dealing with others perceptions of ER

[Midpack]

Why do you not want to answer, "I'm a retired nurse." Simple, clear, and truthful, and I think that would answer any questions. These days, nobody is jealous when you say something like that, because in the back of their minds they are thinking that maybe you are really unemployed and not wanting to admit it.

I do this and say, "I'm a retired oceanographer", and usually the next question is, "Where did you work?" I tell them, and the conversation drifts into other areas. Never a problem for me.

Thanks. I've been saying I am/was an Engineer or Plant Manager. Like your approach better.

I don't like the euphemistic answers as much, too cutesy. YMMV

 

[HpRyder]

For the first 2 years, when I'm was asked, I said I was on sabbatical, now into the 3rd yr its on hiatus.

 

[Alan]

I've never had any hesitation in telling folks that I am a retired engineer. I often meet new folks at the Y, and sometimes while chatting for the 2nd or 3rd occasion, I can see them wondering what I am doing in the middle of the day in the middle of the week at the Y, so I will volunteer the information, in case they are embarrassed to ask for fear of hearing that I lost my job or something.

In 2 years I've never felt any animosity or jealousy.

 

[haha]

People are rarely jealous of ERs, unless they are rich enough to lead very obviously posh lives.

Otherwise, they just think that the relatively young non-working person is some kind of loser.

Ha

 

[Lsbcal]

Hi Ha, your avatar has changed dramatically. I'm wondering what the story is there.

 

[W2R]

Hi Ha, your avatar has changed dramatically. I'm wondering what the story is there.

Did you miss the memo about "Change-Your-Avatar Week"?

Oh that's right. We didn't send it to you because your avatar/painting is so strikingly beautiful and unusual, that we didn't want you to change it.

 

[Lsbcal]

Well, I must be loosing it. I did look up change-your-avatar week and did find a few links: Change Your Avatar Week! (giveaway included) - BattleForge Forum

But wrong forum. However, I noticed that you changed yours too W2R. From a hot chick to a hot kitten. Some hidden meaning there?

 

[Mulligan]

Did you miss the memo about "Change-Your-Avatar Week"?

Oh that's right. We didn't send it to you because your avatar/painting is so strikingly beautiful and unusual, that we didn't want you to change it.

All of the changes of avatar's gave me the intellectual curiousity, the figure out the process of having one. And since I was watching an episode of Cannon at the time....

 

[W2R]

Well, I must be loosing it. I did look up change-your-avatar week and did find a few links: Change Your Avatar Week! (giveaway included) - BattleForge Forum

But wrong forum. However, I noticed that you changed yours too W2R. From a hot chick to a hot kitten. Some hidden meaning there?

Maybe we just like the same avatars. Nope, no hidden meaning. I just thought this kitten was so adorable and huggable, and I wanted to switch my avatar for a while.

All of the changes of avatar's gave me the intellectual curiousity, the figure out the process of having one. And since I was watching an episode of Cannon at the time....

Excellent! You now have your very own avatar too.

 

[haha]

Hi Ha, your avatar has changed dramatically. I'm wondering what the story is there.

I decided to go straight.

 

[Lsbcal]

I decided to go straight.

I'm curious who's face that is (showing my ignorance here, but what else is new). Doesn't look like Hoover.

 

[haha]

I'm curious who's face that is (showing my ignorance here, but what else is new). Doesn't look like Hoover.

That is Carlos Gardel, the King of Argentine Tango singers. He died in a plane crash in his mid-forties.

 

[Dawg52]

Otherwise, they just think that the relatively young non-working person is some kind of loser.

Ha

Previously when asked what I do in retirement, I would just say I'm good at doing nothing. No one inquires anymore. Now days some of my friends refer to me as 'easy money'. Not sure about the money part but I am easy.

 

[grasshopper]

I am getting old enough, that no one asks.

 

[donheff]

People are rarely jealous of ERs, unless they are rich enough to lead very obviously posh lives.

Otherwise, they just think that the relatively young non-working person is some kind of loser.

Ha

+1 When I first retired at 56 I would guess 70-80% of people would be glad for me (some a bit envious but not at all hostile). Others would seem a little uncomfortable and I generally felt they disapproved from a "you should work at your age" point of view. I had never associated the term loser with that approbation but I think that is probably how they saw me. I think that might be more common in a place like DC with a high proportion of strivers many of whose self worth is tied to their their jobs.

 

[okbeachmouse]

Thanks to everyone who responded! I'm realizing my awkwardness when asked about work is just part of my own adjustment to not working anymore, and reinventing myself in ER.

The reinventing hasn't really happened yet so I still see myself as "a nurse".... (I hope that makes sense)

Something else, if somebody really wanted to know why we planned for ER and made it happen, I would have to tell them about my fathers early death, and how it had a huge impact on me and the way I view life -- as too short to spend it all working. My close friends already know that.... but with new people it's too personal to get into right off the bat.

For now I think I will go with W2R's suggestion.... say I am a retired nurse and now I raise chihuahuas

 

[pb4uski]

+1 When I first retired at 56 I would guess 70-80% of people would be glad for me (some a bit envious but not at all hostile). Others would seem a little uncomfortable and I generally felt they disapproved from a "you should work at your age" point of view. I had never associated the term loser with that approbation but I think that is probably how they saw me. I think that might be more common in a place like DC with a high proportion of strivers many of whose self worth is tied to their their jobs.

Having recently ER'd, I'm similarly uncomfortable and have got the "you're too young to retire" comment. I'll admit ot being somewhat embarrassed by my good fortune (even though I recognize my good fortune is to a large degree a consequence of what I did or didn't do over the last 35 years). While embarrassed isn't quite the right word, I recognize there are others who have worked as hard or harder than I have but haven't accumulated the wealth needed to RE.

I have thought of telling people that I retired for health reasons - I was sick of working - but that seems too disingenuous. I think I'm going to go the sabbatical/hiatus route for now until I am more comfortable referring to myself as retired.

Actually my boss told me some other retirees from megafirm had told him that they think of it as rewirement rather than retirement. I like that idea.

 

[Midpack]

Actually my boss told me some other retirees from megafirm had told him that they think of it as rewirement rather than retirement. I like that idea.

Maybe he read this...IIRC it's about working in "retirement" and written by headhunters.

 

[pb4uski]

I guess that I didn't realize that rewirement would involve w*rk!! In that case, I'm probably not interested at this point - I'll refer to myself as on sabbatical instead until I become totally comfortable with telling people that I'm retired.

 

[Nords]

Having recently ER'd, I'm similarly uncomfortable and have got the "you're too young to retire" comment.

I tell people "I'm glad there's not an age limit" and "I wouldn't save retirement for old age"...

Actually my boss told me some other retirees from megafirm had told him that they think of it as rewirement rather than retirement. I like that idea.

Maybe he read this...IIRC it's about working in "retirement" and written by headhunters.

That book is a thinly-veiled job-search manual written by people who can't even spell ER.

I want to read the job-search manual written by an ER who got an offer so good that he couldn't stay retired. Unfortunately Jacob Lund Fisker and J.D. Roth are being castigated for either being too poor to stay ER or too rich to have the credibility.

Until then, I'd make do with Marc Freedman's "Prime Time" and "Encore".

 

[scrabbler1]

One thing I have sometimes told those who say, "You are too young to retire" is this:

"They say youth is wasted on the young. I say retirement is wasted on the old!"

 

[Lsbcal]

That is Carlos Gardel, the King of Argentine Tango singers. He died in a plane crash in his mid-forties.

Very cool and romantic avatar, Ha.

 

[W2R]

One thing I have sometimes told those who say, "You are too young to retire" is this:

"They say youth is wasted on the young. I say retirement is wasted on the old!"

I love it!!! Great response.

 

[ls99]

Occasionally get the question, what do you do for a living. My answer, I don't. Usually followed by a long and pregnant silence by the questioner.

 

[clifp]

I used to get questions when I was in my 40s now that my hair is white. I don't get many question anymore and I answer the question what do you do for a living? with "as little as possible".