dealing with others perceptions of ER

[obgyn65]

I try to avoid talking about me, instead I prefer to make others talk about themselves. If others do ask about me / my ER status, I focus on mentioning my volunteering activities.

Quote:

Originally Posted by okbeachmouse Has anyone else ever felt like this, and if so how did you handle it?

[martyb]

I've got a few months to go before I retire, but when I do, and when I get those questions, I'm gonna just say I'm retired. Too much WORK to have to come up with some witty response. And work is what I'm retiring from...lol. My 82 year old mom gives me the 3rd degree all the time about retiring "so young". She retired at 64, but her employer wouldn't leave her alone, kept convincing her to come back to "fill in till we can find another secretary" etc. etc. In the end, she didn't finally get to retire until aron 74, I believe. However, I will say she really enjoyed her work, and never felt like it was a burden. She truly identified with being a legal secretary at the law firm. Same firm since shortly after I was born, and I'm 54 now. She outlived both her original boss and also his son, who took over the practice when his dad died.

[okbeachmouse]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pb4uski Having recently ER'd, I'm similarly uncomfortable and have got the "you're too young to retire" comment. I'll admit ot being somewhat embarrassed by my good fortune (even though I recognize my good fortune is to a large degree a consequence of what I did or didn't do over the last 35 years). While embarrassed isn't quite the right word, I recognize there are others who have worked as hard or harder than I have but haven't accumulated the wealth needed to RE.

That's what it is for me too... I feel bad that others aren't as fortunate.

I really think people work too long in this country. I think "regular" retirement age should be well before 65, unless somebody really wanted to keep working.

[okbeachmouse]

Quote:

Originally Posted by W2R Sounds like you missed this earlier post: As an aside, I think nursing is a fascinating career choice! And being a retired nurse is fascinating too. Oh, the stories that a retired nurse must have. That could lead to a great conversation.

Thank you! I spent some time nursing in the prison system, lots of interesting stories indeed!

(in fact still do some advocacy work on a volunteer basis)

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by okbeachmouse That's what it is for me too... I feel bad that others aren't as fortunate. I really think people work too long in this country. I think "regular" retirement age should be well before 65, unless somebody really wanted to keep working.

So who is going to fund the long retirments? Already SS is in trouble, Medicare worse. Regular retirement age will go up, not down. You can only squeeze so much blood out of a turnip.

The European countries that have long been bastions of early retirements are all in trouble, save Germany. And Germany is in trouble once removed, as their economy is based on exports, and many of these go to other EU countries

Ha

[donheff]

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha So who is going to fund the long retirements? Already SS is in trouble, Medicare worse. Regular retirement age will go up, not down. You can only squeeze so much blood out of a turnip. The European countries that have long been bastions of early retirements are all in trouble, save Germany. And Germany is in trouble once removed, as their economy is based on exports, and many of these go to other EU countries Ha

+1 Germany raised its retirement age to 67.

[morgan29]

Quote:

Originally Posted by okbeachmouse DH and I have been ER for almost six weeks, I am 49 and DH is 50. We also moved to a new area so we have been out and about and trying to meet different people. We live in a condo so we are also meeting lots of neighbors. For some strange reason I feel awkward when people ask "What work do you do?"..... Sometimes I say nursing, but then the next question is "Where are you working"... that's when the awkwardness starts for me. I don't get why I am feeling awkward admitting to ER. I think it's because I don't want people to be jealous.... because unfortunately some people are. Even people in my own family. I feel like I have to "justify" ER even though my DH and I live a fairly modest life. Has anyone else ever felt like this, and if so how did you handle it?

Congratulations on your Early Retirement!......I worked for the same company for 27 years, we raised our kids, and I was a working mom. My kids are well adjusted and educated..no drugs or major issues....ect......it was hard work saving for college and retirement. We always paid off our credit cards and made a few good financial decisions. The job was getting too stressful and I was able to retire early with one of the few companies that had a pension. We are not wealthy but will be able to maintain a pretty good income. I have friends who ask how I can retire? They seem to be jealous. Even a few family members ask how I can retire at age 55. I usually say I earned every penny of it and was concerned about my health. I hope in the future as we get older to move to a retirement community where other people are just like us.

[morgan29]

Quote:

Originally Posted by okbeachmouse That's what it is for me too... I feel bad that others aren't as fortunate. I really think people work too long in this country. I think "regular" retirement age should be well before 65, unless somebody really wanted to keep working.

I agree. The stress from my job was affecting my health. My spouse and I worked hard to save what we have and prepare for an early retirement and I am proud of it. I usually say I earned every penny of it and am concerned about my health. I want to be able to enjoy retirement and not pass away sitting at a desk. We always watched our debt ect....and worked hard at it, it was not always easy. Congatulations on your retirement. You discover who your true friends are!

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by okbeachmouse I really think people work too long in this country.

I don't think people work too long in the USA, but I do think they work too much. If most people had at least four weeks of vacation a year with we old-timers getting at least six weeks, I think the push towards ER would lesson somewhat for many people. The low number of vacation weeks also tends to lock people into jobs they are not their best at (just like employer provided medical insurance does.) I know several people who would switch jobs, but the idea of going from 4 weeks of vacation a year (earned after 20+ years of service) to back to 2 weeks, justy does not sit well with them. my 2 cents.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dvistuba I agree. The stress from my job was affecting my health. My spouse and I worked hard to save what we have and prepare for an early retirement and I am proud of it.

I agree! I put in a huge amount of hours on the weekdays and come home exhausted. My exercise routine has gone out the window. On weekends, I bring home more work and get the basics of life done like grocery shopping and cleaning the house a bit. I have worked hard, denied myself many 'goodies' and invested prudently. The Good Fairy did not hit me on the head with her magic wang and make me the 'lucky' one who can retire a few years before 65/66.

[MBAustin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut I don't think people work too long in the USA, but I do think they work too much. If most people had at least four weeks of vacation a year with we old-timers getting at least six weeks, I think the push towards ER would lesson somewhat for many people. The low number of vacation weeks also tends to lock people into jobs they are not their best at (just like employer provided medical insurance does.) I know several people who would switch jobs, but the idea of going from 4 weeks of vacation a year (earned after 20+ years of service) to back to 2 weeks, justy does not sit well with them. my 2 cents.

+1

I'm sure some academic economist out there has done some research on this, but we are clearly suboptimizing our labor force with these "artificial" restraints on job changing. Not to mention that the housing crisis has added yet another reason for people not to move for a new job.

Back to OP - I met someone yesterday who appears to be 5-10 years older than me and is looking for a new full-time position. He couldn't even grasp the idea that I have ERd and am only interested in consulting 1-2 days a week at most. And my accountant also sent me information about a full-time position she thought I might be interested in (to be fair, since most of our investments are in IRAs she really doesn't know how much we have socked away). In both cases, I made it clear that w*rk as they know it has no appeal after 16 months of retirement, and it gets less appealing, not more.

[Keim]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut The Good Fairy did not hit me on the head with her magic wang and make me the 'lucky' one who can retire a few years before 65/66.

I'm assuming this is a type-o, but it is a damn good one. Brings forth quite the image.

[pb4uski]

I went to the dentist the other day and had a new hygienist clean my teeth. She asked me what I did for a living. I paused, not sure how to respond and not quite yet willing to refer to myself as retired. I just told her that I was between jobs and taking some time off. Perhaps I'll get more comfortable with referring to myself as retired, particularly with strangers, as time goes on.

I guess it is the potential obvious connection with being retired at my age (56) and being "wealthy" (or more the public perception of being wealthy) that bothers me. I've always had wealth in the closet as a LBYMer, but to be retired at this age makes it more obvious, and uncomfortably so.

Any others with this "hang up"?

[Alan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by donheff +1 Germany raised its retirement age to 67.

You can still retire 'early' in Germany at 65, but normal retirement age is 67.

In the UK there is no early retirement age, you have to reach 65, although a timeline is now in place to increase this to 67 between 2034 and 2036.


So, the USA is actually very generous in comparison to these 2 countries in allowing early retirement at 62.

On the other end of the spectrum, Greece and Italy allow early retirement at age 55 and 57.

* note that early retirement means the age at which a country's SS payments can be taken

[Midpack]

Quote:

Originally Posted by okbeachmouse I really think people work too long in this country. I think "regular" retirement age should be well before 65, unless somebody really wanted to keep working.

You can take Soc Sec at 62 or so, though Medicare is 65 IIRC. If you want to retire earlier, save more to increase your nest egg or reduce your personal (retirement) spending/budget to match the nest egg you have. Many people on this forum have done so. It's simple, but not easy.

I assume you aren't suggesting FRA should be less than 65 (for me it's already 67 and I'm fine with that). Soc Sec is already passing from surplus to deficit and Medicare has been in deficit for a while. Not to mention the broader Federal, State & Local deficits. Lowering "regular retirement age" means asking all (many younger) working taxpayers to pay more in taxes, doesn't sound fair at all IMHO...

[pb4uski]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midpack You can take Soc Sec at 62 or so, though Medicare is 65 IIRC. If you want to retire earlier, save more to increase your nest egg or reduce your personal (retirement) spending/budget to match the nest egg you have. Many people on this forum have done so. It's simple, but not easy. I assume you aren't suggesting FRA should be less than 65 (for me it's already 67 and I'm fine with that). Soc Sec is already passing from surplus to deficit and Medicare has been in deficit for a while. Not to mention the broader Federal, State & Local deficits. Lowering "regular retirement age" means asking all (many younger) working taxpayers to pay more in taxes, doesn't sound fair at all IMHO...

+1 The FRA and age 62 are well known (or knowable). If one is willing to sacrifice the present for benefits in the future you have the opportunity to develop a nestegg to supplement your SS and retire early. Some do, and many of them are regulars here. Most don't and grumble about their inability to RE. We have enough troubles without becoming another Greece by lowering the FRA.

[Alan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pb4uski We have enough troubles without becoming another Greece by lowering the FRA.

I hate to nit-pick, but the FRA in Greece is 65, however you can get a reduced SS as early as 55.

Given increasing life expectancies I really don't know if taking reduced SS early actually costs the government more or less, since taking SS later and living beyond ~78 nets you more money (in the USA).

[redduck]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pb4uski I went to the dentist the other day and had a new hygienist clean my teeth. She asked me what I did for a living. I paused, not sure how to respond and not quite yet willing to refer to myself as retired. I just told her that I was between jobs and taking some time off. Perhaps I'll get more comfortable with referring to myself as retired, particularly with strangers, as time goes on. I guess it is the potential obvious connection with being retired at my age (56) and being "wealthy" (or more the public perception of being wealthy) that bothers me. I've always had wealth in the closet as a LBYMer, but to be retired at this age makes it more obvious, and uncomfortably so. Any others with this "hang up"?

Apparently, you are not alone...

And, unfortunately, I'm finding this is a losing battle. Anyhow, I think it's a blown opportunity not to help someone (assuming there is a chance that they might be receptive) by actually withholding information about a way to an early/earlier retirement-- without having to be born rich or to be earning a huge salary. You might be the only person in this hygienist's world that has this information to share with her. Luckily, you will get another shot at this in six months.

[haha]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pb4uski I guess it is the potential obvious connection with being retired at my age (56) and being "wealthy" (or more the public perception of being wealthy) that bothers me.

My problem as an ER (45) was being perceived as retired and non-productive, and not wealthy, at least by local standards. If I had been driving a new 911, taking frequent trips, sending my kids to private school and living in an expensive house, people would see have seen me as wealthy retired, and that would have been OK. This was of course well before our recent societal horror at the thought of successful people receiving money for their success.

But pinching my pennies, and doing much of my own home and auto maintenance, I just looked like a lazy go nowhere bum who wasn't getting it done for his wife and children. I am sure that my divorce in some degree was because my former wife thought she deserved to be taken care of in the way to which she had been accustomed, and that her looks and class and obvious wifely virtues should have earned for her, from whatever guy she settled on.


This may make no sense to ER inbabitants of Pleasantville, but it has been known to affect others.

It got way easier when I got old, although in a tricky morph, society has recalibarated its idea of when one is old enough to retire, so people still make the default asumption that I am working at a job.

Ha

[Wendy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by haha My problem as an ER (45) was being perceived as retired and non-productive, and not wealthy, at least by local standards. Ha

Yes, to your comment and the OP's. When DH retires by age 56 (or sooner), at least we'll be able to say we're both getting pensions. Since my early forties, I've been either semi-ER'd or a lazy stay-at-home housewife, depending upon your perception. Some people probably think I make more at "consulting" than I really do; those who know I had a relatively well-paying job at MegaCorp might think we're wealthy, and I'm sure there's another group that just feels sorry for my poor husband who has to support me. Of course none of them know how much we have stashed away in the bank.

I really only care what family and a few friends think; I'd be happy to share our LBYM tactics with anyone who asks, like the dental assistant, but no one really does. Perhaps they're afraid to ask.