Dating advice?

[razztazz]

Maybe it's just the way I grew up, in a house of angry, ignorant, ineffectual drunks, but if somebody isn't all that "in" to me I find it easy and better, to just walk away. I cannot change anyone's mind any easier than they can change mine. Like the basis of the Buddhist philosophy paraphrased as: "Stop going through Life wanting so many things and you'll be happier"

I once heard a little "Life's Lesson" expressed in a movie called "Killdozer." (Yes, I'm the kind of person who notices these things)

Travel light and travel alone. Anything else you get is gravy. It's all good.

[Amethyst]

I am about your age (though taken!) so maybe my thoughts have value. First of all, fifty-eight is not that young - many people in my line of work (Federal govt) retire at 55, and not all take second jobs. They tend to be frugal people who have saved, invested, and have nice 401Ks.

Even if you were younger, I wouldn't assume you are any kind of bum, if you live in a nice place and seem not to be in need. I would consider how you support yourself to be entirely your business...it's not like we're getting married. I would, of course, search your name to see if anything evil pops up (would also help to reveal if you have given me a fake name). I'd expect you to search my name, too.

That said, I would be interested in how you occupy your time....are you writing a book? Going on a 2-month trip? Tending a conservatory of gorgeous plants? (all of which would be OK by me).

Finally, I would wait to see how you treat me and other people. That matters more than anything else.

Good luck!

Amethyst

Quote:

Originally Posted by GravitySucks So DGF has been gone for six months now and I'm getting a bit lonely. Friends and family have been wonderful, but there's nothing like the company of a good woman. I went online and was just about to delete the account when a woman contacted me and we made a date to have coffee. It went well ( going hiking and dinner tomorrow) but things got uncomfortable when the What Do You Do subject came up. At first I could sense she thought unemployed bum, so I tried to explain that I don't have to or want to work, but then I felt like I was bragging, then worse thought I was opening myself up way too much. How do you explain your situation to new people? Another issue I can see is most women my age are working full time. DGF was in the underground economy so time off was no problem. It was also an uneven relationship monetarily - not that I minded. I'm off to travel for the next few months. I don't know any women that can take off like that other than the unemployed or much older. How do you find companions in the same boat? I don't want to date ten years younger or ten years older. What's a boy to do?

[GravitySucks]

I'm certainly not going to be dishonest about what I do, but I could see the wheels spinning on ER = Unemployed Bum at coffee. And I really worry about gold diggers, so saying "I'm rich, I do what I want" isn't an option (or true.... Not the do what I want part, the I'm rich part HA)

[Olbidness]

I don't mind telling people that I'm retired, it's no brag, just fact. I did have a funny incident last week while filling out a form needing a name of employer. I wrote the first letter of my old employer, scratched though, and wrote retired. Got a chuckle out of it.

[omni550]

GravitySucks - Can you say you're an early-retired "whatever-you-used-to-do-for-a-paycheck"?

omni

[RobbieB]

I always list occupation as retired.

If asked in person I say retired and then throw my hands in the air and spin around yelling woo-hoo!

[Amethyst]

I've never been the victim of a gold digger, but somehow I suspect the Danger to be overblown. Once they show their cards, then you either agree to finance all their needs, or you walk away, that's all. I am unable to think of anything that would induce me to be someone's sugar parent.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GravitySucks I'm certainly not going to be dishonest about what I do, but I could see the wheels spinning on ER = Unemployed Bum at coffee. And I really worry about gold diggers, so saying "I'm rich, I do what I want" isn't an option (or true.... Not the do what I want part, the I'm rich part HA)

[Meadbh]

Women don't like being lied to.

Here is an amusing article from the Guardian about a less than truthful date......

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...MCNEWEML6619I2

[Sojourner]

I'm 49 and single, so this is a pretty big issue for me, as well. I've found the easiest and most natural thing to say is that I'm a software development consultant. Usually that's sufficient to answer the question, but sometimes it leads to having to say that I work on projects for a number of different clients, and sometimes I'll even give examples -- using projects that I actually did work on several years ago. It's pretty easy to come up with stuff like this, especially if you stick to a field in which you're conversant and about which you can speak intelligently and fluently.

I steadfastly avoid saying anything that sounds like I am living a life of freedom and leisure. At my age, very few women would understand that unless they thought I was very rich and didn't need to work... and I don't want to attract those types.

[travelover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh Women don't like being lied to. ..........

Men love it.

[GravitySucks]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meadbh Women don't like being lied to. Here is an amusing article from the Guardian about a less than truthful date...... https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...MCNEWEML6619I2

Thanks for the link.
As stated, I am truthful to a fault. I find no point in misrepresenting myself in trying to find a date. I don't want to pretend to be someone else even for an evening. I like me.

Back to the link, men don't like being lied to either, but I overlooked the fact the profile photo was 15 years old as she was prettier in person than in the photo.

[Olbidness]

Quote:

I don't know any women that can take off like that other than the unemployed or much older.

I've looked for a woman as you've described also with no luck. The one GF that I had that could travel didn't want to, or it needed to be somewhere exactly like home. I've met a couple of others that couldn't afford travel or any time away from a job. I've resigned myself to the knowledge that there are interesting women everywhere I go. I'm sure not going to wait around hoping for a travel companion to show up.

[Blue Collar Guy]

You might be setting yourself up with heartache in the long run, but this might provide a good stream for a while.


Male 58 seeking woman 18-35, smokers OK , social drinkers OK, children and pets OK. Must be able to travel with me a few times a year for nice all paid for vacations. NO heavy drama, looking for a companion. If currently married, husband must be still have over 10 years left on his sentence.

[GravitySucks]

Well BCG,
I can't be with a smoker as I'm an ex smoker and can't take temptation.
I drink enough for two lately as it is.
Acceptable age range is 48 to 60. (Though I did meet a gorgeous 69 year old last month while not looking)
No married, no separated, I don't need home wrecker added to the resume.
Guess Pets and Children work.
In the long run with my track record (widowed then GF dying) I'm expecting heartache.

[CaliKid]

I would say I am retired but at the first opportunity make it clear I had enough but was not wealthy.

[Blue Collar Guy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GravitySucks Well BCG, I can't be with a smoker as I'm an ex smoker and can't take temptation. I drink enough for two lately as it is. Acceptable age range is 48 to 60. (Though I did meet a gorgeous 69 year old last month while not looking) No married, no separated, I don't need home wrecker added to the resume. Guess Pets and Children work. In the long run with my track record (widowed then GF dying) I'm expecting heartache.

OK new ad, Successful retiree in search of a companion.Me 58 male. You 48-60 non smoker including meth and weed. I want a LOW drama companion, so no married or separated ladies. Social drinker OK, tea totaler even better, you can be the designated driver for us. Pets and children OK, must be able to take a few long vacations per year so we may explore the world together. Recent full length picture a must.

[Sojourner]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GravitySucks As stated, I am truthful to a fault. I find no point in misrepresenting myself in trying to find a date. I don't want to pretend to be someone else even for an evening. I like me.

Well... I like me, too, but I think we all know that 100% honesty doesn't typically work well in the dating game. Obviously you want to avoid outright duplicity, but I see absolutely no harm in saying that you're some sort of consultant, or (as someone else suggested) a private wealth manager. The last one is very strictly true, and the first one is vague enough not to be a lie. IMHO, complete and total honesty will not get you very far in the dating world, but YMMV. Consider this hypothetical first date banter:

She: "So what do you do for a living?"
You: "I was an (X) for many years, but I'm retired now."
She: "Wow, you're retired? But you're only 58! Are you rich or something?"
You:

[tinlizzy]

You've written your own personal ad in this thread....

58yo male, recently widowed and retired, looking for a female companion age 48 to 60 (although I did meet a gorgeous 69 year old last month while not looking).

No married or separated women. Pets and children okay. No smokers as I'm an ex-smoker and can't take temptation. Social drinkers okay.

I am truthful to a fault. I find no point in misrepresenting myself. I don't want to pretend to be someone else even for an evening and I want to meet someone who also wants to be themselves.

I love to see new places and will be leaving on a trip to _____________(fill in the rest of the story).
__________________________________________________ _________________

Your own words are charming. You've had two successful relationships. I think you'll do fine!

[Amethyst]

C'mon, at 58?! Srsly? If OP were 48 I could see it, but 58 is retirement territory. Nobody ever questions that I'm retired except to say that I look "too young to be retired," and that just means I have a figure and dye my hair (instead of the silly stereotype they have in their minds).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sojourner W She: "So what do you do for a living?" You: "I was an (X) for many years, but I'm retired now." She: "Wow, you're retired? But you're only 58! Are you rich or something?" You:

[Amethyst]

Yes, and

Quote:

Originally Posted by GravitySucks (Though I did meet a gorgeous 69 year old last month while not looking)