Dating advice?

[ivinsfan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst My comment was general, is based on 30+ years of life experience, and applies to the population at large. It is hardly a secret that there are all kinds of bigotry out there. If someone thinks it's OK to criticize age-difference marital partners but not OK to criticize racially-mixed marriages by saying "racism is worse," then I suspect they are just trying to justify their own brand of bigotry. Now, If 2d Cor (a friend) thinks I was referring to him, I do apologize. I know he has too big a heart to criticize other people's marital choices.

I'm with you there, in fact the only relationship we "entitled" to have an opinion about is our own. It's hard enough to have a good relationship, adding other people's opinions about it is not productive or kind.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Mr. A. had been dating women in his age group. He never said anything bad about them, but there hadn't been any "spark" as we like to say nowadays. He was drawn to intelligent women, that's all he really said. I happened to show up in his path one day. Do you suppose older men who deliberately seek younger women, are actively looking for the brainy ones?

Yeah, same with DH. He liked brainy, too! Who knows- the guys seeking younger women might be looking for brainy in addition to firm young(er) flesh.

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena53 Yeah, same with DH. He liked brainy, too!

DW is smarter than I am, ("Who isn't?" I hear you ask), but I also met potential partners closer to my own age.

[GravitySucks]

I don't think I'm being ageist when I set the limits, but as an experiment I removed the filter. I believe the site is only showing me matches that have my age in their acceptable range. Six local under 43 show up some with multiple children, all looking for marriage soon and most hoping for more children. Since I'm not looking to raise more kids and right now am looking for dating not marriage it's a moot point.
I don't criticize anyone's relationships, not my business. I'd date a much younger woman but doubt I would find one looking for the same thing with common interests and tastes. I don't want to date a much older woman for the same reasons, though none showed up in the search. The last time I used this site no women more than ten years younger ever responded to a message even though my age was in their match range.

[ivinsfan]

Reading all this makes me glad I'm not in the market.. it sounds like a minefield out there. It doesn't take much to put a foot wrong and mess things up.

[bclover]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ivinsfan Reading all this makes me glad I'm not in the market.. it sounds like a minefield out there. It doesn't take much to put a foot wrong and mess things up.

Maybe, maybe not.

So I'm taking this as a light learning situation. first, I'm pretty old fashion especially compared to todays environment, lol. I had one gentlemen ask me to go away for the weekend after date #2 (actually date 1, first was the "meet and greet"). humm no, that's not happening for quite a while dude. my niece thought nothing was wrong with the invitation.

for me I think the thing is that I've had a successful marriage so if I don't get another "long term" relationship, I'll be ok. So right now I'm just in the process of having fun meeting new people.

lol I did have one date where the guy was extremely short (I said midget but he said he was not). when I asked him about lying on his profile and pictures he said if he told the truth no one would go out with him. that was an interesting date.

Age is not the major factor but it can be an issue, more of a generational gap. lol I went out with one gentlemen who told me this was the first time he went out with a "colored" girl. Ok I understand that you might not know who Jay-Z and Beyonce are but come on dude, we graduated from "Colored" like 40 years ago.

[ivinsfan]

bclover hats off to you if you can take this in stride and find the humor in it..are you still seeing any of these dudes.

[athena53]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bclover Maybe, maybe not. So I'm taking this as a light learning situation. first, I'm pretty old fashion especially compared to todays environment, lol. I had one gentlemen ask me to go away for the weekend after date #2 (actually date 1, first was the "meet and greet"). humm no, that's not happening for quite a while dude. my niece thought nothing was wrong with the invitation.

Yeah, I might have been that "easy" in my 20s but I'm 64. Let's develop a relationship first.

Another archaic reference- a guy in one of my "Possible Match" e-mails was looking for "a classy dame". Makes it sound like he's expecting someone who will show up in a mink stole and wearing dangly earrings. I don't think I qualify.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena53 I do get annoyed at listings from a guy who says he's, say, 55, and is looking for a woman ages 35-45. So- women in your own age group are too old and decrepit for you?

May I suggest you watch the movie Revenge of the Middle Aged Woman.

Guy in his 50's leaves his wife of similar age for a 30-something.

Wife ends up living in Tuscany with fabulous former boyfriend.

Former husband ends up with twins.

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut Former husband ends up with twins.

The 30 year old had a twin sister?

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 The 30 year old had a twin sister?

Spoiler alert!!!


Umm...... No.

The 35 year old hottie leaves him but not until she gives him two new children. And another 18+ years of child support. Now that is sweet revenge.

[GravitySucks]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nemo2 The 30 year old had a twin sister?

That could be a fun weekend.

[Nemo2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GravitySucks That could be a fun weekend.

I always attempt to think positively.

[GravitySucks]

More fun with filters.
Reading OK Cupid blog (they do some interesting things with the large amount of data they have) and see they claim a large amount of women miss out by filtering out guys under 6 foot. Putting the ages back to where I had them and lying to say I'm 6'1" only adds two local matches. Both women that are shorter than my actual height. Maybe women of my age are not as picky on height as the average okc user.
Changed back to the truth, so there's two that won't ever know what they're missing.

[SecondCor521]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amethyst Now, If 2d Cor (a friend) thinks I was referring to him, I do apologize. I know he has too big a heart to criticize other people's marital choices.

Awww, thanks for the kind words Amethyst!

I didn't think you were referring to me, BTW.

[socca]

Quote:

Originally Posted by athena53 Who knows - the guys seeking younger women might be looking for brainy in addition to firm young(er) flesh.

I doubt it. I suspect that most older men evaluate the attractiveness of women using the exact same criteria they employed in their 20s. Pseudo-20-something men find actual-20-something women immensely attractive. I suspect that any physically attractive young woman has plenty of stories regarding unwanted attention by old guys. It goes with the territory, I guess.

[scrabbler1]

Back in the 1980s, when was in my 20s, many women my age didn't want to have anything to do with me because I was too "young" for them; they dated men in their 30s and 40s. So how come hen I was in my 30s and 40s, women in their 20s I was still willing to date (along with women in their 30s and 40s) didn't want to date me because I was too old?

Thankfully, I am 5'11" so all those silly height restrictions women had rarely shut me out. But I am reminded of a story from back in the late 1980s after I attended a (Jewish) singles dance. I was telling my mom about it a few as later and she said something interesting and perceptive:

"I bet there were a lot of short men with beards at the dance." I thought about it and told he she was right and I asked her how did she know? She replied, "Short men have lots of trouble meeting women, which is why they go to these dances. And they often look young for their age so to compensate, they often grow beards."

[FlaGator]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bclover Maybe, maybe not. So I'm taking this as a light learning situation. first, I'm pretty old fashion especially compared to todays environment, lol. I had one gentlemen ask me to go away for the weekend after date #2 (actually date 1, first was the "meet and greet"). humm no, that's not happening for quite a while dude. my niece thought nothing was wrong with the invitation. for me I think the thing is that I've had a successful marriage so if I don't get another "long term" relationship, I'll be ok. So right now I'm just in the process of having fun meeting new people. ..........:

My compliments on being willing to dive in and mix it up.

I agree with you on the weekend invite, think that's waaay early.

Regarding anything long term, I try to remind myself that "long term" means something different in one's 50's than it did in the 20's. Not building a life together, raising kids, etc. Now there is an opportunity to have fun without those responsibilities.

Make the best of it

[FlaGator]

Originally Posted by athena53
Who knows - the guys seeking younger women might be looking for brainy in addition to firm young(er) flesh.

Quote:

Originally Posted by socca I doubt it. I suspect that most older men evaluate the attractiveness of women using the exact same criteria they employed in their 20s. Pseudo-20-something men find actual-20-something women immensely attractive. I suspect that any physically attractive young woman has plenty of stories regarding unwanted attention by old guys. It goes with the territory, I guess.

+1

It is interesting how common the assumption is that men will be primarily interested in women younger than them.

I met a couple of women in their 60's on Match who were certain I would only really be interested in younger women and have a second crop of kids. Like I need more kids to get out the door at this point in my life (I'm 57 with 2 still at home)......

Getting through our 40's and becoming "real adults" was challenging enough for late DW and me, and I'm not interested in helping someone else get through that phase of her life.
Rather be with someone who has been through the schnitz and is clear on what they want going forward.

In my case, found that was women who were in their mid-50's or older. Current GF is well into her 60's, and after 9 months, every day together is still an enjoyable day. Very happy for that

[UnrealizedPotential]

Quote:

Originally Posted by socca I doubt it. I suspect that most older men evaluate the attractiveness of women using the exact same criteria they employed in their 20s. Pseudo-20-something men find actual-20-something women immensely attractive. I suspect that any physically attractive young woman has plenty of stories regarding unwanted attention by old guys. It goes with the territory, I guess.

True about older guys liking younger women. But, I want to say a few things about it. I am a 47 year old man and apart from attractiveness I am not sure what else I would like about a 30 year woman.

Also the fact I know such person isn't looking for me. You have to pursue those who are interested in you. I am talking with a woman who is almost 40 and pursuing her romantically. I see nothing wrong with that. I feel there is something normal and not suspect about it. With a 30 year old I would be like, okay what does she want from me?

I would have second thoughts about a 35 year old even. I know women close to 40 and up I have a shot at. I am not wasting my time with anyone else. This is from experience.