gotten a headache.

Quote:
Originally Posted by haha View Post
I remember a young kid at a weekend party in Colombia. He danced with all the women, his head basically nestled on their boobs and a beatific smile on his face. I thought to myself, wish I had grown up here. Then much later here in America I danced with a good looking woman over 6 feet tall, and who loved heels and hot clothes. There I was, experiencing at 60 something similar to what that Lucky Colombiano was getting at 12.

Ha
__________________
If you understood everything I say, you'd be me ~ Miles Davis
'There is only one success to be able to spend your life in your own way. Christopher Morley.
Amethyst is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 05:40 PM   #198
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Keim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Moscow
Posts: 1,122
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustCurious View Post
That sounds like something an unemployed bum would say to justify being unemployed. Just sayin.
SInce OP is 58, I'd just be honest. "I was fortunate to retire a little early."

That said, I quote the above to ask: If the OP doesn't look, act or live like an unemployed bum, how much importance does a short answer that sounds like one have?
__________________
You can't enlighten the unconscious.
But you can hit'em upside the head a few times to make sure they are really out...
Keim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 07:18 PM   #199
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: New York City
Posts: 2,669
Quote:
Originally Posted by omni550 View Post
I have an acquaintance who does programming for dating sites.

A few years ago, he had just returned from a January conference in Florida for those who run online dating sites (big bucks in this industry, btw. I don't recall the exact $ number).

I do recall him telling me that 40% of the men on the online dating sites are married . Such a small percentage (1-2%) of the women in online dating are married, that they don't even keep tabs on that number.

omni
Wow, I believe you, but thats a staggering high number. If that was a multiple choice test answer I would have never picked that.
__________________
Retired October 2008, Withdrawal Rate currently zero, Pension 137 % of our spending, Wasted 5 years of my prime working extra for a safe withdrawal rate. I can live like a King for a year, or a Prince for the rest of my life.
Blue Collar Guy is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2017, 07:30 PM   #200
Administrator
Gumby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 9,961
I have been married for over 33 years, so feel free to discount my advice accordingly. But here it is -- Be a mensch. Women of quality will recognize and respond to that. The ones who don't are not worth your time. And you'll always be able to look at yourself in the mirror.
__________________

__________________
Living an analog life in the Digital Age.
Gumby is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
WSJ article Couples Dating Sarah in SC Other topics 46 11-14-2009 07:28 AM
Internet dating advice wanted/needed Zoocat Other topics 303 07-01-2008 08:04 PM
Protecting Nephew from Russian Dating Scam TromboneAl Other topics 18 11-17-2007 09:22 AM
Dating in your 50's and beyond - questions Fireup2020 Other topics 58 08-13-2007 08:46 AM
FI and dating Scrooge Life after FIRE 68 08-15-2006 09:15 AM

 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:06 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.