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Did you make/change plans for grandchildren? (& update on No House Sale for You!)
Old 10-30-2016, 12:50 PM   #1
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Did you make/change plans for grandchildren? (& update on No House Sale for You!)

Here's the topic - comment or ignore as you wish:

Did you move (or stay) due to grandchildren? What other large or small adjustments have you made for grandkids?

It's interesting to hear from others on the topic above.

Here's our update:

Last half of 2015 we made several trips (some in the RV and some otherwise) and worked on make-ready to sell the house. Lots of downsizing/decluttering/storing. We are v-e-r-y s-l-o-w. Grand plan: go full-time in an RV for a couple of years, maybe longer. Then figure out where to settle. House was show ready late Fall, but RE agent advised waiting till Spring.

Finally the big day came. For sale! What we'd talked about for years and worked toward (also for years) was finally going to happen! Many prospective buyers and lookers. No offers. "Why is this house not selling?? It's priced right where the agent says it will sell." We wondered, but were not concerned as our house is not the typical design in this area, and were told to expect a slightly longer timeline.

About that time, a consulting offer came along. Six months max. "Might as well do a little something while we wait for the house to sell."

Then at a planned-for-the-occasion family get-together, DD and DSIL made the surprise announcement that they are pregnant! First grandchild. They live 40 miles from us.

Wow. What a difference that news made (understatement).

Can't leave now!

So, we talked about it and pulled the house off the market. We will do our traveling in shorter spurts.

And, we're enjoying the nicely fixed-up, decluttered house. We want to get in a trip in before the baby comes but there is no end in sight to the consulting gig. At least it is a very short commute.

I think this means we flunked the Class of 2015 graduation and have to do remedial ER Forum homework....

Kindest regards.
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Old 10-30-2016, 01:05 PM   #2
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Good thread. We don't have grandkids yet--kids just getting married this year. We THINK that presence of grandkids in various far-away locations within the US will have little impact on our retirement plans (We are, however, already earmarking any social security benefits for part of the pool to pay hypothetical descendants' educations--unless black swans cause us to need it ourselves.)

DW isn't much of the stereotypical mothering type (was itching to get back to work a month after each of her c-sections), so we doubt we'll be drawn in much. But, I suspect a lot of people's plans get changed here ....

Will be interesting to see responses to your post.
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Old 10-30-2016, 01:14 PM   #3
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Ours live in three different states and the one child with no kids lives in another. How to choose? We moved where we wanted to go and between them coming to see us and us going to see them it works out just fine. Would we like them closer and see them more? Sure, but that's just not the way it always works out.
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Old 10-30-2016, 01:57 PM   #4
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Did you move (or stay) due to grandchildren? What other large or small adjustments have you made for grandkids?
None, no grandkids.
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Old 10-30-2016, 03:05 PM   #5
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No grandkids yet. None of my 3 sons plan on having kids and at their ages I doubt that will change. My 2 stepkids are younger in their late 20's and want families. However, we would not move to be by grandkids if they move which they might for careers. I spent so many years being involved with my 3 boys that I feel like I have given all I can. I really would not be interested in babysitting, etc. I actually am surprised I feel that way considering that I loved being a mother but it is time for me to do the things I want in life.
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Old 10-30-2016, 04:25 PM   #6
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Two grandsons that I adore but they live in upstate New York and I live in Florida . We bridge that gap by travel and lots of skype time . I also have six grandchildren by my SO and they are also fun and a part of my life .The only changes I have made for my grandchildren is making them a bigger part of my budget .
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Old 10-30-2016, 06:33 PM   #7
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Yes, have one son and DIL and had our first grandson a year after I retired. Sold house and moved 500 miles south to help out. Been here for ten years and have two grandchildren and have loved every minute of it and wouldn't have it any other way. Almost every weekend it's soccer, flag football, gymnastics, ballet, piano recitals, basketball, etc., etc.
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Old 10-30-2016, 06:56 PM   #8
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Did a lot for and because of grandkids. Bought daughter a house so first grandson would have a stable environment and decent school district. Gave up a car a bit early because grandson called and was cold walking to school (with mother (my daughter)). Mind you, she never asked for any of this, but we couldn't live the way we do and watch her live at a significantly different level.

We're on grandchild #3 now and we ended up moving near the house we bought for her. We went from being 40min away to about 10min. We had to downsize in the process. It's all been worth it. Beyond all that we get out of the family, and the grandkids in particular, my wife had an illness this year and it was helpful to have daughter near by to help - which she did.

When we were younger, we thought we'd move south to retire. Later in life, we realized that we weren't going to move away from family. We're also dealing with wife's mother (widow w/ Alzheimer's). It's tough sometimes, but I'm grateful for the family at both ends of the spectrum (old and young). It would have been a lot tougher living apart.
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Old 10-31-2016, 02:22 AM   #9
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We have 2 grandkids, one 10 and one 4 months. We're snowbirds between MD and FL, and DD and the kids live in VA, 3.5 hours away. It doesn't seem that far, but with the last hour of it being the DC area Beltway it can be immensely painful to drive to visit. Also with us being at the beach in MD and DD working, it's hard for her to find much time to come to us, although she loves to do it and makes serious efforts to. Her visiting us can involve huge traffic jams at the Bay Bridge and approaching the beach, so a Friday - Sunday visit can cost her 7 -12 hours in traffic, which just isn't worth it. And for us FaceTime, while amazing, just isn't the same. So we've spent a lot of time thinking and researching moving closer, at least for the part of the year we're up north. We haven't found the ideal situation yet, but I suspect we'll be doing it eventually. We also have other family and friends closer to her than to us. Add in the fact that our beach dream home is now just too big for us to keep up with, and we definitely have incentive to make the move.
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Old 10-31-2016, 05:03 AM   #10
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The secret to moving and still seeing older Grandkids (5th grade and above) is to relocate to an area that is warm, close to the beach and has a community or backyard pool.

Many school systems now have fall, spring and Christmas breaks. Grandkids begin to miss grandparents when the weather is colder up north and break is around the corner.....
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Old 10-31-2016, 07:04 AM   #11
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Many school systems now have fall, spring and Christmas breaks. Grandkids begin to miss grandparents when the weather is colder up north and break is around the corner.....
I was about to say that. My parents retired to Myrtle Beach 32 years ago and Mom joked that they figured they'd get more visitors that way. Well, they did, even though 3 of my 4 siblings were in Ohio, another was in Charlotte and I was in NJ. The grandkids have children of their own, and they came to visit, too. Last year DS and DDIL and their 2-year old daughter stayed with Mom and Dad just before Christmas and DH and I joined them a few days later (staying in a hotel). Priceless. Mom's cancer came back in April and she died early this month, but SO many memories have been made in that modest little house.

When DH and I bought our house last year we always considered how any prospective place would be for visits from DS and DDIL (3-hour drive away). We may have gone a little overboard getting one on a lake with 2 bedrooms, a bath, a full living area and a porch on the lower level, but it's worth it. Our granddaughter LOVES the upstairs enclosed porch and heads there first thing in the AM so she can watch the lake and the birds.

DS has asked me if I'd consider moving up near them after DH is gone (likely to be by the end of the year). I have a full life here but will likely visit them more often and for longer periods of time. And, at some point, I'll choose a good retirement community near them, but I'm "only" 63 so no rush there.
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Old 10-31-2016, 08:07 AM   #12
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We're envious of those with conventional children that grew up and went out on their own. Our daughter is bi-polar, and also has some physical problems. DHR received word that her children were compromised (they weren't) and popped a drug test on her which she failed.

So temporarily, we're raising a 5 year old granddaughter full time and an 8 year old grandson every other week. It's like we've been in kiddie prison the last 4 months--and I'm a bus driver. Our perpetual retirement travel has ceased completely.

But we'll get through it all, and the kids will grow up--eventually. While our retirement plans have changed, they're just on hold.

I still love being "the big bear" every morning carrying my baby girl on my back into the kitchen. It's getting increasingly tough carrying the 102 lb. grandson. But we love it.
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Old 10-31-2016, 08:16 AM   #13
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I was about to say that. My parents retired to Myrtle Beach 32 years ago and Mom joked that they figured they'd get more visitors that way. Well, they did, even though 3 of my 4 siblings were in Ohio, another was in Charlotte and I was in NJ. The grandkids have children of their own, and they came to visit, too. Last year DS and DDIL and their 2-year old daughter stayed with Mom and Dad just before Christmas and DH and I joined them a few days later (staying in a hotel). Priceless. Mom's cancer came back in April and she died early this month, but SO many memories have been made in that modest little house.

When DH and I bought our house last year we always considered how any prospective place would be for visits from DS and DDIL (3-hour drive away). We may have gone a little overboard getting one on a lake with 2 bedrooms, a bath, a full living area and a porch on the lower level, but it's worth it. Our granddaughter LOVES the upstairs enclosed porch and heads there first thing in the AM so she can watch the lake and the birds.

DS has asked me if I'd consider moving up near them after DH is gone (likely to be by the end of the year). I have a full life here but will likely visit them more often and for longer periods of time. And, at some point, I'll choose a good retirement community near them, but I'm "only" 63 so no rush there.
You've had such a rough year, with more to come. I'm so happy you have kids and grandkids to make you smile. Your attitude is amazing, but I know that it requires a lot of effort to soldier on.
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Old 10-31-2016, 08:19 AM   #14
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We're envious of those with conventional children that grew up and went out on their own. Our daughter is bi-polar, and also has some physical problems. DHR received word that her children were compromised (they weren't) and popped a drug test on her which she failed.

So temporarily, we're raising a 5 year old granddaughter full time and an 8 year old grandson every other week. It's like we've been in kiddie prison the last 4 months--and I'm a bus driver. Our perpetual retirement travel has ceased completely.

But we'll get through it all, and the kids will grow up--eventually. While our retirement plans have changed, they're just on hold.

I still love being "the big bear" every morning carrying my baby girl on my back into the kitchen. It's getting increasingly tough carrying the 102 lb. grandson. But we love it.
So sorry you are going thru this and your grandkids are lucky to have you. Yet I can't agree that the kids were not compromised if Mom, the only live in caretaker is flunking drug tests.
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Old 10-31-2016, 08:37 AM   #15
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Ours live in three different states and the one child with no kids lives in another. How to choose? We moved where we wanted to go and between them coming to see us and us going to see them it works out just fine. Would we like them closer and see them more? Sure, but that's just not the way it always works out.
Ditto. Retired and relocated where we wanted to be. We have 3 kids: 2 on the west coast and 1 on the east coast. We made sure we relocated near a good transportation hub and upsized our home so that the kids and grandkids (2 step grandchildren at the time) would be enticed to visit us. Worked out well for us -- oldest daughter and SIL from the west coast, along with our first grandchild, will be relocating 15 minutes away from us in North Carolina. Our son and his wife, also on the west coast, will probably be relocating back to the east coast in the next few years, but who knows -- they could be anywhere in the future. Youngest child is grounded in NYC, a 1:45 plane ride from us and visits us often. And we love to visit her and other family members in NYC.

Moving to where we wanted to plant our retirement roots, regardless of where the kids are grounded (and temporarily so) made sense to us.
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Old 10-31-2016, 09:05 AM   #16
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We're envious of those with conventional children that grew up and went out on their own. Our daughter is bi-polar, and also has some physical problems. DHR received word that her children were compromised (they weren't) and popped a drug test on her which she failed.

So temporarily, we're raising a 5 year old granddaughter full time and an 8 year old grandson every other week. It's like we've been in kiddie prison the last 4 months--and I'm a bus driver. Our perpetual retirement travel has ceased completely.

But we'll get through it all, and the kids will grow up--eventually. While our retirement plans have changed, they're just on hold.

I still love being "the big bear" every morning carrying my baby girl on my back into the kitchen. It's getting increasingly tough carrying the 102 lb. grandson. But we love it.
Some days I think we won the by-the-grace-of-God lottery because we are not in your situation. Bless you.
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Old 10-31-2016, 09:14 AM   #17
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So sorry you are going thru this and your grandkids are lucky to have you. Yet I can't agree that the kids were not compromised if Mom, the only live in caretaker is flunking drug tests.
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Old 10-31-2016, 02:52 PM   #18
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Our one grandchild lives three hours away. Originally 8 hours away and soon to be 8 hours (by car) again. Summer by car, winter by plane

We are renting a large two bedroom condo. We were planning to buy. Need a bigger place that has larger bedroom, seperate B/R for guests.

We may actually continue to rent and purchase a vacation property that meets those requirements. Looking at Mexico. Going to Panama and Costa Rica this winter for a second look. We are in no rush.

Ever since the grandson was born DW does not want to be away for 3 months. We are now doing 2 month trips. Partly because of the grandson, party because my retirement medical covers 60 days of out of country. As we age, out of country is becoming more expensive even though we have no pre -existing and take no prescription drugs. Second grandchild might be on the way soon so we will see how this impacts things. One thing for certain is that we will not be moving to where our grandchild lives.
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Old 10-31-2016, 03:03 PM   #19
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Bamaman: I am so sorry about your situation. One of my son's has had a on -again-off again drug problem for the past 20 years and thankfully he never had kids. I had my kids young and would not want to have to do it again. I hope that your daughter is able to get and stay clean and get her children back.
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Old 11-08-2016, 01:35 PM   #20
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We were quite "old" when we got them so we raised our kids to be independent. There was at least one "scare" when we weren't sure we would both survive until they left home. We knew they would move away from the home stead (and they did.) We felt no reason to hang around for them and miss our dream of living in Paradise, so we moved and left the kids spread across the mainland. So far only one kid has "given" us grandkids. We see them about once a year when we are on the mainland. They have a standing invitation to come spend a week or two with us during the winter, but so far, their w*rk, etc. has not allowed it - or else they have no interest. I would not discount the latter. We have helped all the kids financially, but rarely see them more than once a year (our offer of a winter vacation not withstanding.)

We have friends (one couple, especially) who lived their lives through their kids. We thought we might be able to spend more time with them once their kids were gone, but instead, they spend even more time with the grand kids. The retired dad drives 60 miles one-way, twice a week to babysit so the grandkids' mommy can work and make more than her dad ever did. We have offered this couple a two week stay in paradise, but they want to bring one of the kids - Sorry! Not gonna happen.

I mention this only to show the vast contrast between the two couples (them and us.) We love our kids but rarely see them. They love their kids and can't be separated from them for more than a week without going into some kind of withdrawal (I'm serious!) I'm not being critical - just making an observation. Their lives work for them and ours work for us.

In short, I can't see us ever moving "for our kids or grandkids" although we will help them if we are able. YMMV
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