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Did your working spouse think less of you after retiring?
Old 09-15-2016, 06:43 PM   #1
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Did your working spouse think less of you after retiring?

A friend of mine said he felt that his wife, who was still working, thought less of him after he retired. He felt that she acted as if he was lazy and wasting time. I happen to know they are very well off and do not need the wife's income, so it wasn't a matter of money.
I am curious as to other's experience. Is this common or is my friend's experience a one-off?
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Old 09-15-2016, 07:02 PM   #2
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Not sure how common it is, but my wife doesn't want me to work. I think she knows what work does to me, and the impact it has on her as well. I suspect his wife is very driven, and doesn't relate well to someone who is not.
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Old 09-15-2016, 07:05 PM   #3
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Hard to say, since we don't know this particular couple, but if the wife is still doing half or more of the household chores, that could explain her attitude.
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Old 09-15-2016, 07:11 PM   #4
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My wife wasn't jealous of my not working for the three years before she called it quits . She was very jealous I lost 60 pounds though,
I took on many household chores like laundry and buying groceries and occasionally cooking to ease her burden. The weight loss she is trying hard at and will hopefully reach her goal. I'm just in maintenance mode now.


Enjoying life!
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Old 09-16-2016, 06:32 AM   #5
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There was no need for DW to keep w*rking but she enjoyed the social aspects (great colleagues) so much that she kept it up for years.

I handled nearly all the household chores including cooking because I kind of enjoyed that stuff.

Zero friction about this the whole time.
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Old 09-16-2016, 07:06 AM   #6
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I retired several months before DW, and I worked 1-2 days a week for a few years before that. She wasn't upset about the part time schedule, but she was slightly irked when I retired before her. Like others, I did most of home chores and that calmed her down.


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Old 09-16-2016, 07:48 AM   #7
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My husband retired 1 1/2 years before I did. I made it clear that my early retirement would be from cooking dinner when I got home and from doing laundry on weekends. He took over the cooking and laundry and, when we sold the house, he did most of the work of getting it presentable.
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Old 09-16-2016, 07:53 AM   #8
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I know myself quite well and yes, if my husband retired before me and I needed to keep working, things would go south very quickly.

If I completely chose to keep working but did not need to it still would not be a picnic. I'd need to come home to a clean house, dinner/groceries/laundry, done, etc.

But I also would not be passive aggressive about it - DH would not "feel it" - he would know, and I would tell him. Ask your friend if he's asked his DW about it? Beyond getting her to say "it's fine" because we know that never means it's fine.
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Old 09-16-2016, 08:07 AM   #9
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There has to be a Rodney Dangerfield response in here somewhere.
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Old 09-16-2016, 08:09 AM   #10
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It's not clear what's going on with this couple, so you cannot judge them. If they're already well off and she doesn't need to work if she's not passionate about her career, then it would seem it's not financial. Maybe your friend worries too much. He'd need to prod his SO.
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Old 09-16-2016, 08:21 AM   #11
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DH and I married when I was 50 and he was 65, and we promptly moved halfway across the country for my job. He was in advertising, so you can guess how marketable he would have been. He filed for SS instead.

I thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. He did all the meal preparation, took care of the house and yard (not to my standards, but OK), took the cars in for maintenance, got competitive bids for work on the house, and kept things running when I traveled on business. All that, and SS, too! I guess it all boils down to what you believe the non-wage earning spouse contributes in other ways. In our case, it worked well.
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Old 09-16-2016, 09:34 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frayne View Post
There has to be a Rodney Dangerfield response in here somewhere.
Have been holding in my response to the thread title because it doesn't work for me, but Rodney is perfect.


Did your working spouse think less of you after retiring?

Not at bit. She said it wasn't possible.
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Old 09-16-2016, 09:57 AM   #13
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A psychologist might say what you believe other people think about you is actually what you think about yourself.
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Old 09-16-2016, 10:08 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by braumeister View Post
There was no need for DW to keep w*rking but she enjoyed the social aspects (great colleagues) so much that she kept it up for years.

I handled nearly all the household chores including cooking because I kind of enjoyed that stuff.

Zero friction about this the whole time.
Ditto. The plan was for both of us to retire at the same time 3 years ago. Money was no issue. But DW decided to keep working. She's talking about maybe retiring end of this year, but we'll see. She enjoys her job. It's low stress and she likes the daily routine and social interaction. She doesn't have hobbies and other interests to the same level that I do. So she sort-of struggles with what retirement "means" for her.

No friction whatsoever. I do all shopping, prepare all meals, keep the house clean, outside maintenance, financial stuff... everything. I do my laundry but she prefers to do her own on the weekend. She mainly appreciates having dinner ready when she gets home. I only prepare low-carb meals, so she and I have both lost a lot of weight, which has been very positive for both of us.

Beyond all that, DW could clearly see the increasing physical and emotional effects of my toxic job situation back then. And she now sees how happy I am. We've been together for a very long time, so the positive change for me has made her quite happy as well.
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Old 09-16-2016, 10:17 AM   #15
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Since our initial attempt at retirement, I spent a couple of years foolishly attempting to generate online 'passive' income, then a year and a half doing web development. Now I am half-way through my two-year stint back at a 'real' job to finish out my vesting. When I think about how my wife hasn't had a paycheck in five years, I'm not upset -- more like impressed. She somehow managed to pull this off right under my nose! She actually retired early and has gladly done all household chores and cooking while I stare into a computer all day. I tell everyone that she tricked me. There is some truth to that...
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Old 09-16-2016, 11:09 AM   #16
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Not at bit. She said it wasn't possible.

Ba dum psh! If not Rodney, then at least Henny...
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Old 09-16-2016, 11:33 AM   #17
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I stopped working 5 years before DW did. It was not an issue for us. But everybody is different.
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Old 09-16-2016, 12:01 PM   #18
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Not sure how common it is, but my wife doesn't want me to work. I think she knows what work does to me, and the impact it has on her as well. I suspect his wife is very driven, and doesn't relate well to someone who is not.
And or she was a lot younger. The younger wives of my friends have told them do not get any ideas by talking to me.
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Old 09-16-2016, 12:04 PM   #19
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Exactly the opposite. She loves that I'm far happier and healthier than when I was working... plus the fact that I'm in the best physical shape since she's known me

Her work makes her happy. She has no desire to stop anytime soon, although she knows she can at any point. Seems to be working out for us.
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Old 09-22-2016, 06:20 AM   #20
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No issues here. DW still working, I "rehired" 4 years ago and just work 20 hours/week (at my "regular" job, not including work on the rentals). But she is very supportive for a number of reasons.


1) I was the main breadwinner for many many years
2) I manage our rental properties and do most repairs myself...we have 5 units
3) About twice a month I make a nice dinner for us/her...on her work days
4) I manage the house...such as making sure the bills are paid, dog is fed, errands ran, etc. (Don't get me wrong...she still shares the housework but I do maybe 60% and she does 40%...so it has taken a little bit off her)
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