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Deciding WHEN to to make final move, location, timing w kids schooling etc.
Old 11-15-2009, 11:56 PM   #1
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Deciding WHEN to to make final move, location, timing w kids schooling etc.

My wife and I are torn, but contemplate moving to a warmer climate...possibly somewhere within an hour or 2 from the ocean and within a day drive of the rest of family (OH). This puts me in VA, NC, or SC....and we've always talked about and loved NC. This is a longer term goal....but are unsure whether or not to do it before or after our kids graduate, ages 4 and 2

We're both self employed in service related industries and are confident we could re-establish ourselves and businesses quite easily. But we're not sure about not seeing kids and the possibility of grandkids. If we wait til after the kids are 18, whats the likelyhood theyd want to leave everything they know and start again near us? If they have grandkids, we want to be around. As such, our idea would be to go before they graduate, probably when still in gradeschool to make it more likely they'd plant roots near us Certainly a long-term relationship with kids is do-able, but we'd rather avoid that of course.

Not sure if this is a question or comment, but we are torn.
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Old 11-16-2009, 12:37 AM   #2
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Certainly a long-term relationship with kids is do-able, but we'd rather avoid that of course.
I hope you mean a long-distance relationship...
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Old 11-16-2009, 01:10 AM   #3
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Trying to plan your life around your kids is an exercise in futility. The opportunities of today, and 20 years from now, will have a strong pull on them to locate to far away from their parents. I suggest you live your life as you wish to live it - and the kids will live theirs. With luck, they will be close enough that you can maintain close contact. Maybe they will like NC too.
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Old 11-16-2009, 01:16 AM   #4
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I hope you mean a long-distance relationship...

hhaha....thats funny

oops!
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Old 11-16-2009, 04:40 AM   #5
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While everything Hobo said is accurate, it is certainly far more likely your kids would end up living near you if you moved them in grade school rather than moving when they've left the nest. Especially if you chose an economically lively part of NC, say Raleigh/Durham or Charlotte.

If it were me I'd go now.
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Old 11-16-2009, 04:44 AM   #6
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Not sure where in NC you're thinking, but if one had a long-term plan to move anywhere near Charlotte this is probably a good time to buy with B of A on the ropes and Wachovia sold.
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Old 11-16-2009, 06:47 AM   #7
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While everything Hobo said is accurate, it is certainly far more likely your kids would end up living near you if you moved them in grade school rather than moving when they've left the nest. Especially if you chose an economically lively part of NC, say Raleigh/Durham or Charlotte.

If it were me I'd go now.
I agree with this. Also, since your kids are so young, they're not yet at the age where you have to worry about making them leave their schools and friendships behind. I don't see a reason not to do this now, if it's what you really want.
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Old 11-16-2009, 08:58 AM   #8
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I agree with moving before your kids start school. And remember, you may consider it a final move (based on your topic title), but if you don't like it where you go you can always move again. So, consider moving a new chapter of your life and hope it all works out. If it doesn't work out, reconsider again.
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Old 11-16-2009, 09:14 AM   #9
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Just an observation.. I recently went to a 45 year high school reunion. It seemed clear to me (but they don't call me Hobo for nothing), that the people who stayed behind where they grew up talked incessantly about the opportunity that got away, or the chances they missed because they just could not make a move from home.

On the other hand, the people who did "follow their dreams" seemed to be much more content and successful. I firmly believe each area of the US has its own personality. If your personality fits the personality of the area.. then chances are you will be much happier, IMO. I moved from a Chicago suburb to Southern California right after I got married. With 40 years of hindsight it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I certainly can't recommend one place that suits everybody, but I will say if you "loved NC", then acting on that impulse may be one of the best things you can do. I say this because after you are brave enough to make a proactive move (no small decision), then it will be much easier for you to do some of the other things in life that really demand courage and self-confidence.

You will meet these same "decision points" when you start to make your own, independent investment decisions. I know from personal experience that the first time you transfer a big hunk of money from your bank into some investment fund is really a nerve wracking experience. So don't think these are the last sleepless nights you will have about making a major life decision.
PS.. but the making these major decisions do get easier!
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Old 11-16-2009, 09:21 AM   #10
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Follow your heart. Kids are resilient and while they should be considered, still they need to realize that they aren't the center of the universe.

That said, look into the quality of schools in both locations very carefully. Move during the early summer if they are in school.

Don't base your decision on assumptions about where they will or will not live when they are adults. That isn't fair to them, or to you.
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Old 11-16-2009, 10:05 AM   #11
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While everything Hobo said is accurate, it is certainly far more likely your kids would end up living near you if you moved them in grade school rather than moving when they've left the nest. Especially if you chose an economically lively part of NC, say Raleigh/Durham or Charlotte.

If it were me I'd go now.
Agree completely. The big things are 1) Live where there are lots of varied economic opportunities, as well as attractive outdoor and leisure activities. 2) Favor them going to in-state schools where they will make lots of local friends and maybe a local spouse prospect. This is best done passively- just don't push them to go Ivy. 3) Be nice to them and respect their autonomy so they don't feel that they have to get away from your eye and overcontrolling habits.

This likely will not lead you to the cheapest possible place to live. So what?

Ha
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Old 11-16-2009, 04:33 PM   #12
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Just bought my next (& maybe final) house in preparation for retirement. Moving from the suburbs (close in) to the city (DC)... We thought a lot about the options of a more traditional retirement base (Florida, Colorado, Oregon, overseas), but thought an urban base + travel would be more congenial. Did move from a big single family to a townhouse though. Others thoughts?
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Old 11-16-2009, 04:41 PM   #13
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Just bought my next (& maybe final) house in preparation for retirement. Moving from the suburbs (close in) to the city (DC)... We thought a lot about the options of a more traditional retirement base (Florida, Colorado, Oregon, overseas), but thought an urban base + travel would be more congenial. Did move from a big single family to a townhouse though. Others thoughts?
Sounds like you have thought about it and you know what you want. That's great. A townhouse will cut down on the yardwork and will also work out well if you plan to travel. I will eventually move north (also somewhat non-traditional) to a mid-sized town in southern Missouri. I plan to buy an older house instead of a condo, there, to avoid the monthly fees and HOA.
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Old 11-24-2009, 03:56 PM   #14
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I would say do what you want, not what you think your kids would want to do. It's probably easier to move now, at the ages of 2 and 4, than to move when they are entrenched with activities and friends in mid-childhood. If you want to be near water but close to OH, have you considered northern Lake Michigan communities?
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Old 11-25-2009, 01:43 AM   #15
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I would say do what you want, not what you think your kids would want to do. It's probably easier to move now, at the ages of 2 and 4, than to move when they are entrenched with activities and friends in mid-childhood. If you want to be near water but close to OH, have you considered northern Lake Michigan communities?
NO! If we move, it must be south. Like the warmer weather.
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